Breaking up right before Med School?

[RooskayAliskay]

Hi all,

I hope you are doing well on this fine Saturday morning, or at least a little better than I am. I'll apologize in advance for the long post. Earlier today, my boyfriend and I decided it would be best if we broke things off, largely due to our busy schedules. First, a little background info:

When we first started dating, we got serious fast. Meeting family just after two weeks of knowing each other, discussing holiday plans and birthdays together, even talking about supporting each other through grad school on the first date (far fetched, I know.) Going in, i fully realized that this was most likely going to end before I leave for medical school in a few years, because let's be honest, how many relationships last through that, residency, and fellowship, much less everything else? But at the same time, this was the first relationship I have ever been in since leaving my abusive ex three years ago and experiencing additional sexual assault since then. The first time I've actually felt...loved. Ever. So I got attached like i shouldn't have. Our relationship was perfect, with the exception that he didn't prioritize me after the beginning, something that he completely agreed with and was ultimately the reason why we said to call it quits.

What hurts the most is the fact that we had so much in common and got along like best friends. It hurts knowing that I lost someone who treated me so well, because no one really ever has in that way. My problem however, is this:

We'll be going to the same school in November, right when I have one of my most important finals due. I've already found it difficult to focus on studying for this one, and I am so stressed and worried that I won't pass, which would most likely cause me to fail the class that I really really need...right as he's transferring in. How do I move on from this and don't let this impact my grades? Please tell me that some of you have gone through similar situations and have advice to give. Have you ever broken up with someone right before med school or around important test dates? How did you handle it? Please help.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[tiramisucheese]

Block him. Completely block him on social media. That'll be hard to do, but it'll probably be your only chance at success. Treat yourself to something fun to get yourself out of your funk. New phone? New clothes? Lean on your friends/family for support. Above all, just remember that if your relationship with him is meant to be, then you'll find each other again in the future. And if not, then it's for the best.

But seriously, block him. You don't need any extra reminders of his presence. Don't even think about texting him. Good luck!

 

[begoood95]

I'm in a very similar situation as you are; I'll explain briefly. [Well, it was brief....]

I was best friends with this girl since third grade, and we broke out of the "friend-zone" and started dating sophomore year of high school. We broke up six months ago, right before valentines day, on the semester of my MCAT, right before I applied to medical school. That puts us a ~5 years together. We communicated perfectly, were very very good together, but in the end we decided it was best that we part ways because we had (cliché warning) lost ourselves in the relationship—meaning we had become too dependent on each other. Jealousy issues arose, and because we both knew the difficulties of medical school, we decided it'd be best to end things. The breakup was very civilized.

That's my first question: how did things end? We share a friend group; like, literally 90% of our friends are shared. However, because we ended things on a good note and without drama, there hasn't been much awkwardness.

However, we blocked each other on everything (social media + texting/phone) because we knew it'd be easy to fall back into our very comfortable and comforting routine.

So my first advice to you is to make sure you each have closure. Just because things ended, doesn't mean the entire relationship was terrible. Focus on the good things, and the good things to come to you in the future as this new independent self!

Second bit of advice: hyper-focus on your exams, using it as a tool of "distraction." Like I said, I was just about to take the MCAT, so I had two options:

1. Am I going to let this reap emotional havoc on me, thus surely dropping my score, or
2. Am I going to set aside these feelings just for a little bit in order to make sure I hit my mark?

Your grades are important and represent a ket part of your medical school application. Don't let them suffer right now! Push through, and you will not regret it. Maybe, after you've taken this final, you can regroup yourself, and give more attention to your feelings and emotions.

Third: keep a support group/person close. Your mom, dad, brother, sister, friends, professors, anyone. When you're struggling, just go take a break with them for a second. Get lunch, play mini-gold, whatever. You need breaks from your studying and being social is one of the best ways to achieve that; moreover, keeping and tightening these other bonds will allow you to "replace" what you might have "lost."

Lastly: it's all temporary. These hard feelings, the stress of your exam, and so-on. Revel in that, and know that it'll all work itself out in the end.

--

You might even be able to go back so some semblance of a friendship, but that's later on. Right now, focus on yourself! I dated my bestfriend for 5 years of my life, and those five years were some of my best. Take what you've learned from that relationship—the good and the bad—and have confidence that your next relationship will be even better because of this experience.

And smile: you're about to be a freaking doctor! That's pretty incredible right? You're going to meet new, amazing people down the line, and your old boyfriend/bestfriend represents one of the many.

 

[Goro]

What med school starts in November?????

 

[RooskayAliskay]

Thank you so much for your advice However, we go to a smaller school, and after he transfers in, we will have one of the same exact classes as me (possibly two), so there's a large possibility that we're going to run into each other a lot. I feel like this would make blocking him a bit awkward. He also wants to "get back together at a better and less busy time". Would you handle this situation any differently?

Begoood95, I am so so sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds nearly identical to mine except that we were together for a far shorter time period. How long did it take for you to be able to focus back on studying and be productive? That night, a few days, a couple of weeks? Were you able to do well on the MCAT despite all of this? Would you ever consider continuing your relationship with her if she was also willing to put in the effort?

Goro, I was referring to undergrad He's coming in mid-year (January semester), but will actually be at the school in November to study/prepare for such and sit in on current classes if possible.Specifically though, I'm worried about all of this at this point because I don't want my grades/final grades to be affected and thus ruin my 4.00 GPA -- or perhaps, worst of all, tank my MCAT and LSAT scores. I put the tagline "right before Med School" because I was also interested in hearing from those who experienced more stressful situations as well.

 

[ChymeofPassion]

Block him. Completely block him on social media. That'll be hard to do, but it'll probably be your only chance at success. Treat yourself to something fun to get yourself out of your funk. New phone? New clothes? Lean on your friends/family for support. Above all, just remember that if your relationship with him is meant to be, then you'll find each other again in the future. And if not, then it's for the best.

But seriously, block him. You don't need any extra reminders of his presence. Don't even think about texting him. Good luck!