Any other wives on here feel compelled to be the breadwinner?

[brotherbloat]

Hi there,

I'm married to a resident, soon to become a doc with what we all know will be a doc's large salary, but at the same time, I feel compelled to work full-time at whatever I end up doing, medicine or some other career. I also feel compelled to be the breadwinner. Anything less and I would feel like "less of a woman." Anyone else feel this way too? The thought of him making six figures and me not really makes me feel very bad about myself.

Have any other women gotten comments from well-meaning friends such as: "why are you working so hard at [pre-med]? You should just be a stay at home wife since your husband will be able to support you." Comments such as these, which I get regularly, INFURIATE me!!!! To the point where I no longer tell new acquaintances what my hubby does if I'm asked--I always say he's a high school teacher. And of course I never volunteer the info on what he does for a living. Because I hate getting these comments.

My desire to be the breadwinner, or at least an equal (but hopefully primary) breadwinner certainly does not come from my family background (my mom was, and still is, a stay at home wife.) So I certainly was not raised to think that the woman is the breadwinner--far from it, my parents are highly traditional and conservative, and in fact say the same things to me as I mentioned above!


It's a self-esteem thing for me. Any other women feel similarly? Or am I just weird to feel this way?

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[LADoc00]

Hi there,

I'm married to a resident, soon to become a doc with what we all know will be a doc's large salary, but at the same time, I feel compelled to work full-time at whatever I end up doing, medicine or some other career. I also feel compelled to be the breadwinner. Anything less and I would feel like "less of a woman." Anyone else feel this way too? The thought of him making six figures and me not really makes me feel very bad about myself.

Have any other women gotten comments from well-meaning friends such as: "why are you working so hard at [pre-med]? You should just be a stay at home wife since your husband will be able to support you." Comments such as these, which I get regularly, INFURIATE me!!!! To the point where I no longer tell new acquaintances what my hubby does if I'm asked--I always say he's a high school teacher. And of course I never volunteer the info on what he does for a living. Because I hate getting these comments.

My desire to be the breadwinner, or at least an equal (but hopefully primary) breadwinner certainly does not come from my family background (my mom was, and still is, a stay at home wife.) So I certainly was not raised to think that the woman is the breadwinner--far from it, my parents are highly traditional and conservative, and in fact say the same things to me as I mentioned above!


It's a self-esteem thing for me. Any other women feel similarly? Or am I just weird to feel this way?

Where the hell did the breadwinner expression come from? How is bread representative of $? At what period in US history was friggin bread so scarce that having some was considered a "win"?! For one thing, if Americans ate less bread we wouldnt have so many fat asses running around. So in that sense, you shouldnt be a bread winner because you will likely just get fat, fat and tired from working.

 

[tlew12778]

I feel the need to work, but not be the 'breadwinner'. I mean, I just don't see it as a competition of who makes more. What difference does it make?

I also cannot stand when people just assume I could be a SAHW/M just bc FH is a dr. Firstoff, he just started residency, so money will not be rolling for a few years. Secondly, who's to say that that's my personal desire? I have ZERO desire to stay at home with the future kids. I don't want to be a bad mom but I would be a worse mom if I were at home all the time bc my self-esteem would be shot. I take pride in my professional life and it's a crucial part of my identity, but that's about it... my self-worth is not a function of how much I make... simply that I make something ya'know?

Look at it this way, if you were single, would you be happy making whatever you were making, or would you always be striving to make more? Who would you be competing against?

 

[alison_in_oh]

I currently feel compelled to earn a salary (WHY DO WE USE THAT PHRASE WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS SODIUM IS BAD FOR YOU) because my husband cannot. When he's making a resident's income I may or may not feel that I need to bring money in for us to maintain our standard of living (depends on the cost of living where we end up).

I sort of feel pressured to have career plans and whatnot in order to live up to my "potential". So I've got some plans that I'm willing to spout off if asked, but in all honesty I'll be perfectly content if I don't hold down a paying job anytime soon.

I feel a little guilty putting the burden of bringing home the bacon (AUGH, THE SATURATED FAT!) on my sweetie, but I think that with our relatively modest standards, he shouldn't feel compelled to work long hours or whatever just to be able to provide.

But, um, that's all between me and my hubby. Anyone who wants to tell me whether I should or shouldn't be a homemaker or whether I should or shouldn't aim for an equally "impressive" career, can go suck a lemon.

 

[llort]

Hi there,

I'm married to a resident, soon to become a doc with what we all know will be a doc's large salary, but at the same time, I feel compelled to work full-time at whatever I end up doing, medicine or some other career. I also feel compelled to be the breadwinner. Anything less and I would feel like "less of a woman." Anyone else feel this way too? The thought of him making six figures and me not really makes me feel very bad about myself.

Have any other women gotten comments from well-meaning friends such as: "why are you working so hard at [pre-med]? You should just be a stay at home wife since your husband will be able to support you." Comments such as these, which I get regularly, INFURIATE me!!!! To the point where I no longer tell new acquaintances what my hubby does if I'm asked--I always say he's a high school teacher. And of course I never volunteer the info on what he does for a living. Because I hate getting these comments.

My desire to be the breadwinner, or at least an equal (but hopefully primary) breadwinner certainly does not come from my family background (my mom was, and still is, a stay at home wife.) So I certainly was not raised to think that the woman is the breadwinner--far from it, my parents are highly traditional and conservative, and in fact say the same things to me as I mentioned above!


It's a self-esteem thing for me. Any other women feel similarly? Or am I just weird to feel this way?

so , what career field are you in now that has this 6 figure potential?