- Joined
- May 3, 2015
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I do not know if this post serves as a warning or a question, venting or maybe a cry for help...perhaps all the above.
The "pre-med" track as a non-trad student can be rough. In many cases it can break people down to a point where they are so defeated, they become lost. At the beginning of my pre-med track, I could not be more sure of my course: MD all the way; I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I didn't see myself working in any other path beside that of a physician. Im sure most of us here would say that its something they have thought about the majority of their conscious lives. For me though it was a secret desire I would covet only in the place no one could see, my mind.
I was the "go down to the kindergarten class since you want to act like one" kid in school, definitely not doctor material and that lasted through out middle and all of high school into a year of community college with every instructor, teacher, and professor letting me know "you're not good enough" along the way. After sometime in the Army I went back to school upon my discharge and thought RT (Radiology Tech) would be the best bet for me. Then at my local community college, my anatomy/physiology prof. got into my head about this whole doctor thing again but this was the first time someone outside of my own voice was saying "Hey why don't you think about becoming a doctor". It was like something I never felt before: someone believing in me; I took it and a few years later I found myself transferred to a better school and working towards my degree in Neuro Science and behavior pre-med track. This is where the problem started.
I knew that for a student to be successful they would need a STRONG application:
- Good GPA
- Good MCAT
- Ex. Curriculars (Leadership)
- Lab time (Publish if possible)
and to that end I manicured my entire schedule around school work in a lab while attending all the "medical" orgs on campus and subsequently starting and leading my own.
Extra curricular activities, many warn, can destroy a students GPA if they let to much work get ahead of them. Leadership compared to membership are two very different beast. My experience with leadership was by far one of the worst I've ever experienced. As a leader, I was able to bring in many outside organization into the fold and acted as a middle man between my university and these medical groups. This did not come without some leg work, and I did do many hours of this work on my own and with my then finance. When I asked for help I was consistently ignored by my faculty advisor and ended up having to do all the work my other officers were missing or just not doing; I had to as the president of the org it would look bad on me if something were to fail and the was how my advisor put it. reaching the semesters end, I was beginning to become overwhelmed and asked our advisor to help lighten my load so I can study and get some control. She threatened my position and told me that it was none of her concern. In those moments I realized I would have to choose my GPA and the rest of my education over this organization; which is what I did and resigned my position reluctantly. I had a mental breakdown, I became depressed, anxious, and angry at varying levels all day and night into the next day. This would continue until the end of the semester where I received 2 A's a C+ and a D and calculus. I was so disgusted in the situation, and it definitely put me in a bad place for the coming semesters. Some could would come though by way of a research opportunity in the summer with one of the star PI's in the Fruit Fly community.
One thing that my research never did yield while looking into strengthening my application, is the dynamics of the lab. In many cases (for me) PI's (researchers) and their students want nothing to do with us as "pre-meds" especially as it pertains to their would be lifes work. Many times I wasn't even answered when trying to speak to PI regarding positions in the lab whether just because they weren't taking student or my favorite: the pervy scientist that only accepts young female lab assistants (y'all know what I'm talking about) The instance I did get in, was through a scholarship and I worked in a drosophila (fly) lab. I knew there would be some pimping on my first days there, it would only be natural. Sure enough there were some who could not stand the sight of us and immediately relegated us to cleaning and or minimal duties but I was working on my own experiment and this was not good. My lab experience up until that point had been at a community college with very... humble lab settings. So I was not familiar with many of the set ups, beakers, and programs being used. My "over see'ers" (1 PhD candidate, 1 Lab PhD) gave me a quick tutorial but there was this one guy, he just would let up. overtime he saw me, it was a comment about him beating me up in a fight, or how he could probably shoot me if I "went into" his house (I'm black) no problem. He would make younger (age and grade year) lab assistants my boss for the day having them tell me what to do so I would "know my place". I hated it, I hated working there every single day. I lasted for part of the summer and before my scholarship was finished, I left it. I couldn't bring myself to working in that environment anymore. I spoke to the labs PI's, my point of contact for the program and everyone told me the same thing "just ignore him" I could ignore someone being an ass, but this level was almost inhumane.
Ive felt like my life has been spiraling ever since. its the strangest thing, its like I can't be confident in this anymore. I almost hate medicine because I have to do this, I've been stuck in a rut since. This last semester my school told me to take a break from classes for the semester. I don't know what to do anymore, I know what I want, I know what I need to do to get there, but my motivation to deal with the garbage of climbing this mountain has taken a very bad hit. has anyone dealt with anything like this? how did you come back from it? Im really trying to figure it out, and I'm desperate.
The "pre-med" track as a non-trad student can be rough. In many cases it can break people down to a point where they are so defeated, they become lost. At the beginning of my pre-med track, I could not be more sure of my course: MD all the way; I couldn't see myself doing anything else. I didn't see myself working in any other path beside that of a physician. Im sure most of us here would say that its something they have thought about the majority of their conscious lives. For me though it was a secret desire I would covet only in the place no one could see, my mind.
I was the "go down to the kindergarten class since you want to act like one" kid in school, definitely not doctor material and that lasted through out middle and all of high school into a year of community college with every instructor, teacher, and professor letting me know "you're not good enough" along the way. After sometime in the Army I went back to school upon my discharge and thought RT (Radiology Tech) would be the best bet for me. Then at my local community college, my anatomy/physiology prof. got into my head about this whole doctor thing again but this was the first time someone outside of my own voice was saying "Hey why don't you think about becoming a doctor". It was like something I never felt before: someone believing in me; I took it and a few years later I found myself transferred to a better school and working towards my degree in Neuro Science and behavior pre-med track. This is where the problem started.
I knew that for a student to be successful they would need a STRONG application:
- Good GPA
- Good MCAT
- Ex. Curriculars (Leadership)
- Lab time (Publish if possible)
and to that end I manicured my entire schedule around school work in a lab while attending all the "medical" orgs on campus and subsequently starting and leading my own.
Extra curricular activities, many warn, can destroy a students GPA if they let to much work get ahead of them. Leadership compared to membership are two very different beast. My experience with leadership was by far one of the worst I've ever experienced. As a leader, I was able to bring in many outside organization into the fold and acted as a middle man between my university and these medical groups. This did not come without some leg work, and I did do many hours of this work on my own and with my then finance. When I asked for help I was consistently ignored by my faculty advisor and ended up having to do all the work my other officers were missing or just not doing; I had to as the president of the org it would look bad on me if something were to fail and the was how my advisor put it. reaching the semesters end, I was beginning to become overwhelmed and asked our advisor to help lighten my load so I can study and get some control. She threatened my position and told me that it was none of her concern. In those moments I realized I would have to choose my GPA and the rest of my education over this organization; which is what I did and resigned my position reluctantly. I had a mental breakdown, I became depressed, anxious, and angry at varying levels all day and night into the next day. This would continue until the end of the semester where I received 2 A's a C+ and a D and calculus. I was so disgusted in the situation, and it definitely put me in a bad place for the coming semesters. Some could would come though by way of a research opportunity in the summer with one of the star PI's in the Fruit Fly community.
One thing that my research never did yield while looking into strengthening my application, is the dynamics of the lab. In many cases (for me) PI's (researchers) and their students want nothing to do with us as "pre-meds" especially as it pertains to their would be lifes work. Many times I wasn't even answered when trying to speak to PI regarding positions in the lab whether just because they weren't taking student or my favorite: the pervy scientist that only accepts young female lab assistants (y'all know what I'm talking about) The instance I did get in, was through a scholarship and I worked in a drosophila (fly) lab. I knew there would be some pimping on my first days there, it would only be natural. Sure enough there were some who could not stand the sight of us and immediately relegated us to cleaning and or minimal duties but I was working on my own experiment and this was not good. My lab experience up until that point had been at a community college with very... humble lab settings. So I was not familiar with many of the set ups, beakers, and programs being used. My "over see'ers" (1 PhD candidate, 1 Lab PhD) gave me a quick tutorial but there was this one guy, he just would let up. overtime he saw me, it was a comment about him beating me up in a fight, or how he could probably shoot me if I "went into" his house (I'm black) no problem. He would make younger (age and grade year) lab assistants my boss for the day having them tell me what to do so I would "know my place". I hated it, I hated working there every single day. I lasted for part of the summer and before my scholarship was finished, I left it. I couldn't bring myself to working in that environment anymore. I spoke to the labs PI's, my point of contact for the program and everyone told me the same thing "just ignore him" I could ignore someone being an ass, but this level was almost inhumane.
Ive felt like my life has been spiraling ever since. its the strangest thing, its like I can't be confident in this anymore. I almost hate medicine because I have to do this, I've been stuck in a rut since. This last semester my school told me to take a break from classes for the semester. I don't know what to do anymore, I know what I want, I know what I need to do to get there, but my motivation to deal with the garbage of climbing this mountain has taken a very bad hit. has anyone dealt with anything like this? how did you come back from it? Im really trying to figure it out, and I'm desperate.
. On Christmas break I took my son to an indoor waterpark. I’m planning a vacation for my son and myself between spring and summer semesters. I deactivated Facebook so I’m not tempted to compare my life to the matching Christmas pajamas family who just got back from Disney or the couple vacationing in Bora Bora. Find fun and happiness in the everyday mundane, and something to look forward to that’s not years away.
