Good online dating services for health professionals

bluearmy said:
I am a female in somewhat of a similar situation as the oral surgeon who started this thread. Except I'm in dental school. My parents keep pressurizing me to get married and I don't have much time to do aggressive searching. If you know of any good websites for health professionals please do let me know.

I started the thread and I am NOT an oral surgeon. I was seriously trying to get ideas to give to a friend of mine (Nancy) who is in OMF.

I don't believe in dating online. I believe in the "traditional"/old fashioned way of meeting men- unexpectantly such as through friends of family members, friends of friends, the gym, through hobbies you are involved in, church/synagogue/ etc.

The LAST place I would look to meet someone is online. From what I have heard through other girls that have tried online services, most men online are married and looking for "adventure" or are single and looking for "you know what".

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Smilemaker100 said:
Most men spell trouble. :thumbdown: We know which "head" they think with most of the time. They don't know the concept of true love or romance. Concentrate on what's important for you now- your career.

Marriage is an institution that was originally created to protect the welfare of women and children. I don't think most men can be monogamous unless you count "serial monogamous". :laugh: As women, we don't need men to survive anymore. We don't need men for our happiness either.

You HAVE to get married? That is pathetically sad. You can get married at any age. The more desparate you act, the worst your choice in men.
It depends how you look at it. For example in my religion marriage is a very important part of the religion and family and marriage is stressed. In fact no relationship is appreciated as much as the relationship of husband and wife.
It is said that the religion is not complete until one gets married.
 
Smilemaker100 said:
Most men spell trouble. :thumbdown: We know which "head" they think with most of the time. They don't know the concept of true love or romance....I don't think most men can be monogamous unless you count "serial monogamous". :laugh: ...We don't need men for our happiness either.
It sounds like you've been hurt pretty bad before and now you're generalizing his/their behavior to all males. "Most" men? Where in the world do you find your male friends? Sounds like bars and social "scenes", but I could be wrong.
 
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toofache32 said:
It sounds like you've been hurt pretty bad before and now you're generalizing his/their behavior to all males. "Most" men? Where in the world do you find your male friends? Sounds like bars and social "scenes", but I could be wrong.

Nope. Never go to bars. I met these guys when I was in school. I am not generalizing, I am just "echoing" a well known universal truth. Most men are unfaithful and one track minded (sex). No one can convince me otherwise. The truth is out.

I presently do have a few good male friends in which there is no mutual attraction. They are exceptional in many ways.
 
myfavred said:
It depends how you look at it. For example in my religion marriage is a very important part of the religion and family and marriage is stressed. In fact no relationship is appreciated as much as the relationship of husband and wife.
It is said that the religion is not complete until one gets married.

WRONG! The ultimate way of expressing how religious you are is by becoming celebate, joining a nunnery or becoming a priest or other religious figure. A good example is that of Mother Teresa helping the poorest of the poor and being canonized a saint post-humously.

The one who is truly religious is the one who practices their religion or spiritual beliefs on a daily basis without saying so openly but simply knowing it in their own heart. Giving one's heart and devotion completely to your patients, friends and family, as well as the rest of your little world and being a charitable person is being truly religious/spiritual.

The ultimate relationship is not that between man and wife but between you and your Creator/God. Without faith in a God/ some form of Divine Power or some Divine Creator, how can you say that there is meaning in other relationships?

Next in line, in terms of ultimate relationships is that between a mother and her child. Both the love between you and God and the love between you and your mother are forms of unconditional loves which you can't find with a husband/ wife. I know so because of my relationship with my mother. It is the ultimate form of unconditional love I have ever had with another human being. Knowing how most moms are, my mom is exceptional and close to saintliness.

The more I get to know the world, the more I realize how lucky I am to have the mom I have had. The more I get to experience various bad things, the more I realize how right my mom has been. The older I get, the more I respect my mom's advice. No one can tell you the truth like your mother can and no one will love you despite your weaknesses, like your mother or God can.

At least that is the way I view it in my mind.
 
Smilemaker100 said:
...I am not generalizing, I am just "echoing" a well known universal truth. Most men are unfaithful and one track minded (sex). No one can convince me otherwise. The truth is out...
Ahhhhh...the female logic. Gotta love it.

Just because I think women are catty, moody, manipulative, and bad drivers doesn't make it a Universal Truth. Just because I think women dress up more for other women than men doesn't mean all women are really trying to show up other women. Just because I think women are like monkeys who always have to be swinging from a branch (guy) to feel any self-worth doesn't mean all women are incapable of adequate self-esteem.

I guess now this makes us both sexist.
 
toofache32 said:
Ahhhhh...the female logic. Gotta love it.

Just because I think women are catty, moody, manipulative, and bad drivers doesn't make it a Universal Truth. Just because I think women dress up more for other women than men doesn't mean all women are really trying to show up other women. Just because I think women are like monkeys who always have to be swinging from a branch (guy) to feel any self-worth doesn't mean all women are incapable of adequate self-esteem.

I guess now this makes us both sexist.


couldn't agree with you more, but it should be monkeys swinging from branch to branch.... :thumbup:
 
Smilemaker100 said:
WRONG! The ultimate way of expressing how religious you are is by becoming celebate, joining a nunnery or becoming a priest or other religious figure. A good example is that of Mother Teresa helping the poorest of the poor and being canonized a saint post-humously.

The one who is truly religious is the one who practices their religion or spiritual beliefs on a daily basis without saying so openly but simply knowing it in their own heart. Giving one's heart and devotion completely to your patients, friends and family, as well as the rest of your little world and being a charitable person is being truly religious/spiritual.

The ultimate relationship is not that between man and wife but between you and your Creator/God. Without faith in a God/ some form of Divine Power or some Divine Creator, how can you say that there is meaning in other relationships?

Next in line, in terms of ultimate relationships is that between a mother and her child. Both the love between you and God and the love between you and your mother are forms of unconditional loves which you can't find with a husband/ wife. I know so because of my relationship with my mother. It is the ultimate form of unconditional love I have ever had with another human being. Knowing how most moms are, my mom is exceptional and close to saintliness.

The more I get to know the world, the more I realize how lucky I am to have the mom I have had. The more I get to experience various bad things, the more I realize how right my mom has been. The older I get, the more I respect my mom's advice. No one can tell you the truth like your mother can and no one will love you despite your weaknesses, like your mother or God can.

At least that is the way I view it in my mind.
Ok celibacy and nunnary are the things that are not encouraged in the religion that I practice. Even the religious figures marry and have children. However what is encouraged is the fact that you have a life where you have spouse and children. But, you are supposed to love God more than any of these relations. However you can't remain celibate because then you are denying a gift that God has created for you. The gift of companionship, love and sex. Again we are also not allowed to have sexual relationships outside of the bond of marriage. I agree that the ultimate relationship is between you and God. But it doesn't mean that no other relationship should be allowed in your life. I understand if you have been through crappy relationships but blaming all men for them is not correct. In my experience yes those men exist but not everyone is like them. I have seen some extremely great men and those are probably the reason that I have come so far in my life as I have. I understood from your posts that you have a great relationship with your mother. But what about your father. He is a man and according to your reasoning sex must be on his mind all the time as well. Seriously from your posts I can't help wondering about what kind of men have you seen in your life. You must have a father, uncles and may be brothers. It is just awful to think how you think of them. Even if all the men I have ever met had deceived me I still couldn't say that all men are bad mainly because I know that my father and grandfather are not. I am actually just wondering why you have so much hatred against men. I am also wondering what happened in your life that have made you so much anti men. :confused:
 
I agree with Smilemaker. The ultimate relationship is with God. When u r locked in a personal relationship with God, u don't feel the NEED for marriage as much. Agreed, marriage is a holy instituition and necessary for survival of species, extension of God's love, etc., but those in a marriage/relationship cannot conceive of love apart from the physical.. its the chemicals secreted in the brain- Dopamine, etc,. God has created us in that way.. hence its difficult to wash a person from one's system with a snap of a finger..
But with God, its different. He becomes u r everything.. Mother, Father,Husband, Best Friend.. Its not that u do need to stay away from friends or boys.. or whatever.. its jsut that being in a personal relationship with the Ultimate Being does not make u dependent or needy for human relationships as much.. u can deal with it. His spirit gives u that strength.. It almost takes the place of..so it speak. But those in sexual relationships are so sucked in by the enormity and joy of sex that they cannot believe that people can be celibate and that there is no such grace...and hence priests and nuns become the butt of jokes and are categorized as those "forcefully supressing" sexual desire.. Agreed also there have been sex scandals and the linke.. but even these people are human.. just as tempted as any one else.. eveey basket has bad apples. But not each is rotten. u don't cast off the basket.. Again, None of this will ever make sense to one in a relationship.. in a way they are blinded by the physical desires and earthly joys. I guess thats why theres more geriatrics in Church..no more hormones left..
 
Smilemaker100 said:
The LAST place I would look to meet someone is online. From what I have heard through other girls that have tried online services, most men online are married and looking for "adventure" or are single and looking for "you know what".
Please don't think that the men you meet elsewhere like the gym or grocery store aren't the SAME!!Internet dating just means you sift through the **** a hellva lot sooner.

I met my hubby on match.com but I'll admit my mother thought I was nuts. Another mentor thought I was desperate until he met Mr.Wonderful. I was so busy at the time, it was impossible to met men and dating online provided a great way to meet some really good people who all had background checks run on them-Gotta love the internet!!! :laugh:
 
myfavred said:
...I understand if you have been through crappy relationships but blaming all men for them is not correct....
There is only one person who was a common denominator to all those relationships.
 
toofache32 said:
There is only one person who was a common denominator to all those relationships.

Touche!

Ultimately when you have recurring problems in life, a long look in the nearest mirror usually solves 90% of the "problems".
 
1Path said:
Touche!

Ultimately when you have recurring problems in life, a long look in the nearest mirror usually solves 90% of the "problems".

Actually, the problem is very simple. It's a question of culture and upbringing. Most guys expect sex far too early in a relationsihp and when they don't get any, they drop you for the nearest slut. That's the problem with this society. North America (excluding Mexico) is a culture OBSESSED with sex, sex,sex and money ! We don't live in a culture that promotes love and caring but a rat race culture in which everyone wants things NOW. I grew up with a Mexican mom and she endocrinated the importance of caring for one's family so I guess you can say I grew up with a Mexican mentality. Family time is very important in Mexican culture.

I am very traditional minded and conservative. I am not the "average" girl. I guess MOST guys just don't understand that and respect that. I am very stubborn in my ideals and I am not going to ever let anyone change them. I don't care what society or men think about those ideals.

I know I am very unique in my views. I know that there are a FEW guys out there who will be willing to settle,marry me and want me to mother their children (it nearly happened to me 9 years ago). SOME guys actually appreciate a woman who hasn't slept around. Some guys will appreciate that I am a woman with a clean bill of health- no STDs to speak of and that I will be a faithful loving wife and mother- a mother who will be a good role model for her daughters and whose number one priority will be her family.

I do believe that there are some good men out there but there are whole lot of rotten apples I have had to throw away in the past. The only reason why I have any itsy bitsy bit of belief or faith in meeting a decent loving man is because I have a father who is one. :)

My daddy was very involved with us kids whether it be with our school work, hobbies or health problems. My dad is the kind of loving man who will call my mom every lunch hour to chat. My dad comes straight home from work instead of hanging out at bars. My dad is a model husband and family man. My mom knows that she can rely on my dad 100%. My parents actually speak to each other every day (as oppose to most married couples). They go out for walks every night for an hour or so and there is not ONE day that goes by that they don't spend time talking to each other about many things. :love: More than 30 years later and they are still the best of friends... now how many of you out there can say the same? Not most I think- most people are either divorced or unhappily married.

I feel so blessed to have my parents because they give me hope in some goodness in humanity. God must have been nice with me because he gave me two parents that are my earthly angels . I love them more than anything or anyone in the world. Everyone who knows me knows how close my parents are to me- whether we bicker or laugh together. You only dispute with the ones you love at times because you care too much.
 
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bluearmy said:
I agree with Smilemaker. The ultimate relationship is with God. When u r locked in a personal relationship with God, u don't feel the NEED for marriage as much. Agreed, marriage is a holy instituition and necessary for survival of species, extension of God's love, etc., but those in a marriage/relationship cannot conceive of love apart from the physical.. its the chemicals secreted in the brain- Dopamine, etc,. God has created us in that way.. hence its difficult to wash a person from one's system with a snap of a finger..
But with God, its different. He becomes u r everything.. Mother, Father,Husband, Best Friend.. Its not that u do need to stay away from friends or boys.. or whatever.. its jsut that being in a personal relationship with the Ultimate Being does not make u dependent or needy for human relationships as much.. u can deal with it. His spirit gives u that strength.. It almost takes the place of..so it speak. But those in sexual relationships are so sucked in by the enormity and joy of sex that they cannot believe that people can be celibate and that there is no such grace...and hence priests and nuns become the butt of jokes and are categorized as those "forcefully supressing" sexual desire.. Agreed also there have been sex scandals and the linke.. but even these people are human.. just as tempted as any one else.. eveey basket has bad apples. But not each is rotten. u don't cast off the basket.. Again, None of this will ever make sense to one in a relationship.. in a way they are blinded by the physical desires and earthly joys. I guess thats why theres more geriatrics in Church..no more hormones left..

Thanks, for the back up :)
 
Smilemaker100 said:
Actually, the problem is very simple. It's a question of culture and upbringing. Most guys expect sex far too early in a relationsihp and when they don't get any, they drop you for the nearest slut. That's the problem with this society. North America (excluding Mexico) is a culture OBSESSED with sex, sex,sex and money ! We don't live in a culture that promotes love and caring but a rat race culture in which everyone wants things NOW. I grew up with a Mexican mom and she endocrinated the importance of caring for one's family so I guess you can say I grew up with a Mexican mentality. Family time is very important in Mexican culture.

I am very traditional minded and conservative. I am not the "average" girl. I guess MOST guys just don't understand that and respect that. I am very stubborn in my ideals and I am not going to ever let anyone change them. I don't care what society or men think about those ideals.
I think you don't understand the breadth of reasons men have for "dropping" women. It's not just about how fast they can get you into bed. You may be drawing a line between yourself and your potential partners by thinking of them in this context and chasing them away.
 
Smilemaker100 said:
Most guys expect sex far too early in a relationsihp and when they don't get any, they drop you for the nearest slut. That's the problem with this society. North America (excluding Mexico) is a culture OBSESSED with sex, sex,sex and money !
So what if MOST men are obsessed with sex??? My hubby and I were celibate until marriage, so yes there are successful men out there who are willing to WAIT for marrige before having sex.

I'm a strong believer that YOU and YOU alone set the "tone" for how a relationship is going to go. Most men will "try you" to see just how far you'll let them go. I know it sounds like a game but ALL men play games at ALL ages.

Smilemaker100 said:
I am very traditional minded and conservative. I know that there are a FEW guys out there who will be willing to settle,marry me and want me to mother their children (it nearly happened to me 9 years ago). SOME guys actually appreciate a woman who hasn't slept around. Some guys will appreciate that I am a woman with a clean bill of health- no STDs to speak of and that I will be a faithful loving wife and mother
Do you REALLY believe you're one of few women with these traits? Do you think you're the ONLY women here whose never had an STD? Whose NEVER had an abortion??Who doesn't/has never slept around? Pleeezzzeeeee!!!!!
It's one thing to have "standards" but another to assume that everyone else in the world doesn't .

Stick by your standards but let go of the bitterness and God will send the right man to you. The power in life is in the word at least that's what my Bible says. Think positive and God will bring positivity into your life.

Oh yeah, that "obsession with sex" doesn't change AFTER marriage. So when you do find Mr.Right, I suggest you keep an open account at Victoria Secret. ;)
 
1Path said:
So what if MOST men are obsessed with sex??? My hubby and I were celibate until marriage. Let me repeat that because I know people think finding a handsome, family oriented man making over 250K/year (and did I mention that he's completing a second Master's degree in Divinity?) who is willing to WAIT for marrige before having sex sounds like a fairy tale. Well it's not.
Same here. My wife and I dated for 4 years before getting married and never had sex. And it wasn't easy. But it helps to have someone with the same values as yourself.

My wife would die if she knew I just told that to a bunch of strangers on the internet.
 
toofache32 said:
My wife would die if she knew I just told that to a bunch of strangers on the internet.
:laugh: :laugh:
I'm so easily identifiable on the internet too but as I'm typing this, hubby is laughing and standing right here!! And agrees that smilemaker has some issues to work out on HER own.

I should add that meeting/marrying Mr/Mrs. Right by NO means indicates that the relationship is perfect. ALL relationships have problems but I think the key is finding someone who is willing to WORK through them with you. :thumbup:
 
1Path said:
:laugh: :laugh:
I'm so easily identifiable on the internet too but as I'm typing this, hubby is laughing and standing right here!! And agrees that smilemaker has some issues to work out on HER own.

I should add that meeting/marrying Mr/Mrs. Right by NO means indicates that the relationship is perfect. ALL relationships have problems but I think the key is finding someone who is willing to WORK through them with you. :thumbup:
I met hubby online and we will be married 7 years on Jan. 1st. We act like newlyweds and I consider him (and vice versa) my soulmate.

As for values: I didn't meet him til I was almost 28 and had never been with a man before that......didn't even have a boyfriend cuz it wasn't important enough to me. I figured, that the right person would come along if it was meant to be and that I wasn't going to force the issue by making less-than-right-people-for-me, into perfect people for me.

Even though I waited on the sex thing, I am glad that I did 'for me'. Being with my soulmate is the biggest turn-on ever and we have been more active then most people are in their whole life.

I do think that too many people get hooked up with others for the wrong reasons and then aren't available to notice when their perfect person comes along.

So, stand by your ideals but know that there are many people like you who are waiting and hoping that God (or whatever they believe in) puts them together when the time is right. Just realize that God might use the internet and don't restrict that simply because you don't think it will work......I am living proof that it does!

Btw, hubby and I have a relationship like you described of your parents....just haven't reached the 30 year mark yet.

With smiles and good luck wishes,
Wifty
 
1Path said:
:laugh: :laugh:
I'm so easily identifiable on the internet too but as I'm typing this, hubby is laughing and standing right here!! And agrees that smilemaker has some issues to work out on HER own.

I should add that meeting/marrying Mr/Mrs. Right by NO means indicates that the relationship is perfect. ALL relationships have problems but I think the key is finding someone who is willing to WORK through them with you. :thumbup:

If you need to work on your relationship, you have a problem. It isn't natural to "work" on a relationship. When I think of my closest friends, when we have disagreements (which is rare) , we discuss things and move on. If there is a need to "work" on any relationship, something is definitely wrong with one member of the couple or both.

If you've met the so called "Mr/Mrs Right", there should be no "work" involved in a relationship. If the person is right for you, there is no "effort". I know so because I see my parents and they enjoy each other's company most of the time. They don't have to make an "effort" to spend time with each other or talk about the nature of their relationship.

Most relationships start off with passion/pheremonal attraction (just like any other animals) and that initially brings couples together. As we all know , that "spark" goes away after a few years. But if you're right for one another, after a few years, a deeper love sets in...I believe that REAL love only really begins once the initial "hormonal imbalance" wears off.

Like my mom says, "when you're young, you are just focused on sex but as you get older what means more than anything else is the companionship, the friendship and the trust."

Having my parents as role models gives me an idea of what I want from a relationship. Like my mom says," those who have patience will eventually be rewarded while those who rush into relationships (and other things) usually pay the consequences."

Also, you have to enjoy your own company, love your own self and be as perfect as you can be so that when you meet Mr Right/Mrs Right, there are less "issues". When you are comfortable in your own skin, others will be comfortable around you too.

Most people in society are insecure being by themselves and are delusioned into thinking that by being a part of a couple will help them feel better about themselves. Often, issues will surface when one member of the couple realizes how unhappy the other person is with themselves and that will make them unhappy to a certain degree as well.

As for me having "issues", who are you to criticize? I dare anyone on this forum to reply to me and honestly say they don't have "issues" or idiosyncrasies. If you do, you are a complete liar. At least I am honest enough to say I am not perfect but strive to be better in every way every day in many aspects of my life. "Life is about evolution" (mom's saying).

Those who criticize, often critize elements in another person which mirrors themselves and which they can't stand about themselves. I even joke about my imperfections . I think I am far more tolerant than most people and more open to embracing differences. If I am not, it's because the individual in question may have pushed the limits of my tolerance and abused my natural generous spirit , stabbed me multiple times in the back and given me a valid reason to cut them out of my life completely.

"If you can laugh at yourself, you are wise. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're a fool." (my saying)
 
Smilemaker100 said:
If you need to work on your relationship, you have a problem. It isn't natural to "work" on a relationship.
On the contrary, relationships require work to be successful. Talk to any successful couple including your parents. It may look easy on the outside, but it's not. That's where the worse in the "for better or worse" comes in.
 
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bananaface said:
On the contrary, relationships require work to be successful. Talk to any successful couple including your parents. It may look easy on the outside, but it's not. That's where the worse in the "for better or worse" comes in.


I still think "working" on a relationship is BS! If you love someone, you "compromise", you "tolerate", and you "discuss" things- is that what you mean by "work"? My definition of "work" on a relationship is marital counselling or some other form of therapy- is that what you mean?

I talk to my parents all the time. They are my best friends. They can even joke about their differences.

If you can accept that you can never really change the other person and simply love them as they are, nothing will ever be work.

I am very aware of the "better or for worse" and all I can say is my parents have been there for one another rain or shine for over 30 years. There is nothing they wouldn't do for one another . My mother can completey rely on my dad and she knows he would never ever cheat on her (unlike most married men). She has never felt threatened by the possibility of my dad leaving her. And I don't think many women would feel that confident about their husbands.

My dad knows he has been very very blessed with my mother in his life. She is a very strong person and she is the glue of the family that has pulled us through hardships. My mom is my role model. Although not perfect,she is as close to perfection I have ever seen compared to other mothers.
 
Smile, your parents have their life and YOU have yours. You're no longer connected at the umbilical cord, so LET GO!!! You have almost an obsessive relationship going on here that can't possible very healthy for you to live your own life. Hell, what man could possibly measure up the the pedistal you have your parents on? Better yet, why would any decent man be willing to try, an effort that can only result in failure?

It's just funny that when you couldn't make your "everyone here is happy because they had premarital sex" argument work you went on to something else. :rolleyes:
Smilemaker100 said:
love your own self and be as perfect as you can be so that when you meet Mr Right/Mrs Right, there are less "issues".
Anyone who sets "perfect" as a goal can only fail. Why? Because as a christian I KNOW that Jesus was the ONLY perfect human that ever lived.
Smilemaker100 said:
As for me having "issues", who are you to criticize? I dare anyone on this forum to reply to me and honestly say they don't have "issues" or idiosyncrasies. If you do, you are a complete liar.
Yes, we all have issues but my "issues" haven't kept me from meeting a good man and I'm not depressed and bitter as you seem to be. And name calling? Please honey, grow up! That may be your biggest "issue" there.

I'm going to bow out of this discussion because I realize that responding further is a complete waste to time. Besides negative energy is contagious.
 
Smilemaker100 said:
I still think "working" on a relationship is BS! If you love someone, you "compromise", you "tolerate", and you "discuss" things- is that what you mean by "work"? My definition of "work" on a relationship is marital counselling or some other form of therapy- is that what you mean?
LOL. Yes, all of those things are part of what I consider work. Not being willing to go to counseling if necessary is a big red flag that says "this person is not vested in this relationship". Once you are with someone, perhaps you will see why compromise, tolerance, and discussion can be considered "work". Wonderful and perfect are not the same. Don't pass up wonderful in wait for perfection, or you will be an old maid. Wonderful is too good to pass up. :)
 
1Path said:
Smile, your parents have their life and YOU have yours. You're no longer connected at the umbilical cord, so LET GO!!! You have almost an obsessive relationship going on here that can't possible very healthy for you to live your own life. Hell, what man could possibly measure up the the pedistal you have your parents on? Better yet, why would any decent man be willing to try, an effort that can only result in failure?

It's just funny that when you couldn't make your "everyone here is happy because they had premarital sex" argument work you went on to something else. :rolleyes:
Anyone who sets "perfect" as a goal can only fail. Why? Because as a christian I KNOW that Jesus was the ONLY perfect human that ever lived.

Yes, we all have issues but my "issues" haven't kept me from meeting a good man and I'm not depressed and bitter as you seem to be. And name calling? Please honey, grow up! That may be your biggest "issue" there.

I'm going to bow out of this discussion because I realize that responding further is a complete waste to time. Besides negative energy is contagious.

This thread has taken a whole other tangent. The REAL reason why I started this thread, as I reiterated ad nauseum, was because a friend of mine called Nancy, was asking me if I knew of any dating services for health professionals. I was never the one looking for such services.

I think most people in this society who were not brought up with a Latin American concept of family and didn't experience a loving family environment as I did, cannot relate to my relationship with my parents. It has nothing to do with me cutting the umbilical cord. As a matter of fact I already have as I am completely independent and living about 2 hours away (by car) from my parents and hometown.

The reason why I love my parents so much is because they have never betrayed me and I can completely rely on them to be my pillar of support when I feel morally deceived by other people/the world...unlike most people I have met in my life. When you have experienced deception on a number of occasions, you really appreciate those who have remained true to you. The older I get, the more I realize how lucky I am to have such loyal parents.

My parents always told me, "Your family will never betray you. It's the most important thing in life- family, family , family...there are few friends who will remain true to you for life but remember your family is first." If a man can't see/recognize that I can bring that type of loyalty into a marriage, he obviously never experienced that in his own family. I always try to find out what kind of a relationship a man has with his family because it is a strong indicator of what kind of a relationship he will have with you- not always, but most of the time. My mom always told me, "try to get to know the family history to get an idea of what kind of a man you're dealing with."

Did I ever state I am seeking "perfection"? We are all already perfect in our own ways. I believe in trying to put your best face forward and if that's not good enough for other people, tough luck for them. I accept people for who they are , if that can't accept me, too bad.

I am sure I will meet a man who can live up to my expectations. The reason why I put my parents on a pedestal is because they represent what family and close friendships should be about - trust, moral support, unconditional love and those qualities are hard to find. However, I try to bring those qualities into my relationships with friends and boyfriends. I guess most people don't appreciate that about me until it's too late.

Out in the world, loyalty and moral support are very hard to find. Is it too much to ask for? I don't ask for much but it seems like most peole can't even exhibit the very basic necessities in a relationship- trust, love, companionship, moral support etc. The problem is most people try to use you for their own benefits (especially if you are very giving/generous) and don't appreciate your human qualities. Most people are materialistic and dispose of people once they achieve their needs just like parasites or leeches- sucking you blood dry.

I am not depressed and bitter (and you said I was name calling? LOL!) . I have achieved much and am content at the path I have taken. I think you are upset because you can't stand hearing about a single woman who is perfectly content being single and is a health professional. Is it because you envy me being single? Is it because you are unhappily married and wish you could have more time to date more? You sound quite frustrated.
 
Smilemaker100 said:
This thread has taken a whole other tangent. The REAL reason why I started this thread, as I reiterated ad nauseum, was because a friend of mine called Nancy, was asking me if I knew of any dating services for health professionals. I was never the one looking for such services.

I think most people in this society who were not brought up with a Latin American concept of family and didn't experience a loving family environment as I did, cannot relate to my relationship with my parents. It has nothing to do with me cutting the umbilical cord. As a matter of fact I already have as I am completely independent and living about 2 hours away (by car) from my parents and hometown.

The reason why I love my parents so much is because they have never betrayed me and I can completely rely on them to be my pillar of support when I feel morally deceived by other people/the world...unlike most people I have met in my life. When you have experienced deception on a number of occasions, you really appreciate those who have remained true to you. The older I get, the more I realize how lucky I am to have such loyal parents.

My parents always told me, "Your family will never betray you. It's the most important thing in life- family, family , family...there are few friends who will remain true to you for life but remember your family is first." If a man can't see/recognize that I can bring that type of loyalty into a marriage, he obviously never experienced that in his own family. I always try to find out what kind of a relationship a man has with his family because it is a strong indicator of what kind of a relationship he will have with you- not always, but most of the time. My mom always told me, "try to get to know the family history to get an idea of what kind of a man you're dealing with."

Did I ever state I am seeking "perfection"? We are all already perfect in our own ways. I believe in trying to put your best face forward and if that's not good enough for other people, tough luck for them. I accept people for who they are , if that can't accept me, too bad.

I am sure I will meet a man who can live up to my expectations. The reason why I put my parents on a pedestal is because they represent what family and close friendships should be about - trust, moral support, unconditional love and those qualities are hard to find. However, I try to bring those qualities into my relationships with friends and boyfriends. I guess most people don't appreciate that about me until it's too late.

Out in the world, loyalty and moral support are very hard to find. Is it too much to ask for? I don't ask for much but it seems like most peole can't even exhibit the very basic necessities in a relationship- trust, love, companionship, moral support etc. The problem is most people try to use you for their own benefits (especially if you are very giving/generous) and don't appreciate your human qualities. Most people are materialistic and dispose of people once they achieve their needs just like parasites or leeches- sucking you blood dry.

I am not depressed and bitter (and you said I was name calling? LOL!) . I have achieved much and am content at the path I have taken. I think you are upset because you can't stand hearing about a single woman who is perfectly content being single and is a health professional. Is it because you envy me being single? Is it because you are unhappily married and wish you could have more time to date more? You sound quite frustrated.

It is nice that you have mentioned the strong family ties. You know in the rest of the world, families are not important. I surely don't know of any culture where family is emphasized. It must be a latin American thing because in majority of south asians and middle eastern cultures people just hate their families and parents don't ever become a perfect role model. May be this is the reason people in those cultures get married because they think that the person they are going to spend the rest of their life with is perfect but it doesn't workout that way and they end up in another unhappy family :rolleyes:
 
1Path said:
As a person whose ancertory includes latina(Spain, Trinidad) I find this statement racist, highly offensive and inflamatory. I have many friends that are Indian and some that are Asian and ALL of them are happy with their parents, families, and choices.

ALL cultures have members that both emphasize and don't emphasize family. However, if you want to make a difference in the world, why not include in that emphasis on family an emphasis on education. Because until you do, latin americans may be in the majority in this country one day but it won't mean jack $hit until they turn that into educational/financial advantages too.
She was being sarcastic. That's why she used the :rolleyes: .
 
bananaface said:
She was being sarcastic. That's why she used the :rolleyes: .
The lack of response in this thread to the rather apparent mental instability issues expressed by some posters had me worried that there is a HUGE group of desperate, angry and bitter people in the universe!!! :D
 
1Path said:
The lack of response in this thread to the rather apparent mental instability issues expressed by some posters had me worried that there is a HUGE group of desperate, angry and bitter people in the universe!!! :D
Just for the record I am from Pakistan with Middle Eastern background and this is why I used that as an example and yes it was sarcastic. Thank you banana for clearing it up for me. :D

To 1Path: I will be among the last ones in this world to be desperate, angry and bitter. So until everyone else becomes bitter and mentally instable consider all my mean remarks as sarcastic :)
 
myfavred said:
To 1Path: I will be among the last ones in this world to be desperate, angry and bitter. So until everyone else becomes bitter and mentally instable consider all my mean remarks as sarcastic :)

That wasn't directed at you although after my mistaken response to your sacrasm (I had a long,long,long day) I can see why you'd take it that way! It's all good! :)

PS-The smiley face after my post was to be taken sarcastically as well! ;)
 
1Path said:
That wasn't directed at you although after my mistaken response to your sacrasm (I had a long,long,long day) I can see why you'd take it that way! It's all good! :)

PS-The smiley face after my post was to be taken sarcastically as well! ;)
oh sorry, I actually put the smiley after mine as a sincere smiley (as in no bad feelings smiley). Sorry that you had a long day. I hate those days. I have one tomorrow. Have a great night.
 
I just want to say that since it's pretty obvious SOMEONE in this thread has some issues, I want to apologize for what I posted previously which essentially makes light of a serious situation.

My hope and prayer for you is that you get the help you need becasue there are literally TONS of programs across the US specifically designed to help folks like you.

God bless and best wishes for a better future!
 
Smilemaker100 said:
Actually, the problem is very simple. It's a question of culture and upbringing. Most guys expect sex far too early in a relationsihp and when they don't get any, they drop you for the nearest slut. That's the problem with this society. North America (excluding Mexico) is a culture OBSESSED with sex, sex,sex and money ! We don't live in a culture that promotes love and caring but a rat race culture in which everyone wants things NOW. I grew up with a Mexican mom and she endocrinated the importance of caring for one's family so I guess you can say I grew up with a Mexican mentality. Family time is very important in Mexican culture.

I am very traditional minded and conservative. I am not the "average" girl. I guess MOST guys just don't understand that and respect that. I am very stubborn in my ideals and I am not going to ever let anyone change them. I don't care what society or men think about those ideals.

I know I am very unique in my views. I know that there are a FEW guys out there who will be willing to settle,marry me and want me to mother their children (it nearly happened to me 9 years ago). SOME guys actually appreciate a woman who hasn't slept around. Some guys will appreciate that I am a woman with a clean bill of health- no STDs to speak of and that I will be a faithful loving wife and mother- a mother who will be a good role model for her daughters and whose number one priority will be her family.

I do believe that there are some good men out there but there are whole lot of rotten apples I have had to throw away in the past. The only reason why I have any itsy bitsy bit of belief or faith in meeting a decent loving man is because I have a father who is one. :)

My daddy was very involved with us kids whether it be with our school work, hobbies or health problems. My dad is the kind of loving man who will call my mom every lunch hour to chat. My dad comes straight home from work instead of hanging out at bars. My dad is a model husband and family man. My mom knows that she can rely on my dad 100%. My parents actually speak to each other every day (as oppose to most married couples). They go out for walks every night for an hour or so and there is not ONE day that goes by that they don't spend time talking to each other about many things. :love: More than 30 years later and they are still the best of friends... now how many of you out there can say the same? Not most I think- most people are either divorced or unhappily married.

I feel so blessed to have my parents because they give me hope in some goodness in humanity. God must have been nice with me because he gave me two parents that are my earthly angels . I love them more than anything or anyone in the world. Everyone who knows me knows how close my parents are to me- whether we bicker or laugh together. You only dispute with the ones you love at times because you care too much.

You could not have said it better.
 
bananaface said:
LOL. Yes, all of those things are part of what I consider work. Not being willing to go to counseling if necessary is a big red flag that says "this person is not vested in this relationship". Once you are with someone, perhaps you will see why compromise, tolerance, and discussion can be considered "work". Wonderful and perfect are not the same. Don't pass up wonderful in wait for perfection, or you will be an old maid. Wonderful is too good to pass up. :)

I think what she is trying to say is that you should accept your soulmate as he/she is. You cannot expect the person to change if he/she does not want to. For example, if I envision my boyfriend as a Ph.D, then I would do everything in my power to make sure he goes to grad school. I work make him do his GREs and applications. I would constantly bicker about him not working hard enough - but if he really does not want to pursue a Ph.D, then you cannot make him. If you want your significant other (SO) to stop cheating on you, you can work and work and work at it, but unless your SO puts an effort to stop playing cheating games, then there is no point in all that work in a relationship. You cannot simply work at molding someone into who you want him/her to be. People envision perfection in their soulmates, but what they need to do is accept the person as is. As for work in a relationship - compromise, sacrifice, the whole nine yards - all are crucial to a successful relationship. OK, back to the OP's question!!!
 
Sigh, and this thread had the potential to be really useful for all of us :rolleyes: . Smilemaker, you've shown yourself to be WAY too opinionated to be asking for advice on something you don't believe in for a "friend." Shouldn't you be busy convincing her of your POV instead?

Anyway, to get things back on topic, I actually do have a question on online dating. Isnt it potentially very disappointing when you meet someone in real life and they don't sound nearly as intelligent or articulate as they did in email? I'm worried that someone would think this about me. Let's face it, for those of us who always had difficulty expressing ourselves and lack the confidence to initiate conversation face to face, email/IMing has always been the preferred medium. A lot of people have told me that I'm much nicer on IM than I am in real life. It's definitely because I feel more secure hide behind a computer. I have such major problems with speaking, I don't even know where to begin. As an example, I wouldn't have been able to say all that I just wrote in real life. I would've condensed it into maybe two sentences. I know a lot of it is confidence, but I lack the confidence because I don't have this very basic skill, and it just becomes this vicious cycle. I'm supposedly a native English speaker, but honestly, NO language feels native to me when I speak it. Anyway I know this turned into a whining session, but if you could answer my original question about online dating in relation to my "disability," that would be great.
 
bananaface said:

Yes, maybe once I pay back my student loans I can "rob the craddle" and get myself a boytoy. ;) I could become someone's "sugar mommie" and support the career of a poor starving artist with a lot of potential :rolleyes: :laugh: ( most of my ex-boyfriends were artistically inclined).

These days, there seems to be a growing trend of older women dating younger guys eg. Demi Moore (42)and Ashton Kutcher (27), Geena Davis (48) and Dr Reeza Jahary(34) but I prefer an older man who is emotionally mature/secure but not old enough to be my dad!!!!!!!!!!! :scared:

I'll let Nancy know.

On a serious note, I wouldn't be attracted to the idea of someone who wants to date me because of my financial status. And like the Beatles' song says : "money can't buy me love".

(Definition of a sugar mommie "women who like to spoil and pamper")

Interesting article entitled " Young People's Relationships with Sugar Daddies and Sugar Mummies: What do We Know and What do We Need to Know?" published in the African Journal of Reproductive Health . This article is no laughing matter .It examines the phenomenon of sugar mommies/daddies from a socio-pathological point of view in certain countries.

http://www.bioline.org.br/request?rh04023
 
If you are a decent looking chick, it seems like you would have no problem meeting someone. The problem is that a lot of women in medicine are very picky (and they have a right to be), to the point that even other residents are not up to par. Why take a lowly resident when you can try to bag an attending. This is why men date younger women. I've asked out a few residents and turned down all but once. When I went out with the one resident I was dumped for an attending. Didn't matter to me either way because I am dating a pharmacy student now. But don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be dating a resident. Seems like I have a lot more in common with those with the same educational background.
 
musicman1991 said:
If you are a decent looking chick, it seems like you would have no problem meeting someone. The problem is that a lot of women in medicine are very picky (and they have a right to be), to the point that even other residents are not up to par. Why take a lowly resident when you can try to bag an attending. This is why men date younger women. I've asked out a few residents and turned down all but once. When I went out with the one resident I was dumped for an attending. Didn't matter to me either way because I am dating a pharmacy student now. But don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be dating a resident. Seems like I have a lot more in common with those with the same educational background.

The first love of my life was doing a graduate degree in linguistics just prior to his death a few years ago. If he hadn't died, we may have been dating now. We had a lot in common on a spiritual and artistic level. He wasn't concerned with my titles. He cared for me as a human being.

I've recently started dating a chemist who works for a pharmaceutical company. He is two years younger than me and he doesn't seem to mind that I am an "older" woman with more education.

The education isn't necessarily a factor in making someone "dateable". It's important to have things in common and yet retain some differences. Variety is the spice of life ! It is a person's humanity which matters in the end. I try to be objective and judge people by stripping away their titles, their possessions and judge them on how they treat me as a person.

If anything, I am precautious with some of those individuals who have higher degrees or more power because they have this inflated image of themselves as being "God-like" and being able to have whatever they want. But it's not enough to impress me.

I'd like to quote a wonderful passage from a book entitled "Dear Theo" (edited by Irving Stone) (the letters Vincent Van Gogh wrote to his brother Theo), which I have been reading recently. It has been one of the most beautiful and inspiring reads I have had in years. Several passages have brought me to tears because of their sheer beauty and humanity.

Van Gogh was not only a great artist but was a deeply compassionate man, well rounded in French literature, aware of works of past and contemporary artists, knowledgeable on theology and philosophy, was well versed in 4 languages (Dutch, German, French and English), an eloquent writer, a great lover of Mother Nature and humanity. For every darkness there is light and in Van Gogh's case his "light" far outshone his "darkness".

"I proudly appreciate what you once said: "One must be narrow-minded or prejudiced to give absolute preference to one rank over another." But the world does not argue thus, and does not see or respect "humanity" in man, but only his greater value in possessions, which he carries with him only as long as he is on this side of the grave. The other side of the grave is not taken into any consideration by the world. Therefore the world only goes as far as its feet can carry it. I myself, on the contrary, have sympathy and antipathy for men as men, and their surroundings leave me rather indifferent.
 
musicman1991 said:
If you are a decent looking chick, it seems like you would have no problem meeting someone. The problem is that a lot of women in medicine are very picky (and they have a right to be), to the point that even other residents are not up to par. Why take a lowly resident when you can try to bag an attending. This is why men date younger women. I've asked out a few residents and turned down all but once. When I went out with the one resident I was dumped for an attending. Didn't matter to me either way because I am dating a pharmacy student now. But don't get me wrong, I'd much rather be dating a resident. Seems like I have a lot more in common with those with the same educational background.

I'm a 4th year med student who definitely wants to end up with an MD (I come from a 2 MD family and liked it, plus all the reasons previously mentioned). But it's very hard to find someone on schedule with you if you plan to go on to academic medicine. Unless years match up exactly they'll definitely be at least a period of long distance time. Also, (I am supercute BTW) some residents (though not all) seem very against the idea of dating med students, like it's too much hassle. However, I guess those guys probably don't really like the idea of ending up with another MD anyway...I'm looking forward to knowing where I'll match, because I definitely won't be here for residency (there's no residency in my specialty here). I'm planning on totally macking on all the hot/smart single IM guys, especially if I'll be close by for internship. Yeah baby! ;)
 
Join the military. People there seem to get married like whoa. It makes me a little afraid actually... :idea: :cool:
 
Sohalia said:
...I am supercute BTW... I'm planning on totally macking on all the hot/smart single IM guys, especially if I'll be close by for internship. Yeah baby! ;)
Oh mah gaaaaawd, like, people are just, like, sooooo into me you know, like, totally love me. I even love myself because, like, there is nobody cuter! We should, like, make t-shirts or something.

 
:)
That's exactly how it is. Where'd you get my pic?
 
bluearmy said:
well, I realize that at some point in my life I have to get married and it might as well be now. I'm not getting any younger..
bottom line... if u know of any good dating agencies for health professionals let me know.

well..liking the Big Lebowski is a great start in my book...it means we share the same type of humor...

Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest ****? What's this bull****? I don't ****in' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the ****s in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have ****ed you in the ass Saturday. I **** you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
 
Sohalia said:
I'm a 4th year med student who definitely wants to end up with an MD (I come from a 2 MD family and liked it, plus all the reasons previously mentioned). But it's very hard to find someone on schedule with you if you plan to go on to academic medicine. Unless years match up exactly they'll definitely be at least a period of long distance time. Also, (I am supercute BTW) some residents (though not all) seem very against the idea of dating med students, like it's too much hassle. However, I guess those guys probably don't really like the idea of ending up with another MD anyway...I'm looking forward to knowing where I'll match, because I definitely won't be here for residency (there's no residency in my specialty here). I'm planning on totally macking on all the hot/smart single IM guys, especially if I'll be close by for internship. Yeah baby! ;)
Eh, I figured I'd end up with someone else in a healthcare field, but I didn't. Keep your options open. There are plenty of good people out there who don't meet your idea of who you will end up with but would make awesome life partners.
 
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