Attending med school while supporting a family

[Familyman32]

Hello, I'm seeking advice from anyone who attended med school while also having a family. I have been the main breadwinner for my family, but obviously I won't be able to work during school. My spouse stays at home with the kids (we have 3) and has very little earning potential (no degrees nor major work experience). Can anyone offer some general strategies for supporting my family while in school besides just living frugally? Right now the plan is to use whatever is left over from loans but I doubt this will be enough to cover my family's living expenses. Thank you!

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[AttemptingScholar]

It won't be easy, my parents started a family while dad was in residency, so he actually was making a little money, and we were still in school-subsidized housing and got subsidized lunch at school. We didn't have enough beds for everyone or any couches or chairs in the 'living room'. They often relied on the generosity of their parents (which were eventually paid back, but at a much lower interest rate than they would've gotten with banks). My mom very nearly volunteered to test drugs for the extra grocery money, but decided not to.

They got through at a low quality of life because they knew it would improve drastically as soon as he was an attending, but it sucked for a while. A family while you are also paying for medical school? Also not going to be fun. Your spouse may have to get even a minimum wage job to support the family as the primary breadwinner because you're spending money in med school, not making it, and I can't imagine school loans actually giving you enough left over to care for a family of 5.

Editted to add: You can do it. People do it. It just won't be easy. But, if it makes you feel better, once my dad finished wow were our lives good.

 

[Familyman32]

It won't be easy, my parents started a family while dad was in residency, so he actually was making a little money, and we were still in school-subsidized housing and got subsidized lunch at school. We didn't have enough beds for everyone or any couches or chairs in the 'living room'. They often relied on the generosity of their parents (which were eventually paid back, but at a much lower interest rate than they would've gotten with banks). My mom very nearly volunteered to test drugs for the extra grocery money, but decided not to.

They got through at a low quality of life because they knew it would improve drastically as soon as he was an attending, but it sucked for a while. A family while you are also paying for medical school? Also not going to be fun. Your spouse may have to get even a minimum wage job to support the family as the primary breadwinner because you're spending money in med school, not making it, and I can't imagine school loans actually giving you enough left over to care for a family of 5.

Editted to add: You can do it. People do it. It just won't be easy. But, if it makes you feel better, once my dad finished wow were our lives good.

Thank you it's good to hear from someone who experienced it from a different perspective. Also good to hear that you made it out alright in the end.

 

[RangerBob]

One of my classmates was in the same scenario. His wife sold a few things through Etsy, but otherwise couldn’t work because it was a full time job to care for the kids.

They were eligible for food stamps and Medicaid. Take advantage of whatever assistance you can. Rent a small place-maybe all three kids can share a room, depending on age/sex/temperament? But not too small your wife goes crazy. If you have family nearby, get free babysitting and if your wife isn’t too burnt out, she can work a bit.

 

[LizzyM]

Thank you it's good to hear from someone who experienced it from a different perspective. Also good to hear that you made it out alright in the end.

Do keep in mind that the example given is someone who started a family while in residency. That means having the first child after finishing medical school and while making a modest salary. (current median salary in first year of residency is ~$61K) You have three children before starting medical school and facing 4 years of zero income. With that many kids, a working spouse has to be making a very good salary to come out ahead after paying for child-care. That does not seem to be an option for OP.

While the cost of living calculated by the medical schools can be very generous, it may not be enough to stretch to accomodate the housing expenses of 5 people. Have you calculated a budget to determine how much your spouse and kids would need to live on during the 4 years of medical school? Do you realize that with interest, every dollar you borrow to support your family will be paid back with interest using after-tax dollars. You might want to think about how you can reduce what you need to borrow by using savings, living with extreme frugality, applying for government assistance (CHIP, SNAP, etc), or even choosing a career path with a shorter training period.

 

[deleted480308]

My advice is the spouse should work or watch kids in the house for a fee

 

[Med Ed]

Hello, I'm seeking advice from anyone who attended med school while also having a family. I have been the main breadwinner for my family, but obviously I won't be able to work during school. My spouse stays at home with the kids (we have 3) and has very little earning potential (no degrees nor major work experience). Can anyone offer some general strategies for supporting my family while in school besides just living frugally? Right now the plan is to use whatever is left over from loans but I doubt this will be enough to cover my family's living expenses. Thank you!

You are in the 0.0001% of applicants I would suggest considering the military route without a pre-existing interest in military medicine. Check out the Air Force, in particular.

 

[Familyman32]

Do keep in mind that the example given is someone who started a family while in residency. That means having the first child after finishing medical school and while making a modest salary. (current median salary in first year of residency is ~$61K) You have three children before starting medical school and facing 4 years of zero income. With that many kids, a working spouse has to be making a very good salary to come out ahead after paying for child-care. That does not seem to be an option for OP.

While the cost of living calculated by the medical schools can be very generous, it may not be enough to stretch to accomodate the housing expenses of 5 people. Have you calculated a budget to determine how much your spouse and kids would need to live on during the 4 years of medical school? Do you realize that with interest, every dollar you borrow to support your family will be paid back with interest using after-tax dollars. You might want to think about how you can reduce what you need to borrow by using savings, living with extreme frugality, applying for government assistance (CHIP, SNAP, etc), or even choosing a career path with a shorter training period.

Right now we are living my parents rent free. Since it's only a little over an hour from the school I will be attending, we are considering having my wife and kids stay there to save money while I stay in a cheap apartment nearer to campus. If we were to do that we estimate we would only need an extra 15k per year. We haven't figured in food stamps although I will look into that. I should mention my family is not wealthy and are unable to help besides giving us the two rooms where we are currently staying.

 

[Familyman32]

You are in the 0.0001% of applicants I would suggest considering the military route without a pre-existing interest in military medicine. Check out the Air Force, in particular.

It's funny you mention that, I'm an army veteran who received a medical discharge due to back injuries. I would take the military route if I could.

 

[Gilakend]

There was a guy name Student Doctor Thompson on YouTube who did it. Here he talks about it a little bit.



Also:

 

[Familyman32]

There was a guy name Student Doctor Thompson on YouTube who did it. Here he talks about it a little bit.



Also:

Thank you I'll look into this!

 

[Goro]

Hello, I'm seeking advice from anyone who attended med school while also having a family. I have been the main breadwinner for my family, but obviously I won't be able to work during school. My spouse stays at home with the kids (we have 3) and has very little earning potential (no degrees nor major work experience). Can anyone offer some general strategies for supporting my family while in school besides just living frugally? Right now the plan is to use whatever is left over from loans but I doubt this will be enough to cover my family's living expenses. Thank you!

Your fellow students who are also parents will be a great resource. For example, shared baby sitting or carpooling.

 

[LizzyM]

Right now we are living my parents rent free. Since it's only a little over an hour from the school I will be attending, we are considering having my wife and kids stay there to save money while I stay in a cheap apartment nearer to campus. If we were to do that we estimate we would only need an extra 15k per year. We haven't figured in food stamps although I will look into that. I should mention my family is not wealthy and are unable to help besides giving us the two rooms where we are currently staying.

Have you been admitted to this medical school? Are you are prepared to borrow $60K for your family's living expenses knowing that you'll need to earn about $150K , or more, to pay that back? (Plus whatever you borrow for tuition and school related expenses, local rent and transportation).

 

[Familyman32]

Have you been admitted to this medical school? Are you are prepared to borrow $60K for your family's living expenses knowing that you'll need to earn about $150K , or more, to pay that back? (Plus whatever you borrow for tuition and school related expenses, local rent and transportation).

Yes I've been admitted to that one plus a few others, but that one is closest/cheapest. I'm prepared to do whatever it takes. If it means taking out an extra 60k in loans then so be it.

 

[DubbiDoctor]

Yes I've been admitted to that one plus a few others, but that one is closest/cheapest. I'm prepared to do whatever it takes. If it means taking out an extra 60k in loans then so be it.

You sound committed. And with enough determination, you can make it work. You and your family will simply have to make the necessary sacrifices.

 

[Familyman32]

You sound committed. And with enough determination, you can make it work. You and your family will simply have to make the necessary sacrifices.

Thank you. Everyone in my family has sacrificed to get me this far, and I don't plan on letting them down. My advisors told me early on not to worry about financing medical school, and that I'd have plenty of resources available to me when the time came. I'm realizing that guidance is not really accurate for people in my situation, but yes I'm still committed to becoming a physician.

 

[sunshinefl]

I don’t have specific advice, but just stopped by to say that one of my classmates has a stay-at-home wife and 4 kids.

 

[Familyman32]

I don’t have specific advice, but just stopped by to say that one of my classmates has a stay-at-home wife and 4 kids.

That gives me some hope thank you!

 

[RangerBob]

If you’re *only an hour away, you can commute the first two years. I think it’d be a waste and a shame to live near the school and not see your family much. An hour commute is annoying, but very doable M1 and M2. There will be breaks in you day, but you use that to study. Parents I was friends with made sure when they got home they were home and 100% available to their families-no studying left to do. Obviously before tests they might be studying a bit at home of course.

If you do commute, you can use the commute to learn-audiobooks, medical Spanish, etc.

 

[RangerBob]

Also-keep in mind if you live at home and borrow the full cost of tuition, you’ll have a bunch of money you can save. As LizzyM points out, that’ll cost you a lot in the end, but it could help you stash some money to live on in M3-4.

Make sure you guys have at least one newer/reliable car (ideally by residency, if not by M3). Two beaters when you are a resident and have a family isn’t a good place to be in. You can drive the beater so you family has the good car, and then if yours breaks down they can drive you to/from work.

Reliable public transit or carpooling is even better, of course.

 

[Familyman32]

Also-keep in mind if you live at home and borrow the full cost of tuition, you’ll have a bunch of money you can save. As LizzyM points out, that’ll cost you a lot in the end, but it could help you stash some money to live on in M3-4.

Make sure you guys have at least one newer/reliable car (ideally by residency, if not by M3). Two beaters when you are a resident and have a family isn’t a good place to be in. You can drive the beater so you family has the good car, and then if yours breaks down they can drive you to/from work.

Reliable public transit or carpooling is even better, of course.

I've considered commuting but I read others say that living that far away can really affect your ability to keep up with school. It would take up close to 3 hours a day in my case which isn't insignificant. But if you think its doable then I'll reconsider. Good point about the car, I hadn't thought about it but that makes sense.

 

[RangerBob]

I've considered commuting but I read others say that living that far away can really affect your ability to keep up with school. It would take up close to 3 hours a day in my case which isn't insignificant. But if you think its doable then I'll reconsider. Good point about the car, I hadn't thought about it but that makes sense.

I thought you said it was an hour each way. Personally at my Med school, I felt an hour each way would be doable (but not ideal). 3hrs in traffic is quite a bit. I think whether it’s doable really depends on how much time you’re in class (ask current students), and how much sleep you need. Studies will take x time per day, as will family. If there’s a way to study while you commute (take the bus or train), that would be ideal, and in my mind, negate the impact of a 3hr commute, assuming you can study effectively in that setting.

 

[Familyman32]

I thought you said it was an hour each way. Personally at my Med school, I felt an hour each way would be doable (but not ideal). 3hrs in traffic is quite a bit. I think whether it’s doable really depends on how much time you’re in class (ask current students), and how much sleep you need. Studies will take x time per day, as will family. If there’s a way to study while you commute (take the bus or train), that would be ideal, and in my mind, negate the impact of a 3hr commute, assuming you can study effectively in that setting.

It's about an hour twenty. I think maybe I'll live close to campus the first year and then see about moving back the second year. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Birdman15]

M2 here. My wife and I just had our third kid last summer. My wife stays at home with the kids and we’ve managed to survive thus far on loan money alone. It’s doable. Not always easy or fun, but very doable. Lemme know if you have any questions!

 

[Familyman32]

M2 here. My wife and I just had our third kid last summer. My wife stays at home with the kids and we’ve managed to survive thus far on loan money alone. It’s doable. Not always easy or fun, but very doable. Lemme know if you have any questions!

That's exactly what I wanted to hear, thank you!

 

[Gastrapathy]

Look into Voc Rehab if you’re a vet with a medical discharge.

 

[LizzyM]

Do the drive a couple times this month with the goal of arriving at the school at 7:55 am (including parking and walking to the medical school's largest lecture hall) and leaving at 5 pm. Someone I know IRL bought a house he thought was close to school only to find that the traffic around Baltimore was a different beast at rush hour than the rest of the day.

 

[Familyman32]

Look into Voc Rehab if you’re a vet with a medical discharge.

I've already used all but a couple months of my GI bill for undergrad so I don't think I qualify, or so I've heard

 

[Familyman32]

Do the drive a couple times this month with the goal of arriving at the school at 7:55 am (including parking and walking to the medical school's largest lecture hall) and leaving at 5 pm. Someone I know IRL bought a hose he thought was close to school only to find that the traffic around Baltimore was a different beast at rush hour than the rest of the day.

Great idea thank you

 

[CharmCity94]

I have a cousin that was in a similar situation ~ 10 years ago. I'm not sure how old your kids are, but one thing to consider is if your wife getting a low-paying job would actually be worth it if you had to pay for daycare x3 (if they can't stay with your parents). My cousin and his family made it work with just loans while his wife took care of the kids, but they cooked all of their own meals and didn't vacation once. When I asked him if he'd do it again, he said something along the lines of: "Ofcourse. I'd take 4-8 years of scraping by for a lifetime of happiness". Good luck!

 

[Gastrapathy]

I've already used all but a couple months of my GI bill for undergrad so I don't think I qualify, or so I've heard

Those are separate entitlements.

 

[daw05]

I'm in a similar boat as far as SAHM spouse and 3 kids, but (assuming I get accepted somewhere) I should have a little more leeway since I'm going to return to the military. It's great to see this thread and that people have made this happen.

Some things I've looked at to help:
-Scholarships/grants - start looking now at as many as you can apply for or would qualify for. Some schools will cut you a check for whatever you receive above the costs of tuition. There are a bunch available for veterans which will have a smaller applicant pool
-loans - after FAFSA and student loans, you can take out additional personal loans. The terms won't be great, but if it's what you have to do, it's what you have to do. It sounds like you're committed to medicine enough to take this route if you need to.
-Start cutting costs as much as possible now. Two reasons: save money, and figure out what you can do without. It will hopefully make the transition to determined frugality easier when that time comes.
-A poster mentioned babysitting in the home. I don't know a ton about this, but have heard it come up a few times. Even if it is a little income, it all helps.
-If medically discharged, you should be getting some amount of VA benefits. In addition to monthly payments, you should be eligible for care for your medical needs. Check the VA website for other things available to you.

Best of luck, and congrats on getting that acceptance!

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Right now we are living my parents rent free. Since it's only a little over an hour from the school I will be attending, we are considering having my wife and kids stay there to save money while I stay in a cheap apartment nearer to campus.

You don't even need to do that necessarily. I have a very close friend in medical school who lives almost 2 hours away with his family and commutes every morning. On test weekends he stays with one of us in our friend group and studies all weekend. Depending on your goals you might be able to pull it off. It does hurt his academics a bit but he is ok with that and busts his butt with the time he does have and comfortably passes classes.

If you are only an hour away you might be able to do it. It will suck for sure, but it is doable. Another suggestion would be for you guys to move but then your parents watch your kids and have your wife work at least part time.

We have 2 kids and get by almost purely on loans, although I am at school in an admittedly very low cost of living part of the country.

 

[esob]

I've already used all but a couple months of my GI bill for undergrad so I don't think I qualify, or so I've heard

Those are separate entitlements.

Technically true, though both fall under the same 48-month rule for combined education benefits, thus, without the finding of a severe employment handicap, the OP is correct in assuming he won't qualify, since he would not have enough remaining entitlement to complete the degree, which is a requirement for a rehabilitation plan that involves receiving a degree.

All of that prefaces that Gastrapathy has the correct general idea in that you SHOULD still pursue chapter 31 because an exception can be made to the 48 month rule if you are found to have a severe employment handicap (SEH). The largest reason I have seen people not qualify for advanced schooling and SEH finding is that they are currently employed, which, at least by the time you start med school, you will not be. Thus, my recommendation would be that you apply for chapter 31 benefits the moment you are no longer working. It's far from a slam dunk but you stand a chance at getting approved. Feel free to DM me if you have any questions and best of luck.

 

[Familyman32]

Wow lots of great info. Thank you everyone!