Any advice will help!!!

[Lolalove]

I've been dating a 3rd yr res for about a year now. I am an engineering student so the fact that we don't see each other often doesn't bother me but I think actually makes it easier bc we both understand. BUT I know he hasn't dated much and he says he cares but when we aren't together it's like he forgets about me. I've met all his friends and I know he finds me attractive but would he really be that busy? I know there isn't anyone else and we live in different cities so if he is that busy should I just wait for him to reach out? I'm really ok if that is the case I've just never been in a situation like this. The reason I haven't gone further with things is because he will be finding out where his fellowship is soon and if he does end up out of state it's an entirely different conversation.

Also.... this may just be more of a general guy question. He seems to be pretty into being married and all his friends are but do a lot of doctors want to hold off until they are finished with fellowship? or are they ok w committing while they are that busy? I'd be happy with it I just don't want him to feel like he missed out

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[Unico]

My husband and I have a similar relationship, in the beginning (and to this day) we lead separate lives and don't require much attention from one another. From my previous relationships, it's certainly different, but it works

Just for clarification, I am the medical student and he is the SO.

From observing my residents, I can confirm that they are overwhelmed. Any time they do get off is either spent moonlighting for extra cash or just decompressing and sleeping. So that's not that strange either, especially if he is in a demanding field such as surgery.

When you're not together, yes, he forgets about you the same way I forget about my husband and child when I'm at work. But, not for one second is the love gone. It's just compartmentalizing different parts of our lives When my son was less than 2 and I was in the hardest semester of medical school I literally never saw him I would leave for school before he woke and returned home after he was asleep. It's not that I didn't want to be with him, but I had to get through the **** in order to provide a better life for him (and not face 100k loans to pay back without the MD to back it up!). Notice I didn't even mention my husband!! He was so abused and overlooked at this time in our marriage -- I would come home and vent about all my problems and he took it like a champ. His selflessness is just as much the reason I succeeded as my studies were. His ability to understand made our relationship work. I wish marriage (or relationships in general) were always 50/50, but the truth is that it's 100/100 and sometimes 0/100

As for you, it just sounds like you want some validation as to where things are going -- that is legit. Just be stoic and state your case. There is nothing wrong with that.

As for the marriage thing -- I think it's not a "guy" thing but more of a personal/cultural thing. Some people get married during med school and others wait until after. Some don't even bother and just have long-term committed relationships. No one-size-fits-all solution for that one. If he wants to get married and you're the one with the reservation, that's a conversation you need to have with yourself

I can attest he is busy. A lot of blogs on medicine articulate how medical professionals cast away their own personal happiness and health to help others. It really is a trade off. We sacrifice so others can be healthy. We're masochists

Good luck and best wishes ️


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[Lolalove]

Really.... THANKS! I think I just needed to hear it from someone else. A lot of people who haven't been in situations like this tend to judge how flexible I am about things so I wasn't sure if I was just being blind about the situation. This situation works perfectly for us.