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10+ Year Member
Feb 12, 2007
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I’m currently a 4th yr torn btw couples matching or attempting a LD relationship with my SO of 3 yrs. Both of us are originally from CA but met during med school on the East Coast. We had hoped to go back to CA for residency, but unfortunately my SO (who is going into ortho) did not receive any interviews on the West Coast. We discussed couples matching, but after interviewing on both coasts I realized how much I loved the programs out west and how much I’ve missed being closer to my family. My SO and I are in a committed relationship and have discussed marriage in the future, although we've both agreed to wait until at least after intern year is over. I really don’t want to be apart from him, but I know that if we couples matched, I might end up having to settle for a program that is far from my top choice and also far away from home. On the other hand, I also hate the idea of being in a LD relationship. Prior to med school, I had been in another serious relationship that had ended after attempting LD. Despite that, I am hoping that things might turn out differently this time and am willing to try if it means that we might both be happier in the future. He is supportive of this - he understands how hard we've both worked to get this far in our careers and told me that I should go wherever I will be most happy. If we attempt LD, the plan would be for me to complete my residency in CA (which would be 3yrs) and then move to wherever he is to work for 2 more years until he is done with residency. I was just wondering what other people thought about my situation and whether or not they thought this plan was crazy or doable? Thanks.
 

msl2007

Senior Member
7+ Year Member
15+ Year Member
Apr 24, 2003
134
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Midwest
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  1. Resident [Any Field]
Would you rather be near your family or your SO?
Is going to the east coast going to hinder your career advancement?
How did you do being separated from your SO for med school rotations?
What do you REALLY want? (you can help answer this by writing program names on pieces of paper with you name on them, then pretending to match at each- feel your first reaction)

Your answers to these questions might help you sort it out.
I think that it is doable, but extremely hard, especially with long hours, no true weekends and 2-3 weeks vacations to visit each other. Residents have made it work though, and it is most likely to work if you are both happy wherever you are. I also know someone who lost an SO through an LD and then did another LD (a new SO) and they are now married. So that's encouraging!

I am in a similar situation- deciding between matching to be near his job or to be in my dream place. My career will be better off in my dream place, but I really don't want to separate. We are married though. I'll let you know what we decide Feb 21st! ;)
 

Faebinder

Slow Wave Smurf
10+ Year Member
May 24, 2006
3,507
11
Pennsylvania
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  1. Attending Physician
Long Distance is very destructive... be prepared for bad news... relationship dies.. (not in sight, not on the mind...) And that's when they meet someone at work who is nice, available and they totally forget what you had with him/her....

Then on a horny/lonely night... the decision is made... they want to see other people and they want the marriage/relationship dissolved.... "I love you but I am not in love with you" sorta garbage... blah blah blah blah...

I am not saying this will happen to you... but it's reality and it can happen.
 

msl2007

Senior Member
7+ Year Member
15+ Year Member
Apr 24, 2003
134
0
Midwest
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  1. Resident [Any Field]
I think that I am going to rank to stay with him... I can go to a good/great program (just not ideal), he can have an ideal job, we can have a great cost/standard of living, put more money into loans without having two households, and be together for the next 2-7years.
It is a hard decision, but overtime, it has come to me that this is the right thing for us.
Hope everyone else is able to make their own right decisons. I'll let you know if things change.
 
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