Dating in Medical School

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crystalgreen said:
hey guys, maybe you can help me out...i've never encountered a guy like this before. so i met someone outside of school and after knowing him for a while, he decided to ask me out...at first i was hesitant not b/c he's not attractive but b/c i didnt have time, but then i thought it might be fun so we went out for dinner. we had a really good time and he told me that he wanted to see me again before i left for summer break until i told him that im not ready for a serious relationship(which really is true) and that i really just want to have some fun if you know what i mean😀. however, this guy refused the "fun" and said that "i will not have fun on the first date altho i really want to". he also said that i threw him for a loop b/c i didnt want a relationship. it's not that i dont want a relationship but it's just that i dont think i can really maintain one with the little time i have and i also dont want to jump into one so quickly. after that first date, he texted me saying that he wants to try going out again now that we know each other's expectations and he also called me the day after....i called him back a day later but he didnt pick up...it's been a few days now and i havent heard from him. maybe he really wants a relationship, but wat's wrong with having fun? what is up with this? can you guys help me figure this out?
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Just curious?? Why do you not have enough time. I personally think starting a relationship off with 1 or 2 dates a week would be ideal..surely you can spare a few hours a week??


..but what I would do in your situation if you are definitely against a relationship and he wants one, is to respect his wishes and say good bye. DOnt lead him on.
 
ChubbyChaser said:
Just curious?? Why do you not have enough time. I personally think starting a relationship off with 1 or 2 dates a week would be ideal..surely you can spare a few hours a week??


..but what I would do in your situation if you are definitely against a relationship and he wants one, is to respect his wishes and say good bye. DOnt lead him on.
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im not definately agst a relationship...i just dont want to jump into one with just anybody. going out once or twice a week is fine but what happens if the relationship gets more serious? then once or twice a week will not be enough to maintain it right? that's why i told him i dont want anything too serious. wat im confused about is why did he tell me(after our date) that he still wanted to go out and all of a sudden pull the plug on me?
 
phatib said:
i think the guy probably likes you a lot - at least enough to respect you that he doesn't want to sleep with you right away. maybe he felt that you were rejecting him by telling him you don't want a relationship with him.

also, I think the first few dates are sometimes too soon to bring up relationship stuff. it should be more fun and light.
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i dont know, i thought he liked me...b/c if he still likes me he should be calling me, right? now im the one feeling rejected! lol!
 
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If I wanted a relationship, I would stop the contact as well. Guys have many options to have fun nowadays. So if they want a relationship, and the girl is only offering fun, it only makes sense to stand firm and get that fun elsewhere.
 
crystalgreen said:
im not definately agst a relationship...i just dont want to jump into one with just anybody. going out once or twice a week is fine but what happens if the relationship gets more serious? then once or twice a week will not be enough to maintain it right? that's why i told him i dont want anything too serious. wat im confused about is why did he tell me(after our date) that he still wanted to go out and all of a sudden pull the plug on me?
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Idk...a few times a week, I think can be alright....but idk.

Id probably just ask him whats up.
 
ChubbyChaser said:
Idk...a few times a week, I think can be alright....but idk.

Id probably just ask him whats up.
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i just asked him last night by texting him...but he hasnt replied. honestly, im not really interested anymore b/c his behavior of leaving me hanging is not cool.
 
crystalgreen said:
i just asked him last night by texting him...but he hasnt replied. honestly, im not really interested anymore b/c his behavior of leaving me hanging is not cool.
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Probably for the best really, if you weren't sure about your intentions. You'll find someone else to have fun with 🙂
 
ChubbyChaser said:
www.onlinebootycall.com

haha i saw this in a commercial on comedy central.
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LOLLL@ this thread and several posts!

re: gay and med student - no difference in my eyes, sexual orientation has VERY little to do with whether or not someone should date in med school.

re: long distance - It's gonna suck. a lot. You can make long distance work, but it will certainly be difficult as everyone pointed out. sigh.

re: 4 years long distance....i dunno - anything worth something needs proper time and attention for growth.

dating another med student/doctor is going to be difficult if either person is needy. I know several couples in med school at the same school and same year - some married, some not....they make it work, but every couple has their different way of working. Some study together all the time, some rarely study together. what is certain is that post-exams their animal tendencies are engaged like no other....

It sucks when your sig other is miles away and you're so head over heels that you can't live without them, then you're in deep do-do. haha

or as chubbs said, can always go for that online booty call if that's your thing.

re: no time as med students? i mean - first year is not that bad folks, anyone disciplined can surely make time for a relationship. Look at all the married folks entering med school....they make it work, don't they? At least those mature enough for it do.

my opinion is to forget finding another doctor so that your children can have a parent that can give them the proper time and attention as they grow up. at some point people want to settle down and nobody should think that med school/residency is so time consuming that there is no life outside that. Look at it with a different lens and you will see that if you have someone there to support you through those rough times, it'll make the ride AMAZING. absolutely amazing.
 
Diksha said:
Probably for the best really, if you weren't sure about your intentions. You'll find someone else to have fun with 🙂
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you cant really be sure of anything on the first date...but anyways, it doesnt matter anymore b/c i found out recently that the reason he changed his mind so suddenly was b/c he and his ex are giving it another go...man, that one burned.🙁 ..but at least i know now.
 
crystalgreen said:
you cant really be sure of anything on the first date...but anyways, it doesnt matter anymore b/c i found out recently that the reason he changed his mind so suddenly was b/c he and his ex are giving it another go...man, that one burned.🙁 ..but at least i know now.
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ouch
 
crystalgreen said:
you cant really be sure of anything on the first date...but anyways, it doesnt matter anymore b/c i found out recently that the reason he changed his mind so suddenly was b/c he and his ex are giving it another go...man, that one burned.🙁 ..but at least i know now.
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I dont understand why ppl try to rush into relationships if they arent over their ex.
 
crystalgreen said:
you cant really be sure of anything on the first date...but anyways, it doesnt matter anymore b/c i found out recently that the reason he changed his mind so suddenly was b/c he and his ex are giving it another go...man, that one burned.🙁 ..but at least i know now.
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Give him a couple of weeks until they have their next fight. I'm sure he will be giving you a call. Then you can either get even, or you have a date. Win-win. 😉
 
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crystalgreen said:
you cant really be sure of anything on the first date...but anyways, it doesnt matter anymore b/c i found out recently that the reason he changed his mind so suddenly was b/c he and his ex are giving it another go...man, that one burned.🙁 ..but at least i know now.
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Eeeks, I'm sorry.

I'll say it again. You'll find someone else to have fun with 🙂
 
Diksha said:
Eeeks, I'm sorry.

I'll say it again. You'll find someone else to have fun with 🙂
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haha, im sure i will!
actually, from this experience, i've realized that i wasnt being true to myself..."fun" should be with someone i love..otherwise, i'll just cheapen it as well as myself.
 
travelingdoc said:
my opinion is to forget finding another doctor so that your children can have a parent that can give them the proper time and attention as they grow up. at some point people want to settle down and nobody should think that med school/residency is so time consuming that there is no life outside that. Look at it with a different lens and you will see that if you have someone there to support you through those rough times, it'll make the ride AMAZING. absolutely amazing.
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There is some truth to this, but it is not a hard and fast rule.

My mom had me on her last day of residency. My sister was born in medical school. We were raised by my grandma, it was not bad at all but keep that in consideration when planning a family.
 
Forbes said:
There is some truth to this, but it is not a hard and fast rule.

My mom had me on her last day of residency. My sister was born in medical school. We were raised by my grandma, it was not bad at all but keep that in consideration when planning a family.
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Heh we had similar childhoods then. My mom had me during her pulmonary fellowship. My grandparents raised me until I was 4 (and my mom was an attending already). No siblings though.
 
Forbes said:
There is some truth to this, but it is not a hard and fast rule.

My mom had me on her last day of residency. My sister was born in medical school. We were raised by my grandma, it was not bad at all but keep that in consideration when planning a family.
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It was nice that your grandmother raised you while your mother pursued her medical career. But, assuming your mother is still practicing medicine and unavailable for child care, who is going to raise your kids?
 
i'd suggest that everybody read Match Day by Brian Eule... great book exploring not only the match process but also the strains that medical training puts on relationships
 
Dating in medical school...

From what I've seen, there is no right or wrong answer to this question. It really depends on the maturity level of people involved in the relationship. Do what you feel is right.
 
confusing the short picture with the long picture- after residency is when the challenges in a relationship really begin. you WILL grow as a person but will your partner be left behind? (never really grow beyond teacher- upset over parents or lesson plans) while you are trying to do life & death decisions daily-a partner who will really understands you is usually one who knew you as a kid and you grew up together or a you grew up together in a graduate school level. many many people outgrow their spouses if they both don't grow together.the marriages that seem to work are same professions (2 cops, 2 teachers, 2 doctors,etc.)
 
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First, I'd like to just say that the dating within my class is out of control. Out of about 130 people, we have about 9 couples. A lot of this is just casual dating. It's crazy. There's constant gossip, just like high school.

Second, I want to tell my own bizzare story. I started seeing someone a few months ago in my class and it ended just recently. It was fine that it ended and it definitely needed to, but it ended horrifyingly badly. This guy was a huge jerk who ignored me, said really awful things to me and dumped me abruptly. It's really awkward now because I'm totally entitled to all my anger, but I see this guy in lecture most days and we have the same group of friends.

Overall, it's great to date within the class because no one will get what you're doing like a fellow med student and it's so nice to study with the person you're dating too. But if it goes badly and you're trying to deal with the pain of a breakup, you won't get your space.
 
I have the answer to all of our problems! We obviously have enough time to browse SDN, so this forum should have an online dating sister site for med school students. I'll call it: MDharmony.com. You guys can thank me later.
 
ArkansasHogMD said:
I have the answer to all of our problems! We obviously have enough time to browse SDN, so this forum should have an online dating sister site for med school students. I'll call it: MDharmony.com. You guys can thank me later.
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Today, they'll call you a madman. Yet 20 years from now, you will be celebrated for your brilliance. 👍
 
I bumped into someone i knew in college and without even knowing what happened ended up with a date this coming tuesday (she was really assertive.)

she's very interested in "interior decorating", how the hell do i get out of this short of suicide
 
VoiceofReason said:
I bumped into someone i knew in college and without even knowing what happened ended up with a date this coming tuesday (she was really assertive.)

she's very interested in "interior decorating", how the hell do i get out of this short of suicide
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you most likely started the convo off wrong...

girl: "so what are you up to now?"
if youre interested: "o just trying to get thru med school so some day i can save the world and get handsomely compensated for it" <stare off into space dreamily with a slight smile>
if youre not interested: "taking on a metric-ass ton of debt so i can work 70 hour weeks and still be paying off my student loan when im 53 1/2" <chug your drink and order another one>

you have nobody but yourself to blame now
 
ACGator09 said:
you most likely started the convo off wrong...

girl: "so what are you up to now?"
if youre interested: "o just trying to get thru med school so some day i can save the world and get handsomely compensated for it" <stare off into space dreamily with a slight smile>
if youre not interested: "taking on a metric-ass ton of debt so i can work 70 hour weeks and still be paying off my student loan when im 53 1/2" <chug your drink and order another one>

you have nobody but yourself to blame now
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LMAO, when in doubt mention the debt 👍
 
In my dental school, we've had quite a few bangings and break ups between our classmates, who avoid each other by all means these days:laugh:. I don't give a damn though, because dating within my school, especially within my class, was on my NOT-to-do list since I started dental school.
It is totally NOT important for me to have an educated girlfriend, let alone one attending med or dent school. A girl who is hot and not stupid is what I've always looked for. My current girlfriend is in undergrad art school, but she is hell of a bang for the buck, which I don't even spend on her (as one of the guys said above). Please note that I have so many things to achieve in my life, that I am not planning on finding a girl who will help me make a good family, and teach my kids, at least at this time of my life. I advise all the guys in professional school to date and have fun with the hot undergrad kids who are not there to challenge your decisions. I have to deal with so many challenges in my current educational life, that the last thing I need is a girl who would be trying to challenge me in a relationship. Good luck
 
wow.

how about if you meet the right person, go for it? whether he/she be in a different profession or not? Every relationship has challenges at some point. If it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be.
 
rugger14 said:
wow.

how about if you meet the right person, go for it? whether he/she be in a different profession or not? Every relationship has challenges at some point. If it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be.
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I'm telling you, since the defintion of "the right person" for me at this point is being hot and just Not stupid,a vast majority of girls who are not in graduate school qualify for me. Therefore, I see no point looking among my classmates, or even among girls with big achievements (who think highly of themselves, as they deserves to), when there are dozens of girls outside of this limitation. It's just the will for having a relationship with less arguments, and more control. The more successful a girl is (a shout out to all you med school girls👍), the harder she is to handle, and that is the last thing I'm looking for during this crazy educational life. Again, the med school girls will probably be a great choice for forming a family, but that is not what I am looking for at this point of my life.
 
robhmnt said:
I'm telling you, since the defintion of "the right person" for me at this point is being hot and just Not stupid,a vast majority of girls who are not in graduate school qualify for me. Therefore, I see no point looking among my classmates, or even among girls with big achievements (who think highly of themselves, as they deserves to), when there are dozens of girls outside of this limitation. It's just the will for having a relationship with less arguments, and more control. The more successful a girl is (a shout out to all you med school girls👍), the harder she is to handle, and that is the last thing I'm looking for during this crazy educational life. Again, the med school girls will probably be a great choice for forming a family, but that is not what I am looking for at this point of my life.
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LOL. You do understand that medical school girls are not intrinsically difficult, dont you? You might find it difficult to be with them based on your vastly different expectations from a relationship, but that doesn't mean that all they are all challenging... you're just not compatible.
 
robhmnt said:
In my dental school, we've had quite a few bangings and break ups between our classmates, who avoid each other by all means these days:laugh:. I don't give a damn though, because dating within my school, especially within my class, was on my NOT-to-do list since I started dental school.
It is totally NOT important for me to have an educated girlfriend, let alone one attending med or dent school. A girl who is hot and not stupid is what I've always looked for. My current girlfriend is in undergrad art school, but she is hell of a bang for the buck, which I don't even spend on her (as one of the guys said above). Please note that I have so many things to achieve in my life, that I am not planning on finding a girl who will help me make a good family, and teach my kids, at least at this time of my life. I advise all the guys in professional school to date and have fun with the hot undergrad kids who are not there to challenge your decisions. I have to deal with so many challenges in my current educational life, that the last thing I need is a girl who would be trying to challenge me in a relationship. Good luck
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amen brotha
 
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I would rather date somebody who isn't in medicine. I just don't want my pillow talk to be about pathology or something like that.
 
H_Caulfield said:
Alright check it out. 90% of your classmates will be either married or in a relationship they've had going for 8 years. Most female med students aren't gorgeous and have rather low self esteem, meaning that most are hanging on to whatever guy they've managed to get in their pre-medschool lives. They'll hang onto this guy relentlessly, even if he IS an automechanic or the cashier at Shaw's, because they're comfortable with him and for fear of ending up alone.

The other 10% will be either nothing you'd be interested in or that awful, snobby, I'm-from-a-rich-family and I'm-too-good-for-everyone type. These women are flying high on the pretentiousness they were taught as children, and will declare themselves too good for anybody but a venture capitalist from Harvard business school with 3 ponies in the stable and rock-hard abs. Most of these latter type aren't too pretty but act as if they are, and are altogether just as cocky.

MY ADVICE: GO FOR A LOCAL GIRL WHO ISN'T IN MEDICAL SCHOOL. You get a lot more bang for your buck. For the same effort you'll get someone more attractive, requiring less maintenance, and who will likely NOT have any delusions about being as intelligent as you, and will thereby not argue with you all the damned time.
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lmao
 
mmcnam said:
Overall, it's great to date within the class because no one will get what you're doing like a fellow med student and it's so nice to study with the person you're dating too. But if it goes badly and you're trying to deal with the pain of a breakup, you won't get your space.
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So true... 👍

Same in the cubicle farms of Corporate America. Hard to say "just avoid playing where you're working" but sometimes, it's just true.
 
ever imagine that if you do end up marrying your med student g/f , both your salaries will reach 400-500 K
and since doctors have divorce rate, atleast you wont have to pay for alimony caus she probably be making as much if not more then the guy!
now on the flip side if she was some stay at home mom you be paying half of your salary to her rest of life, now that just outta hurt
 
doc20 said:
ever imagine that if you do end up marrying your med student g/f , both your salaries will reach 400-500 K
and since doctors have divorce rate, atleast you wont have to pay for alimony caus she probably be making as much if not more then the guy!
now on the flip side if she was some stay at home mom you be paying half of your salary to her rest of life, now that just outta hurt
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Only until she gets married again isn't it?
 
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