So... I have a dilemma. This is a very, very long story so if you can't read long posts and winded stories, please just exit or keep scrolling. I apologize for those who read this entire thing and find that they've wasted their time.
My relationship with my parents was not very good ever since I was young which has resulted in me having doubts about myself in everything... with a special emphasis on my academic performance. Academia in my family was very... revered. And let's just say my parents' didn't help with my self-confidence growing up. (Ex: I made a mistake of not knowing what 6x7 was so my mother locked me out of the house for hours in the cold. Another example is that I was repeatedly told that I was "stupid" and "dumb" and that she wished she had another kid because that kid would be a "milion times smarter". And many other things.)
I didn't do so well in elementary school, which followed me into middle school, and then high school.
Because of this, I didn't even want to go to college (although my parents pushed me because education, again, is highly revered. I'm an Asian-American, so maybe this will give some context on how important education is). However, I loved volleyball so I played collegiate volleyball and only did the minimum amount of credits enough to be on the team. The plan was to become a professional volleyball player. I did get offers -- However, my coach dropped the ball on this part of my life (don't even get me started on how bitter I am) and my offers were rescinded.
So I decided to become a psychologist because.... Well. They were the only classes that I fully enjoyed and I loved learning more about disorders and diagnosing people and mental health, etc (probably because of what happened to me for my entire life).
Graduated, transferred to a 4 year college, and just recently took a class where counseling was required for us and I came across something very unfortunate:
I. Cannot. Counsel. People. At. All. I don't know what it is, but crying people makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable as they're telling me their childhood truama that was either
a. similar to mine
b. trivial to me
c. not that big of a deal
d. or I had no idea what to say to them to comfort them.
At this point, I realized that becoming a therapist was not for me (thank GOD for this class) and now I am one semester away from graduating with a BA in Psychology. And now... the option of the medical field is there.
I've never even so much as LOOKED at the medical field. I still honestly think that medical students are way too smart for me and that they're born naturally smart or are people who can run on less than 4 hours of sleep for 7 days out of the week. But the field intrigues me. And I wonder if I could do it. I absolutely loved my physiological psychology class (I'm in the top 2% of the class) and I loved learning about the nervous system and the brain and hormones. I also loved my biological psychology class, which had much to do with the biology behind mental disorders and was fascinated by what went on inside of our body. And I love the idea of physically helping people become better. Looking back, I did surprisingly well in the chemistry class that my coach forced me to take and got an easy A in it.
I'm thinking that maybe I could do it? But then overwhelming, CRIPPLING doubt comes over me. Can I?
I was such an academic failure from elementary school - high school. But when I transferred and moved away from home (400+ miles away), my GPA went from a 2.4 to a 3.7 in two years, with all the extra classes that I'm taking on. And I'm thinking maybe.. if I can do it here, why can't I do it in medical school?
And then a tiny little voice reminds me in my head that psychology classes are so much easier than medical school classes like physics, biology, chemistry, infamous Ochem, calculus, etc. And that just because I'm getting an A in these classes, doesn't necessarily mean that I'll thrive in medical classes. And what if I end up failing? Then I'll just be in so much more debt than I already am. And what if I don't even get into medical school? What if I don't like it? What if I can't keep up?
What are your stories? I'm following so many medical Instagrams and I feel like they're all so incredibly... smart. Education. Confident. Their notes are immaculate, they're always volunteering, they're always studying for tests, contacting doctors, and they already have contacts in the medical field! I'm having a hard time finding a place to let me volunteer, let alone shadow.
Do you guys have doubts? Do you guys ever fail? How do you find the confidence to know that you have what it takes to get through medical school? How do you know that you can do it?
Yes, I realize that some people will respond, "Going through something like that when you're young is just an excuse". Please don't. It was extremely traumatizing and it still follows me as an adult today. I'm still working through it bit by bit. The fact that I'm even considering the medical field and interested is a really, really big step for me. Please be kind. Thank you.
My relationship with my parents was not very good ever since I was young which has resulted in me having doubts about myself in everything... with a special emphasis on my academic performance. Academia in my family was very... revered. And let's just say my parents' didn't help with my self-confidence growing up. (Ex: I made a mistake of not knowing what 6x7 was so my mother locked me out of the house for hours in the cold. Another example is that I was repeatedly told that I was "stupid" and "dumb" and that she wished she had another kid because that kid would be a "milion times smarter". And many other things.)
I didn't do so well in elementary school, which followed me into middle school, and then high school.
Because of this, I didn't even want to go to college (although my parents pushed me because education, again, is highly revered. I'm an Asian-American, so maybe this will give some context on how important education is). However, I loved volleyball so I played collegiate volleyball and only did the minimum amount of credits enough to be on the team. The plan was to become a professional volleyball player. I did get offers -- However, my coach dropped the ball on this part of my life (don't even get me started on how bitter I am) and my offers were rescinded.
So I decided to become a psychologist because.... Well. They were the only classes that I fully enjoyed and I loved learning more about disorders and diagnosing people and mental health, etc (probably because of what happened to me for my entire life).
Graduated, transferred to a 4 year college, and just recently took a class where counseling was required for us and I came across something very unfortunate:
I. Cannot. Counsel. People. At. All. I don't know what it is, but crying people makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable as they're telling me their childhood truama that was either
a. similar to mine
b. trivial to me
c. not that big of a deal
d. or I had no idea what to say to them to comfort them.
At this point, I realized that becoming a therapist was not for me (thank GOD for this class) and now I am one semester away from graduating with a BA in Psychology. And now... the option of the medical field is there.
I've never even so much as LOOKED at the medical field. I still honestly think that medical students are way too smart for me and that they're born naturally smart or are people who can run on less than 4 hours of sleep for 7 days out of the week. But the field intrigues me. And I wonder if I could do it. I absolutely loved my physiological psychology class (I'm in the top 2% of the class) and I loved learning about the nervous system and the brain and hormones. I also loved my biological psychology class, which had much to do with the biology behind mental disorders and was fascinated by what went on inside of our body. And I love the idea of physically helping people become better. Looking back, I did surprisingly well in the chemistry class that my coach forced me to take and got an easy A in it.
I'm thinking that maybe I could do it? But then overwhelming, CRIPPLING doubt comes over me. Can I?
I was such an academic failure from elementary school - high school. But when I transferred and moved away from home (400+ miles away), my GPA went from a 2.4 to a 3.7 in two years, with all the extra classes that I'm taking on. And I'm thinking maybe.. if I can do it here, why can't I do it in medical school?
And then a tiny little voice reminds me in my head that psychology classes are so much easier than medical school classes like physics, biology, chemistry, infamous Ochem, calculus, etc. And that just because I'm getting an A in these classes, doesn't necessarily mean that I'll thrive in medical classes. And what if I end up failing? Then I'll just be in so much more debt than I already am. And what if I don't even get into medical school? What if I don't like it? What if I can't keep up?
What are your stories? I'm following so many medical Instagrams and I feel like they're all so incredibly... smart. Education. Confident. Their notes are immaculate, they're always volunteering, they're always studying for tests, contacting doctors, and they already have contacts in the medical field! I'm having a hard time finding a place to let me volunteer, let alone shadow.
Do you guys have doubts? Do you guys ever fail? How do you find the confidence to know that you have what it takes to get through medical school? How do you know that you can do it?
Yes, I realize that some people will respond, "Going through something like that when you're young is just an excuse". Please don't. It was extremely traumatizing and it still follows me as an adult today. I'm still working through it bit by bit. The fact that I'm even considering the medical field and interested is a really, really big step for me. Please be kind. Thank you.
