Balancing first year

[lady1]

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Dear friends,

I'm a M1.
I have BF of three months, will be living in the same city next week.
We used to see eachother 2-3 times a week.
But I mentioned seeing eachother once a week.

He said that he feared that our connection would get lost.


Should I make more time for our relationship?
How did you balance your time while keeping the relationship going?

 

[deleted480308]

Dear friends,

So I just started first year as a non traditional.
I have a boyfriend of three months, that's will be living in the same city next week.
We used to see eachother 2-3 times a week when I was working. But since a month we toned it down to Friday's and Saturdays.

But now I said maybe we can see eachother only on Friday night till Saturday morning..

He said that he feared that our connection would get lost.

Is he right?
Should I make more time for our relationship?
How did you balance your time while keeping the relationship going?

You need As

You can get into med school without a boyfriend but not without As

 

[stickgirl390]

That’s a tricky one. I personally would place school as my top priority, and if the relationship works out, great. If not, on to the next. It’s a personal choice though, and only the two of you know what’s best for your relationship. Maybe give a date: thanksgiving? Reevaluate then?

 

[DiscusKeeper]

Dear friends,

I'm a M1.
I have BF of three months, will be living in the same city next week.
We used to see eachother 2-3 times a week.
But I mentioned seeing eachother once a week.

He said that he feared that our connection would get lost.


Should I make more time for our relationship?
How did you balance your time while keeping the relationship going?

It's a boyfriend of 3 months. You have to put perspective on that. That relationship should come second to school no matter what. If you were married or had kids, that'd be different. But this is, what in the grand scheme of your life, might turn out to be an insignificant relationship of short duration. You wouldn't want it to derail your studying.

Now, during M1 you do definitely have free time that you can spend with a significant other. I'm not saying you need to end the relationship. Just spend time with each other after you've finished what you need to do for studying that day or that week. I recommend actually planning out how much studying you want to get done each week so you can hold yourself accountable, and also so that you can not think about school during the time you reserve for yourself or for spending with your boyfriend.

Also - you need to think about how you'll handle a breakup during school. I had a long-term relationship end 2 hours before my hardest anatomy exam in M1. It somehow ended up being my best block in the course, but I was literally crying the entire time I was taking the exam lol. Relationships in medical school are fun...

 

[lady1]

It's a boyfriend of 3 months. You have to put perspective on that. That relationship should come second to school no matter what. If you were married or had kids, that'd be different. But this is, what in the grand scheme of your life, might turn out to be an insignificant relationship of short duration. You wouldn't want it to derail your studying.

Now, during M1 you do definitely have free time that you can spend with a significant other. I'm not saying you need to end the relationship. Just spend time with each other after you've finished what you need to do for studying that day or that week. I recommend actually planning out how much studying you want to get done each week so you can hold yourself accountable, and also so that you can not think about school during the time you reserve for yourself or for spending with your boyfriend.

Also - you need to think about how you'll handle a breakup during school. I had a long-term relationship end 2 hours before my hardest anatomy exam in M1. It somehow ended up being my best block in the course, but I was literally crying the entire time I was taking the exam lol. Relationships in medical school are fun...

Yes I'm trying to keep that perspective
So how many hours are logical to spend with him during a week?

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I met this woman almost 6 years ago whom I was interested in. We both had things that at the time were higher priority than a new relationship. I was going to sea a lot, and she had her own stuff. We actually went almost a month without seeing each other in the first few months. Both of us figured if it was going to work, it would work. If not, it wouldn't. Well, almost 6 years and 2 kids later, we're still going.

Your priority has to be getting into med school if that's what you want. If the relationship is strong, it'll work out. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't going to last through really rough rotations, countless nights on call, etc., and you're better off finding that out now.

 

[lady1]

I met this woman almost 6 years ago whom I was interested in. We both had things that at the time were higher priority than a new relationship. I was going to sea a lot, and she had her own stuff. We actually went almost a month without seeing each other in the first few months. Both of us figured if it was going to work, it would work. If not, it wouldn't. Well, almost 6 years and 2 kids later, we're still going.

Your priority has to be getting into med school if that's what you want. If the relationship is strong, it'll work out. If it doesn't work out, then it wasn't going to last through really rough rotations, countless nights on call, etc., and you're better off finding that out now.

Thanks,
So how often would you see eachother at the 3-4 month mark?

And how can I tell him this without him feeling hurt?

BTW I'm already in med school..

 

[Chibucks15]

Yes I'm trying to keep that perspective
So how many hours are logical to spend with him during a week?

School is not the only thing, contrary to SDN belief. Yes its super important but so is your well-being. He's gonna have to be able to handle you being busy a lot but it honestly has helped my sanity and time management to have set times to see my SO. Sometimes Ill have to get up really early or stay up late and go to the date tired or something, but it showed her I was going to work hard to make it work. Its really nice to have someone outside of medical world to talk to about normal things and keep a hold of your non-student life. You never want to be in the position 6 years down the road wondering what could have been. However, if it starts to be a drag on your school performance, nix it real quick, because school still obviously is pretty darn important.

Part of the reason that people get so burnt out is they spend literally all day every day in the pressure cooker that is medical school, and hanging with (most) medical students doesn't help the stress levels either. If you want to give it a shot, then go for it. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, at least you tried. I spent 2 years of distance and it sucked, but we put on timelines and stuff to see each other, usually once or twice a month for a weekend or something. Best of luck OP

 

[lady1]

School is not the only thing, contrary to SDN belief. Yes its super important but so is your well-being. He's gonna have to be able to handle you being busy a lot but it honestly has helped my sanity and time management to have set times to see my SO. Sometimes Ill have to get up really early or stay up late and go to the date tired or something, but it showed her I was going to work hard to make it work. Its really nice to have someone outside of medical world to talk to about normal things and keep a hold of your non-student life. You never want to be in the position 6 years down the road wondering what could have been. However, if it starts to be a drag on your school performance, nix it real quick, because school still obviously is pretty darn important.

Part of the reason that people get so burnt out is they spend literally all day every day in the pressure cooker that is medical school, and hanging with (most) medical students doesn't help the stress levels either. If you want to give it a shot, then go for it. If it works, it works, if it doesn't, at least you tried. I spent 2 years of distance and it sucked, but we put on timelines and stuff to see each other, usually once or twice a month for a weekend or something. Best of luck OP

Thank you
I am also of the opinion of having the balance between medical and outside world.. But I just find it difficult to set a definite time apart.

Your so was long distance.. Mine is in the same city.
So can I expect to see him only on Friday night till Saturday morning?
That's when he said I don't know if we will able to sustain a bond that way... He likes to see eachother twice a week...

How much time would you have spent if he lived in the same city??

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

Thanks,
So how often would you see eachother at the 3-4 month mark?

And how can I tell him this without him feeling hurt?

BTW I'm already in med school..

Oh sorry. Got confused by @sb247's response lol. Then your school is going to suck even more time from you.

At the 3-4 month mark, we were engaged lol. But I was gone pretty much every month for 1-3 weeks of the month. It still worked out for us because we just had faith that if it was meant to work, it would.

It's always best to be upfront and direct. You don't have to be harsh about it, but simply saying that you are enjoying the relationship but will need to put more time into school for now is not rude or harsh. If his feelings get hurt, that's fine. But either he'll understand, or he won't. If he doesn't and gets weird and possessive, move on. You could even invite him to come over while you study some time so he can see just how much time you have to put into school so he doesn't think you're just distancing yourself from him.

 

[lady1]

Oh sorry. Got confused by @sb247's response lol. Then your school is going to suck even more time from you.

At the 3-4 month mark, we were engaged lol. But I was gone pretty much every month for 1-3 weeks of the month. It still worked out for us because we just had faith that if it was meant to work, it would.

It's always best to be upfront and direct. You don't have to be harsh about it, but simply saying that you are enjoying the relationship but will need to put more time into school for now is not rude or harsh. If his feelings get hurt, that's fine. But either he'll understand, or he won't. If he doesn't and gets weird and possessive, move on. You could even invite him to come over while you study some time so he can see just how much time you have to put into school so he doesn't think you're just distancing yourself from him.

He said he felt like I was distancing myself.. He likes to see me once on the weekend and one night a week.

I think it would have been different if I was engaged to him. But he's still a boyfriend of nearly 3 months..so in my mind it's like he's not that invested yet..

 

[lady1]

I just don't know what a healthy amount of hours I should be setting aside for studying.. So I can set the rest for a so aside..

Feeling so lost :s

Any advice on how many hours studying in M1 is reasonable?

 

[Chibucks15]

Thank you
I am also of the opinion of having the balance between medical and outside world.. But I just find it difficult to set a definite time apart.

Your so was long distance.. Mine is in the same city.
So can I expect to see him only on Friday night till Saturday morning?
That's when he said I don't know if we will able to sustain a bond that way... He likes to see eachother twice a week...

How much time would you have spent if he lived in the same city??

The same city might even make things easier...like plan to eat lunch or dinner together then you have to study. It's relatively easy to set aside an hour or two to see friends/SO/family. If you're studying all day, every day you need to refine your study skills. The people that didn't refine and just tried to memorize everything are the ones most burnt out now in second year.

Medical school is overwhelming yes, but I studied a lot less than I was preparing for first year. Some weeks are brutal and I don't see the outside world, but the vast majority of them I'm able to do something after dinner like watch TV or something. Don't end something based on what you think med school will be like, who knows maybe it clicks and you're able to balance both pretty easily. It's normal to be worried about these things but take a deep breath and take it as it comes.

 

[lady1]

The same city might even make things easier...like plan to eat lunch or dinner together then you have to study. It's relatively easy to set aside an hour or two to see friends/SO/family. If you're studying all day, every day you need to refine your study skills. The people that didn't refine and just tried to memorize everything are the ones most burnt out now in second year.

Medical school is overwhelming yes, but I studied a lot less than I was preparing for first year. Some weeks are brutal and I don't see the outside world, but the vast majority of them I'm able to do something after dinner like watch TV or something. Don't end something based on what you think med school will be like, who knows maybe it clicks and you're able to balance both pretty easily. It's normal to be worried about these things but take a deep breath and take it as it comes.

Thanks so much..
I know everyone is different, but how much did you study in hours in M1?

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

He said he felt like I was distancing myself.. He likes to see me once on the weekend and one night a week.

I think it would have been different if I was engaged to him. But he's still a boyfriend of nearly 3 months..so in my mind it's like he's not that invested yet..

I mean, twice a week isn't really that much. But if it's impeding your studying, then it's too much. Is it too distracting to have him just hanging around when you study one night during the week? It might let him see that you're not distancing yourself--that it's just a lot of stuff to learn and requires a lot of work, and after once or twice he'll probably just let it alone.

But if he's getting possessive and defensive about it already, you might want to think about just breaking it off. People grow, particularly in a strong relationship, but that kind of stuff doesn't change. The person they are now is pretty much going to be the person they will be later, excepting some life-changing experiences.

 

[Chibucks15]

Thanks so much..
I know everyone is different, but how much did you study in hours in M1?

It varied based on the class. At most for the largest exams, like 10 hours a day (including lectures and such) for a few days leading up to the exam, and I would get up and start at 530-6 so I could make sure to make dinner/facetime or something with my SO when it was possible. Obviously sometimes I wouldn't be able to get moving that early so my time varied but in general it was that. If I didn't have a looming exam, it would be closer to 6-7 hours a day. I would still try to get up at the same time because then it meant I had more free time in the afternoon. It's all preference but that's what worked for me, and my SO is now my fiancee.

Highly recommend getting up early and cranking some stuff out. Its a good feeling to already have done work before the first lecture of the day

 

[lady1]

I mean, twice a week isn't really that much. But if it's impeding your studying, then it's too much. Is it too distracting to have him just hanging around when you study one night during the week? It might let him see that you're not distancing yourself--that it's just a lot of stuff to learn and requires a lot of work, and after once or twice he'll probably just let it alone.

But if he's getting possessive and defensive about it already, you might want to think about just breaking it off. People grow, particularly in a strong relationship, but that kind of stuff doesn't change. The person they are now is pretty much going to be the person they will be later, excepting some life-changing experiences.

I know logically that it isn't much.
When I was working as a non traditional, it was probably more about 3 times a week.. But then I didn't have any obligations beside work.

Now I've just started medical school.. I get slot of study material and at this point I don't even know if I would make it through first year..

So I'm trying to balance everything, but maybe I just don't know how.. How much I should study and when Im doing too little.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I know logically that it isn't much.
When I was working as a non traditional, it was probably more about 3 times a week.. But then I didn't have any obligations beside work.

Now I've just started medical school.. I get slot of study material and at this point I don't even know if I would make it through first year..

So I'm trying to balance everything, but maybe I just don't know how.. How much I should study and when Im doing too little.

Are you at a US med school?

 

[lady1]

It varied based on the class. At most for the largest exams, like 10 hours a day (including lectures and such) for a few days leading up to the exam, and I would get up and start at 530-6 so I could make sure to make dinner/facetime or something with my SO when it was possible. Obviously sometimes I wouldn't be able to get moving that early so my time varied but in general it was that. If I didn't have a looming exam, it would be closer to 6-7 hours a day. I would still try to get up at the same time because then it meant I had more free time in the afternoon. It's all preference but that's what worked for me, and my SO is now my fiancee.

Highly recommend getting up early and cranking some stuff out. Its a good feeling to already have done work before the first lecture of the day

Thank you..
So was every hour total focus with smartphone thrown away?
And did you take an break for every hour?

 

[lady1]

Are you at a US med school?

No Belgium

 

[Nucleophile1]

I know logically that it isn't much.
When I was working as a non traditional, it was probably more about 3 times a week.. But then I didn't have any obligations beside work.

Now I've just started medical school.. I get slot of study material and at this point I don't even know if I would make it through first year..

So I'm trying to balance everything, but maybe I just don't know how.. How much I should study and when Im doing too little.

I would recommend sitting him down and explaining to him that for the first couple of months, you will need to figure out how much you need to study and that it may vary based on classes, exams. etc. Once you have a handle on the workload and how much you need to study, then you will be able to get into a routine where you see him X amounts of time per week.

He will also need to understand that he will see you a lot less on exam weeks and more on non-exam weeks. I think that for now he should be patient and let you figure out your study routine.

 

[Chibucks15]

No Belgium

My strategy may not work in Belgium, I have zero idea of what the medical education is like there honestly. But I would have my phone far enough away for my self control to kick in, and I would set goals based on material when I could take a break (ex. after 5 lecture passthroughs I can take an hour break, etc)

 

[lady1]

My strategy may not work in Belgium, I have zero idea of what the medical education is like there honestly. But I would have my phone far enough away for my self control to kick in, and I would set goals based on material when I could take a break (ex. after 5 lecture passthroughs I can take an hour break, etc)

Thank you..
I think the material is pretty much the same.. Only we have a lot of group work without clear lectures.
Would have loved it if we had lectures and I could mostly just learn by the slides..

 

[Roverreign]

I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. We started our relationship when I was in school and she was working. Then she started medical school this year, in another city about 2 hours away. Has it made it difficult? Sure, but definitely not impossible. We both realize this is something we want to work towards building and so far are making it work very well given our circumstances.

Every day during the weekdays in the evenings we video chat for about half an hour about our day and then we study through video chat (by that time we are usually both home or in a study space anyways). Weekends either she or I will drive over to see each other for the whole weekend and I spend that driving time listening to audio lectures so it's a nice break from reading all the time. But we still study most of the time together, just that the usual Friday or Saturday evenings we like to take off we will spend it together. And we take the usual breaks together.

Ultimately, I would say relationships in medical school depend on 2 things:
1) You: what is your work ethic, your ability to manage a solid schedule, and to stick to it?
2) Your SO: how understanding are they of our situation? If they "get it", it makes things much easier. Some will say they understand you're busy, but they never really understand what you mean by, "I need to study ALL the time".

If both of those are in check, I don't see a reason why anyone can't maintain a relationship in medical school.

 

[lady1]

I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. We started our relationship when I was in school and she was working. Then she started medical school this year, in another city about 2 hours away. Has it made it difficult? Sure, but definitely not impossible. We both realize this is something we want to work towards building and so far are making it work very well given our circumstances.

Every day during the weekdays in the evenings we video chat for about half an hour about our day and then we study through video chat (by that time we are usually both home or in a study space anyways). Weekends either she or I will drive over to see each other for the whole weekend and I spend that driving time listening to audio lectures so it's a nice break from reading all the time. But we still study most of the time together, just that the usual Friday or Saturday evenings we like to take off we will spend it together. And we take the usual breaks together.

Ultimately, I would say relationships in medical school depend on 2 things:
1) You: what is your work ethic, your ability to manage a solid schedule, and to stick to it?
2) Your SO: how understanding are they of our situation? If they "get it", it makes things much easier. Some will say they understand you're busy, but they never really understand what you mean by, "I need to study ALL the time".

If both of those are in check, I don't see a reason why anyone can't maintain a relationship in medical school.

May I ask what your weekday schedule looks like?
From the time waking up till sleeping.. And how you divide your time in between?

Rationally I think seeing eachother twice a week shouldn't be much.. But then I'd have to have a working schedule.

 

[lady1]

Frankly I feel like the only way I retain information is writing a sentence down multiple times.

But I don't think I can keep up with this method..not knowing how to study in another way..
Just reading doesn't seem to work at all

 

[Frogger27]

You can definitely see them more than once a week???? You dont need to be studying 12+ hours a day during first year.

The important thing is to be efficient in your studying and to PLAN.

Plan and make time for eachother and you could see eachother every day.

Example: Plan on trying to have dinner 2-3 nights a week and then take one weekend evening off.
Class 8-12
Study 12-7
Dinner and hangout with Boyfriend 7-10
Rinse, repeat.

It's not that hard. If you want to spend time with the person you have plenty of time, just plan

This may change a bit during Step studying and third year, but if you get to that point in the relationship there should be a good mutual understanding of what to expect

 

[MrMe123]

Having been in a 3 year relationship when I started school, I think it's a little more nuanced than "we will see each other once a week / twice a week". One week you'll be able to see him three nights, another week 1 night. You need to set expectations up with him that there needs to be some flexibility. People not in medicine will never completely "get" what our lifestyle is like, so you need to make it clear you're not voluntarily avoiding time with him but need to make med school a priority too. Also, you're like a month plus into school, right? You should be starting to get a sense of what routine works for you.

As for how much time you need to dedicate per week to studying, it really depends on the person. I didn't go to class and watched lectures at a faster speed. I spent the week, other than during mandos, at my boyfriend's place and a lot of our hangout time was just us being in the same room both working. Regardless if that dynamic works for you, you definitely should not be locking yourself away and making yourself inaccessible to having a life 24/7 7 days a week during M1 and M2.

And don't listen to the people saying "school over relationship". It's only going to get more difficult during M3 and residency. There's plenty of people in my class who are married and having kids. If they can do THAT, you can do a relationship. Treat yourself a little to being a person

 

[THEBACKANDFORTH]

Yes I'm trying to keep that perspective
So how many hours are logical to spend with him during a week?

If it takes three minutes to have sex, then probably 6 minutes total per week. So 1/10th of an hour per week approximately

 

[themoonman2]

Having been in a 3 year relationship when I started school, I think it's a little more nuanced than "we will see each other once a week / twice a week". One week you'll be able to see him three nights, another week 1 night. You need to set expectations up with him that there needs to be some flexibility. People not in medicine will never completely "get" what our lifestyle is like, so you need to make it clear you're not voluntarily avoiding time with him but need to make med school a priority too. Also, you're like a month plus into school, right? You should be starting to get a sense of what routine works for you.

As for how much time you need to dedicate per week to studying, it really depends on the person. I didn't go to class and watched lectures at a faster speed. I spent the week, other than during mandos, at my boyfriend's place and a lot of our hangout time was just us being in the same room both working. Regardless if that dynamic works for you, you definitely should not be locking yourself away and making yourself inaccessible to having a life 24/7 7 days a week during M1 and M2.

And don't listen to the people saying "school over relationship". It's only going to get more difficult during M3 and residency. There's plenty of people in my class who are married and having kids. If they can do THAT, you can do a relationship. Treat yourself a little to being a person

I agree with all of this. Learn how to prioritize now so that when you have a higher workload- which is going to happen- you can still manage your life. There's more to life than med school, it just has to be your #1 priority.

 

[Angus Avagadro]

What kind of student are you? Did you graduated Summa or did you have to grind out those As? That will have a lot to do with your decision. If you need to grind and have some academic insecurity, make BF aware that Med school is first priority. You worked too hard to get where you are. If As come easy for you, then you would have more time for BF

 

[lady1]

If it takes three minutes to have sex, then probably 6 minutes total per week. So 1/10th of an hour per week approximately

Haha😛
Well, I don't think that is the sole purpose of seeing eachother..

 

[THEBACKANDFORTH]

Haha😛
Well, I don't think that is the sole purpose of seeing eachother..

I actually dont think once a week will be sustainable for him if he's already riled up. So you probably need to make a choice

I do think 3x per week is very sustainable in medical school, but you will be giving up other things.. time to exercise, closeness with classmates, a dinner with some other friends, etc.

All your call. I won't date anyone im not head over heels for in medical school. It's how im prioritizing

 

[libertyyne]

If it takes three minutes to have sex, then probably 6 minutes total per week. So 1/10th of an hour per week approximately

look at Mr.Stamina here.

 

[libertyyne]

There is plenty of time in medical school, you can make time for things that are important to you especially during the first two years excluding dedicated. Year three will be difficult. People make marriages work, and have kids, dogs etc. It is not the end of the world and it is not as dramatic.

 

[THEBACKANDFORTH]

There is plenty of time in medical school, you can make time for things that are important to you especially during the first two years excluding dedicated. Year three will be difficult. People make marriages work, and have kids, dogs etc. It is not the end of the world and it is not as dramatic.

I just wasted 10 min seeing how far i could stretch a marshmallow before it tore.

There're always ways to be more efficient

 

[Chibucks15]

I just wasted 10 min seeing how far i could stretch a marshmallow before it tore.

There're always ways to be more efficient

I'm gonna need those results written up and published. This is the hard hitting information we need in our profession

 

[lady1]

I actually dont think once a week will be sustainable for him if he's already riled up. So you probably need to make a choice

I do think 3x per week is very sustainable in medical school, but you will be giving up other things.. time to exercise, closeness with classmates, a dinner with some other friends, etc.

All your call. I won't date anyone im not head over heels for in medical school. It's how im prioritizing

We talked it over.. Seemed to be some of his own insecurities that played a part.
I just have to set up a schedule and be efficient, I am not at all at this moment. In this month I made up two schedules but could not follow through. Either because I lacked sleep or couldn't find a balance between study time and breaks.

30min study sessions seemed too short and I felt I didn't learn anything.. 1 hour seemed OK for memorizing but for other things also too little.
So nr 1 is finding out how much I should study and how many breaks I should take.

Only then I can make a schedule and plan time for my so and going to the gym

I just feel clueless because I never did plan much during law school. I studied whenever I felt like it and I was single, so could be very selfish with my time.

Any tips on making a schedule that I can keep?

 

[lady1]

And thanks for the replies till now of course🙂

 

[libertyyne]

We talked it over.. Seemed to be some of his own insecurities that played a part.
I just have to set up a schedule and be efficient, I am not at all at this moment. In this month I made up two schedules but could not follow through. Either because I lacked sleep or couldn't find a balance between study time and breaks.

30min study sessions seemed too short and I felt I didn't learn anything.. 1 hour seemed OK for memorizing but for other things also too little.
So nr 1 is finding out how much I should study and how many breaks I should take.

Only then I can make a schedule and plan time for my so and going to the gym

I just feel clueless because I never did plan much during law school. I studied whenever I felt like it and I was single, so could be very selfish with my time.

Any tips on making a schedule that I can keep?

my schedule is study as much as I want to , and then spend time with the SO after exams or spend half a day on weekends. Titrate up or down depending on how you are doing in class.

 

[THEBACKANDFORTH]

We talked it over.. Seemed to be some of his own insecurities that played a part.
I just have to set up a schedule and be efficient, I am not at all at this moment. In this month I made up two schedules but could not follow through. Either because I lacked sleep or couldn't find a balance between study time and breaks.

Have you tried sleeping with his best friend yet to see how he handles that?

 

[THEBACKANDFORTH]

Maybe I’m jaded... but if the SO is concerned about “losing a bond” if he doesn’t see you twice a week (hard not to see a dude who is freaking out about not getting laid regularly), he needs to have a serious change of perspective or he won’t last first year, let alone the rest of med school or god forbid residency. I lived in the same apartment as my now-husband in residency and we maybe saw each other for 10 minutes a day, for months at a time, when I was on night float. So....your dude needs to learn how to play the long game or leave if this isn’t for him.
Unless you have a talk with him about expectations, I foresee a long and drawn out breakup where he makes you feel guilty for studying like you should be doing, and then after stretching things out until it becomes interminable, he meets some chick with an easier schedule and goes “this isn’t working for me.” I say this out of “love,” cause i went through it first year and it’s hell on an already stressed medical student.
Make sure you set expectations now and figure out if he will be okay with it. If he isn’t (or says he is, but constantly gets upset with you for sticking to your schedule), end the relationship immediately; it’s not worth your stress and your future.

my opinion. guy sounds needy and clingy and like he wont handle it well at all. I say have a chat with him about expectations and what med school is like, etc, but break it off if he doesnt follow through.

 

[lady1]

Have you tried sleeping with his best friend yet to see how he handles that?

No.. And I am not planning too, thanks ;-)

 

[lady1]

Maybe I’m jaded... but if the SO is concerned about “losing a bond” if he doesn’t see you twice a week (hard not to see a dude who is freaking out about not getting laid regularly), he needs to have a serious change of perspective or he won’t last first year, let alone the rest of med school or god forbid residency. I lived in the same apartment as my now-husband in residency and we maybe saw each other for 10 minutes a day, for months at a time, when I was on night float. So....your dude needs to learn how to play the long game or leave if this isn’t for him.
Unless you have a talk with him about expectations, I foresee a long and drawn out breakup where he makes you feel guilty for studying like you should be doing, and then after stretching things out until it becomes interminable, he meets some chick with an easier schedule and goes “this isn’t working for me.” I say this out of “love,” cause i went through it first year and it’s hell on an already stressed medical student.
Make sure you set expectations now and figure out if he will be okay with it. If he isn’t (or says he is, but constantly gets upset with you for sticking to your schedule), end the relationship immediately; it’s not worth your stress and your future.


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Thank you, of course I called him out on it for saying that. But he explained that it was more about self doubt and him thinking he was a burden. Guess time will tell if we are meant to be.. But I should have a good schedule first, because I don't have that yet I'm not efficient at all and just think I have to locked up 24/7..but that's not how people pass exams.
Because I'm a non traditional I know a few people but its not like I want to see them outside university.
So my schedule should consist of study, gym, groceries/cooking and a bf.

Shouldn't be that hard right?

 

[lady1]

I was so used to do things on my own pace in law school that Im not really a natural planner. But in med school I have more obligations and exams every 3/4 weeks, so I want to learn it.. 🙂

 

[DiscusKeeper]

Yes I'm trying to keep that perspective
So how many hours are logical to spend with him during a week?

Figure out how much you have to study to feel comfortable on your exams, and then once you have gotten that amount of studying done in a week, you can spend time with him.

For me, if I worked late on weekdays, I could usually take a half day or full day off most weekends. Or a couple hours a night a couple times a week.

 

[lady1]

Figure out how much you have to study to feel comfortable on your exams, and then once you have gotten that amount of studying done in a week, you can spend time with him.

For me, if I worked late on weekdays, I could usually take a half day or full day off most weekends. Or a couple hours a night a couple times a week.

Thank you.. Will do..
I installed the tomato clockwork app.. Already done 2 hours of studying and I'll try to aim for 6-7 hours a day with every hour a short break. Let's see how it goes..

 

[MrMe123]

I tried to make the goal first year of learning how to prepare for exams as efficiently as possible so I could have a life, and once I figured out what works I was able to study probably 4-5 hrs a day on non exam weeks and 8-10 hrs a day on exam weeks, with probably a weekend day completely off. However, my exams were every 2 weeks so it would need to definitely be modified for a 3-4 week schedule.

Trick for me was I downloaded a chrome add-on that let me speed lectures up, and then started listening at 1.5 speed. Every time I started to get too comfortable at the speed I would move it up a little. By M2 I was listening comfortably for most lecturers at around 2 - 2.5 and some in the 3xs. Doesn't work for everyone but if you're auditory like me it could be a huge time saver. Because I got it that fast I was able to listen to every lecture like 3 times before the exam (first time stopping very often to take notes on the lecture pdfs), which was the best way for me to do well and it wasn't a total time suck like reading a textbook, which I'm terrible at

Also though at the same time, noone's routine is going to perfectly mirror anyone else's needs so take that with a grain of salt. But at the very least maybe get used to regularly upping lecture speed as you get comfortable

 

[lady1]

I tried to make the goal first year of learning how to prepare for exams as efficiently as possible so I could have a life, and once I figured out what works I was able to study probably 4-5 hrs a day on non exam weeks and 8-10 hrs a day on exam weeks, with probably a weekend day completely off. However, my exams were every 2 weeks so it would need to definitely be modified for a 3-4 week schedule.

Trick for me was I downloaded a chrome add-on that let me speed lectures up, and then started listening at 1.5 speed. Every time I started to get too comfortable at the speed I would move it up a little. By M2 I was listening comfortably for most lecturers at around 2 - 2.5 and some in the 3xs. Doesn't work for everyone but if you're auditory like me it could be a huge time saver. Because I got it that fast I was able to listen to every lecture like 3 times before the exam (first time stopping very often to take notes on the lecture pdfs), which was the best way for me to do well and it wasn't a total time suck like reading a textbook, which I'm terrible at

Also though at the same time, noone's routine is going to perfectly mirror anyone else's needs so take that with a grain of salt. But at the very least maybe get used to regularly upping lecture speed as you get comfortable

Unfortunately I don't have many lectures with explanatory slides.
I study in Europe and at my Uni they are all about active learning.. So that means, making up questions for yourself based on the material and discussing it in groups. The tutor is a student himself which isn't very helpful either.
I wished I had clear lectures and slides so I had a structure.

Any tips on getting such medical slides or lectures?
I'm watching khan academy which is helpful but they don't explain everything or every subject.

 

[MrMe123]

I wasn't a fan of relying on supplementary materials. At my school, exam questions could only come from the lectures so I would try to spend most of my time memorizing them. Sounds like you have a different setup.