affirmative action thread

[dtreese]

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wear knee-length shorts & write the answers on your legs. oh, wait, that's high school tests -- sorry 😀

 

[Woots32]

Don't listen to these people - they are ignorant fools. The correct way to carry important papers to interviews:

For girls - Take a page from a Hooters waitress and shove any documents you need to carry into your cleavage. Make sure to make the removal of said papers into a very drawn-out and elaborate process.

For guys - Roll up your papers and put them down your pants. Male interviewers will be in awe, and you know that "American foxes are always impressed by tight slacks that show off your bulges."

😎

 

[DW]

Originally posted by Woots32
For guys - Roll up your papers and put them down your pants. Male interviewers will be in awe, and you know that "American foxes are always impressed by tight slacks that show off your bulges."

Woots32, you need to stop giving such cut and dry advice, people are seriously looking for help on these boards 🙄 Whether or not to do this depends on the interviewer. If you have a female interviewer, definitely jam your materials down your pants, and if you want to go all out, run to the bathroom and switch into your ultra tight Tom Jones leather pants, i always keep a spare pair in my briefcase.

If its a male interviewer, tape it back. You dont want to intimidate your interviewer with your massive love muscle. 🙁

Ok, anyways, I just have a quick concern about how to appropriately and tastefully withdraw some of my applications from consideration since I have 20 acceptances already. tell me what you think about this letter i'm drafting for wake forest:

Dear Wake Forest Office of Admissions,

Due to the exceptional quality of the medical school pool this year, it is with heartfelt regret that I cannot offer you a decision to matriculate to your institution. As much as I would like to, I cannot attend every marginally qualified medical school that will invariably offer me an acceptance, and well, you're not Harvard or anything so I guess it sucks to be you. Best of luck in your future efforts to recruit an entering class for 2003, and in your endeavors in general. If you would consider it, there are some kids having serious difficulty in my biochemistry class that I'm tutoring that I think would be "more your speed" as far as potential applicants go. Dont take this decision as an indication of incompetence, just mediocrity. Please feel free to send me information regarding your medical post graduate training, so I can at least humor you and summarily reject you at a later time.

Sincerely,
DW

 

[Bounty]

 

[nappy kat]

My parents insisted that they should get to write one of the letters of recomendations. I initially told them I was wary of the idea but I didn't want to hurt their feelings (I can't stand the thought of being a vehicle of exclusion in my family [not to mention they had so many impressive things to say]), so I submitted it. I'm beginning to worry that this may not look very professional

 

[Woots32]

are you kidding? 😱

 

[Cerberus]

Originally posted by nappy kat
My parents insisted that they should get to write one of the letters of recomendations. I initially told them I was wary of the idea but I didn't want to hurt their feelings (I can't stand the thought of being a vehicle of exclusion in my family [not to mention they had so many impressive things to say]), so I submitted it. I'm beginning to worry that this may not look very professional

you are full of ****

 

[chips]

Originally posted by DW
Ok, anyways, I just have a quick concern about how to appropriately and tastefully withdraw some of my applications from consideration since I have 20 acceptances already. tell me what you think about this letter i'm drafting for wake forest:

Dear Wake Forest Office of Admissions,

Due to the exceptional quality of the medical school pool this year, it is with heartfelt regret that I cannot offer you a decision to matriculate to your institution. As much as I would like to, I cannot attend every marginally qualified medical school that will invariably offer me an acceptance, and well, you're not Harvard or anything so I guess it sucks to be you. Best of luck in your future efforts to recruit an entering class for 2003, and in your endeavors in general. If you would consider it, there are some kids having serious difficulty in my biochemistry class that I'm tutoring that I think would be "more your speed" as far as potential applicants go. Dont take this decision as an indication of incompetence, just mediocrity. Please feel free to send me information regarding your medical post graduate training, so I can at least humor you and summarily reject you at a later time.

Sincerely,
DW

is it just me or are these grapes extremely sour?


kidding you dark wing. 😉

 

[souljah1]

Originally posted by galen
How do I carry the copies of my secondaries in to my interviews???

Brown leather briefcase--too stodgy?

Shoulder bag--too "gay- appearing"?

Spiral notebook --too scuzzy looking?

I have researched but cant find the age/regional background of my interviewer --so what now? Will I have to carry these papers stuffed discretely in my pants pocket? Or should I write relevant facts in microfont on my wrist???

😕 😕 😕

I think it is hilarious that you put so much thought into this, as if your interviewer could give a **** about what you carry your secondaries in.

 

[::Seabass::]

this thread is about to be declared brain dead.......🙁

 

[Woots32]

Guys, I have a serious problem, and I need your help. 😱

While I already have around 15 acceptences (there's just to many to bother to keep count), I'm still on the waitlist at my top choice school! I know some of you are probably thinking, "How can you have one clear top choice when you only spent a few hours in a place you've never been to before?" Well, it's obvious - this school has the highest USNews ranking, and those things are never wrong! Why wouldn't you want to pick your school solely on an arbitrary ranking system that uses random, irrelevant criteria totally unrelated to its ability to train students to be successful physicians? But I digress.

Anyway, it's already November! I think it's probably way too late in the game to keep hope that I'll make it in off the waitlist on my own. So I was thinking - why not create a little more room at the top? I've decided to hire a PI to identify SDN posters w/ acceptances there, and then get a hit man to take them out. Has anyone out there used similar tactics, and if so, can you give me some references? Thanks.

 

[TheJurisDoctor]

Woots:

Goodbye Ro-oh-sie, the queen of Corona, say me and Julio down by the school yard. 🙂

 

[Tweetie_bird]

being moved back to where it belongs.....

 

[::Seabass::]

YEAH!!!!!
The debate over hunter green cock rings continues.........

 

[Cerberus]

Originally posted by Tweetie_bird
being moved back to where it belongs.....

W00T

 

[Explosivo]

VIVA LA RESISTANCE!!!!!

Sweet!

 

[tBw]

where are we going? and why am I in this handbasket....?

 

[mvervaine]

alright kimberli!!! ROCK ON!!! 😀

edit: thanks a bunch TWEETIE!!!! sorry if i hurt your feelings 🙁

 

[galen]

"where are we going? and why am I in this handbasket....?"

Boy Wonder--Is this a sarcastic reference to my "What do I carry my secondaries in to my interview" question??
Cant a premed ask a serious question on this forum w/o being debased & held up to ridicule? Handbasket??!! Like Im going to prance into my interview carrying a handbasket!!!
Where are the moderators?? The perpetrator of these sarcastic, inappropriate , gaybashing comments should be banned immediately with no right of appeal!!😡 😡 😡

 

[GoodMonkey]

Originally posted by galen
"where are we going? and why am I in this handbasket....?"

Boy Wonder--Is this a sarcastic reference to my "What do I carry my secondaries in to my interview" question??
Cant a premed ask a serious question on this forum w/o being debased & held up to ridicule? Handbasket??!! Like Im going to prance into my interview carrying a handbasket!!!
Where are the moderators?? The perpetrator of these sarcastic, inappropriate , gaybashing comments should be banned immediately with no right of appeal!!😡 😡 😡

...ahem... methinks the boy wonder's post was in reference to the phrase "we're all going to hell in a handbasket."

🙂

 

[DAL]

Originally posted by galen
How do I carry the copies of my secondaries in to my interviews???

Brown leather briefcase--too stodgy?

Shoulder bag--too "gay- appearing"?

Spiral notebook --too scuzzy looking?

I have researched but cant find the age/regional background of my interviewer --so what now? Will I have to carry these papers stuffed discretely in my pants pocket? Or should I write relevant facts in microfont on my wrist???

😕 😕 😕

Jesus Galen don't get your panties in a bunch. Look man, if you're not willing to create a new type of carrying device to carry copies of your secondaries in then you truly are not worthy of admission to medical school. Do you truly think that without such a display of ingenuity you can portray the image of one who brings creativity and diversity to the school of choice?

Merely bringing some trite briefcase or shoulder bag tosses you in the pile of other 3.5 GPA, 30 MCAT other kids🙄 So here's a piece of advice for you my friend. As has been previously stated, be sure to write your secondaries in 14th century Celtic manuscript. Other posters have advised otherwise, but I personally prefer the 14th century Celtic type or a variation of the 12th century Viking handscript. This will truly display diversity to the school and you should be in great shape. That is, if you're willing to solve the carrying device dilemna as I advised above.

Truly though, as we have seen with Camden....if you truly want a shot you'll need atleast a 42 MCAT with absolutely no clinical experience, around a 1.0 GPA, and a 0.5 BCPM GPA. This along with references speaking of how you've created wonders with your MCAT powers and a personal statement that analyzes in detail how to be successful on each section of the MCAT. Then my friend...then you will be well fit for the top schools. Best of luck to you my friend, with the advice given in this thread you should be in great shape. 🙂

 

[crazyA]

I'd like to remind everyone on this forum to be careful of what you say on this site, I think it's been recently established that DW and tweetie bird are really AMCAS spies, here to blacklist and sabotage the rest of us.

 

[Explosivo]

Hey guys I wrote something in my personal statement and I want to run by you all to see if its o.k. to talk about. You see it's about my sexual preference. You see I am neither a homosexual nor a heterosexual-- I am a Teddy Ruxpinsexual. Yes (*tears*) it's true and I could no longer hide it and just had to "come out" in my personal statement.

All these years, it has just been me and my battery operated pal Teddy Ruxpin. I used to be ashamed of this but I could not live with myself as a physician without revealing who I really was to the adcom. What's more is that Teddy has had a profound impact on my decision to go into medicine as well because I want to focus on health issues involving Teddy Ruxpinsexuality such as when to replace Teddy's batteries and what to do when his lips stop moving after...well you get the picture.

Anyway, did I do the right thing here in coming out with my love for battery operated teddy bears? I mean, I'm sure I will score huge points with the adcom because Teddy Ruxpinsexuality is very rare and I feel I can add to the diversity of a medical school.

I don't know, does anyone have an opinion on the matter? Did I do the right thing?

 

[Blitzkrieg]

Explosivo!


:hug:



congradulations on the difficult and hard decision to come out as a teddy abuser in your personal statement. I think I speak for all of SDN when I say how proud we are of you.

😍

 

[::Seabass::]

Originally posted by Explosivo
I want to focus on health issues involving Teddy Ruxpinsexuality such as when to replace Teddy's batteries and what to do when his lips stop moving after...well you get the picture.

don't be dumb Explosivo, you can't use a cock ring and Teddy at the same time. he is not equipped to handle such adventures emotionally and will most like now need to see someone for the mental anguish you have caused him by feeling the need to bring other toys into your bed. Teddy can not handle the competition for your love. any adcom will see right through this issue as an example of selfish behavior on your part. hopefully you were only thinking of bringing this up in interviews, if you put it in your personal statement, you are screwed. good luck next year.

 

[DAL]

Originally posted by seaworthc

don't be dumb Explosivo, you can't use a cock ring and Teddy at the same time. he is not equipped to handle such adventures emotionally and will most like now need to see someone for the mental anguish you have caused him by feeling the need to bring other toys into your bed. Teddy can not handle the competition for your love. any adcom will see right through this issue as an example of selfish behavior on your part. hopefully you were only thinking of bringing this up in interviews, if you put it in your personal statement, you are screwed. good luck next year.

Easy there Sea......don't be so quick to judge. I think him coming out in his personal statement shows a sign of strength and overcoming adversity. I just have one question Explosivo, are you trying to play the URM card as an abuser of Teddy? I sure hope so. Either way I believe you are at a clear advantage by coming out as a Teddy Ruxpinsexual. Think of the diversity you can bring to the top schools. As long as you scored a 42 on your MCAT I think you should be fine. Best of luck!!!🙂

 

[lll505]

I know this is supposed to be a sarcastic thread, but you guys seem really knowledgeable so I thought I'd ask a serious question...

I'm just finishing up my AMCAS, and although I'm not first author, I'm wondering if I can put down my December 2001 appearance in "Hustler" under publications???
(btw -- I didn't make the cover 🙁 )

My premed advisor seemed to really enjoy my publication, but I'm not sure what adcoms will think.

Thanks for the advice!

 

[GoodMonkey]

ok, i'm in distress. don't flame me for this question though ... i just got back from one of my 37 interviews, and i think something unethical may have happened. my first interviewer handed me a business card after the interview was done. i was like WTF?! and walked out of there thinking i should give him a ring, because after all, i did have his card. so, that shook me up. but at the next interview, the interviewer gave me her panties after we were done! of course, i asked her for a business card as well, seeing how it was status quo at this place. i'm beginning to think i should write a letter of interest or at least a hand-written thank you card to express my gratitute for these gifts. (are they gifts? what do they mean?!)

my question - do i include a mention of the panties in my thank you note? should i write a separate post-interview thank you note for the panties? maybe she wants me to send her a pair of my panties? help! i don't know what to do! what did those panties mean? am i in? of course, this one was my last choice of all my 37 interviews, but still, i'm concerned.

 

[Explosivo]

Originally posted by lll505
I know this is supposed to be a sarcastic thread, but you guys seem really knowledgeable so I thought I'd ask a serious question...

I'm just finishing up my AMCAS, and although I'm not first author, I'm wondering if I can put down my December 2001 appearance in "Hustler" under publications???
(btw -- I didn't make the cover 🙁 )

My premed advisor seemed to really enjoy my publication, but I'm not sure what adcoms will think.

Thanks for the advice!

Welll it all depends on one question.

Shaved or paved? Adcoms do have a preference you know. If you're not smart enough to figure it out then you don't belong in medical school.

Also, you needed to donate all the money you got from posing to a children's hospital in Abu Dhabi to show your compassion and appreciation for cultural diversity. Sending that money to an American hospital would only show you to be a shallow and insensitive person with no regard for your fellow man.

 

[mvervaine]

good advice, explosivo.

i got here a residency status issue. about two years ago i got arrested for grand theft in Texas (i was framed, by the way. i swear the scissors were planted on me) and got put away in the slammer these last two years. i'm originally a NY resident. do i qualify for texas resident status? any insight would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Tweetie_bird]

LOLLLLLLLLLL
you guys are hilarious!! I am so glad i moved this thread back.

Carry on...

Tweetie
THE Infamous AMCAS spy

 

[Sweet Tea]

Originally posted by Tweetie_bird
THE Infamous AMCAS spy

TROLL!! i always knew you were trouble, tweetie!
😉

 

[Tweetie_bird]

Originally posted by Sweet Tea
TROLL!! i always knew you were trouble, tweetie!
😉

I am surprized you guys didn't realize that earlier! With all my "I got an AAMC contact person with MCAT; email me if you got any problems" and everything....sheesh..and you premedders call yerselves schmart.

 

[DW]

whats up AAers!!!!
I just got done with my Wash U interview, and I come back and see my thread restored to its rightful place. AWESOME. Tweets, you rock 😀

I'll be posting my pressing concerns and questions when I get to a better connection that my friend's bootleg wash u dialup later this weekdn. But glad to see we're back

...we shall overcome......we shall overcome.............

 

[silvercholla]

YOU'RE ALL MAD MAD MAD I TELL YOU.... AAARRGGGGHHHH.. Oh by the way can you tell me if I should stick my thumb up the interveiwers but as a sign of interest... I heard it was the way to go nowadays.... 😕

 

[Cerberus]

None of you third rate applicants deserve to be doctors😡

 

[uffda]

Originally posted by Explosivo
Currently I am leaning toward typing the immunization forms and using an old ethiopian dialect used by sex industry workers in 14th century Addis Ababa. The major hassle is of course that I cannot find a typewriter that uses the special font used in those days. As you can see this is really distressing!!🙁
Do you guys have any advice? I'm just so confused.... [/B]

Explosivo - I'm so sorry that this thread has been hijacked by handbag fashionistas and no one has given you a serious response to your dilemma. You need to use the typewriter. If you cannot find one that has the 14th c. alphabet you need (and honestly, have you really looked ???) you'll have to show some creativity.
It would be best if you can find an old manual Olivetii, but any manual will do fine. Now, carefully carve the individual letters that you need and attach them to the Typewriter's letter arms. Dont' forget to arrange them so that when you strike the key for your most used letters the arms won't interfere with each other.

If you want to be a slacker and use an IBM Selectric, then just carve up one of those blank type balls.

yours,

 

[Woots32]

I don't really have a problem, I'm just posting to inform all of you sniveling cretins out there that I have been accepted to ALL of the Top 10 schools early decision, and so feel like it would only be humane to impart my advice to the pathetic masses. For God's sake, people, don't be "typical" premeds. Try to get a personality, since interviewers can tell if you spend all of your time studying and putting voodoo curses on your pre-med lab partners. You should do your best to come across as a "real person."

(If this doesn't work, do what I did - palm a blank check to your interviewer when you shake hands.)

That being said, I think it is time that you worship me as your god.

Best of luck! 😛

 

[AegisZero]

Originally posted by Woots32
I don't really have a problem, I'm just posting to inform all of you sniveling cretins out there that I have been accepted to ALL of the Top 10 schools early decision, and so feel like it would only be humane to impart my advice to the pathetic masses. For God's sake, people, don't be "typical" premeds. Try to get a personality, since interviewers can tell if you spend all of your time studying and putting voodoo curses on your pre-med lab partners. You should do your best to come across as a "real person."

(If this doesn't work, do what I did - palm a blank check to your interviewer when you shake hands.)

That being said, I think it is time that you worship me as your god.

Best of luck! 😛

LOL is this your mightymouseal impression. Very funny!

 

[galen]

Originally posted by lll505
I know this is supposed to be a sarcastic thread, but you guys seem really knowledgeable so I thought I'd ask a serious question...

I'm just finishing up my AMCAS, and although I'm not first author, I'm wondering if I can put down my December 2001 appearance in "Hustler" under publications???
(btw -- I didn't make the cover )

My premed advisor seemed to really enjoy my publication, but I'm not sure what adcoms will think.
_________
Are you wasting our time? How can we answer this ques properly with so little info re the quality of the aforesaid publication??
In short-- wheres the pix??🙄

 

[Woots32]

... From page 2. 😡

 

[DW]

Hey guys, I'm glad this thread is back so I can ask some honest questions

So, I was wondering you guys can help me figure out what schools I should apply to. I will give you a run down of my accomplishments.

GPA: 2.7, BCPM 2.45
MCAT: 6 verbal, 4 physical, 7 bio
ECs: Beat "Goldeneye" on N64, unlocking all secret levels and weapons my sophomore year of college. Have physically seen at least 4 hospitals in my life.

Well, where do you think I have a shot at? I've heard in the medical school admissions process, that its actually not encouraged for your stats to not be "high", per se. It is common knowledge that having over a 30 on the MCAT automatically classifies you as a morally bankrupt heathen incapable of human interaction and compassion by all current pyschologial standards. 90 percent of rapists in the state of Georgia were premeds with at least a 3.6 GPA at some point in their lives. Of undergrad students polled at UCLA in 2000, 75 percent of students surveyedwho scored over a B in organic checked "strongly agree" to the statement: I am a big dork with no life, generally detest people, and worship Satan as my lord and master. As a matter of fact, I think I read somewhere that Osama Bin Laden, John Muhammed, Timothy McVeigh, and Adolf Hitler all had at least "12s" in each subsection of the test.

As I have clearly delineated that is IMPOSSIBLE to be a personable human being and actually be a very competitive applicant, I think I should be in GREAT SHAPE. We all know when med schools "look beyond the numbers", that means those average stats they post are usually at least 8 MCAT points and .5 GPA points higher than the average MCATs for that class. In fact, I pulled this little inspirational nugget from another premed message board, "www.absoluteunadulteratedbullsh*t.com":

"Hey, I'm some financially well off, run of the mill white guy with nothing really interesting about myself to speak. I have a 2.0 GPA from my kumminty kolege, and haven't even taken the MCAT, those first few diags scared me, whew. I applied to 10 schools and got into all ten, and have full scholarships at Harvard, Wash U, Mayo, and UCSF. The adcoms just thought I was a nice guy, and since they're looking for nice guys regardless of displayed commitment and ability, and with the fact that being a sociable person and having great scores are mutually exclusive of course, they all let me in 😀 YOU CAN DO IT TO! "

that said, I think I'm golden 😀 I'm thinking hopkins, columbia, maybe mt sinai but i think I migth to too good for them. What do you guys think?

 

[Woots32]

😡 Why aren't you worthless miscreants worshipping me yet?!? 😡

 

[14931]

DW, I think u are definitely a shoo in especially to top ten schools, but u left out an important information, what do u weigh? because to be in "good shape" for the admission process, u need a certain weight, well dont keep us hanging.

 

[Tweetie_bird]

well so I am this worthless piece of "trash" that can't handle the fact that although tweetie is an AWESOME Mod, why do you guys put up with her going on a power trip...Well I ain't gonna put up with her cuz she still refuses to spank me! Hell, she wouldn't even touch me with a ten foot pole.

BESIDES, how the hell does SHE get to go on a power trip with all the Moderator privileges she has, and I don't even get called something better "TRASH??"

Sincerely,
Twwwwerp 😀

whew.. this IS a joking thread, right? 😡 😳 😳

 

[Street Philosopher]

i have a 0.0 GPA (failed all my classes, at 5 different community colleges), and i took the april mcat and got a 3L (1-1-L-1). The reason for my kinda sorta low scores is that:

I got into an accident and was in a coma for a week
I have an eating disorder
I'm bipolar
I was depressed off and on for 3 years
I had allergies during the spring quarters
I had gastrointestinal problems due to nervousness in test taking situations
I regularly blanked out on tests even though I studied every day for 5 hrs
I'm lazy
I'm accident prone - tripped and ruined my chem lab experiments
People made fun of me when I was a kid because I had terrible acne
I couldn't see very well and I couldn't afford glasses, and my alarm clock is not loud enough so i was always late and had to sit in the back of the lecture hall
My handwriting is terrible and I couldn't read my notes
My hearing is not too great
I am too dumb to learn sign language
I have a lisp and have a difficult time asking questions in office hours
I am terrible with spatial memory and get lost often, esp. on the way to class
I can't remember a lot of things
I have a hard time comprehending stuff
I get nervous around people
When I laugh I wet myself and then I need to run home (and miss class)

So as you can see I have many valid reasons for my gpa and mcat score, but i am a kind person as long as my depression doesn't kick in and i'm not PMSing. Do I have a chance at the top10 schools, I'm thinking harvard or hopkins, because even if it's just a .0000000000001% chance, I still have a shot and hopefully they will look past the numbers and see that I am not completely insane (just partly so due to chemical imbalance).

while I am at it can someone give me the pros and cons of harvard vs hopkins because although i have not been accepted yet i really want to know.

thanks bunches.

 

[Street Philosopher]

hello I am a new member and although i know the search button is on the upper right of the page, i think i am special and people should serve me and so i am making this new thread asking the same question that has been answered 100 times before. the reason for my long disclaimer is that even though in reality i'm a lazy bastard wasting bandwidth and trying everyone's patience, i do not think i should get flamed for it. i mean, it worked for me when i was young and i would kick my little brother in the head and my mom would find out, and i would say, i know what i did was wrong and she would be like, ok, cool. so i figure i can do this with other things in life. so please, answer my question which is as follows:

I have a 0.0 gpa and 3L mcat...

 

[Nefertari]

Originally posted by Street Philosopher
hello I am a new member and although i know the search button is on the upper right of the page, i think i am special and people should serve me and so i am making this new thread asking the same question that has been answered 100 times before. the reason for my long disclaimer is that even though in reality i'm a lazy bastard wasting bandwidth and trying everyone's patience, i do not think i should get flamed for it.

check out the thread where 90% of your questions will be answered (guaranteed!) or I do something else besides feeding ya w/ this spoon!

(Btw, Tweetie, don't let it get to ya--eurotrash is still trash)

 

[Street Philosopher]

hello my name is mightyratjoe and my lab partner is foghorn and we like to post under each others' names and act like assclowns. i got in early decision to wale school of medicine and my penis immediately grew 3 inches. now with my 4 inch penis i feel fit to rule over all in the pre-allopathic forum and offer my profound insight about how to appear genuine and not be the kind of assclown i prove myself to be on these forums.

just kidding, this is foghorn posting under mightyratjoe's account, i guess i fooled everyone. hahaha i am so funny i pissed in my pants. hey mightyrat give me my lab notebook back or i will tell soapywater to post bad things about you on the forums. hahaha

 

[Street Philosopher]

now for my 1999th post i will bid adieu. i am not leaving but i've been posting so much (garbage) lately that i think this is a good time for a hiatus. please do not mock me if by weakness of will i return like a day later. 😎