Things that make a bad pre-vet

[Trilt]

Why do I always find myself back on that page due to you guys? I left it for a reason!

That's exactly how I'll be paying down my loans. I'm lucky that, with my partner's support, we can get them gone in just a couple years. But I didn't assume his support when I went to vet school, because life likes to **** on plans like that... who knew whether we might break up, he might lose his job, be disabled, etc?

I don't know, it also just kind of fundamentally rubs me the wrong way to depend on someone else to make your career affordable. We won't even start to talk about the lack of understanding about interest (just absurd how much that contributes to the debt) and, you know, taxes. Ha.

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[DVMDream]

I mean the fact that there are prevets out there that don't even consider interest or taxes when playing things out in their head is a little frightening. Maybe it's because they haven't had paying jobs yet, or at least a job with a formal paystub...

APVMA.

I didn't mean to imply they were smart. Definitely sad that they don't understand taxes/interest. Just stating I know of at least one person that worked out for. I wish I had an SO, I could actually pay off the loans in 10 years then.

 

[Teepster87]

Why do I always find myself back on that page due to you guys? I left it for a reason!

That's exactly how I'll be paying down my loans. I'm lucky that, with my partner's support, we can get them gone in just a couple years. But I didn't assume his support when I went to vet school, because life likes to **** on plans like that... who knew whether we might break up, he might lose his job, be disabled, etc?

I don't know, it also just kind of fundamentally rubs me the wrong way to depend on someone else to make your career affordable. We won't even start to talk about the lack of understanding about interest (just absurd how much that contributes to the debt) and, you know, taxes. Ha.

Can I borrow him when you're done paying your loans off?

 

[PrincessButterCup]

Where should I start looking to find one of these SO things? They sound useful.

 

[Trilt]

Can I borrow him when you're done paying your loans off?

"Hey Mr. Trilt... there's a guy on the internet who'd like to borrow you for a bit. No, no, not like that... I think he just wants you for your money. He's offered to rent his kids to me at some point in the past, maybe it's like a trade?"

Where should I start looking to find one of these SO things? They sound useful.

Well I found mine in a shack. But I think there are probably better places to start with.

 

[Devastating]

I wish I had an SO, I could actually pay off the loans in 10 years then.

Where should I start looking to find one of these SO things? They sound useful.

Yeahhh, all this talk about finances w/ SOs is making me worry. Anyone interested in forming a platonic life partnership? (actually I should probably be asking that somewhere other than the pre-vet/vet forums )

 

[that redhead]

That's our ultimate plan, too. I don't think it's a bad plan at all. But I think the math in the bit pinkpuppy quoted is overly optimistic and way too simplistic. People underestimate how much of a beast interest alone can be.

Very true. But if you're paying an entire paycheck every month it really helps the interest from accumulating once you start paying. As long as people are aware of just how much interest they'll have after four years of sitting on loans

 

[WildZoo]

Yeahhh, all this talk about finances w/ SOs is making me worry. Anyone interested in forming a platonic life partnership? (actually I should probably be asking that somewhere other than the pre-vet/vet forums )

Find an engineering forum!

 

[missdarjeeling]

Very true. But if you're paying an entire paycheck every month it really helps the interest from accumulating once you start paying. As long as people are aware of just how much interest they'll have after four years of sitting on loans

Oh yeah. And there's the kind of being aware where you know about it and have seen the numbers, but then there's the kind of aware when you see it on paper and it's real and has your name on it. That's a whole new I-want-to-vomit-and-curl-up-and-die feeling.

 

[pinkpuppy9]

Why do I always find myself back on that page due to you guys? I left it for a reason!

That's exactly how I'll be paying down my loans. I'm lucky that, with my partner's support, we can get them gone in just a couple years. But I didn't assume his support when I went to vet school, because life likes to **** on plans like that... who knew whether we might break up, he might lose his job, be disabled, etc?

I don't know, it also just kind of fundamentally rubs me the wrong way to depend on someone else to make your career affordable. We won't even start to talk about the lack of understanding about interest (just absurd how much that contributes to the debt) and, you know, taxes. Ha.

I'm the same way. We fully intend on marrying once I'm done and we can be together, but you just never know. However, our current plan is that his paycheck covers the houses, car, bills, etc. I'll focus my pay on my debt, and anything extra will go to our savings.

It also extremely bothers me that I would be dependent on him. With what my childhood was like, I grew up promising myself to never 'need' someone or put myself in a situation where finances would trap me. They fact that I'm kind of going against that, even though I've found the right person, weighs on me a little.

Where should I start looking to find one of these SO things? They sound useful.

There are many, many single auto engineers in metro Detroit. My best friend actually just got hired into the same auto company that my boyfriend's at. On her very first day, the entire building knew there was a cute blonde in finance My boyfriend's cubicle group were talking about it and my boyfriend got to disappoint everyone and say "She's engaged, that's my girlfriend's best friend."

It's actually kind of funny how many vet students I know that are dating/engaged to engineers.

 

[Pugsforlove2014]

I'm the same way. We fully intend on marrying once I'm done and we can be together, but you just never know. However, our current plan is that his paycheck covers the houses, car, bills, etc. I'll focus my pay on my debt, and anything extra will go to our savings.

It also extremely bothers me that I would be dependent on him. With what my childhood was like, I grew up promising myself to never 'need' someone or put myself in a situation where finances would trap me. They fact that I'm kind of going against that, even though I've found the right person, weighs on me a little.

There are many, many single auto engineers in metro Detroit. My best friend actually just got hired into the same auto company that my boyfriend's at. On her very first day, the entire building knew there was a cute blonde in finance My boyfriend's cubicle group were talking about it and my boyfriend got to disappoint everyone and say "She's engaged, that's my girlfriend's best friend."

It's actually kind of funny how many vet students I know that are dating/engaged to engineers.

At least in the end we'll both admit that it beats having too much pride and not using these things to our advantage. That's why I can't begrudge the person whose parents pay for most of their schooling as well. It's all about what makes life easier in the end.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

At least in the end we'll both admit that it beats having too much pride and not using these things to our advantage. That's why I can't begrudge the person whose parents pay for most of their schooling as well. It's all about what makes life easier in the end.

I still have to fight a bit of jealousy, but I went through the exact opposite. My mother stole money from my accounts during school and nearly got me kicked out because she called financial aid and made a lady cry for running her credit report so they could see what they could offer me for an increased aid package after my mother lost her job. Instead they cut me off from anything that I couldn't get by myself, without bringing parents into the picture.

Watching friends with parents that supported them, even when it wasn't financially, gave me a bit of the sads. The friends whose parents bought them houses, found them tenant roommates, found them great paying jobs that required less than 10 hours per week, paid them an allowance plus bonuses for grades, and showed up to every possible parent friendly event with hugs and smiles... I will admit to frustration and jealousy for sure. Doesn't make them bad people. Many were friends. I just made a point of not talking finances with them because I would feel like crying. Totally not their fault that they got a stacked deck while I got handed dice loaded for snake eyes.

 

[SummerTheLynx]

So I think I am doing this right, I proposed to a vet student, so my SO will take care of all of the loans for me. So glad I took trilts advice on this!

 

[WildZoo]

So I think I am doing this right, I proposed to a vet student, so my SO will take care of all of the loans for me. So glad I took trilts advice on this!

You should be debt free in no time!

 

[Trilt]

So I think I am doing this right, I proposed to a vet student, so my SO will take care of all of the loans for me. So glad I took trilts advice on this!

jerk.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

Bump because humorous:

"If you worked as a veterinarian you'd make about $70,000 to start. If you have an SO, use their salary to pay for expenses and pay $50k a year towards your debt. You'll have $20k leftover for vacations and other things and you'll have your debt paid off in four years."

Gah, why did I think things would be hard? I totally forgot that we're immune from interest, taxes, and needs for things other than vacations.

Explained to pre-vet that there are many things missing from this plan. Other prevet (who is starting vet school this fall) basically says "Bring on the debt."

Right, because it's totally fine to hold another person responsible for your financial choices. Smh. Why do people just assume this is ok?

Sidenote -

My IBR would go up if me and the old man got married. Another reason we've been engaged for three years or so now. Even the flipping government assumes that being together means complete mixing of finances. My debt was my choice and I can't imagine him having to help me pay it off. I dunno, I was just raised to be very financially independent. Never merge bank accounts, only split shared household expenses, etc.

 

[WhtsThFrequency]

To clarify, if an SO wants to help with their partners loans, fine....I just don't like how it seems to be expected.

 

[pinkpuppy9]

Right, because it's totally fine to hold another person responsible for your financial choices. Smh. Why do people just assume this is ok?

Sidenote -

My IBR would go up if me and the old man got married. Another reason we've been engaged for three years or so now. Even the flipping government assumes that being together means complete mixing of finances. My debt was my choice and I can't imagine him having to help me pay it off. I dunno, I was just raised to be very financially independent. Never merge bank accounts, only split shared household expenses, etc.

I actually said the exact same thing to my SO when we first started the debt talk. And it's still true. He can afford to do all of the non-debt stuff with his pay, and I'll do my best with my check. Hopefully we have enough to put something into savings each month. I mean really, I was charging forward with vet school when I was dating someone else and when I was single prior to meeting my current SO. I would have been paying things on my own in the other cases, too. Just because I'm with someone who is making good money for a 25 year old doesn't mean it's okay to breathe a sigh of relief. Not a lot of my friends totally understand that, either.

I haven't really decided if we'd merge accounts or not, tbh. We haven't really discussed it. He's still waiting for me to firmly commit to changing my last name or not when we do get married, and that discussion is worth having on a thread of its own.

 

[missdarjeeling]

Money in relationships is a very personal topic. I was raised by parents from the Old Country. When I was in grad school, my father was going on about how useless my field of study at the time was and how it didn't matter because a man was supposed to support me anyway. I don't subscribe to this line of thinking, but there's no way that being raised a certain way doesn't affect people. I've made sacrifices for my husband's career, and he's making some for mine, and I don't think it makes us weak or foolish to tie our fates together like that. I try not to judge others and the way they handle their relationships and money, so long as they're honest about their intentions and are truly on the same page.

That being said, my going to school was a joint decision. When we moved, I had backed out of it and was working on Plan B of a career outside of vet med. My husband is the one who pushed me to go for it, with the full understanding of the financial implications for both of us if I did go. If he hadn't encouraged me, I wouldn't be going to vet school at all.

 

[EngrSC]

I haven't really decided if we'd merge accounts or not, tbh. We haven't really discussed it. He's still waiting for me to firmly commit to changing my last name or not when we do get married, and that discussion is worth having on a thread of its own.

There's no right or wrong when it comes to merging or keeping monies separate. What works for one couple won't necessarily work for another.

Friends of ours are married and have separate accounts. They split bills 50/50. One day he came home with a new motorcycle and she was pissed he hadn't discussed it with her because from his perspective it was 'his money'. It caused a lot of problems for them that she was saving and he was not.

Personally my SO and I have joint checking, savings, and credit card but separate 401k's. We view it as our money because we are both contributing. It works great for us but I know it wouldn't for all couples

 

[vetmedhead]

There's no right or wrong when it comes to merging or keeping monies separate. What works for one couple won't necessarily work for another.

Friends of ours are married and have separate accounts. They split bills 50/50. One day he came home with a new motorcycle and she was pissed he hadn't discussed it with her because from his perspective it was 'his money'. It caused a lot of problems for them that she was saving and he was not.

Personally my SO and I have joint checking, savings, and credit card but separate 401k's. We view it as our money because we are both contributing. It works great for us but I know it wouldn't for all couples

For me, the happy medium is having a joint account between both spouses and separate accounts for each of them to use (mostly) at their discretion. I think SOs need to be transparent with one another about how money is used, and both should be comfortable with the other's personal philosophy about how financial matters are handled and what constitutes affordable or not.

I will also add that I think both parties need to be fully aware of the status of the finances for everyone, regardless of whether they are paying on those things or not. I dislike when one person is the one who handles all the bills or all the credit cards or whatever, because I think it's easier for the other to not know how much things cost/be mislead about what state the couple is in financially.

 

[KCgophervet]

He's still waiting for me to firmly commit to changing my last name or not when we do get married, and that discussion is worth having on a thread of its own.

This very topic is plaguing my life currently. I wish I didn't have such conflicting feelings about it! I love my name, it's who I am, and the raging feminist in me gets all irate at the thought of taking someone else's name. But the other part of me likes the idea of a unified family name, especially in the event of offspring. And I cannot for the life of me figure out how to reconcile those two parts... ugh.

 

[dyachei]

for me, although I like my maiden name, it meant a heck of a lot to my husband that I change it. So I did.

 

[vetmedhead]

This very topic is plaguing my life currently. I wish I didn't have such conflicting feelings about it! I love my name, it's who I am, and the raging feminist in me gets all irate at the thought of taking someone else's name. But the other part of me likes the idea of a unified family name, especially in the event of offspring. And I cannot for the life of me figure out how to reconcile those two parts... ugh.

My mom never changed her last name and I don't know if I would either. I tell everyone I'll only change it if I think the future husband's last name is COOL AS HECK. Like, it would have to change my name to Dr. Death or Dr. Acula or Dr. Cool or something equally as ridiculous.

 

[Trilt]

I'm exceedingly attached to my last name, despite it being pretty common. Kept it (my mother's maiden name) when my parents married when I was a kid, and told my SO within the first year or so of dating that it wasn't changing if we ever decide to marry. Thankfully it isn't a big deal to him.

Actually I told him that if we want a unified last name he can take mine, lol.

 

[twelvetigers]

I have friends that married and created a new, combined last name. Like Helberg and Rosenstein = Helstein. That was more Jewish than I had intended but it gets the point across.

 

[KCgophervet]

I have friends that married and created a new, combined last name. Like Helberg and Rosenstein = Helstein. That was more Jewish than I had intended but it gets the point across.

We've actually talked about this and it's something that appeals to me as a good compromise, but he just doesn't see the point (which bothers me a lot because of the implication that I should just be willing to give up my name entirely...) but I digress...

 

[Pugsforlove2014]

My SO and I keep separate accounts at the moment, but we've only been married a short while. We intend to join them shortly but it has just worked for the moment, I keep the extra loan money (A relatively small amount) in my account in case it's needed and he pays for most of everything else so we don't need to use it. I haven't taken his last name because of some bafflingly chaotic green card business that costs just as much to get citizenship simply to change your last name, so....that might happen shortly. On the flip side it would also mean that I have the last name as his mother...who is also a veterinarian...in the area I intend to work around. So, I'm not really sure in the end. It isn't a super big deal to any of us but like people have said, I wouldn't like kids we have in the far future to have a different last name than me so.

 

[KCgophervet]

My mom never changed her last name and I don't know if I would either. I tell everyone I'll only change it if I think the future husband's last name is COOL AS HECK. Like, it would have to change my name to Dr. Death or Dr. Acula or Dr. Cool or something equally as ridiculous.

True story, for a short while I dated someone with the last name "Kuhl" pronounced "Cool". For that brief period of time I debated what my true thoughts were on the whole name changing thing because being Dr. Kuhl would've been kind of awesome

 

[WildZoo]

Omg the last name situation is such a struggle. I really don't want to change mine and he's totally fine with that, but in the event of future children I would like to have the same last name as them too. Not to mention my mother will probably have a cow about me not changing my name.

Meanwhile we're already working on combining our monies so that's not an issue at all.

 

[KCgophervet]

Omg the last name situation is such a struggle. I really don't want to change mine and he's totally fine with that, but in the event of future children I would like to have the same last name as them too. Not to mention my mother will probably have a cow about me not changing my name.

Meanwhile we're already working on combining our monies so that's not an issue at all.

Both of my sisters have/are going to change their last names and my mom is not-so-secretly hoping I keep mine
But yes, same boat almost entirely (though mine hasn't quite proposed yet) with the name changing, monies, kids, etc. Also this:

 

[missdarjeeling]

I kept my name. It's just mine and it's who I am and always have been. Changing my last name would be like changing my first name or my middle name. I didn't want to lose that connection to my past. My husband kind of wanted me to change my name, but he wasn't particularly bothered by it. Some friends and family will address mail to me with his last name, and I don't care. If/when we have kids, they'll have his name. I don't care about that, either. I'm used to having nightmare red tape scenarios with people who don't understand my last name, so having the "your kids have a different name" confusion doesn't phase me. And I care even less what my family thinks about it all.

It's such a personal decision that you can't really argue for one way or another. But at least there are a few ways to compromise. A few doctors I've worked with have legally changed their names but professionally gone by their maiden names. So they're still Dr. Maiden to clients and on labels, hospital marketing materials, etc. but Dr. Maiden Married or Dr. Married on their actual license and whatnot.

 

[alohacat319]

My mom changed her name to have her maiden name as her middle name and then took my dad's last name. My plan is to likely do the same with my SO. I've been told by other vets it is an absolute horrible process to change it once you have your license, so if I don't get married until after vet school, then I might just keep my current one to avoid the hassle.

 

[twelvetigers]

Omg the last name situation is such a struggle. I really don't want to change mine and he's totally fine with that, but in the event of future children I would like to have the same last name as them too. Not to mention my mother will probably have a cow about me not changing my name.

Meanwhile we're already working on combining our monies so that's not an issue at all.

I also know someone (related to the first example) that agreed with husband - boys take his last name, girls take hers.

They didn't have any girls, so you have to be ready for that possibility if you choose that route.

 

[WildZoo]

I also know someone (related to the first example) that agreed with husband - boys take his last name, girls take hers.

They didn't have any girls, so you have to be ready for that possibility if you choose that route.

Hmm that is interesting
Kids are far enough down the road (barring accidents ) that I'll probably just leave that decision for later. All the fluffy children will have my last name, that's what really matters, right?

 

[ResoluteMike]

Hmm that is interesting
Kids are far enough down the road (barring accidents ) that I'll probably just leave that decision for later. All the fluffy children will have my last name, that's what really matters, right?

I lost all future naming rights to children and pets when I named my daughter after a dragon-slaying princess.

 

[dyachei]

Hmm that is interesting
Kids are far enough down the road (barring accidents ) that I'll probably just leave that decision for later. All the fluffy children will have my last name, that's what really matters, right?

why not have him take your name?

 

[WildZoo]

why not have him take your name?

Haven't mentioned that option yet but I have a feeling both families would flip. Something to consider though. I don't know how attached he is to his name.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

I thought I had nearly talked my husband into taking my name, but he was just humoring me. Me taking his family's name was very important to him. We both admit my maiden name was cooler, but my family is nuts and his family is wonderful, so I decided it was an honor to be welcomed into his family.

I had a professor in undergrad whose opening speech was: You call me Dr Maiden. I am married, but my husband does not own me. There is a Mrs. (Hubby name) and she is a terrible mother in law. I love my husband, but he works for me as much as I do for him. He did not buy my hand with cattle or land and I owe him no service. I earned my title and so I wear it with my name. Thus, you direct all statements to Dr. First Middle Maiden.

She was hard, but I loved her for that speech more than about anything else.

 

[twelvetigers]

I lost all future naming rights to children and pets when I named my daughter after a dragon-slaying princess.

I was like, "!!! Cimorene?" But then I realized she didn't slay dragons, she befriended them. Dealing With Dragons, anyone? I know we're all the same sort of nerd in here, someone else grew up loving Patricia Wrede.

...but my family is nuts and his family is wonderful, so I decided it was an honor to be welcomed into his family.

Given this line of logic, I should have made my husband take my name (his family is nuts and mine is fine). But he's hispanic and my maiden name was very much not, so it would have been a little odd. Plus it was a pain in the ass to spell, and I was looking forward to having something easier. Joke's on me - people still spell it wrong all the time.

 

[pinkpuppy9]

I've thought about the combined/new name...it's a no go for him. My issue is that I don't want to change my identity, but I also don't want to be a ___ anymore. I don't want to have my dad's last name. I just don't. There is nothing about my childhood that gives me a reason to be proud of my last name. Based on that, it makes sense to take his last name, but I'm not totally for that either. It's probably the easiest thing for me to do, and it makes him happy, but it doesn't totally make me happy.

 

[sheltermed]

I've thought about the combined/new name...it's a no go for him. My issue is that I don't want to change my identity, but I also don't want to be a ___ anymore. I don't want to have my dad's last name. I just don't. There is nothing about my childhood that gives me a reason to be proud of my last name. Based on that, it makes sense to take his last name, but I'm not totally for that either. It's probably the easiest thing for me to do, and it makes him happy, but it doesn't totally make me happy.

I'm in the same boat as you with that. I'm Russian, was raised by a Russian family, and speak fairly fluent Russian. My dad, however, is Italian, thus I have an Italian last name. He's also been pretty absent for most of my life and just overall a crappy dude, long story. I don't foresee marriage in my future, but I've strongly considered changing my last name to my mother's maiden name, as it's much more representative of my identity, my culture, and my childhood. I figured I would do it once I'm in vet school so that there is no confusion during application time.

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

I'm in the same boat as you with that. I'm Russian, was raised by a Russian family, and speak fairly fluent Russian. My dad, however, is Italian, thus I have an Italian last name. He's also been pretty absent for most of my life and just overall a crappy dude, long story. I don't foresee marriage in my future, but I've strongly considered changing my last name to my mother's maiden name, as it's much more representative of my identity, my culture, and my childhood. I figured I would do it once I'm in vet school so that there is no confusion during application time.

My father was born in secret to a white woman on the Indian reservation. He was the oldest of 13 kids by at least 5 fathers and when he turned 13 the children were taken and dispersed except him and one sister. His birth certificate had listed his white mother's white boyfriend as his father, but his real father was on the reservation. So he was born with the white guys name, and after the dispersal the last kids and mom moved in with her father and took the Scottish last name.

When his mom died (or something? This part of the story gets muddled), his grandfather drove him and his sister down to the reservation and left them in the middle of town saying "These are your people. I want nothing to do with red children."
Relatives of my dad's father did actually live there and that reservation keeps it's own birth records so his name was changed to his actual father's name, but only on the reservation. After a year or 2, he and his sister were placed in foster care (he says it was part of the Indian children mainstreaming program thing). His name was changed a few more times as he moved from family to family in the foster system. When he turned 16, he filed for emancipation and gained it. He chose to name himself after his Indian father and the family that took him in on the reservation when given the choice at the court hearing.

All of that to say that that name was my maiden name and while I saw the pride in it, my mother kept my father's name when they divorced and I have no problem separating myself from it if I can. But, taking my husband's name made my name no longer a phrase and super white bread. (But both my kids are blond/red haired and blue eyed, so I guess they can be white bread too.)

 

[LadyOtheFarm]

Too late but TLDR!

 

[WildZoo]

why not have him take your name?

I mentioned it and he said he didn't like the idea of sounding like a comic book character, since his first name and my last name start with the same letter

 

[SummerTheLynx]

I mentioned it and he said he didn't like the idea of sounding like a comic book character, since his first name and my last name start with the same letter

I think combined it sounds like it could just be a first name (if you don't use his full first name)

 

[WildZoo]

I think combined it sounds like it could just be a first name (if you don't use his full first name)

Even better!

I actually don't much like how the shortened version of my name sounds with my last name. I prefer using the shortened version in everyday life (my full name is just too much ), but if my last name is going to show up too I like it better with my full name.

 

[WildZoo]

I think combined it sounds like it could just be a first name (if you don't use his full first name)

Wait, you're not pronouncing my last name wrong in your head are you?

 

[Filly Bay]

This thread just has me flipping back and forth from Facebook to see what your SOs last names are and how they would sound

I changed my name (to my husband's) last summer when we got married. My parents are fairly well known in the small part of the horse world I'd like to work in and I just wanted some professional separation. My maiden name, despite being only 4 letters, was also difficult for a lot of people to pronounce. My mom was sad we wouldn't have a Dr. Maiden name in the family but I think she's over it now. What surprised me the most was the number of people criticizing me for my decision. I don't care if people keep their name so I'm not sure why it matters to them that I changed mine.

 

[Gwenevre]

I like my SO's last name. I'm more traditional in that not taking a husbands name never occurred to me as something I'd do.