2007-2008 Write Your Own Rejection Letter Thread

[thoffen]

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Dear thoffen:

We are rejecting you pre-secondary. Please note that this is not our usual policy, as every other applicant has received a chance to bribe us for acceptance. However, on review of your incoherent application, we feel there is a large chance that you would mistakenly mail your secondary bribe to one of our competitors. We just can't have that.

Sincerely,
Admissions Committee

 

[Maxprime]

Dear Maxprime,

Enclosed is an application to Stewart University, home of former biggest star in the world Mickey Rooney. Please save yourself the cost of re-applying and just go there.

-I'm not putting my name so you can't call or email me
P.S. Hey kids, hold out your stockings!

 

[Maxprime]

Dear Maxprime,

Your answer to "the worst thing you've ever done" was truly the worst thing we've ever heard. Enclosed is a refund for your application fee, contingent upon you donating it to charity or psychiatric treatment.

 

[Julietcf14]

Dear Juliet,


All of us in the Admissions Office at *insert any school to which I applied* would like to Thank you for your application. As you may know, during the holiday season we like to bring cheer to the office. Every year we choose one application to make copies of and pass around to all the staff and students so everyone can have a big chuckle and feel much better about themselves. This year it was yours. So thank you for your application and for all the Holiday Cheer. I am sure we will be laughing at your application picture ALONE for years to come!

p.s. In case it was unclear, while we enjoy laughing at the photo, we have no desire to ever actually see you in person.

Happy Holidays,
The Adcoms

 

[olemissbabydoc]

Dear gradu8,

It was a pleasure to meet you during your interview. However, it was a greater pleasure for us to sit around the table and wonder if you were genuinely serious - applying with half of your pre-reqs AND a sub par MCAT? Please.
If you decide to apply again, we'll try not to hold this against you (and we'll just laugh behind closed doors)

Sincerely,
The ADCOM.

 

[olemissbabydoc]

Dear [name],

What are you thinking? Your GPA sucks, and we really don't want to listen to you explain these C's (we'll be here til NEXT app cycle). You better show an upward trend, or you're stuck in D.O. Maybe even HRP.

ADCOM

PS: We know your [insert family member here] is on the ADCOM usually, but we replaced him/her for this special case. And you thought knowing people would help!

 

[Maxprime]

Dear Applicant,

Felicidades! That is Spanish for congratulations - you will have the opportunity to learn this term and many more common Spanish phrases such as, "it burns when I pee" and "I don't feel like telling you how, it's just up there now and I need to get it out". You won't learn them here, you'll learn them wherever you do your MD - because no one in the English speaking world would ever let you in.

I hope that stung,

-People enjoying your misery