Originally posted by roady
G-D Damn It F*&^ This Stupid Post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so F*&$*& Sick of Medical School I am ready to stand up and scream at the lecturer, "Shut the F(*^*& Up" , and have restrained myself on a few particularly low self-control situations induced by cramming and lack of sleep.
Look. I F(*&*& (YES! My favorite word has become F^*k!!) have studied my a$$ off the first year. It was hell. I just passed B-chem. Then physio. What a piece of sh(*& year it was. I can't begin to tell you how many times I fell asleep in my chair while studying, how many times I went to lecture on 3 hours sleep and fought like hell to stay awake, how many times I gave it EVERY OUNCE OF MY WILL I COULD MUSTER..............just to crawl across. I mean like # 94 of 97 or something. Totally pathetic. Totally heroic? Totally impossible.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I just have no brains for this stuff. I thought I wasn't that dumb a guy until I tried this crap. Holy freakin' cow. There has been little I could say to explain how incredibly hard this has been...And in comparison to others in this post (I read like 2/3s, and then went especially balistic after reading Pandas wise and calm stuff...I AM SO JEALOUS! I CAN'T do that and still PASS!!).
I think I am only here because of sheer willpower. I have a goal, and I also have the prospect of being left behind for a year/kicked out. In our current class, there are several people held over from last year, and more might have flunked out.
The most difficult part is, it's getting harder. It might get harder yet. F(&^(*& This ****! The only thing I can do is attend every hour of lecture (virtually), every damn lab, then review it all at least once, and then try to review it all again once before the test. Then comes the waiting to see if I narrowly passed. When it's this painful, the temptation is to just let it slide for once. That might be the hardest part--there's no break, there's no day off--there's no room for error. None (but you still take time off because it just gets too crazy sometimes). If there was one really bad test, for me, it might not be possible to make it up again for the whole year. Great! Just f*^*& great. Look, the analogy is I already have my pedal to the metal, and this baby is just barely cranking out the mph I need to get up this hill. And it's getting steeper...
If you can do it on 2 hours a day, bless you. I wish I could too. My post summary: studied/study all the time to just barely pass (sometimes), struggling to hang on and just barely make it through while the foundation crumbles just under my feet. G-d help me and you, and say a prayer for me (and I say one for you).
Goodnight, and joy be with you (I do what I can on that account, believe it or not).
P>S> F*^(% all the critical and non-understanding people who are going to read this post and say something stupid about it in advance. A$$ Os. ("Forgive them, for they do not know"...OK, I'll try).