Anyone ever date their attending??

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MediCane2006

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Just curious...I have an extremely good-looking, young, single, straight attending and have noticed some chemistry between us. I would probably never even consider taking our relationship beyond the purely professional (don't want to deal with the ethical ramifications). But I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar situation, and if so, what happened? Is it okay to see each other after the rotation is over and grades have been submitted? Or is that just inexcusably unethical??

Inquiring minds want to know....
 
MediCane2006 said:
Just curious...I have an extremely good-looking, young, single, straight attending and have noticed some chemistry between us. I would probably never even consider taking our relationship beyond the purely professional (don't want to deal with the ethical ramifications). But I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar situation, and if so, what happened? Is it okay to see each other after the rotation is over and grades have been submitted? Or is that just inexcusably unethical??

Inquiring minds want to know....

A woman in the med school class just ahead of mine married the chairman of surgery at Cook County Hospital, where we rotate. I'm not sure how they met, but we worked together on the same team (she was an intern). When we needed something done NOW all she had to do was drop her married name! Not bad in a hospital where you had to twist arms just to get a blood draw.
 
powermd said:
A woman in the med school class just ahead of mine married the chairman of surgery at Cook County Hospital, where we rotate. I'm not sure how they met, but we worked together on the same team (she was an intern). When we needed something done NOW all she had to do was drop her married name! Not bad in a hospital where you had to twist arms just to get a blood draw.

That's low class. What a ho bag. Hey, just because she spreads her legs for the chairman at night, doesn't mean that people should give her more respect. 👎
 
kinetic said:
That's low class. What a ho bag. Hey, just because she spreads her legs for the chairman at night, doesn't mean that people should give her more respect. 👎

Like it or not...this is how life is. I suggest you get used to it.
 
Fermata said:
Like it or not...this is how life is. I suggest you get used to it.

Yes, the lesson here is to accept the way life is and never ask for improvement. Marvelous interpretation. My hat is off to you, sir! You are a gem, a hero amongst men and a scholar.
 
kinetic said:
Yes, the lesson here is to accept the way life is and never ask for improvement. Marvelous interpretation. My hat is off to you, sir! You are a gem, a hero amongst men and a scholar.

I'm afraid you have the wrong perspective on this. It is still possible to live a life based around your world view. But expecting the rest of the world to conform to it is laughable.

And yes....it does suck. Women can get by on looks/sex output....for a while.

I swear...if I had a set of breasts I'd be getting free meals, movie tickets, etc. all the time.
 
Fermata said:
I swear...if I had a set of breasts I'd be getting free meals, movie tickets, etc. all the time.

Grow some man boobs.
 
Fermata said:
Women can get by on looks/sex output....for a while.

I like it when they get all old and people just kick them to the curb for some fresh meat. That'll learn 'em good.
 
but then you turn your attention from the old towards the new and your complaints resurface. is this what you call progress??

you seem happy about this... perhaps in some twisted sort of way you find pleasure in a person's suffering but, still no "changing of the world" has occured... same problem is just repeated...

perhaps you should not be upset at the women who allow men to use them, but rather at the men that allow themselves to be seduced by women? that seems to be where the problem originates...

edit: that is not at all to be confused with me who is actually seeking out a date before even being seduced.... any takers?? *crickets churping in the background* ... sigh..... 😉
 
You should commence flirting now, but wait to go out with him until after the rotation.
There is nothing at all wrong w/ dating an attending...it might be prudent to wait till the end of the rotation though. People like kinetic ($hit-talkers) may be on your service.
 
MustafaMond said:
You should commence flirting now, but wait to go out with him until after the rotation.
There is nothing at all wrong w/ dating an attending...it might be prudent to wait till the end of the rotation though. People like kinetic ($hit-talkers) may be on your service.
and what if he reads SDN and sees your pic and post????

😱
 
I had a mild crush on a chief resident when I was a third year. Never did anything about it. BUT, on the same rotation, one of my classmates pursued and ended up in a relationship with the other chief resident. It was quite a scandal, since he was responsible for her grade. I would wait until AFTER you finish your rotation to pursue anything...
 
or you could get involved secretely. though it seems those things always come out... btw if you do, let us know all the juicey details hehe
 
OP, I'd strongly discourage you from dating your attending, even after the rotation is over. Hospitals are small places, word will get around. And if anything goes badly, that word will go around, too. Finally, you're going to make things difficult for the other women out here!

Anka
 
probablly right... however i am free if you are ever in the area... 😍 :laugh:
 
mmmmmm juicy scandal. I LIKE IT!!!! :laugh:
 
First of all, I guess I should clarify that my post was just out of curiosity...I would have to be head-over-heels in love with someone before I'd risk losing the respect of my classmates, attendings, etc by doing something like that (and even then....). It's funny to know that it has happened, though...

And BTW, I don't think it's only GIRLS who flirt with their attendings.... 🙄
 
Fair or unfair, while it's not only girls who flirt with attendings, we're the ones who get the bad rap for it.

Anka
 
I hope my attending/resident/intern/nurse/resp therapist/ that lady that just walks around the hospital and no one knows exactly what she does/social worker ?..is hot?..hahaha

But it wouldn?t hurt if my intern is hot though?not that I would flirt or anything?..but it just makes it easier to actually make eye contact or smile when the other person is banging?..
 
There is so much kerchanging going on in the hospital it's like a freaking porno. Just be careful though because I have seen it go extremely bad for the female. The male becomes the conqueror of all poontang, but the female is left brokenhearted when the relationship ends.
 
yeah, the whole system is screwy. I'd say date him--who gives a damn what others think if you genuinely like him, you are alive only once and you are young only once--if you care about everything people think about you, you might as well exist in a vacuum. plus you are only human and entitled to like anybody you want. He isn't the one who determines your grade--clerkship director does (unless this is a clerkship director, then it gets interesting!)
But, whatever...for every underservingly ****ty eval you get, you might as well get a good one just as underserving--they will balance out at the end justice-wise. But then--my advice--watch out for self-absorbed personalities (i.e. make sure this attending does not use you as an ego boost) and that a similar pattern has not existed with another medical student. Power corrupts...
 
These are true stories from my school / residency

1. This first year med student was already married to a cardiology attending right when she started med school. She must have met him when she was doing research with him as an undergrad. By the end of med school, they had two babies.

2. During 3rd year, one of our classmates (female) was asked out by surgery chief resident. They are now happily married with one child.

3. During 4th year, one of our classmates (female) was asked out by urology resident. Now married with one child.

4. One of the chief residents from OB (female) dated a 4th year med student. Now married. This was particularly scandolous because of the double standard about more senior females dating more junior males, but it all turned out OK.

5. This 4th year med student divorced his wife and married an older surgery resident. this was really weird and scandalous at the time


Personally,
When I was a 3rd year med student, after the rotation i briefly dated a psych resident who was my intern when i was on medicine rotation.

Later, when I was a resident, I briefly dated two med students and one of my interns. With the two students, it was always after their rotation that we started dating. Plus residents don't really have that much say in the student's grades, although granted we probably affect their overall learning experience, so there's some dangerous issues there. As for the intern dating (when I was a R3), we kept that complete confidential and it didn't go anywhere. With these three, there were never any hostilities nor repercussions, probably because they never got too serious.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THESE?
Bottom line, males and females enter into relationships in all environments. As long as you observe the proper appropriateness (no fraternizing with people while they actively have impact on your career / grade) etc AND proceed slowly and maturely so that there is no extreme drama if things don't work out, I say it's all good.

The bad things are when students use their charms to get a better grade etc, OR if residents exert pressure in a predatory manner.

Just my opinion.
 
MediCane2006 said:
Just curious...I have an extremely good-looking, young, single, straight attending and have noticed some chemistry between us. I would probably never even consider taking our relationship beyond the purely professional (don't want to deal with the ethical ramifications). But I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar situation, and if so, what happened? Is it okay to see each other after the rotation is over and grades have been submitted? Or is that just inexcusably unethical??

Inquiring minds want to know....

I'd look up your school's policies first and see what they say about these types of issues. One of you could get in trouble, and I'm sure neither one would want that.

Otherwise, I suppose the cleanest way to get out of this is to wait until after the rotation and the submission of your grades.
 
I only *wish* I did. What is it about men in positions of great power anyway? 😍 😍
 
MediCane2006 said:
And BTW, I don't think it's only GIRLS who flirt with their attendings.... 🙄

Interesting. Why is it that WOMEN are the ones who keep posting "touchy-feely" threads like this. You know, all this c**p about relationships/marriage/"love" (yeah, whatever 🙄 ).

How many DUDES did you meet who ACTUALLY "flirted" with their attending? Did you mean WOMEN attendings flirting with student DUDES? 😴

Good Luck, though.
 
I am sorry If my previous post came accross as too harsh. I really did not mean that. 😳

Good Luck. :luck:
 
MediCane2006 said:
Just curious...I have an extremely good-looking, young, single, straight attending and have noticed some chemistry between us. I would probably never even consider taking our relationship beyond the purely professional (don't want to deal with the ethical ramifications). But I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar situation, and if so, what happened? Is it okay to see each other after the rotation is over and grades have been submitted? Or is that just inexcusably unethical??

Inquiring minds want to know....

Tacky..... 🙄
 
Anka said:
Fair or unfair, while it's not only girls who flirt with attendings, we're the ones who get the bad rap for it.

Anka

Oh please! We all know how much more common it is for women to date older men compared to men dating older women. That's just the natural way of things in our societies. Likewise, it's much more common for girls to flirt with their older male attendings then it is for guys to flirt with their older female attendings.
 
Nah, Leukocyte, you've actually got a good point in that most "touchy-feely" threads that I've seen ARE posted by girls. I don't know that that proves anything, though...I could make the case that it just shows that girls question the moral implications of their actions, whereas guys just think with their....well, you know.... 😉

:laugh:
 
Leukocyte said:
How many DUDES did you meet who ACTUALLY "flirted" with their attending? Did you mean WOMEN attendings flirting with student DUDES? 😴

Good Luck, though.
Why not ask a better question: How many DUDE RESIDENTS do you know that ACTUALLY FLIRTED with their med students?

A sh*tload. It's the way of the world. What is all this outrage about anyway? Is this a case of the uglies out there feeling left out or something? 😉
 
praying4MD said:
Why not ask a better question: How many DUDE RESIDENTS do you know that ACTUALLY FLIRTED with their med students?

A sh*tload. It's the way of the world. What is all this outrage about anyway? Is this a case of the uglies out there feeling left out or something? 😉


Hee. :laugh: 👍
 
I know a particular surgical resident who has shagged at least two of HER med students - I was one of them 😀

grooooooooovy baaaaaaaby
 
austin06 said:
I know a particular surgical resident who has shagged at least two of HER med students - I was one of them 😀

grooooooooovy baaaaaaaby

oh, so it was u she was complaining of....hmm....such a small world :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
praying4MD said:
Why not ask a better question: How many DUDE RESIDENTS do you know that ACTUALLY FLIRTED with their med students?

Yes, I witness this all the time. The student chicks get most of the attention, while the dudes are whistling in the background. Sometimes, when I am alone with a male resident, he "opens up" and starts telling me how "hot" his student chick is, and how lucky he was for not getting a dude to follow him, and got a chick instead. Some of these residents are married!!! 😱 It pathetic.....Oh well, once a dude, always a dude. 🙄

HOWEVER, this thread is about medical student-attending relationships. Not medical student-resident relationships. There is a difference. A resident practically has no power over the grade other than providing some input that the attending might or might not use. It is usually the attending who has the final word on the grade, and here, my friend, lays the difference.

praying4MD said:
Is this a case of the uglies out there feeling left out or something? 😉

Hmmmm. This is a case of "ethics", my friend. And "Uglies"?!!! Dude, I live in Miami, for crying out load. There are no "uglies" in Miami. It's against the law. :laugh:

(Do not get mad, praying4MD. It is not my intention. We are here to have "fun discussions", not to get mad from one another, I am sorry if I did get you mad)

Seriously though, MediCane2006, if you like the dude, then I really do not see any problem with you two "going out" AS LONG AS, he has no input on your Grades, Recommendations, or any outcome that might suggest an "ethical breach." So basically, I think your relationship would be "ethical" as long as HE IS NO LONGER YOUR ATTENDING.

Good Luck.
 
MediCane2006 said:
Just curious...I have an extremely good-looking, young, single, straight attending and have noticed some chemistry between us. I would probably never even consider taking our relationship beyond the purely professional (don't want to deal with the ethical ramifications). But I was just wondering if anyone's been in a similar situation, and if so, what happened? Is it okay to see each other after the rotation is over and grades have been submitted? Or is that just inexcusably unethical??

Inquiring minds want to know....

I guess I would ask... Hypothetically, if things were to go badly as far as a relationship, would it be possible for the attending to adversely affect your grade/evaluation/LOR/etc. in any way if he wanted to? If the answer is no, then I would say that the opposite is probably true (no way for him to positively affect you in those areas). Once you reach that point, I'd say go for it if you want to.

Just my two cents...
 
It amazes me how highly educated people can converse so unintelligently.
 
Hey, this is an interesting thread. As always, some success stories and some not so successful stories. I think there is alot of natural flirting that goes on anyway, when people are working had and are stuck together all day.

I remember when I was a volunteer in an emergency room. I was totally in serious crush about the attending who was, mysteriously, always on when I was on. I thought he was a little odd, and why was he always following me, staring at me - I was sure at first, that I had totally offended him or done something really stoopid and he was staring at me like that because he couldn't believe what a doofus I was. 🙂 You know, the usual stuff ... and besides in this ER we volunteers were NOT allowed to talk to the doctors 🙄 which was totally stupid but the rule, blah blah.

It turns out someone told me HE had a super crush on me. Did I ever do anything? No, and neither did he. No way was I going to jeopardize my nascient pre-med career and a fine recommendation from my volunteer coordinator. Was I a chicken? maybe, but then so was he - and HE was the guy in charge. So many people to date, I would be very careful and maybe wait until the coast is clear and you're out of any possible backlash danger.

I don't think all attractions have to go anywhere - but it's awesome when they do! Trust your instincts and check him out, if he's a decent guy he'll still be there when you're done. Just start by being friends (do I sound like someone's mother?!), and you can't go wrong either way.
 
Definately a NO-NO while youa re on the rotation and grades are pending. Give it some breather time. After that, its nto that big of a deal. However, you will have to realize a few things:

Recognize the potential power difference.
do not ask for letters of rec from this person.
Could be tricky if this is a field you want to go into.
 
While I'm intrigued by all the different opinions (and gossip!) that's been posted, I do have to reiterate once again that this question was posed purely as a matter of curiosity - I personally wouldn't consider pursuing a personal relationship with an attending, and even a resident would probably be out of the question as well. I think Fermata summed it up pretty succinctly back on Page 1 of the thread :laugh:. But for anyone who did manage to pull it off, without any ethical backfires, 👍 !

On re-reading my original post, I think the line "Is it okay to see each other once the rotation is over" made it sound like a personal as opposed to an intellectual question. The lesson being that you shouldn't type a post when you're post-call 🙄
 
In the corporate world, much like the more graphic military slogan, they say:

Don't dip your pen in the company ink...

My answer, as above. 👎
 
GeneGoddess said:
I had a mild crush on a chief resident when I was a third year. Never did anything about it. BUT, on the same rotation, one of my classmates pursued and ended up in a relationship with the other chief resident. It was quite a scandal, since he was responsible for her grade. I would wait until AFTER you finish your rotation to pursue anything...[/QUOTE

I bet she got a really great grade, huh
 
Fermata said:
I'm afraid you have the wrong perspective on this. It is still possible to live a life based around your world view. But expecting the rest of the world to conform to it is laughable.

And yes....it does suck. Women can get by on looks/sex output....for a while.

I swear...if I had a set of breasts I'd be getting free meals, movie tickets, etc. all the time.



Unreal. Its not like the woman dropped to her knees in his office, obviously there was more to the situation than personal advancement or lust. They're married. Unlikely she went through all thr trouble just to get the lab to rush her orders.
 
MediCane2006 said:
While I'm intrigued by all the different opinions (and gossip!) that's been posted, I do have to reiterate once again that this question was posed purely as a matter of curiosity - I personally wouldn't consider pursuing a personal relationship with an attending, and even a resident would probably be out of the question as well. I think Fermata summed it up pretty succinctly back on Page 1 of the thread :laugh:. But for anyone who did manage to pull it off, without any ethical backfires, 👍 !

On re-reading my original post, I think the line "Is it okay to see each other once the rotation is over" made it sound like a personal as opposed to an intellectual question. The lesson being that you shouldn't type a post when you're post-call 🙄


I think its a matter of being cautious: the hospital community is small enough that you have to assume that anything you do personally will be found out by all. After a rotation if there is still chemistry and you feel motivated to get to know him better it may be worth it to meet for coffee etc. Best to proceed with caution sexually, as people assume the worst.
 
Who are these lame@ss people who care so much about what others do?
 
Are you talking about those silly administration people that don't want individuals who are in charge of others grades potentially abusing the power? Trading grades for sexual favors?


Those ethics are so lame.
 
roja said:
Are you talking about those silly administration people that don't want individuals who are in charge of others grades potentially abusing the power? Trading grades for sexual favors?


Those ethics are so lame.


What I think is lame is when the activities of two consenting adults who are acting in a mature and responsible way become juicy gossip for others, possibly because they don't have enough interesting stuff going on in their own lives. I'm not talking about abuses of power or anything like that.

I'm sure you know that people in med school/the hospital sometimes regress into a high school type mentality about things they should be mature enough to deal with in a better way. I don't think it's cool. I'm definitely more of the "what people do in their own home is their own business" mindset.

Again, I am not talking about sex for grades; just "normal" relationships---I know they may not always be totally based in equality, but that's true anywhere in life, not just the hospital.
 
Well, unfortunately, gossip is one of those things that everyone condemns and most people do anyway. There are two main reasons why *I* dislike it. One is that it tends to make everything it touches seem sordid and ugly, when it may in fact be completely the opposite. The second is that old gossip has a shelf life longer than a can of SPAM, and it's just wrong for a good thing in someone's life be poisoned by ancient stories that may be only half the truth, or worse, completely false.

But in regard to this particular topic, I'd find it more interesting to know why anyone would consent to be a part of such a cliche arrangement. I think it'd have to be pretty genuine on both sides, to be willing to put up with all the cr@p they'll both get.
 
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