Considering dropping out

[MedMentalHealth]

As the title says, I'm considering dropping out and could really use some advice. I'm currently on leave of absence from a US medical school. For some background information, I decided to take a leave after my first year because of a severe episode of depression. I won't go into specifics, but I was suicidal and decided I needed to take a step back from school, despite doing pretty well academically. During my leave, I started seeing a counselor and psychiatrist regularly and was able to get to a relatively stable position. My psychiatrist thinks I may have bipolar disorder, so I'm currently being treated for that. Unfortunately, I've really fallen into another depression as I'm getting ready to reenter school in a couple weeks and I don't know if it was triggered by the prospect of starting school again. This has been the worst depression I've ever experience and I'm honestly just happy that I've managed to keep myself out of a psych ward.

My dilemma is that I really don't know if I want to be a doctor anymore or even can for that matter. There were some parts of my first year that I really enjoyed, but I think I was honestly pretty miserable through most of it. I know a lot of people say it gets better in your third year, but I have serious doubts about whether I can handle the stress of clerkships without falling into another cycle of depression. Part of me really thinks I should just drop out, but I already have a significant amount of student loan debt and I'm also just worried that I'll regret leaving. I've worked so hard to get to this point and I can't even imagine what I would do besides medicine.

So I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has advice for me. I've asked just about everyone in my life and I'm just desperate for help at this point.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[drducky.]

I think you should quit if it’s causing you so much stress. Just remember that being a doctor is a job, just like any other job. You deserve to be happy because you only get 1 chance at life. Once your 20s are over, they’re over and never coming back.

^I’ve thought about this a lot and that’s what I would tell my kids. In fact, i’d tell my kids to never do medicine and just live a normal life.

 

[AzBasRad]

OP, personal health >>>>> any job.

"It gets better in MS3" is usually stated in the context of seeing real patients and somewhat contributing to their clinical care. However, the stressors from pre-clinical years does not stop - you still have to study for shelf exams on top of your clinical schedule/requirements. Also, you will be forced to play nice with patients, attendings, staff who will be rude to you just because they can.

Take care of yourself and your mental health OP. If you have the chops to get into a US medical school, I am sure you will figure something out in the future. I wish you the best!

 

[Chelsea FC]

Considering dropping out 7 times. Did the paperwork 4 times. Took time off in 2nd year and came back and rock 3rd year. Legit having a week from hell today and cried infront of my wife today. It gets better, it gets worst you will learn to deal with it better. Just know ur not alone!

 

[Damson]

Considering dropping out 7 times. Did the paperwork 4 times. Took time off in 2nd year and came back and rock 3rd year. Legit having a week from hell today and cried infront of my wife today. It gets better, it gets worst you will learn to deal with it better. Just know ur not alone!

Stay strong

 

[GreenDuck12]

There is so much more to life than what we do for our occupation. You’re young and have your whole life in front of you. You could do anything. You got into medical school - something tells me you’ll figure out how to do something else and be successful at it if that is what you decide. Take the time you need to make your decision. All the very best to you.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

You will get some people telling you to just stick it out. Please don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. It’s almost never too late to get out. If you’re this miserable after an LOA after M1, it’s not for you. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Too many people define themselves by what they do for a living.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

I think you should quit if it’s causing you so much stress. Just remember that being a doctor is a job, just like any other job. You deserve to be happy because you only get 1 chance at life. Once your 20s are over, they’re over and never coming back.

^I’ve thought about this a lot and that’s what I would tell my kids. In fact, i’d tell my kids to never do medicine and just live a normal life.

I've never understood this. I enjoy being a doctor and am well paid for it. Why wouldn't I recommend that to my kids?

 

[Splenda88]

I've never understood this. I enjoy being a doctor and am well paid for it. Why wouldn't I recommend that to my kids?

Medicine can be taxing on the soul, so I am guessing that's why some docs won't/don't recommend it to their kids. It's nice that you enjoy your job, but my impression as a new kid on the block is that most docs see medicine just as a prestigious profession that pays well. I could be wrong however.

I think OP should drop out and find something that suits him/her better.

 

[Ho0v-man]

Most of us are stressed, burnt out, and depressed in med school at some (often?) times in med school. But if you’re feeling this way after a year off I’d stop.

Ignore the people who say “it gets better”. M2 is literally twice as stressful as M1 with boards looming over your head. Even if it is p/f, it still takes quite a grind and breaks people hard just to hit that pass.

Every year after M2 is entirely on you. You’ll barely be taught anything ever again. Instead, you’ll just be given **** for not knowing stuff you’re there to learn. Now after your 12 hour day in the hospital you need to go home and study up on the stuff you were given **** about so you can catch more **** tomorrow about something else.

M3 is less stressful in terms of passing since it’s really hard to fail a rotation. But you still have to grind for your shelves/step2. Then you have subi’s where all of a sudden you’re supposed to be infinitely better than you were last time.

Basically, every day you’re supposed to be better in some way than you were yesterday. That is, at a minimum, the next six years of your life if you go down this path.

Given the problems you’ve already experienced, I’d quit.

 

[VA Hopeful Dr]

Medicine can be taxing on the soul, so I am guessing that's why some docs won't/don't recommend it to their kids. It's nice that you enjoy your job, but my impression as a new kid on the block is that most docs see medicine just as a prestigious profession that pays well. I could be wrong however.

I think OP should drop out and find something that suits him/her better.

I don't personally consider it prestigious. But its good money, you can occasionally make a difference, and the work is often interesting.

 

[djiboutiman]

It's hard to say without knowing why medical school is making you so miserable. Is it the pace of classes and the firehose of information? Medical school and residency are a grind, so you'd have to stick it out for another 6 years at minimum. Is the material just not interesting to you? I think the material does get more interesting as you go along, prompting people to say 2nd year and 3rd year are better. Is it the constant stress of having to pass classes/be at the top of your class? I think you'll always have some level of stress with making sure you're doing everything correctly, even after all the training.

I'm a big believer in prioritizing your mental health over your career. As others have said, it's not too late to change careers. You're only one year in and you'll eventually pay off those student loans. Identify what you liked about a career in medicine and you can translate that to a different career. Wanted something medical, but a little more easy-going? What about being a physical therapist, occupational therapist, physician assistant, optometrist, pharmacist, medical technologist, etc. Or if you wanted something non-medical, but loved the idea of helping someone, there are tons of careers like social work, therapy, working for a non-profit. Or if you want to be finished with school you can always go into research or some other job. There are tons of career options if you decide to leave medical school.

One of my very close friends has Bipolar Disorder. They left their high-paying job because it was giving them too much anxiety. They found a much more easy-going career that pays half of what they used to make. They are so much happier and do not regret their decision at all.

If you decide to leave medical school, know that many people support you, including most of us in this thread. Good luck!

 

[Dave1980]

As the title says, I'm considering dropping out and could really use some advice. I'm currently on leave of absence from a US medical school. For some background information, I decided to take a leave after my first year because of a severe episode of depression. I won't go into specifics, but I was suicidal and decided I needed to take a step back from school, despite doing pretty well academically. During my leave, I started seeing a counselor and psychiatrist regularly and was able to get to a relatively stable position. My psychiatrist thinks I may have bipolar disorder, so I'm currently being treated for that. Unfortunately, I've really fallen into another depression as I'm getting ready to reenter school in a couple weeks and I don't know if it was triggered by the prospect of starting school again. This has been the worst depression I've ever experience and I'm honestly just happy that I've managed to keep myself out of a psych ward.

My dilemma is that I really don't know if I want to be a doctor anymore or even can for that matter. There were some parts of my first year that I really enjoyed, but I think I was honestly pretty miserable through most of it. I know a lot of people say it gets better in your third year, but I have serious doubts about whether I can handle the stress of clerkships without falling into another cycle of depression. Part of me really thinks I should just drop out, but I already have a significant amount of student loan debt and I'm also just worried that I'll regret leaving. I've worked so hard to get to this point and I can't even imagine what I would do besides medicine.

So I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has advice for me. I've asked just about everyone in my life and I'm just desperate for help at this point.

What else would you do? Jobs are stressful and especially jobs that don't pay well or have good security.

Medicine is a path to a stable and secure high-paying job.

If you were my kid I'd recommend trying to figure out a way to get through it. Lower your expectations maybe? No need to be a rockstar just be adequate.

 

[Dave1980]

OP, personal health >>>>> any job.

Sure but being broke without a secure and high paying job will also take a mental toll.

 

[drducky.]

Sure but being broke without a secure and high paying job will also take a mental toll.

You can be successful at any other job if you put in the same number of hours required for med school and residency.

 

[Dave1980]

You can be successful at any other job if you put in the same number of hours required for med school and residency.

if your whole education is set up for med school you likely wont ever get the opportunity for another good job.

i graduated with a bio major with no business or engineering knowledge and no internships. most med students have a similar background.

if i had dropped out of med school what job do you think i could get and how much additional education/training would it take?

 

[drducky.]

if your whole education is set up for med school you likely wont ever get the opportunity for another good job.

i graduated with a bio major with no business or engineering knowledge and no internships. most med students have a similar background.

if i had dropped out of med school what job do you think i could get and how much additional education/training would it take?

You’re too classroom-minded to see that most of the top 1% jobs don’t require any education from a college. You don’t need a “degree” to start your own company or to just climb your way to a 6 figure salary. One of my friends was a political science major and now manages a call center for verizon. Another started his own import/export company. And another taught himself how to day trade stocks and makes a few grand on good days. In fact, how many people do you know actually use their degrees?

 

[Dave1980]

everyone in IB, consulting, finance uses their degrees and experience.

 

[operaman]

Based only on what you've posted, I think you would be well advised to pull the rip cord and look for another career. If you have the chops to get in to med school, you have the chops to do just about anything else too.

M1 is challenging because it's tough adjusting to the workload and the new stresses, but relative to the rest of training it's arguably the lowest stress time of all. M2 plus Step 1 time is exponentially more challenging and stressful. M3 is "better" because you're finally on the wards, but brings its own stress mostly in the form of high stakes shelf exams every few weeks but also minimal time to study because you also have to impress clinically to get good evals and grades. M4 is probably the lowest stress time, but of course there's applying for residency, travel, interviewing, the stress of matching.

Once that's all done, then you get the real stress starting with residency. You also get the sheer exhaustion and sleep deprivation that is inevitable when working 80 hours a week. Oh and now you have actual patients and can actually hurt people and your screw ups can have real consequences. Even when you do everything right bad things will still happen sometimes. You're still being watched and graded and evaluated through it all. It's challenging plus there's not really a LOA option so you're kind of stuck for 3-7 years, and if your illness flares up and leads to poor performance, you can face significant licensing hurdles not to mention the difficulty of finding another position once you've been fired from one residency.

In order to really be a physician you are looking at 6+ years and gradually increasing stress to get there. Training is a pressure cooker that is merciless on those with mental illnesses. There's never a better time to step away than right now.

I think you'd be surprised how many other things you can do once you do commit to a new path. Pharma sales and medical device sales are very lucrative and common paths to a comfortable 6-figure income and pretty great work life balance compared to physicians. The MBA route is another popular option and having a strong medical/science background can be helpful in many of those jobs. You could even go into hospital administration from this route. Having recently been on the job search, there are a lot of hospital CFOs younger than me (non trad here) making 250-500k (I always look up their tax filings when interviewing and they list their salaries). So that's a way you could stay in healthcare and make a great living.

Again, your options are limitless at this point and all of them are far less stressful than medicine. Even though other careers have stress, the big difference is you have far more power to leave and regulate your work environment outside the medical training pathway. You really are trapped while in medical training. If you're climbing the admin ladder and you're not happy you just freshen up ye olde resume and take your valuable experience to another employer.

 

[mesopic]

OP, just to add another option, if you are interested in tech at all, there are many coding bootcamps (in person and online) that offer very flexible financing options, including deferred payment models (pay nothing until you find a job). I know others who have pursued this path with success, landing jobs with good (i.e. 6 figure) compensation at well-known tech companies in under a year of dropping out/quitting their previous jobs. Many tech companies are moving towards remote working options too so you no longer need to move to the Bay Area/Seattle/NYC.

No matter what you decide, we are rooting for you OP. All the very best to you!

 

[drducky.]

OP, just to add another option, if you are interested in tech at all, there are many coding bootcamps (in person and online) that offer very flexible financing options, including deferred payment models (pay nothing until you find a job). I know others who have pursued this path with success, landing jobs with good (i.e. 6 figure) compensation at well-known tech companies in under a year of dropping out/quitting their previous jobs. Many tech companies are moving towards remote working options too so you no longer need to move to the Bay Area/Seattle/NYC.

No matter what you decide, we are rooting for you OP. All the very best to you!

That actually sounds pretty good ngl. Working from home while paid 6 figures. Don’t feel like you’re trapped in medicine OP!

 

[Splenda88]

What else would you do? Jobs are stressful and especially jobs that don't pay well or have good security.

Medicine is a path to a stable and secure high-paying job.

If you were my kid I'd recommend trying to figure out a way to get through it. Lower your expectations maybe? No need to be a rockstar just be adequate.

The ones that pay well for the most part are stressful as well. But the idea of going back made OP depressed. I am usually someone who would tell people that if you get into med school, do you best to finish because of the financial rewards, but I think OP is already in a dark place based on his post and going back to med school will probably exacerbate his/her issues.

 

[solitarius]

Medical training is a very crappy experience to go through, so you want to make sure you maximize the odds of getting a return on your invested time and debt. A far worse scenario is that you go all-in and don't make it through residency with lots of unpaid debt.

A lot of jobs are high stress and crappy, but stakes are high for not completing training or not practicing after so much invested.

Good luck on your decision.

 

[Lawpy]

Normally i'd say SDN is unnecessarily pessimistic on these topics and like to exaggerate the severity of training... but they're right. Sorry OP but health comes first and i'm not sure how you'll be able to get through clinical years and residency, which is where the major stress lies and can really severely worsen your depression. Now is the time to quit and find something else to do

 

[Goro]

Very sorry to hear of your troubles, OP.

Can you take one more year of Loa? Most importantly right now, get that depression under control.

As one who has gone through this myself several times in my adult career, you have not only my sympathies but my empathy.

 

[Lem0nz]

I don't personally consider it prestigious. But its good money, you can occasionally make a difference, and the work is often interesting.

I agree with encouraging my kids to go into medicine. Particularly as a 2nd gen physician (or any version of >2nd generation) you have someone in the family who can help you navigate the difficult parts and while you can never truly appreciate how hard it is, you can anticipate way more of it if you aren't the first. You'll also have someone who knows what to study and focus your energy on, or if they don't know that, they know where to look and who to talk to in order to be the most up to date and do well in medical school. Finally, having a coach in residency would have made an absolute world of difference. Not on the medicine piece, but on the life piece.

I think armed with any or all of that, I would happily do medicine again. Certainly would encourage the kids to go into it - just with very wide open eyes about where the pitfalls and difficulties are. As only the 2nd person in the extended family to get through college and the first doc that was sort of a painful whirlwind. It wasn't impossible by any stretch, but I was never ever going to be top of the class or anything even close. I just sort of got by and was average for a large part of my training. Which was fine! But I lacked the social structure, knowledge, and friend base to figure out enough to be stellar. I figured out enough to get through. There are obviously other 1st gen docs who did better but I think the stereotypes are there for a reason - on a bell curve I was probably pretty par for the course.

Back to topic: OP I like @Goro 's advice best. You shouldn't make serious decisions when in the throws of major depression if at all possible. I would take another LOA and/or extend it if that is an option and schedule a time to discuss continuing or dropping out with your support system (psych/psychology/family) 3-6 months from now and make a more clear headed and informed decision and also take time when you're well to plan out the alternatives before making a commitment.

 

[Drjc1977]

As the title says, I'm considering dropping out and could really use some advice. I'm currently on leave of absence from a US medical school. For some background information, I decided to take a leave after my first year because of a severe episode of depression. I won't go into specifics, but I was suicidal and decided I needed to take a step back from school, despite doing pretty well academically. During my leave, I started seeing a counselor and psychiatrist regularly and was able to get to a relatively stable position. My psychiatrist thinks I may have bipolar disorder, so I'm currently being treated for that. Unfortunately, I've really fallen into another depression as I'm getting ready to reenter school in a couple weeks and I don't know if it was triggered by the prospect of starting school again. This has been the worst depression I've ever experience and I'm honestly just happy that I've managed to keep myself out of a psych ward.

My dilemma is that I really don't know if I want to be a doctor anymore or even can for that matter. There were some parts of my first year that I really enjoyed, but I think I was honestly pretty miserable through most of it. I know a lot of people say it gets better in your third year, but I have serious doubts about whether I can handle the stress of clerkships without falling into another cycle of depression. Part of me really thinks I should just drop out, but I already have a significant amount of student loan debt and I'm also just worried that I'll regret leaving. I've worked so hard to get to this point and I can't even imagine what I would do besides medicine.

So I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has advice for me. I've asked just about everyone in my life and I'm just desperate for help at this point.

Reading this is sad. You have worked and sacrificed to obtain a dream which may not be in your best interest Any medical curriculum is very difficult with large expectations of the student in a finite period of time. I would hate to see you or anybody stop pursuing a dream. However the reality and the most important thing to consider is your physical and mental health. If becoming a physician means mental collapse or even suicide then it is not for you. Only you and your mental health provider an answer that. Assuming you acquire your MD, then you have the stress of internship, residency and then actual practice which in many instances is even more stressful than school. Perhaps a leave of absence would be the best at this time rather than dropping out. Of course that depends on the rules of the medical school you attend. Doing so perhaps would give you a better chance to make the correct well thought out decision rather than a wrong emotional decision. I wish you well. James. Coleman, D.V.M.

 

[Splenda88]

I don't personally consider it prestigious. But its good money, you can occasionally make a difference, and the work is often interesting.

But society does. Anyway, there is not a better career in term of job security and pay than medicine in the US, but you have to be in the "right mindset" to get thru med school.

 

[ACSurgeon]

But society does. Anyway, there is not a better career in term of job security and pay than medicine in the US, but you have to be in the "right mindset" to get thru med school.

and in the right mindset set to stay in the job. After a lot of sacrifice we all feel entitled to somethings and get very disappointed when it doesn’t happen. For some it could be money. For others respect. For some it’s autonomy or job security.

otherwise, yes it’s one of the best jobs, but most jobs suck so not sure that’s saying much haha.

 

[Splenda88]

and in the right mindset set to stay in the job. After a lot of sacrifice we all feel entitled to somethings and get very disappointed when it doesn’t happen. For some it could be money. For others respect. For some it’s autonomy or job security.

otherwise, yes it’s one of the best jobs, but most jobs suck so not sure that’s saying much haha.

One of the better among the worst.

 

[deleted1100659]

Your debt will only get higher each year- if you were to drop out, rather than fourth year you’d save yourself a lot of debt.

I hate to be negative but there will be a lot more hard parts in medical school and residency and the environment itself is not a great one for someone who is mentally struggling.

this environment has already lead to you having an awful experience and you’re just starting out; perhaps doing some soul searching and being true to yourself may help. You can recover money but you can’t recover a lost life.

 

[Chelsea FC]

M3 is less stressful in terms of passing since it’s really hard to fail a rotation. But you still have to grind for your shelves/step2.

Very easy to fail rotation by tanking shelfs because U have to work like a dog during the day and study at night.

 

[cptsam]

Very easy to fail rotation by tanking shelfs because U have to work like a dog during the day and study at night.

are they your entire grade lmao

for us, i think a half/over a half is from our evaluations so even if you tank the shelf exam you can still end up doing alright

 

[Lawpy]

Very easy to fail rotation by tanking shelfs because U have to work like a dog during the day and study at night.

isn't studying for rotations and making attendings happy = studying for shelf

 

[Chelsea FC]

are they your entire grade lmao

for us, i think a half/over a half is from our evaluations so even if you tank the shelf exam you can still end up doing alright

If u dont get a minimum grade in the shelf u fail the course. Or have to retake the shelf.

 

[Chelsea FC]

isn't studying for rotations and making attendings happy = studying for shelf

LOL this is sarcasm right?

 

[Lawpy]

LOL this is sarcasm right?

I think it's school/site specific, because Ankiing away in M3 + OME/UWorld seem to have a huge effect in getting rock solid evals and acing shelfs. Its a lot of work though but failing a shelf = failing a rotation just completely surprises me

 

[Chelsea FC]

I think it's school/site specific, because Ankiing away in M3 + OME/UWorld seem to have a huge effect in getting rock solid evals and acing shelfs. Its a lot of work though but failing a shelf = failing a rotation just completely surprises me

I would say the kids who rock shelfs and exams arent usually the ones who get great evals. Of course, u have the superstars in both. But alot of what it takes to be a good 3rd-year student isnt what it takes to do well on the shelves. Alot of it is soft skills, knowing alot about your patient, working well within a team. I struggled all throughout medical school with exams and legit got perfect marks on all 3rd year evals. Deans told me that very few people do that. Tying this back to the OP feelings. Maybe you will be great on the act of doctoring and excel when u donnt have mutiple choice exams every few weeks.

 

[MedMentalHealth]

Wow, thank you all for the thoughtful/compassionate posts. This was very helpful and I really appreciate it. I think I'm going to talk it over with my dean and get their opinion. I'll definitely come back and let you guys know what I decide.

 

[ciestar]

are they your entire grade lmao

for us, i think a half/over a half is from our evaluations so even if you tank the shelf exam you can still end up doing alright

My school required a minimum score on the shelf to even pass the rotation. Had score cutoffs for high pass and honors too

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

are they your entire grade lmao

for us, i think a half/over a half is from our evaluations so even if you tank the shelf exam you can still end up doing alright

If your school actually has compensatory grading (and I would double check because it might not), that is not all that typical. Most schools AFAIK don’t have compensatory grading, so even if your clinical evals are stellar, if you fail the shelf you will get an I for the rotation until you retake it (or if your school is less forgiving, you’d just fail the rotation).

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I think it's school/site specific, because Ankiing away in M3 + OME/UWorld seem to have a huge effect in getting rock solid evals and acing shelfs. Its a lot of work though but failing a shelf = failing a rotation just completely surprises me

Prepare to be surprised. On multiple rotations, what I needed to know to do well on my evals and what I needed to know for the shelf overlapped fairly minimally.

 

[Splenda88]

I would say the kids who rock shelfs and exams arent usually the ones who get great evals. Of course, u have the superstars in both. But alot of what it takes to be a good 3rd-year student isnt what it takes to do well on the shelves. Alot of it is soft skills, knowing alot about your patient, working well within a team. I struggled all throughout medical school with exams and legit got perfect marks on all 3rd year evals. Deans told me that very few people do that. Tying this back to the OP feelings. Maybe you will be great on the act of doctoring and excel when u donnt have mutiple choice exams every few weeks.

If the deans told you very few people do that so they essentially say that your case is atypical. Based on my experience, most med student got along well with team/staff and what distinguish the ones who got great eval from... is that they know patients really well and they are able to answer a few 'pimping' questions.

 

[Matthew9Thirtyfive]

I would say the kids who rock shelfs and exams arent usually the ones who get great evals. Of course, u have the superstars in both. But alot of what it takes to be a good 3rd-year student isnt what it takes to do well on the shelves. Alot of it is soft skills, knowing alot about your patient, working well within a team. I struggled all throughout medical school with exams and legit got perfect marks on all 3rd year evals. Deans told me that very few people do that. Tying this back to the OP feelings. Maybe you will be great on the act of doctoring and excel when u donnt have mutiple choice exams every few weeks.

I don’t think very few people do that. I mean that’s how you get honors and it’s not very few people getting honors.

 

[Ho0v-man]

Very easy to fail rotation by tanking shelfs because U have to work like a dog during the day and study at night.

I’d argue these exams are hard to crush. Pretty easy to pass.

 

[Splenda88]

I’d argue these exams are hard to crush. Pretty easy to pass.

I think OBGYN and psych were not difficult to crush

 

[Chelsea FC]

I’d argue these exams are hard to crush. Pretty easy to pass.

I’d beg to differ that it’s easy to pass. Those exams are hard as hell. Especially after working crazy long hours doing stupid busy work that attendings/residents ask you to look up. Traveling to and from sites.

 

[MedMentalHealth]

Hey guys, I just wanted to come back and update you. I talked it over with my dean and he recommended extending my leave, as others suggested, rather than outright withdrawing. He knows I'm unlikely to return, but wants it to still be an option for me. I'm super lucky to be at a school that's been so supportive.

He also recommended that I look into careers in informatics, which I've never really considered before. I only got to use Epic a little bit over the course of my first year, but I thought it was pretty interesting. I also used to play around with Python before medical school and always enjoyed that. So I guess I was also wondering if anyone has researched/worked in informatics and might have some advice about the field and how I could explore it more? Sorry if there's a better place to ask this question.

I also just want to say thanks again for all your help. You guys made me feel a lot better about my decision/future.

 

[butidontwantto]

The best way to learn about a career is to try it on for a little bit. You probably shadowed doctors prior to med school, right? You can do a similar thing for other career paths too. Get on linkedin, work your network, and send out some short, polite messages to people who are doing things you're interested in learning more about. Say something to the effect of: Hello! I'm trying to sort out a career path, I'm really interested in learning more about what you do! Do you have any time to talk with about your career path/what you do/the thing that interested you about them in the first place. One thing to be very mindful of as you're going through this process is recognizing the difference between "this is interesting I'm enjoying learning about it" vs "I can see myself enjoying doing this work well enough to do it for ~40 hrs a week." I worked in health econ before deciding to go back to school to do the post bacc --> med school thing. I really loved learning about econ, and ended up hating doing it. I was spending my day in spreadsheets and not getting much human interaction. I also felt really far away from the people I wanted to help. Another question to ask yourself is do I actually see myself enjoying doing this, or does it look good just because it doesn't have these other components in medicine that I hated. Don't forget to look back too at what drew you to medicine in the first place.

Also, I don't think anyone's mentioned the COVID wildcard yet? Yeah med school is supposed to be tough, but let's also recognize that COVID has dialed everything way past 11. I've heard from some professors and 4th year tutors that the M1s this past year had the worst mental health they've ever seen. The M2s had at least met each other and formed bonds during fall 2019, but they weren't doing that much better than we were. Not to blame everything on COVID - the answer could still be that being a doctor is not the best path to happiness for you. Plus there's no guarantee that we ever go back to what was normal pre-covid given all the uncertainty with new COVID strains. But COVID took away just about everything that could be fun about med school and left everything else. Everyone saying med school just gets harder? Didn't have to do it during COVID. (They might still be right - won't know until our classes get all the way through.)

Either way, there are no wrong answers - whatever works for you is a good way to go. Good luck!!

 

[Dral]

Very sorry to hear of your troubles, OP.

Can you take one more year of Loa? Most importantly right now, get that depression under control.

As one who has gone through this myself several times in my adult career, you have not only my sympathies but my empathy.

I agree with this advice. Have you spoken to your psychiatrist about your feelings about school? I feel it's important to try to pull apart whether your feelings are truly how things are with you or if your feelings of wanting to get out due to the depression. It may be the latter...especially when you say the thought of going back may have triggered another round of depression...however that could also mean school is instigating your depression.

You're in a 'chicken or the egg' situation. You're obviously having doubts both ways. Sort of a rhetorical question: Is the depression causing your med school doubts or is it that med school is causing/contributing to your depression? Ideally you could take a bit more time off, maybe work in a low stress job or something to be able to help out with finances, and focus on picking apart your med school career from your depression. If you can pick them apart and get to a better place, you may be able to continue on. If you (and your health care professionals) determine that medical school is a cause or contributing factor to your mental health condition, then maybe it's best to move on to something else.