Best OR jokes

[DrOwnage]

Was wondering about some of the best jokes you guys have heard in the OR. I'll start it off.

A general surgeon comes to talk to his post-op hernia who is just waking up from surgery. He says "I'm sorry, during the procedure the scalpel slipped and we accidentally cut off your penis."

The patient lifts up his gown and goes "What the hell!?!, How could you @#$%ing do tha.."

and the surgeon yells "Ma'am you need to calm down!"

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[2Fast2Des]

If a patient asks me how I know when they're asleep on induction, I tell them they'll let me know when they are, that usually gets them a chuckle. Or when a patient tells me they are nervous, I reply back "Really? Me too!" That gets them to lighten up a little after a mild bewildered look lol

 

[PainDrain]

General surgeon: “I swear this lap chole will only take me 30 minutes.” I hear that “joke” told often.

 

[ISoNitrous]

The other day the surgeon asked if I could spare a Yankauer as their supply was out.

I replied “Yankauer!?! I can’t even spare a Yank-minute!”

Another question I posit - is PlasmaLyte just FFP with half the calories?

 

[Onefellswoop87]

My obligatory ENT room terrible Dad joke:

Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it

 

[nimbus]

If a patient asks me how I know when they're asleep on induction, I tell them they'll let me know when they are, that usually gets them a chuckle. Or when a patient tells me they are nervous, I reply back "Really? Me too!" That gets them to lighten up a little after a mild bewildered look lol

Reminds me of this meme.

 

[Neopolymath]

General surgeon: “I swear this lap chole will only take me 30 minutes.” I hear that “joke” told often.

"Worst lap chole ever" says the surgeon that is always rude and always saying this phrase during every case.

 

[coffeebythelake]

"Worst lap chole ever" says the surgeon that is always rude and always saying this phrase during every case.

Do we work in the same hospital?!

 

[shepardsun]

"OMFS are better at moderate and deep sedations than anesthesiologists"

 

[Volatile]

“Go ahead and move over to the OR table, if you feel the floor you’ve gone too far”

 

[nimbus]

“Go ahead and move over to the OR table, if you feel the floor you’ve gone too far”

 

[midazzoler]

Immediately prior to physician injecting lidocaine subQ on an awake patient the circulating nurse informs the patient, “You might notice a little prick. That’s just the doctor.”

 

[coffeebythelake]

Immediately prior to physician injecting lidocaine subQ on an awake patient the circulating nurse informs the patient, “You might notice a little prick. That’s just the doctor.”

Hopefully just a joke and didn't happen IRL

 

[midazzoler]

My hope is gone.

 

[turnupthegas]

I didn't cancel the case. I cancelled the anesthesia. The surgeon can do whatever they want.

 

[thinkorswim]

Not really a joke, but kind of a prank I used to play on a couple of our anesthesia techs (they’re mostly young guys who are super chill).

When one of them is there helping me induce and holding the mask, I just sweet talk the patient as usual. “Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, think of someplace warm…”

Then once the patient goes apneic (usually I can only see this on the ventilator), the sweet talk turns to dirty talk. “Just imagine [insert tech’s name here] giving you a massage, his bare body just rubbing up on yours…”

The techs initially think the patient can hear it all and the look on their faces is priceless. They haven’t written me up yet so that a win.

 

[Gern Blansten]

They haven’t written me up yet so that a win.

The clock is ticking on when it will happen. I have been in medicine long enough to know that the days when that kind of discussion was allowed (encouraged) have come and gone. Odds are, you just have not said it to the (in)correct person yet. I like to joke around, but I specifically avoid anything that I would have difficulty defending in the HR office. The good old days are gone and tolerance by corporate medicine of this kind of stuff is extremely low. And all it takes is one snowflake to be offended. Seen it far too many times, and it wasn't just a "write up."
If you are well-liked by all, the tolerance for this will be higher. If you are not well-liked, this will be the rope they hang you with.
I would not suggest this line of humor be used by anyone...
Not intended to disparage the original poster, just to acknowledge the fact that, 10 years ago, this would have been encouraged and laughed about. Most places have seen those days go by the wayside. Of all places in the hospital, the OR has always been the final frontier where a good joke was appreciated. I have watched that crumble over the past couple of years. Just as a cautionary tale.

 

[Arch Guillotti]

The clock is ticking on when it will happen. I have been in medicine long enough to know that the days when that kind of discussion was allowed (encouraged) have come and gone. Odds are, you just have not said it to the (in)correct person yet. I like to joke around, but I specifically avoid anything that I would have difficulty defending in the HR office. The good old days are gone and tolerance by corporate medicine of this kind of stuff is extremely low. And all it takes is one snowflake to be offended. Seen it far too many times, and it wasn't just a "write up."
If you are well-liked by all, the tolerance for this will be higher. If you are not well-liked, this will be the rope they hang you with.
I would not suggest this line of humor be used by anyone...
Not intended to disparage the original poster, just to acknowledge the fact that, 10 years ago, this would have been encouraged and laughed about. Most places have seen those days go by the wayside. Of all places in the hospital, the OR has always been the final frontier where a good joke was appreciated. I have watched that crumble over the past couple of years. Just as a cautionary tale.

What he said.

 

[ethilo]

I've put to rest a lot of dirty OR jokes when I honestly asked myself "is the desire to connect with someone over a dirty joke worth the potential loss of my job?"

Now my jokes are PC and silly dad jokes.

For example
What's red white and blue on christmas? A sad candy cane
What is white and goes up on christmas? A stupid snowflake

Sometimes I get a giggle from kids (and the RN or anesthesia tech) when I tell them the sevo smells like stinky monkey butt.

 

[nimbus]

I've put to rest a lot of dirty OR jokes when I honestly asked myself "is the desire to connect with someone over a dirty joke worth the potential loss of my job?"

Now my jokes are PC and silly dad jokes.

For example
What's red white and blue on christmas? A sad candy cane
What is white and goes up on christmas? A stupid snowflake

Sometimes I get a giggle from kids (and the RN or anesthesia tech) when I tell them the sevo smells like stinky monkey butt.

Dad joke heard in the OR:

How do you know the Pillsbury doughboy is a boy?


When he bends over you see donuts.

 

[nimbus]

The clock is ticking on when it will happen. I have been in medicine long enough to know that the days when that kind of discussion was allowed (encouraged) have come and gone. Odds are, you just have not said it to the (in)correct person yet. I like to joke around, but I specifically avoid anything that I would have difficulty defending in the HR office. The good old days are gone and tolerance by corporate medicine of this kind of stuff is extremely low. And all it takes is one snowflake to be offended. Seen it far too many times, and it wasn't just a "write up."
If you are well-liked by all, the tolerance for this will be higher. If you are not well-liked, this will be the rope they hang you with.
I would not suggest this line of humor be used by anyone...
Not intended to disparage the original poster, just to acknowledge the fact that, 10 years ago, this would have been encouraged and laughed about. Most places have seen those days go by the wayside. Of all places in the hospital, the OR has always been the final frontier where a good joke was appreciated. I have watched that crumble over the past couple of years. Just as a cautionary tale.

Not only jokes have changed over the years. Science has too. Imagine paralyzing volunteers to prove you can maintain adequate oxygenation with mouth to mouth.

 

[GravelRider]

The clock is ticking on when it will happen. I have been in medicine long enough to know that the days when that kind of discussion was allowed (encouraged) have come and gone. Odds are, you just have not said it to the (in)correct person yet. I like to joke around, but I specifically avoid anything that I would have difficulty defending in the HR office. The good old days are gone and tolerance by corporate medicine of this kind of stuff is extremely low. And all it takes is one snowflake to be offended. Seen it far too many times, and it wasn't just a "write up."
If you are well-liked by all, the tolerance for this will be higher. If you are not well-liked, this will be the rope they hang you with.
I would not suggest this line of humor be used by anyone...
Not intended to disparage the original poster, just to acknowledge the fact that, 10 years ago, this would have been encouraged and laughed about. Most places have seen those days go by the wayside. Of all places in the hospital, the OR has always been the final frontier where a good joke was appreciated. I have watched that crumble over the past couple of years. Just as a cautionary tale.

Nothing has changed. Know your audience and get some friends.

 

[cowbydoc]

I mainly work with kids so my clean dad joke game is strong.
Why did tigger look in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
What does a vegan zombie eat?
(Said in a zombie voice) Grains, grains!
Why can’t you hear pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because of the silent P!
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Usually someone says “arrrr”, then in a pirate voice say “arrr? No, it’s the C we love!”

 

[thinkorswim]

If you are well-liked by all, the tolerance for this will be higher. If you are not well-liked, this will be the rope they hang you with.
I would not suggest this line of humor be used by anyone...

Lighten up, Francis. No one is getting fired over a dirty joke here and there. At most, a slap on the wrist from your chief is all you’ll get. At least at my shop, that’s just the culture.

To your point above, I would like to think I’m the latter. But as with anything, knowing your audience and environment is paramount. Is it inappropriate? Sure. Do I say it frequently and around anyone? Nope. These are people I consider friends and have beers with outside of work.

 

[Gern Blansten]

Lighten up, Francis. No one is getting fired over a dirty joke here and there. At most, a slap on the wrist from your chief is all you’ll get. At least at my shop, that’s just the culture.

To your point above, I would like to think I’m the latter. But as with anything, knowing your audience and environment is paramount. Is it inappropriate? Sure. Do I say it frequently and around anyone? Nope. These are people I consider friends and have beers with outside of work.

Okay. Cool then.

 

[kidthor]

The clock is ticking on when it will happen. I have been in medicine long enough to know that the days when that kind of discussion was allowed (encouraged) have come and gone. Odds are, you just have not said it to the (in)correct person yet. I like to joke around, but I specifically avoid anything that I would have difficulty defending in the HR office. The good old days are gone and tolerance by corporate medicine of this kind of stuff is extremely low. And all it takes is one snowflake to be offended. Seen it far too many times, and it wasn't just a "write up."
If you are well-liked by all, the tolerance for this will be higher. If you are not well-liked, this will be the rope they hang you with.
I would not suggest this line of humor be used by anyone...
Not intended to disparage the original poster, just to acknowledge the fact that, 10 years ago, this would have been encouraged and laughed about. Most places have seen those days go by the wayside. Of all places in the hospital, the OR has always been the final frontier where a good joke was appreciated. I have watched that crumble over the past couple of years. Just as a cautionary tale.

I had a coworker who made inappropriate jokes at work and was generally liked by many, but not all. He actually got fired by upsetting the wrong person while joking around. He was one of those “little prick behind you” guys. Sure the person they upset was easily triggered, but think about how something sounds when later read out loud to a jury. And yeah, that coworker also got sued and a settlement was paid out.

However funny it is to be the “little prick” at work is much less funny than being the prick who got fired, paid a settlement, then has to explain all that when trying to get someone to hire them.

On a similar note I remember when I was a resident and the ortho bros would make endless sexual innuendo jokes to the point it made many female anesthesia residents very upset. Since we all lived in relative fear as residents we were all disempowered to speak up - plus the females were extra disempowered when around the whole boys being boys culture. I’m so disgusted that environment was ever acceptable.

This is all to say I keep things classy at work. You don’t want to offend people or get fired for something silly.

 

[banister]

I use the "Don't move over by yourself, we don't want you to fall. That's too much paperwork" one frequently.

 

[Urzuz]

I use the "Don't move over by yourself, we don't want you to fall. That's too much paperwork" one frequently.

Are you a circulating nurse?

 

[coffeebythelake]

Are you a circulating nurse?

Nice side gig? Don't you see how much these travel nurses are being paid? 150 an hour or more

 

[D P356]

I learned from an attending in residency to severely limit dirty jokes or sexual innuendos, especially around women (even if they are making the jokes).
The upside isn’t worth the risk.

Also, people who say “I’m impossible to offend” are generally the people who will get offended and cause a stink. Everyone gets offended, but not everyone acts upon it.

 

[Ronin786]

"Let me know when you're asleep" always gets a chuckle from my patients. Or they become mortified in the terror that I won't know they're asleep.

 

[linkin06]

ABCs for...

Anesthesiology:
Airway
Book
Chair

Ortho:
Ancef (or Admit to Medicine)
Bone
Cut

 

[Onefellswoop87]

ABCs for...

Anesthesiology:
Airway
Book
Chair

Ortho:
Ancef (or Admit to Medicine)
Bone
Cut

In ortho rooms, I usually refer to ancef as ortho-cef which often gets chuckle or a grunt of approval.

 

[pgg]

They haven’t written me up yet so that a win.

Not to pile on, but patients hear a lot more than they let on.

I wouldn't bet my credentials on amnesia starting 3 seconds after the post-induction breath holding starts. You will be burned at the stake 3 minutes after the first patient hears, remembers, and complains about something like that.

 

[DesiredMemberName?]

Circulator to surgeon: we don’t have the instrument you want. Can you make do with the 3” one?

Surgeon: I have been all my life.

 

[Agast]

I had a coworker who made inappropriate jokes at work and was generally liked by many, but not all. He actually got fired by upsetting the wrong person while joking around. He was one of those “little prick behind you” guys. Sure the person they upset was easily triggered, but think about how something sounds when later read out loud to a jury. And yeah, that coworker also got sued and a settlement was paid out.

However funny it is to be the “little prick” at work is much less funny than before the prick who got fired, paid a settlement, then has to explain all that when trying to get someone to hire them.

On a similar note I remember when I was a resident and the ortho bros would make endless sexual innuendo jokes to the point it made many female anesthesia residents very upset. Since we all lived in relative fear as residents we were all disempowered to speak up - plus the females were extra disempowered when around the whole boys being boys culture. I’m so disgusted that environment was ever acceptable.

This is all to say I keep things classy at work. You don’t want to offend people or get fired for something silly.

When I was a resident, I was in an ortho case that was for an Asian male patient. The ortho PA decided to start cracking jokes about how small Asian penises are, to the Chinese American orthopedic surgery resident. I listened quietly thinking he would say something. He was obviously upset while the PA was cackling at his own jokes, maybe he didn't want to look uncool by showing it bothered him. So I stuck my head over the drapes and looked at the PA and said "HAHA. Jokes about small Asian penises. You are SO FUNNY. HA. HA." It shut him up.

It's not a good joke if you're making someone else the punchline by making them uncomfortable. Also the tech isn't uncomfortable because they think the patient knows who they are and will honestly imagine them naked, the tech is uncomfortable because they think you've lost your mind and being around crazy/unstable people is unsettling.

 

[MirrorTodd]

Works better when said (rather than read) and in a naval hospital...what's hard and long and full seamen? A submarine.

 

[chocomorsel]

The clock is ticking on when it will happen. I have been in medicine long enough to know that the days when that kind of discussion was allowed (encouraged) have come and gone. Odds are, you just have not said it to the (in)correct person yet. I like to joke around, but I specifically avoid anything that I would have difficulty defending in the HR office. The good old days are gone and tolerance by corporate medicine of this kind of stuff is extremely low. And all it takes is one snowflake to be offended. Seen it far too many times, and it wasn't just a "write up."
If you are well-liked by all, the tolerance for this will be higher. If you are not well-liked, this will be the rope they hang you with.
I would not suggest this line of humor be used by anyone...
Not intended to disparage the original poster, just to acknowledge the fact that, 10 years ago, this would have been encouraged and laughed about. Most places have seen those days go by the wayside. Of all places in the hospital, the OR has always been the final frontier where a good joke was appreciated. I have watched that crumble over the past couple of years. Just as a cautionary tale.

It’s not about being a “snowflake” per say. As a woman the mysoginy that exists in the OR environment is a lot to handle and is often disgusting. Many of us try to just hide behind the drape or try our best to ignore it because calling it out makes you the problem in a man’s world. It’s like a male locker room in there and if you dare call it out, you are labeled a “snowflake” or “sensitive.”
I know I have called out the old Jokster on this forum who’s been MIA lately and have been ignored repeatedly. I am sure it’s because I speak out a lot about other crap that annoy people so my complaints don’t mean a damn thing.
In real life, I am not like that and am quiet at work so as a woman in the OR am glad those days are coming to an end.
Honestly, one of the many reasons I don’t miss the OR very much. It’s often not like that but when it is, it can be bad.
Go ahead and downvote all day long. I don’t care as always.

 

[GassYous]

It’s not about being a “snowflake” per say. As a woman the mysoginy that exists in the OR environment is a lot to handle and is often disgusting. Many of us try to just hide behind the drape or try our best to ignore it because calling it out makes you the problem in a man’s world. It’s like a male locker room in there and if you dare call it out, you are labeled a “snowflake” or “sensitive.”
I know I have called out the old Jokster on this forum who’s been MIA lately and have been ignored repeatedly. I am sure it’s because I speak out a lot about other crap that annoy people so my complaints don’t mean a damn thing.
In real life, I am not like that and am quiet at work so as a woman in the OR am glad those days are coming to an end.
Honestly, one of the many reasons I don’t miss the OR very much. It’s often not like that but when it is, it can be bad.
Go ahead and downvote all day long. I don’t care as always.

Yeah and we've lost some staff because a few people were "uncomfortable" and now we have longer turnovers and delays because we don't have enough staff for our rooms. Thanks a lot!

Same thing goes here, a lot of great posters like ffp and saltydog have left or been banned because of people like you whining about bs constantly. The forums discourse suffers for it. Our country is soft and going in the ****ter.

 

[Beeftenderloin]

Yeah and we've lost some staff because a few people were "uncomfortable" and now we have longer turnovers and delays because we don't have enough staff for our rooms. Thanks a lot!

Same thing goes here, a lot of great posters like ffp and saltydog have left or been banned because of people like you whining about bs constantly. The forums discourse suffers for it. Our country is soft and going in the ****ter.

If you make someone uncomfortable at work by saying something that any reasonable HR personnel would deem inappropriate, getting fired is very much on the table right now. This is reality, whether you like it or not. Not the hospitals fault those individuals got fired. Know your audience.

I've put to rest a lot of dirty OR jokes when I honestly asked myself "is the desire to connect with someone over a dirty joke worth the potential loss of my job?"

Words to live by in 2022.

 

[Arch Guillotti]

Same thing goes here, a lot of great posters like ffp and saltydog have left or been banned because of people like you whining about bs constantly. The forums discourse suffers for it.

Fake news.

 

[chocomorsel]

Yeah and we've lost some staff because a few people were "uncomfortable" and now we have longer turnovers and delays because we don't have enough staff for our rooms. Thanks a lot!

Same thing goes here, a lot of great posters like ffp and saltydog have left or been banned because of people like you whining about bs constantly. The forums discourse suffers for it. Our country is soft and going in the ****ter.

I don’t give a crap. These people leave because of their own behaviors. God knows I have been on probation a few times, but guess what buster? I learn my lesson and chill the f out. If you are so hard headed and think it’s always gonna be your way wherever you go no matter how many times people complain about your dingus behavior, guess what?
YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

And maybe you can help turn over some of those rooms then instead of complaining. We are tired of the damn toxic OR environment and you will hardly find me there anymore.

 

[DrOwnage]

I love how after the dental thread I try to make one that is lighthearted and funny but it still ends up in argumentative fashion. Lmao.

 

[chocomorsel]

I love how after the dental thread I try to make one that is lighthearted and funny but it still ends up in argumentative fashion. Lmao.

Come on. It’s the anesthesia forum. Why is it the most popular forum on here? We love drama!!

 

[coffeebythelake]

Come on. It’s the anesthesia forum. Why is it the most popular forum on here? We love drama!!

We deal with drama everyday at work, from patients from surgeons from others, why can't jt be just as colorful on the forums? 😂

 

[MirrorTodd]

Yeah and we've lost some staff because a few people were "uncomfortable" and now we have longer turnovers and delays because we don't have enough staff for our rooms. Thanks a lot!

Same thing goes here, a lot of great posters like ffp and saltydog have left or been banned because of people like you whining about bs constantly. The forums discourse suffers for it. Our country is soft and going in the ****ter.

lol omg dude. Now I'm not going any politically further than this statement. Our country is going in the ****ter for FAR more reasons than "the patriarchy can't tell jokes anymore."

 

[Onefellswoop87]

I love how after the dental thread I try to make one that is lighthearted and funny but it still ends up in argumentative fashion. Lmao.

No good deed goes unpunished

 

[IRattending2021]

They say surgery is a religious experience.

You go to the house of warship that is the OR.

You change into religious garb that is the scrub

You cleanse yourself by scrubbing.

And when everyone is ready for the case, lo and behold and god walks in.

 

[D P356]

Usually the ones who dish it out the hardest can’t take it when it comes back to them.

We’ve got an Ortho surgeon that I generally like, and when he tries to give me crap I just act like I don’t get his joke. I mention that if he has to explain it, then it’s not funny and he should work on his delivery.

In another one of his cases, our rotating med student walked in and I said something to the effect of “this guy is really old and crusty.” Everyone assumed I was talking about the patient until I said, “and he’s going to operate on this patient.” He didn’t like that. No one really gives it back to him

 

[cchoukal]

I learned from an attending in residency to severely limit dirty jokes or sexual innuendos, especially around women (even if they are making the jokes).
The upside isn’t worth the risk.

Also, people who say “I’m impossible to offend” are generally the people who will get offended and cause a stink. Everyone gets offended, but not everyone acts upon it.

As a resident, I had a female patient ask me to talk dirty to her when she was waking up. Her reasoning was (relatively) sound; she was told that on a prior emergence, she got violent and swung punches at people. And she was clear that she didn't want gentle, loving talk; she wanted vulgarity. I was obviously taken aback and deferred to my attending, who was like, "I think you should just focus on what a good person she is." In the end, she woke up fine, but I could imagine all the gynecologists standing around waiting for her to wake up and hearing me start in with all the dirty talk. Would definitely set a tone. But I agree with the others who avoid anything in this sphere; the world has moved beyond tolerating even a hint of anything that could be construed as sexual harassment.