It's legit to want to quit, all I'll say about it.
I wasn't able to on clinicals, but I did for the most part during didactic.
It gave me wicked PVCs (premature ventricular contractions), or "heart skipping a beat." Once in a while when you get a jolt of adrenaline or something is one thing. Having it like 20 times a day.... It's sorta like how cardioverting someone awake with adenosine, you need to give a warning - why?
Feeling your heart stop beating even if for a moment, holding your breath metaphorically as you sorta wait that long microsecond of empty silence and stillness in your chest, before it gives a compensatory pounding thud, at random, is just a primally scary feeling. Not too surprising I suppose, but stimulation of the vagus nerve is associated with feelings of impending doom.
I didn't like weekend withdrawal headaches, that I didn't recognize as such, that I was having on days off.
Also, caffeine would sorta make me feel cracked out, anxious, irritable, having trouble focusing, and lead to a "poop out' feeling usually late afternoon.
If I drank it then to combat that feeling, I could feel the long half life of caffeine making me roll around in bed half awake most of the night.
It suppressed my appetite which I suppose was sort of useful, but I think contributed to that low energy feeling. And an upset tummy.
All of it made me feel empty and dead inside. Maybe that was just the empty tummy or the training more than caffeine, but they are inextricably linked in my experience now.
I didn't have the luxury of using caffeine the way I do now.
One reason tea, and with milk, became so popular in England - the coal miners would drink "builder's brew," which, the caffeine plus sugar and milk, gave them a quick way to recharge.
The double shot vanilla skinny vanilla latte with whipped cream, basically had enough calories, with a touch of fat and protein, to be the American suped up crack version of the same.
I needed all the extra stuff added since I don't like the flavor of coffee.