Army vet corps - heartbroken GF needs help and support

[meadow36]

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Hello everyone,

I hope everyone doesn't mind listening to me, I'm just so heartbroken right now and need to talk. My background - I am 33 years old and going into veterinary school this fall; my BF (soul mate) is 30 years old and has already been a vet for 5 years. He has not found the career fulfiiling in private practice, so he recently joined the army vet corps reserve for six years.

Well, we've been dating about a year, and are very attached and literally perfect for each other. I guess I didn't understand what was really involved with the vet corps reserve, so I didn't worry about it too much in the beginning. He just signed up in January and this week he is at his preliminary information session in GA (I apologize, I forgot the exact name of it) and he is finally finding out more about the deployments and everything else involved. He has been told that it is very likely that he will be deployed for 6 months next year; and in 6 month increments, up to 12 months for every 3 years. This does not include training sessions and other times where he will be gone for several weeks at a time, including for a month this October.

Well - I guess I just had no idea that he was going to be gone for such long periods of time, given that this is the reserve. I guess I also thought that he would only be called if needed (part of this is his fault for not giving me accurate information; I suppose he didn't want to upset me). I am having a REALLY hard time digesting all this. 6 months? I can't imagine being away for that long!!! NOw, let me apologize right now to all of you who have SO's that are gone for a lot longer than that; I realize it could be worse.

I guess my questions are: Does anybody know if that is a typical deployment time for the reserve? Are there shorter deployments? How much notice is given before deployment? Is he likely to go overseas, given he's a reserve vet?

I love him to death, but I don't know if I'm cut out for this. And the other part is, he is absolutely having a great time in GA, making friends, and talking about possibly going active at some point, which is making me sick to my stomach. If he goes active, how different is that from the reserve? I am told reservists actually deploy more often - is that true? I am thinking we could be together more often then b/c he would be assigned to a base and I could live there with him. How often are active army vets deployed from their base? Would it be worse than the reserves?

I'm sorry if this is long and boring, I'm just really at a crossroads and need a shoulder to cry on (literally) as well as some information to help me understand. I'm trying to decide if this is something I can live with or not, although the alternative (breaking up) makes me so ill I want to pass out. Ugghhh help!!

 

[twelvetigers]

I can't answer any questions about the reserve, but I wanted to offer an e-hug. hang in there, and remember how busy vet school will keep you - it won't make it easier, but at least you won't be twiddling your thumbs.

*hug*

 

[sumstorm]

I don't have much to offer, because I don't know much about vet corp...and hubby's military service was quite a while ago and things change.

Obviously, he should have found out more, or shared more about this since your relationship is serious....but now you have to decide how much of a compromise this will be for you. Can you be as excited about what he is doing as he is? Is he excited for what you are doing? It helps to be busy and stay curious about what each other is doing. Sometimes the space helps when one or both of you are stressed....less opportunity to take the stress out on each other...or to feel neglected due to the other being busy.

I am sorry I don't have anything better to offer you. I hope this works out for you and your SO. I hope it proves to be breaks that refresh and invigorate your relationsihp.

 

[Tiempo]

I'm trying to decide if this is something I can live with or not, although the alternative (breaking up) makes me so ill I want to pass out.

Meadow, sorry to hear things are so crappy.

Instead of trying to determine if this is something you can live with or thinking the only alternative is breaking up, maybe ask yourself if this is something you can TRY to live with. Is this relationship worth an attempt at making this arrangement work? Yes, it sucks horribly and will be hard. Would you rather give it a shot and know you tried, or break up and always wonder 'what if...'? Not trying to pressure you to do one thing or the other, as you are the one in your situation, but it doesn't hurt to ask yourself if you think you can try to work with it.

Hoping somebody can give you some more concrete information about active/reserves.

 

[OHlivia]

Don't quote me on this information, but I have been putting a lot of thought into the Vet Corps and Army scholarships for vet school, so I have a fairly decent general grasp on it (I think?). However, if anyone notices any inaccurate information, please feel free to correct me.

I don't believe deployments are any shorter than 6 months. And he is very likely to go overseas. I know if you get an Army scholarship for vet school, you're required to do a certain amount of time overseas, and you're required to do one deployment in the Middle East. But, that being said, the Army's vets are WELL away from any danger zones. Their vets and doctors are very valued (after all, they invested A LOT in their training and education), and the Army isn't about to put them in any unnecessary jeopardy. And one of those overseas deployments could very likely end up in some cool European country, which could make for some cool presents for you. 😛

I think that's about pretty much all I can add to try to answer your questions. I have no idea about the differences between active duty and reserves, but I imagine if he does go active, he may end up with an opportunity get in on something that will keep him in the States. But again, don't quote me on that.

I can totally understand the freaking out-ness though. It's a scary thing, and distance sucks. Me and my boyfriend went to college together, and he just graduated, while I still have 2 years, so we'll be separated by a couple thousand miles that whole time, and then with any luck, we'll have the bittersweet situation of me going to vet school. An Army girlfriend is a tough job, but just remember that if the military what he really wants to do, he'll be SO happy doing it. Military significant others also get really tight with each other, and they can be VERY supportive. I'm not really that good at offering comforting words, but that's my potentially unuseful attempt. 😳

But there are some threads on here all about military vets and the Vet Corps that should have more specific information on obligations. I think a lot of them focus mostly on Army scholarships, but I'm sure there's still something there that'll help you out. And, like twelvetigers said, being busy with vet school will definitely help you out since you'll have something to occupy yourself in between phone calls.

 

[OHlivia]

Here's a few links. They're mostly about the scholarship, but there's a little bit of info about active duty versus reserves.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=519588

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=363650

Hope this helps!

 

[meadow36]

Meadow, sorry to hear things are so crappy.

Instead of trying to determine if this is something you can live with or thinking the only alternative is breaking up, maybe ask yourself if this is something you can TRY to live with. Is this relationship worth an attempt at making this arrangement work? Yes, it sucks horribly and will be hard. Would you rather give it a shot and know you tried, or break up and always wonder 'what if...'? Not trying to pressure you to do one thing or the other, as you are the one in your situation, but it doesn't hurt to ask yourself if you think you can try to work with it.

Hoping somebody can give you some more concrete information about active/reserves.

Hi guys,
Thanks for the kind words and quick responses. Tiempo, yes he is worth giving it a try, and I just got off the phone with him and told him that. I'm just worried that if I wait until after his first depolyment, which is say, a year from now - I'll be THAT much more attached, and it will be soooo much harder to make a move at that point.

But - I love him so much, how can I not try?? And there's always the chance that when he actually gets in there and starts doing it, he will realize that 6 years is plenty. I'm pretty sure I can handle the next six years, but the question is, if he loves it and insists on staying in it, can I deal with it for a lifetime?? I don't know about that. And I can't hold him back from something he loves, either. 🙁

 

[crittergal]

Meadow,

I can completely empathize with you. My husband is the person I come running to when I want to share every little stupid story, the guy that "gets" me an all my quirks, my absolute best friend. While I can't speak too much about the Vet Corp, as my only information has been my pursing them, I am a military wife. My husband was active duty prior to our marriage and is currently a reservist. We have survived three deployments to date, each around 10-14 months in duration. I can without hesitation say that with every deployment, we grow stronger as a couple and I as a person. If you have the type of relationship you describe going into his service, you can certainly make it.

Don't get me wrong- deployments are never easy for either half. There will be days that you just want all the crap to stop and want him to come home. That's part of the deal. There will also be plenty of days that he needs you, whether he's able to say it or not. Even if you aren't able to talk, you can email or mail as often as possible. The letters and care packages are vital to both of you guys, him so he knows you're still there waiting on him, and you to still feel connected.

I personally feel that if one is struggling with choosing between reserve and active duty, go active. Reserve life can be tough. Take for example, his CO's briefing to the guys (and gals) upon arriving home that since they had all been recently deployed they were likely safe from deployment for a couple of years- then fast forward to 6 months later when we find out he is leaving again. It's not that I don't fully support the reservists, I absolutely do. I just feel that it is difficult to create a civilian life around the reserve life when you never really know what's coming. His completion of his masters as a Nurse Practitioner has been put on hold more than once because of deployments. At least as active duty, you have some indication (usually, not always) of how long you'll be stationed somewhere or where you fall for upcoming deployments. Once he has completed his masters, we are seriously considering switching to active for this very reason.

Ok I think that's longwinded enough. Please, if you want more info or just need to talk, PM me anytime.

 

[zpinkpanther]

Meadow, I don't really know anything about the vet corps, but I wanted to offer my support anyway. I know this must be really hard on you, even though I haven't been in a similar situation. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. *hugs*

 

[meadow36]

Thanks for the love and support. 🙂 I know I just have to accept that if I want to be with him then I need to accept that this makes him happy and he wants to do it. It's going to kill me to be away from him, it really is - but - it would devastate me more to lose him completely. I guess I will just have to find a way (don't they give prozac to dogs w/ seperation anxiety?? Hmmm ....😉)

 

[Kate2010]

Hey Meadow 36,

I cannot answer any direct questions about the Army Vet Corp, but here is my suggestion: Almost every branch of the military offers support for soldier's "significant others". This generally means a long time gf, fiance, wife, etc. Ask your bf about that support system. They will be able to break it all down for you - they are very, very, helpful. Secondly, my brother is an officer in the United States Air Force. Do I ever get to see him? About once a year - but Meadow, they have taken such tremendous good care of him! He absolutely loves the military, found his wife while stationed in the south, got a house, etc. The military is not all bleak - that is why there are civillians who devote careers to military service. 🙂 I know it doesn't make the separation any easier, but maybe it'll give you some other things to think about. 🙂

 

[JustCats]

Hi! My husband and I are both reservists (Air Force and Navy, respectively) and the deployment times you describe are possible but not typical. Things come up and units or members don't get deployed. I moved into the IRR (individual ready reserve) so I could avoid being deployed when I was applying to vet school because my unit was scheduled to go to Iraq. They ended up not going but they did mobilize volunteers from the unit. My husband just got back from a 6-month deployment to Iraq in November and he'll be going again in January 2011. They took volunteers for the last deployment but they plan on mobilizing the whole unit next time. Something may come up though and they might cancel the deployment; that's not unusual. Army vets can deploy stateside or anywhere else in the world. They not only treat animals, they also do all of the food inspection for Navy ships and military installations in foreign countries.

I would advise against going active duty. He'd have 3 year accompanied tours and you would have to be prepared to move with him that often unless they have changed that schedule. I was an army brat growing up.

Right now your BF is making friends that he'll need when he's doing weekend duty and deployments. Apart from that, they will be on the periphery and you will be the center of his universe. From my perspective, 6 months is nothing--it goes by really fast. However, it is a life style that I grew up with. It's normal to me. My husband and I are going to live apart for the first two years that I'm in vet school, so temporary separations really aren't a big deal to us. If your boyfriend is literally perfect for you, I hope you'll also find out that time flies. Give it a chance.

(FWIW: I will remain in the IRR for the next four years while I go to vet school. And only the army has vets. I am a Navy logistics officer.)

Hello everyone,

I hope everyone doesn't mind listening to me, I'm just so heartbroken right now and need to talk. My background - I am 33 years old and going into veterinary school this fall; my BF (soul mate) is 30 years old and has already been a vet for 5 years. He has not found the career fulfilling in private practice, so he recently joined the army vet corps reserve for six years.

Well, we've been dating about a year, and are very attached and literally perfect for each other. I guess I didn't understand what was really involved with the vet corps reserve, so I didn't worry about it too much in the beginning. He just signed up in January and this week he is at his preliminary information session in GA (I apologize, I forgot the exact name of it) and he is finally finding out more about the deployments and everything else involved. He has been told that it is very likely that he will be deployed for 6 months next year; and in 6 month increments, up to 12 months for every 3 years. This does not include training sessions and other times where he will be gone for several weeks at a time, including for a month this October.

Well - I guess I just had no idea that he was going to be gone for such long periods of time, given that this is the reserve. I guess I also thought that he would only be called if needed (part of this is his fault for not giving me accurate information; I suppose he didn't want to upset me). I am having a REALLY hard time digesting all this. 6 months? I can't imagine being away for that long!!! NOw, let me apologize right now to all of you who have SO's that are gone for a lot longer than that; I realize it could be worse.

I guess my questions are: Does anybody know if that is a typical deployment time for the reserve? Are there shorter deployments? How much notice is given before deployment? Is he likely to go overseas, given he's a reserve vet?

I love him to death, but I don't know if I'm cut out for this. And the other part is, he is absolutely having a great time in GA, making friends, and talking about possibly going active at some point, which is making me sick to my stomach. If he goes active, how different is that from the reserve? I am told reservists actually deploy more often - is that true? I am thinking we could be together more often then b/c he would be assigned to a base and I could live there with him. How often are active army vets deployed from their base? Would it be worse than the reserves?

I'm sorry if this is long and boring, I'm just really at a crossroads and need a shoulder to cry on (literally) as well as some information to help me understand. I'm trying to decide if this is something I can live with or not, although the alternative (breaking up) makes me so ill I want to pass out. Ugghhh help!!