lalex

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Hello guys, I'm having a bit of difficulty reasoning with my mom... And by that I mean I haven't tried because she's bat **** crazy.

She wants me to take the MCAT September 23rd even though I know I won't/shouldn't be taking it. It's ricidulous. Her reasoning is that I should get it out of the way and not prolong medical school. I'm a rising senior and I think she thinks that applying to medical school is like applying to college (during senior year). I'm not only taking a gap year, I'm taking at least two and I'm terrified.

But I know I could do well on the exam if I am in the right state of mind after retaking some pre-reqs during a gap year. I bought a set of TBR and haven't even had time to go through it. I bet it would be an amazing resource for someone who did not do so great in their pre-reqs.

I mean the way she reacts when I say studying Psych isn't going so well is ****ing ridiculous.

How do I tell her I'm not taking the MCAT soon? Should I sign up for the exam and void? Should I go to the exam site and wander around for 8 hours which is risky if she drives me and I'm not signed up?
 
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piii

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Do you have any friends who are doctors or in medical school who can tell her that taking a gap year is perfectly fine? Maybe if she hears it from someone in the profession..

Otherwise you could ask her to read up on it, and just stop giving a ****
 

icevyne25

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I feel sorry for what you're going through but in all honesty you have to tell her straight up that she doesn't know what she is talking about and that if you rush the exam and get a bad score it will forever be there. Adcoms will always see it and some of them will see that as bad decision making and hurt your chances.

Many people take gap years to strengthen their application whether it be extracurricular work or just become mentally prepared for what lays ahead of them in med school.

I know this is probably more complicated when parents are involved in which you might be financially supported by them or live with them.
 

candbgirl

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What do you plan to do in your gap years? Make a plan, write it down and hand it to her. Tell her to ask any questions she has and tell her you'll keep her up to date if there are changes. Put her mind at ease that you won't just be couch sitting for two years. Good luck!
 

Catalystik

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Hello guys, I'm having a bit of difficulty reasoning with my mom... And by that I mean I haven't tried because she's bat **** crazy.

She wants me to take the MCAT September 23rd even though I know I won't/shouldn't be taking it. It's ricidulous. Her reasoning is that I should get it out of the way and not prolong medical school. I'm a rising senior and I think she thinks that applying to medical school is like applying to college (during senior year). I'm not only taking a gap year, I'm taking at least two and I'm terrified.

But I know I could do well on the exam if I am in the right state of mind after retaking some pre-reqs during a gap year. I bought a set of TBR and haven't even had time to go through it. I bet it would be an amazing resource for someone who did not do so great in their pre-reqs.

I mean the way she reacts when I say studying Psych isn't going so well is ****ing ridiculous.

How do I tell her I'm not taking the MCAT soon? Should I sign up for the exam and void? Should I go to the exam site and wander around for 8 hours which is risky if she drives me and I'm not signed up?
Since she won't believe you, let her read the MCAT Discussions and WAMC forums. And the Reapplicant forum.

Or, better yet, read her a variety of preselected gems that support your arguments.
 

gonnif

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Since she won't believe you, let her read the MCAT Discussions and WAMC forums. And the Reapplicant forum.

Or, better yet, read her a variety of preselected gems that support your arguments.
I would hope the helps but sounds like the kind of parent who will call up and badger admissions office on behalf of her son
 

yeezuswest

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Yeah, if you're only now looking through your tbr book set, and the test is in September, do NOT take the test. January 2016 at the earliest
 

Lucca

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Make a plan for your gap years and add some structure to your life. Parents of this type are often not "bat **** crazy" but are instead frightened by the prospect that their children have little direction. Prove to her you have your head on straight and remain cool-headed when you discuss things with her and you should be ok. the best defense against someone trying to control your life is controlling your own life to begin with.
 

Catalystik

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I would hope the helps but sounds like the kind of parent who will call up and badger admissions office on behalf of her son
[shudders] Or make her own SDN account and ask questions on her child's behalf until she has a more realistic idea that entering the process poorly prepared is application suicide. Note: I am not suggesting that a parent should over-helicopter their kid, as both of these approaches reflect poorly.
 
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md-2020

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Whereas there is great advice being given on this thread, unfortunately such helicopter/tiger parents are unlikely to put an anonymous internet forum over her own opinions. I think the OP would be better served by perhaps sitting down with both parents, reasoning it out, and maybe bring in the help of a family/friend who is in the profession. Despite everything, they are your parents and clearly want the best for you, so a well-thought out argument should not fall completely on deaf ears.

Deception in the form of voiding/running away from the testing site should be avoided at all costs, and is a pretty ridiculous idea.
 

idontknowwhatnametopick

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I was in a similar situation with my mom when I applied for undergrad. She made me start community college, so I did, and then after one quarter told me I should apply to 4 year colleges right away. There was no way I was going to do that (especially because she was forcing me to study bioengineering, which is not what I wanted to do). However I didn't tell her no, until much later when she asked why I hadn't gotten in anywhere, and I told her I hadn't applied.

After that I got kicked out, worked full time (at 3 part time jobs) while also in school full time, and after 2 quarters my parents started financially supporting me again.

We've had some issues since then but my mom now understands that I'm perfectly capable of managing my own education.

Don't ruin your chances in med school with a low MCAT score. If your parents are paying for it, then take it and void it if you must (or say no, but I understand how hard that can be). Plus the score expires in 3 years, so if you're taking 2 years off after your senior year, you'll have to retake it if you don't get into med school with your first try.

TLDR facing your mother is hard, but it's worth doing it because you'll feel so much better about yourself afterwards

Also now that I wrote this out I feel stupid for not putting it in my AMCAS application.... Oh well.
 

Strudel19

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Don't take the exam if you're not ready for it. If you can afford to move out during your gap year, do it.
 
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Mad Jack

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I don't know how people let their parents have so much say in their life. Culture is weird. I also don't know how parents with no clue about things form such strong opinions about how the process works.

Have her talk to someone that knows about the process. And definitely don't take the exam, you are in no way prepared.
 

NotASerialKiller

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If you're from a culture where your parents dictate every decision in your life until you have your own children whom you rule with an iron fist just the same, you can use some of the tips in this thread to reason with her.

If you're not and have just never experienced anything else, you're a senior in college and really have to stop this one way or another. When you're a doctor are you going to come here and ask what you should do when your mother insists on you prescribing a medication that you know is wrong? Unless there is significant cultural precedent and it is an important part of your identity, your mother should have absolutely no say in when you take a test that can determine your career prospects.
 

Goro

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You're an adult now. You have the right to vote, drive, smoke cigarettes, work, pay taxes, and fight and die for your country.

You're going to have to grow a spine and tell her that you'll take the MCAT on your own timeline and that taking a high-stakes, career deciding exam when you're not ready can keep you out of medical school.

Get her an SDN account so she can see the damage she might be doing to your career out of her ignorance.



Hello guys, I'm having a bit of difficulty reasoning with my mom... And by that I mean I haven't tried because she's bat **** crazy.

She wants me to take the MCAT September 23rd even though I know I won't/shouldn't be taking it. It's ricidulous. Her reasoning is that I should get it out of the way and not prolong medical school. I'm a rising senior and I think she thinks that applying to medical school is like applying to college (during senior year). I'm not only taking a gap year, I'm taking at least two and I'm terrified.

But I know I could do well on the exam if I am in the right state of mind after retaking some pre-reqs during a gap year. I bought a set of TBR and haven't even had time to go through it. I bet it would be an amazing resource for someone who did not do so great in their pre-reqs.

I mean the way she reacts when I say studying Psych isn't going so well is ****ing ridiculous.

How do I tell her I'm not taking the MCAT soon? Should I sign up for the exam and void? Should I go to the exam site and wander around for 8 hours which is risky if she drives me and I'm not signed up?
 

GCS-15

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I can see where she's coming from- she's probably worried that you'll get side tracked during your gap year and find some other job. Just make a plan, sit down and talk to her adult to adult and say "hey, I respect your opinion, but I've done my research and think this is a better idea."
 

Strudel19

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Parents like this typically can't be reasoned with. You can't sit down with them and have an intelligent discussion. If you indeed can't hammer things out, the key word with this entire situation is leverage. How much leverage do they have on you? Do they float you through your education and pay all finances? Are you in a low-moderate cost of living area? If so, your gap year job should cover all of your bills. If you moved out, hopefully your parents would be decent enough to at least keep you on their health insurance.

At the ripe age of 19 my parents got divorced, moved out of state, short sold the house and I had three weeks to find a place. I sold everything except for my clothes and trumpet, got a place and continued to hack through the pre-med process. My jobs paid the bills in my low cost of living area and student loans filled in the small deficit. I saved up my money during the summers and I bought all of my stuff back. It's taken a little over two years but my life has returned to normalcy. If I can do it, anyone can. To everyone here, if your parents are helping you a lot through this process, thank them today - it is a luxury!
 

winterwind_23

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That feel when first-generation college student...I guess there's one benefit of being first-generation: your parents don't boss you around about taking the MCAT. Actually, I'm kind of jealous I didn't have anyone forcing me to do things like this.

Anyway, if your mom is this controlling now, how will she be in medical school? Make sure you take control of the situation now before it gets worse.
 

solitarius

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Your mom sounds like she's 1) stubborn, 2) b#tchy, and 3) controlling.

But not crazy.
 

LizzyM

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As a mother myself, and knowing my own mom's worries about her kids and my grandmother's regrets that she asked one of her kids to wait (which resulted in him never going to 4 year college at all), I think I know your mom's worries.

1) Introduce her to the AAMC Table 25 for your race/ethnicity. Show her where your GPA falls on that table and how crucial the MCAT is to success given your GPA. Show her what score you are shooting for.
2) Show your mom the sample study schedules for the MCAT. Explain that this high stakes test is very important and the scores stick around forever. This isn't like the ACT or SAT where schools take the best and throw out the rest. A bad score can hurt you forever. Students I interview for admission to a top 20 school typically spend 8 weeks full-time or 15 weeks part time studying for this exam. If you haven't put in that kind of time, you aren't ready to take this exam of a lifetime. Doing so would be the equivalent of throwing you overboard in the ocean because, after all, you had swimming lessons in a pool and know what to do. You learn the basics in college courses but you have to train for the MCAT.
3) Give your mom a calendar with your next year or two planned out. Let her know that not applying right away is part of the plan and you are not going to stagnate or just drift through life with no real plan. That may be her biggest fear. Reassure her that many medical students take gap years and life experience after college is valued by admissions committees.
 

StudyLater

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Hello guys, I'm having a bit of difficulty reasoning with my mom... And by that I mean I haven't tried because she's bat **** crazy.

She wants me to take the MCAT September 23rd even though I know I won't/shouldn't be taking it. It's ricidulous. Her reasoning is that I should get it out of the way and not prolong medical school. I'm a rising senior and I think she thinks that applying to medical school is like applying to college (during senior year). I'm not only taking a gap year, I'm taking at least two and I'm terrified.

But I know I could do well on the exam if I am in the right state of mind after retaking some pre-reqs during a gap year. I bought a set of TBR and haven't even had time to go through it. I bet it would be an amazing resource for someone who did not do so great in their pre-reqs.

I mean the way she reacts when I say studying Psych isn't going so well is ****ing ridiculous.

How do I tell her I'm not taking the MCAT soon? Should I sign up for the exam and void? Should I go to the exam site and wander around for 8 hours which is risky if she drives me and I'm not signed up?
Daughters and their mothers.....

Give her the data on average age of matriculants.
 
Jun 19, 2015
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I had the same issue with my mom last year. And for a while I was scared to stand up to her in fear of getting cut out of the family completely. But over time, my anger and frustration at the situation grew beyond my fear and we had a series of discussions/arguments about the communication and relationship between us. Now, she does not hover over me at all, my parents are still supporting me, and they've given up their control over my life. It's a hard thing to do, but it is worth it in the end. For your sake, I'd try to speak with her about it. Also, read the Fifth Agreement.

EDIT: PM me if you'd like.
 
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leonardoson

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Hello guys, I'm having a bit of difficulty reasoning with my mom... And by that I mean I haven't tried because she's bat **** crazy.

She wants me to take the MCAT September 23rd even though I know I won't/shouldn't be taking it. It's ricidulous. Her reasoning is that I should get it out of the way and not prolong medical school. I'm a rising senior and I think she thinks that applying to medical school is like applying to college (during senior year). I'm not only taking a gap year, I'm taking at least two and I'm terrified.

But I know I could do well on the exam if I am in the right state of mind after retaking some pre-reqs during a gap year. I bought a set of TBR and haven't even had time to go through it. I bet it would be an amazing resource for someone who did not do so great in their pre-reqs.

I mean the way she reacts when I say studying Psych isn't going so well is ****ing ridiculous.

How do I tell her I'm not taking the MCAT soon? Should I sign up for the exam and void? Should I go to the exam site and wander around for 8 hours which is risky if she drives me and I'm not signed up?
Tell her you aren't in high school anymore, and do whatever you want
 

gonnif

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Is your mom African, Chinese, or Korean?
A few generations ago it was Jewish and Italian. Last decade or so I have been facing South Asian parents like this. Seems the stereotypical overly hovering mother defies cultural boundaries as I see my Chinese wife treat her son the way my New York Jewish mother treated me. All Mothers are the same except for the dumplings they cook and the sauce they cook them in. And yes this was said mostly tongue in cheek
 

gonnif

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You're an adult now. You have the right to vote, drive, smoke cigarettes, work, pay taxes, and fight and die for your country.

You're going to have to grow a spine and tell her that you'll take the MCAT on your own timeline and that taking a high-stakes, career deciding exam when you're not ready can keep you out of medical school.

Get her an SDN account so she can see the damage she might be doing to your career out of her ignorance.
My Mother actually didnt consider her Jewish sons fully adult until they became a doctor, a lawyer or a CPA. But then of course she was from the old country...Brooklyn
 
Jun 19, 2015
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A few generations ago it was Jewish and Italian. Last decade or so I have been facing South Asian parents like this. Seems the stereotypical overly hovering mother defies cultural boundaries as I see my Chinese wife treat her son the way my New York Jewish mother treated me. All Mothers are the same except for the dumplings they cook and the sauce they cook them in. And yes this was said mostly tongue in cheek
As a Filipino, Filipino moms do hover, trust me.
 
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gonnif

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As a Filipino, Filipino moms do hover, trust me.
My point that ALL cultures have a sizable fraction of hovering Mothers.
 

musicalfeet

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Sometimes the only way for a parent that behaves that way to see that they NEED to respect your boundaries is to drop the hammer on them. In my case, it was declaring that I wasn't going to be their little violin genius and stay home with them forever...and that I was going to be a doc no matter what. That on top of straight up running away from home at 23 (but is that REALLY called running away? They had all the financial leverage on me though) and refusing to come back until they budged.

I'm not saying you have to be that drastic, but sometimes you have to teach people (including your "elders") to respect you...even if it turns ugly for a few months. Don't give her an "option" to give her opinion. You WILL be postponing your test. No questions, no comments accepted. You WILL take a gap year. She can't make you do anything.
 

NotASerialKiller

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Sometimes the only way for a parent that behaves that way to see that they NEED to respect your boundaries is to drop the hammer on them. In my case, it was declaring that I wasn't going to be their little violin genius and stay home with them forever...and that I was going to be a doc no matter what. That on top of straight up running away from home at 23 (but is that REALLY called running away? They had all the financial leverage on me though) and refusing to come back until they budged.
I wouldn't call that running away from home, more like leaving too late and then inexplicably going back
 

musicalfeet

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I wouldn't call that running away from home, more like leaving too late and then inexplicably going back
They had me financially eating out of the palm of their hand :( Not to mention...I live in an area with an absurd cost of living + music doesn't really quite make enough to be sustainable..at least in the beginning.
 
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Strudel19

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There are downsides, there are upsides. Upside: I can buy whatever the hell I want at the grocery store.
 

avgn

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A few generations ago it was Jewish and Italian. Last decade or so I have been facing South Asian parents like this. Seems the stereotypical overly hovering mother defies cultural boundaries as I see my Chinese wife treat her son the way my New York Jewish mother treated me. All Mothers are the same except for the dumplings they cook and the sauce they cook them in. And yes this was said mostly tongue in cheek
Jewish dad and Chinese mom? That's Amy Chua's family :laugh:
 
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Holmwood

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Help her understand as LizzyM suggested. It takes a while for people to wrap their head around how competitive the process is and your mother may be reacting this way because she is getting the wrong impression from you.
 
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lalex

lalex

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So I've read all replies and I know I should just stand up to her. But it's hard, she's mentally abused me all my life and will basically make me feel like a failure.

I AM first generation American and she works at a hospital. She isn't pushing me to be a doctor. She won't support my decision of taking a gap year because 1. I'm "wasting time" and 2. I'll be a failure to family/friends.

She thinks there's no harm in trying to apply and constantly tells me what her friends say at work which is ****ing annoying and hilarious because I'm pretty sure none of these people's kids actually got into medical school and if they did, they're parents are clearly clueless.

It's hard because I'm living under her roof but when I'm at school I won't and when I graduate, I plan to move in with my sister.

I'm going to tell her I'm not ready and to talk to a doctor at work because I'm literally sitting on my ass all day pretending to study when I could be volunteering. Still nervous and wish I was back at school.
 

getdown

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So I've read all replies and I know I should just stand up to her. But it's hard, she's mentally abused me all my life and will basically make me feel like a failure.

I AM first generation American and she works at a hospital. She isn't pushing me to be a doctor. She won't support my decision of taking a gap year because 1. I'm "wasting time" and 2. I'll be a failure to family/friends.

She thinks there's no harm in trying to apply and constantly tells me what her friends say at work which is ****ing annoying and hilarious because I'm pretty sure none of these people's kids actually got into medical school and if they did, they're parents are clearly clueless.

It's hard because I'm living under her roof but when I'm at school I won't and when I graduate, I plan to move in with my sister.

I'm going to tell her I'm not ready and to talk to a doctor at work because I'm literally sitting on my ass all day pretending to study when I could be volunteering. Still nervous and wish I was back at school.
Sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and tell her you're not doing it? I mean what's she gonna do? Take your MCAT and start applying to these schools herself on your behalf?
 

moisne

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If you can't go against your mother - and she rules your life like this - you haven't grown up. Why is she on your back? Are you living in the basement or something? If you are - better find a job during those two gap years because your mother won't be too happy about that.
 
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Gibbward

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If you can't go against your mother - and she rules your life like this - you haven't grown up.
+1 If you need your mother to decide if you're a failure or not, then you are also to blame for your situation. Let her tell you that you're a failure and that you are the failure of the family! Let her talk as much as she wants! Because you know what, that's her opinion. IT. DOES. NOT. MATTER.

What matters is what you want to do. Do you really want to be a doctor??? Then, you do what you need to do to achieve that! Take a gap year. Hell, take three years. Because if you listen to all her nonsense and follow just what she tells you to do, then you will get no where.