best/funniest insult uttered by college professor...

[cajunchrisbu]

I have heard a few good ones in class so I wanted to see if anyone else has some gems?

Bio I prof
....."Which homozygous recessive idiot does this belong to" .... when taking about a cell phone ringing at the front of the class during an exam

Same prof

....."I use this first test to weed out my better students from the worse by finding the ones with cerebral impermeability...the more severe cases are usually at the bottom."....

anyone else have some good ones?

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[cbrons]

that professor sounds like a d-bag.

The best insults are always the indirect ones. Like if the 40 year old annoying lady in the back of class asks the 100th dumb question of the lecture, the instructor goes, "Well..." (gives everyone in the class a look that says, "what the **** is wrong with this idiot?") then proceeds to answer the question.

 

[MrBurns10]

I was not a strong calculus student and have always had a self-deprecating sense of humor. That helps when this happens in calc class:

Older, sweet female Prof: Ok, burnsie, what is the derivative of x-squared?
Me: Uhh...2x...dx....
Prof: Good, burnsie! You did it all by yourself!

Good thing she asked me an easy one. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been so pretty.

 

[Bacchus]

Some professors are out of line. A economics professor here, so I was told, called a student an *******, jokingly. Everyone thought it was funny. I wasn't in the class, but if I was, I would have reported it. That's not necessary, especially when the student's behavior was rather harmless.

 

[aebvd97]

Some professors are out of line. A economics professor here, so I was told, called a student an *******, jokingly. Everyone thought it was funny. I wasn't in the class, but if I was, I would have reported it. That's not necessary, especially when the student's behavior was rather harmless.

hahaha you would. That explains your moderator-inclinations.

 

[eschaton88]

Some professors are out of line. A economics professor here, so I was told, called a student an *******, jokingly. Everyone thought it was funny. I wasn't in the class, but if I was, I would have reported it. That's not necessary, especially when the student's behavior was rather harmless.

Yeah, I had an orgo professor who called kids idiots for going to office hours and asking for help. It got to where no one would ask him about exam questions after they got tests back because he would just belittle them no matter how well they did. 😡

Other than that I've just had a couple professors stop in class when someone's cell goes off - and then laugh at their ring tones and make fun of their taste in music.

 

[WhizoMD]

Psych Professor this morning answering a question some girl asked about being left handed:
"Its true that left handed people are more highly represented among highly educated populations.....that doesn't necessarily apply to you specifically though...I mean I don't want to give you the wrong idea; I've seen your performance in class, and well.....some people are meant to mop floors for a living and others......" He assured her that it was a joke afterward

Not really an insult but it was kind of funny
Chem Professor: "rambles about electrons and orbitals" ,
then he points to a group of talking students and says : "And these guys don't belong to any orbital!, Watch out you'll get ionized quickly!"

 

[Marjan Islam]

....."Which homozygous recessive idiot does this belong to" .... when taking about a cell phone ringing at the front of the class during an exam

hahahahahahahahaha, that is awesome.

 

[Artimacia]

This was funny. We have a physics teacher at my school that is absolutely terrible. People reported him he told us that it's our fault we aren't learning anything and that we're stupid, etc etc
This time we were talking about math, and a kid was asking about algebra stuff because it had been like 4 years since he took it.

Teacher: "going on and on about something"
Student: Uh...I got a question. I know this is a little simple algebra, but I just can't remember how to do this....'asks'"
Teacher: Oh, that's easy. You should know that already!"
Student: Are you just going to sit there and keep making fun of me or are you going to actually help me?"
Teacher: 'panicking' "Noooo! I'll help!"

Good times with that group in physics

 

[Perrotfish]

We had just finished learning about XXX and XXXX syndromes, when one girl in the class (the three or more questions per class girl) asked something particularly stupid. The professor's response:

"the lesson here is that the more X chromosomes you have, the more ******ed you are"

 

[shindotp]

Professor: "What's the proof for this math statement?"
Student: "It's obvious.."
Professor: "Never say that a problem is obvious because one day the person in front of you is going to turn around and say f*** you!"
*class resumes*
*5 minutes later* Professor turns around to the student: "f*** you!"

HAHA the class cracked up.

 

[BlueElmo]

Some of these are hilarious.

 

[Altruist]

An English professor of mine was discussing a play in lecture. One of my classmates couldn't understand some plot point or something like that. Prof tries to explain it 2 or 3 times, but doesn't get anywhere. Classmate says something about how he still just can't understand it, and prof gives a very literate put-down.

Prof: I'm sorry. I can give no explanation for the absence in your head.

That's one I'm always going to remember.

 

[0Complications]

One of our Orgo professors gives student who score less than a 70% on their first exam their exams back with a signed drop form attached to it...

 

[Evergrey]

My senior sem prof, when I was about to discuss a topic by relating a personal story (it was about how the reality of a culture is often overwritten by scholarship, and the entire point of the discussion was to relate the topic to our own approaches to scholarship):

"F*** your personal anecdote."

I think he was drunk and trying to joke around... but that was really inappropriate to me. Seriously one of the most unprofessional professors I've ever had.

 

[tennisball80]

Professor: "What's the proof for this math statement?"
Student: "It's obvious.."
Professor: "Never say that a problem is obvious because one day the person in front of you is going to turn around and say f*** you!"
*class resumes*
*5 minutes later* Professor turns around to the student: "f*** you!"

HAHA the class cracked up.

You **** with me, you ****in' with the best!

 

[203712]

while walking down the hall the other day one of my old professors, walking by me, pats me on the shoulder and says, "how's it going slumdog millionaire?"

 

[Evergrey]

Are you Indian? If so, that's $$$$ class action lawsuit material babay!

 

[Raryn]

while walking down the hall the other day one of my old professors, walking by me, pats me on the shoulder and says, "how's it going slumdog millionaire?"

lol...

 

[tennisball80]

while walking down the hall the other day one of my old professors, walking by me, pats me on the shoulder and says, "how's it going slumdog millionaire?"

What did you say back like "Good, how about you dog ?"

 

[funwithpuzzles]

Had an organic professor who liked saying "cold finger" and "stopcock"...and this one girl in front of me got the giggles. She said to her friends, "Everything is says is about sex."

 

[Wants2give]

while walking down the hall the other day one of my old professors, walking by me, pats me on the shoulder and says, "how's it going slumdog millionaire?"

hahahahah this **** is soooooo f*ckin funny!!!!!!

 

[Bacchus]

hahaha you would. That explains your moderator-inclinations.

Yup. Only the *******s get the job. 😎

 

[circulus vitios]

This was funny. We have a physics teacher at my school that is absolutely terrible. People reported him he told us that it's our fault we aren't learning anything and that we're stupid, etc etc
This time we were talking about math, and a kid was asking about algebra stuff because it had been like 4 years since he took it.

Teacher: "going on and on about something"
Student: Uh...I got a question. I know this is a little simple algebra, but I just can't remember how to do this....'asks'"
Teacher: Oh, that's easy. You should know that already!"
Student: Are you just going to sit there and keep making fun of me or are you going to actually help me?"
Teacher: 'panicking' "Noooo! I'll help!"

Good times with that group in physics

Off topic, but did you make your avatar yourself? It's so simple, but so funny.

 

[s1lver]

One of our Orgo professors gives student who score less than a 70% on their first exam their exams back with a signed drop form attached to it...

LOL, wow...

 

[osuguy]

one of my physics professors was actually gay i think. he asked a question during class that had to do with something about waves. since no one was answering he said that someone should come out of the closet to answer it (totally joking...i think). my friend decides to answer it then the prof singles him out saying something like congratulations for coming out of the closet and the entire class cracks up

 

[suizyme09]

I had a physics prof who was really anal on tests about graphs. One day late in the quarter he drew a graph on the overhead. He asked if anyone could tell him why the graph didn't make sense (it was a motion class and it was supposed to be something wrong with the curve shape). I raised my hand and said "You didn't label the axes". He promptly responded "B*** me!...anyone else?" and labelled the axes while another student raised their hand and discussed the curve. haha I laughed with him about it after class.

 

[AtheGre]

Student: 'What do you mean by negative reinforcement ?'

Professor: 'An example of negative reinforcement would be me telling you that you have an IQ below room temperature. How does that make you feel ?'


Ha-larious


AtG

 

[87138]

Student: 'What do you mean by negative reinforcement ?'

Professor: 'An example of negative reinforcement would be me telling you that you have an IQ below room temperature. How does that make you feel ?'


Ha-larious


AtG

Even funnier that your teacher apparently doesn't know what negative reinforcement is.

 

[Evergrey]

Even funnier that your teacher apparently doesn't know what negative reinforcement is.

I think it's supposed to be a pun, not an analogy. 😕

 

[AtheGre]

The student does his reading before class and avoids being humiliated in such a fashion. Negative reinforcement.


AtG

 

[87138]

I think it's supposed to be a pun, not an analogy. 😕

Hard to tell, since the prof's "example" falls exactly in line with how 99% of people incorrectly understand the concept. Guess I can give him the benefit of the doubt . . .

 

[AtheGre]

The student does his reading before class and avoids being humiliated in such a fashion. Negative reinforcement.


AtG

AtG

 

[87138]

hard to tell, since the prof's "example" falls exactly in line with how 99% of people incorrectly understand the concept. Guess i can give him the benefit of the doubt . . .

rw

 

[87138]

Sorry I thought we were playing the "quote ourselves for no reason" game.

 

[AtheGre]

I win.


AtG

 

[Penguick]

I don't have one for a college professor, but one for high school. I was arguing with my economics teacher about something and he was losing, and then he says "ching chang chong chong chong." I was so shocked, I stopped talking. Probably should've sued his ass.

 

[JackInTheBox]

.

 

[shindotp]

I don't have one for a college professor, but one for high school. I was arguing with my economics teacher about something and he was losing, and then he says "ching chang chong chong chong." I was so shocked, I stopped talking. Probably should've sued his ass.

DEFINITELY should have. Wow.

 

[chiz2kul]

I don't have one for a college professor, but one for high school. I was arguing with my economics teacher about something and he was losing, and then he says "ching chang chong chong chong." I was so shocked, I stopped talking. Probably should've sued his ass.

I literarily 🤣 when I read this one hahahahahaha
So wroooongg yet so funny lol
Yea you def. shld have sued him.

 

[yanzitommy]

isnt there better ways to get back at ppl other than suing them??

maybe im tired of hearing bout patients suing doctors or ppl who get in car accidents suing ppl for a "back" problems, but i just dont like how that word is tossed around so casually...

 

[starfishprime]

isnt there better ways to get back at ppl other than suing them??

Yeah!
I personally like mailbox destruction. Insert one large firecracker, walk quickly away, and voila.

 

[Handinhand]

Yeah, I never thought so many future doctors would be so law suit happy.

Anyways, I'm in O Chem right now and the professor just cracks me up. He's this older Chinese guy, really nice, but he's also so unintentionally negative during class. Every lecture he talks about why kids fail O Chem, why people have trouble with it. I know he says it to try and help students realize the problems so they don't have them, but he comes off as "You're going to fail, I've come to accept it so why won't you?!"

 

[Phlame217]

I had a real old professor for physics 2. He was in his late 80's or so and of japanese descent. He came across as the typical japanese stereotype, the stern but wise old man and proved to be so, but in odd ways.

He always had odd ways of rationalizing his low test scores, since the class average was always a 40-50 % and not even the top students could earn more than a 75%.

He started with the fact that we possibly "possessed inferior genes to those of his lineage and therefore we shouldn't blame ourselves, but our ancestors"

As if that wasn't bad enough, he pulled this one.
On day, a fellow premed got upset when he handed out the curved grades and the student discovered he/she had a C. The professor answered her complaint with "I believe you are not cut out for a career as a pre-med, therefore have you looked into special education?"

The class quickly went silent as we all held our laughter...

 

[WatchMeRise]

Yeah!
I personally like mailbox destruction. Insert one large firecracker, walk quickly away, and voila.

 

[Jemainelover]

isnt there better ways to get back at ppl other than suing them??

maybe im tired of hearing bout patients suing doctors or ppl who get in car accidents suing ppl for a "back" problems, but i just dont like how that word is tossed around so casually...

I believe your sarcastic quotes belong on problems not back. Unless of course you're insulting the location of their problems, as in it's really their brains that are the issue.

 

[BozoSparky]

Physics professor to premeds:

"Just because you like basketball doesn't mean you get to play in the NBA."

 

[deleted202457]

had a high school AP teacher that called the class ******* for not answering questions...had another one that asked what the derivative of "student's name" was, when no one answered he wrote "idiot(x) + ****** + C" may not seem funny but it was in the class cuz the guy never joked.

 

[chief illiniwek]

I had a real old professor for physics 2. He was in his late 80's or so and of japanese descent. He came across as the typical japanese stereotype, the stern but wise old man and proved to be so, but in odd ways.

He always had odd ways of rationalizing his low test scores, since the class average was always a 40-50 % and not even the top students could earn more than a 75%.

He started with the fact that we possibly "possessed inferior genes to those of his lineage and therefore we shouldn't blame ourselves, but our ancestors"

As if that wasn't bad enough, he pulled this one.
On day, a fellow premed got upset when he handed out the curved grades and the student discovered he/she had a C. The professor answered her complaint with "I believe you are not cut out for a career as a pre-med, therefore have you looked into special education?"

The class quickly went silent as we all held our laughter...

thats the funniest thing on here so far.

 

[WatchMeRise]

this thread is making me rethink how i should deal with professors.
has anyone let a professor get to them, and get overwhelmed (leave the room) or something?