annoying, condescending classmates--or is it just me?

[oompa loompa]

lots of ranting below:

So, I can think of 3-4 people I regularly interact with in class--not friends, just classmates--who like to comment on how tired I look, or how I shouldn't panic about XYZ (usually whatever we're talking about), or how I should stop working so hard. The funny thing is, I don't see or talk to them outside of class, so I don't get how they would know my sleep/study/stress patterns. I guess they're doing it to be helpful, but it feels condescending most of the time, and I honestly don't think I'm more stressed out than they are. We're all in med school, under the same time constraints with the same overload of material. The thing is, I know I can look stressed or unhappy, b/c that's just the way my face is built. As a kid, my parents were constantly berating me for pouting and looking like "the world owed me a million dollars."

Anyway, maybe I give some people the impression that I am working too hard. Maybe I really do always look panicked about tests, or always look tired, or whatever. Chances are, you have some classmates like that too. The thing is, unless you have real sympathy or constructive advice to give, I don't really want to hear about how tired you think I always look. It's not helping anything, and you're just bringing attention to something I'm already self-conscious about.

End of rant. I really am curious though...have any of you encountered classmates who seem to like to bring to attention the fact that you look stressed? It is so annoying, and the funny thing is, none of them are my friends or people who have any reason to care about me at all, so it seems almost malicious to be bringing attention to this. It's like, "Yeah, I already know how stressed or sleep-deprived I am. Thanks for the reminder that everyone else can tell too!"

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[medicomel]

lots of ranting below:

So, I can think of 3-4 people I regularly interact with in class--not friends, just classmates--who like to comment on how tired I look, or how I shouldn't panic about XYZ (usually whatever we're talking about), or how I should stop working so hard. The funny thing is, I don't see or talk to them outside of class, so I don't get how they would know my sleep/study/stress patterns. I guess they're doing it to be helpful, but it feels condescending most of the time, and I honestly don't think I'm more stressed out than they are. We're all in med school, under the same time constraints with the same overload of material. The thing is, I know I can look stressed or unhappy, b/c that's just the way my face is built. As a kid, my parents were constantly berating me for pouting and looking like "the world owed me a million dollars."

Anyway, maybe I give some people the impression that I am working too hard. Maybe I really do always look panicked about tests, or always look tired, or whatever. Chances are, you have some classmates like that too. The thing is, unless you have real sympathy or constructive advice to give, I don't really want to hear about how tired you think I always look. It's not helping anything, and you're just bringing attention to something I'm already self-conscious about.

End of rant. I really am curious though...have any of you encountered classmates who seem to like to bring to attention the fact that you look stressed? It is so annoying, and the funny thing is, none of them are my friends or people who have any reason to care about me at all, so it seems almost malicious to be bringing attention to this. It's like, "Yeah, I already know how stressed or sleep-deprived I am. Thanks for the reminder that everyone else can tell too!"

nobody's commented on my level of stress, but the fact that about half of the people i talk to in passing about tests/studying, etc. basically act like it was easy and that they have it all together. oh, and let's not forget the uncomfortable sideways glances if i say i didn't go to class and READ the material instead or decided to spend that time studying for an upcoming exam. i really can't stand some of them. anybody with me? please share.

 

[DoctorFunk]

I get along with most people in the real world. Sorry to hear you guys are having problems in that department. Good luck with that.

 

[Dookter]

Thankfully I have awesome classmates in med school, so they don't do that to me. However, in undergrad people used to do it all the time. I remember during one of the earlier breaks home from college I ran into someone from my high school. He said, "Man, [insert name here] said that all you have done since you have started college is sit in your room cramming for exams. That is why you're doing so well." I was like WTF?! First of all, I did not sit in my room cramming for exams. Secondly, I had not seen the person that said that about me since school started, even though we did go to the same college. Things like that seemed to continue throughout college with certain people I knew.

Don't worry about these punks. Instead, spend all your time procrastinating on SDN like me instead of doing your work.

 

[blz]

seems like you're getting defensive about them calling you out on the truth. lighten up a bit, dude. they're probably just messing with you. you can't change them, you can only work on your own insecurity.

 

[outofhere]

Ah, the beauty of projection.
Allow me to illustrate: I had a colleague who went on vacation. When he came back, his first patient told him, 'man, you look so tanned, you must have had a great vacation!" 1/2 hour later, he saw another patient who said, "boy, you look tired, it must have been an awful vacation." My colleague had not said anything about his vacation at all.
While I was pregnant, when I strolled through the hospital, I would literally get these comments sequentially, "you look great!" Then, "you look exhausted!" Then, "What an amazing glow!" Then, "Tough being pregnant, huh?"
Chances are, when people who don't know you well say stuff like that, they are really talking about themselves, that they feel stressed, tired...etc.

 

[jbrice1639]

lots of ranting below:

So, I can think of 3-4 people I regularly interact with in class--not friends, just classmates--who like to comment on how tired I look, or how I shouldn't panic about XYZ (usually whatever we're talking about), or how I should stop working so hard. The funny thing is, I don't see or talk to them outside of class, so I don't get how they would know my sleep/study/stress patterns. I guess they're doing it to be helpful, but it feels condescending most of the time, and I honestly don't think I'm more stressed out than they are. We're all in med school, under the same time constraints with the same overload of material. The thing is, I know I can look stressed or unhappy, b/c that's just the way my face is built. As a kid, my parents were constantly berating me for pouting and looking like "the world owed me a million dollars."

Anyway, maybe I give some people the impression that I am working too hard. Maybe I really do always look panicked about tests, or always look tired, or whatever. Chances are, you have some classmates like that too. The thing is, unless you have real sympathy or constructive advice to give, I don't really want to hear about how tired you think I always look. It's not helping anything, and you're just bringing attention to something I'm already self-conscious about.

End of rant. I really am curious though...have any of you encountered classmates who seem to like to bring to attention the fact that you look stressed? It is so annoying, and the funny thing is, none of them are my friends or people who have any reason to care about me at all, so it seems almost malicious to be bringing attention to this. It's like, "Yeah, I already know how stressed or sleep-deprived I am. Thanks for the reminder that everyone else can tell too!"

you should lighten up...get more sleep and don't study so much...it seems to be making you overly sensitive...

 

[cfdavid]

Thankfully I have awesome classmates in med school, so they don't do that to me. However, in undergrad people used to do it all the time. I remember during one of the earlier breaks home from college I ran into someone from my high school. He said, "Man, [insert name here] said that all you have done since you have started college is sit in your room cramming for exams. That is why you're doing so well." I was like WTF?! First of all, I did not sit in my room cramming for exams. Secondly, I had not seen the person that said that about me since school started, even though we did go to the same college. Things like that seemed to continue throughout college with certain people I knew.

Don't worry about these punks. Instead, spend all your time procrastinating on SDN like me instead of doing your work.

The best way to handle stuff like that is to just laugh, and say "oh yeah?". That person obviously has issues, and when you recognize that (not that you haven't), it's easy to laugh it off for what it really is.

 

[cfdavid]

I've had the fortune to have met some great people in med school. I've also met some 2nd and 3rd years just prior to starting school. The people I met were very forthright about what medical school takes. To the extent that I was thinking to myself, "damn, that's a lot of time studying!". But, I appreciated that because it was an honest evaluation of what it takes.

 

[Orthonut]

End of rant. I really am curious though...have any of you encountered classmates who seem to like to bring to attention the fact that you look stressed? It is so annoying, and the funny thing is, none of them are my friends or people who have any reason to care about me at all, so it seems almost malicious to be bringing attention to this. It's like, "Yeah, I already know how stressed or sleep-deprived I am. Thanks for the reminder that everyone else can tell too!"

That sucks I think we all have classmates like that though. I'd hope we all have classmates like mine though, who notice and instead of berating you or talking down to you they might just say "hey Jane, are you ok? Is there something I can do to help you out?" or they invite you over for dinner or something, instead of blabbering on about "you should do XYandZ" they say "hey, I'm worried about X too, do you want to get together and study tomorrow night?" or even just say "hang in there"

I don't know. It's nice down here to just have someone notice and say "I feel ya" and give you an encouraging word (or a hug sometimes) Thankfully, in my class at least, the cool classmates outweigh the asshats.