Burning bridges

[nothinguniquehere]

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So I was super excited to get my first choice postdoc. Today I got an interview offer for another postdoc that turns into a job the second year and pays twice as much for both years. As I am newly pregnant, I feel that I have to at least consider this second site as an option. I just feel so conflicted because I know value wise the right thing to do is keep my word with the site that I have already made a verbal acceptance to. I'm thinking financially it may not be the best option for my growing family. I don't know what to do. I honestly wish the second site never contacted me. Thoughts?

 

[WisNeuro]

If you renege, it could very well burn a bridge. Just hope you never have to come asking that first place for a job or anything. It's usually pretty costly and time consuming to do the postdoc search and interview process. And now, they have likely missed out on most of the top applicants if they have to do another round of interviews. In the end, you need to do what's best for you, it's your life. But, if you do go with the second site, don't be surprised by some scorn.

 

[docma]

So I was super excited to get my first choice postdoc. Today I got an interview offer for another postdoc that turns into a job the second year and pays twice as much for both years. As I am newly pregnant, I feel that I have to at least consider this second site as an option. I just feel so conflicted because I know value wise the right thing to do is keep my word with the site that I have already made a verbal acceptance to. I'm thinking financially it may not be the best option for my growing family. I don't know what to do. I honestly wish the second site never contacted me. Thoughts?

Have you disclosed the fact of your pregnancy to either site? How will it effect the first site if you disclose the information, which you should do if it any way effects your start date. There will be consequences (as there is for any behavior) in reniging on your recent offer. But they may not outweight the advantages of changing course and you can't predict. The pregnancy offers a graceful way to change your plans IF you did not already disclose to Site 1 and if Site 2 does not change the offer when they learn these facts (ie: you may need pregnancy leave). And all of this is complicated if you are in the very early stages. Nothing in life is predictable and you now need to make decisions for more than one person.

 

[mindfulnessiszen]

Yeah, pregnancy is a game changer. I personally decided to wait until I was near the end of my first trimester to tell my postdoc site. I just felt like I should reserve the right (within reason) of when to disclose it. Luckily they are very much okay with me taking a month leave. But I definitely concur with @docma that you should think about who's going to be okay with you taking leave when it's time before making any dramatic moves. Good luck!

 

[smalltownpsych]

If you do get offered a better position with double the pay then why not turn down the first offer? Since I worked in business for a few years it still amazes me how many psychologists think. If I got the second offer for double the money, I would just let the other place know that I received a better offer. If they hold that against me in some way then I wouldn't want to work with them anyway because that sounds petty. I have made offers to employees and been turned down at various stages in the hiring process and the closer it gets to a start date, the more frustrating it can be, but that is life and I moved on pretty quickly to the next applicant and after a week or two I have forgotten everything about them. It might be a little different if you are in a specific formal post-doc training program (like a two-year neuro specialty), but I, for one, really don't think it should be that way for the rest of us. By the time you are a post-doc, you have already spent many years in school and training and are ready to start focusing on income.

 

[deleted656923]

Best advice: throw caution into the wind and let the bridge BURN

 

[Existenz]

By your posting, it sounds like you have a sure thing postdoc vs interview at a second postdoc. Did you already accept the first?

 

[terrafirma106]

It sounds to me like you don't actually have a choice to make right now. Since you have an interview offer, and if you are able to afford it, you should accept and attend the interview. Once you are given an offer from site 2 then that's when you have to make a decision. Why worry about a decision that you are not currently facing?

 

[nothinguniquehere]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I have not informed either site that I am pregnant as I found out very recently. I took the second interview and they haven't made an offer as of yet. I am still sorting out my feelings about it but I think I have made the decision to stay with the first offer. I have a vision of how I want to conduct myself as a professional and that is to keep my word if it is within my ability. Hopefully they will be okay with me taking time off. If they are not than it is not the right place for me.