Death and Veterinary Medicine

[ckd816]

So, this thread may make me seem pretty insane but here it goes...

I just found my fish dead in my room and it really bothered me. I was almost embarrassingly upset. I've never lost a dog or cat that I've been close with, and I can't even imagine what going through that would be like. For that matter, I've never even lost a human that I've been close with either. Basically, I'm doubting my ability to deal with death day in and day out.

I have no problem with watching surgeries or doing dissections, and I firmly believe that euthanasia is a wonderful tool to end suffering. For some reason I just really don't like the idea of death, especially when it is unexpected. Maybe I'm just sensitive because it was my pet or maybe it is my inexperience with handling death that is my weakness. I feel like I might only have a problem when I have a personal attachment to the animal, but I am afraid this may not hold true. Dealing with death was the reason I talked myself out of vet med for most of my life, up until two years ago when I decided that the good I would do in helping animals would outweigh the sad parts of the job. I know it is a part of life and whatnot, but am I crazy? Do other people feel this way?

I know it is something that I'll need to get past both in this career and in life in general, but does anyone have any advice on learning to cope with this aspect of the job?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[Pandacinny]

I cope by focusing on the relief of suffering aspect, I guess. We had to euthanize my own cat last year and it was really hard, but I knew it was time for her (she was 18.) Also, the day I interviewed at Va/Md, we ended up euthanizing my guinea pig. I walked in the door and found him completely lateral. He was also older, but I didn't expect him to go so quickly.

I think an important thing to do is to let yourself feel sad when you need to. A lot of people invalidate grief related to animals saying it's part of the job or that you can't get upset or that it's only an animal. (I actually don't often hear this from other people I work with - mostly from friends or family members who aren't in the veterinary field.)

I don't think you're weird at all for feeling this way. I think it's good to consider your own coping style where death is concerned.

 

[sofficat]

"Purchasing a pet is like purchasing a small tragedy" -George Carlin

To use humor to address this very important issue- his quote is quite true!
It is very difficult dealing with death and there is no quick solution or answer for how people should approach it. There are some clients that I will cry with when their pets die, others we smile about it (like my own family devil cat- we cried too, but what a mean little cat!), and some are complete relief.

I use my Christianity to help me cope. God was generous enough to put my kitties in my life and I know that when they die (they are only 2 and 4) I will lean on him to help me get through the loss.

It is a very personal thing that we all have to deal with. I am sorry about the loss of your fishy, it is not crazy at all that you are upset.

The day a euthanasia doesn't affect you, in one way or another, you need to find a different job.

 

[absvet]

We had to put down my dog this winter, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. But it actually helped us that the veterinarian and vet assistant who did the euthanasia were moved by his death too. I know as a vet assistant I always got a little teary eyed (not crying, but obviously touched) during euthanasia and the owners appreciated those signs of compassion. I work in research now and the death of research animals is a daily reality, and while I've learned to deal with it professionally, showing compassion and emotion over the loss of an animal is ALWAYS appreciated by both the animal and the owner - as long as you can learn to deal with it without being depressed for the rest of the day.

 

[hopefulvet21]

I think your clients would find you sincere and earnest if you got a little emotional euthanizing their pet or helping them deal with loss. It shows you care. I lost my mom about 10 years ago, and I've lost a dog to cancer. It hasn't made me any better at 'dealing' with death. It's not something you get better at with practice or anything. It's always hard. So don't worry. If you think you want to feel a little more comfortable with it, you could volunteer at a hospice a few hours a week, that might help.

 

[InfiniVet]

If I came home and found my pet dead on the floor I would come unglued. You are not insane at all, and I really feel for you. That absolutely sounds terrible.

That situation is a lot different than working as a private practice veterinarian, I promise.

With grieving clients, I like to celebrate the pets life with them. Like sofficat says - use a little humor to remember each pet. It only takes a few minutes, it makes the clients tearful in a good, smiling way and I get a "thank you" afterwards...sometimes in writing.

 

[WildZooVet]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I also don't think having a hard time dealing with death is a sign that you are not cut out to be a vet.
In the SA clinic I worked I went to the back dog bathing room to cry multiple times after euthanasias. I am not a crier by nature, but, I think we all did for different pets/situations. The main vet at the clinic, definitely teared up and all of a sudden had paper work to do in his office for 15 minutes after a hard loss. He is a great doctor, and I think compassion is part of that.

It is also different with your own pets. I had worked at that clinic for a year, and been part of many euthenasias, but, when it came time to put my own dog down, I fell to pieces in front of the vet. I mean so much so that he actually called later to see if I was ok. It's harder to see that it's the right thing to do when it's your own pet. And personal attachment causes even the best of us to lose our cool. That's why, even if you were the best equine surgeon in the world, you would never be expected to perform surgery on your own horse.

Hang in there and a fish funeral might be in order. I have had more than one of them...

 

[Mistoffeles]

It is also different with your own pets. I had worked at that clinic for a year, and been part of many euthenasias, but, when it came time to put my own dog down, I fell to pieces in front of the vet. I mean so much so that he actually called later to see if I was ok. It's harder to see that it's the right thing to do when it's your own pet. And personal attachment causes even the best of us to lose our cool. That's why, even if you were the best equine surgeon in the world, you would never be expected to perform surgery on your own horse.

I second this. Which is why I am totally indebted to the doctor who came to my house to put my dog to sleep. I was about halfway through my pre-vet curriculum, and my parents were looking to me to make the decision about the right time. So when he had been throwing up his food for 3 days in a row, and wasn't really moving from his bed anymore, I told them that it wouldn't be a wrong decision (I couldn't make the decision for them), and they decided to go ahead with euthanasia. I asked one of the doctors at my clinic (whom I had been doing at-home euthanasias with for six months) if she would come over after work. she and her husband did, which was good, because I fell apart as soon as she walked in the door, again when she gave him telazol, and yet again when she pushed the euthasol.

To me, grief is a very private thing, so I was grateful that I didn't have to go through it at work -and which is why I will always offer the option of euthanasia at home to my clients (once I'm in practice that is).

 

[Poochlover11]

I know exactly what you mean. It is completely normal to be upset when loosing a pet-regardless of what type. It seems almost cruel that pets only live for a short part of our lives. I know I will be absolutely crushed when dog dies (luckily he is twelve and still going strong!). I think compassion is essential as a vet, so no you are not weird.

 

[sunnex3]

i agree, i think that as a vet, you should feel at least some sort of compassion towards animals and death. if you don't at least feel sad whenever you have to put down someone's pet, it's really time to leave the job (JMO)

i can't imagine having to decide to put my own dog down one day...thank goodness he's only 6, but i also freak out whenever i take him to get a dental or something and he's put under anesthesia.

don't feel like veterinary medicine isn't for you or something -- the vets i work with always show some sort of emotion when they have to put down an animal, one of them even cries a little bit after she's done with it. i also think that showing some sort of sympathy/sadness conveys to the pet's owner that you do actually care about them and what you are doing.

 

[sunnex3]

i agree, i think that as a vet, you should feel at least some sort of compassion towards animals and death. if you don't at least feel sad whenever you have to put down someone's pet, it's really time to leave the job (JMO)

i can't imagine having to decide to put my own dog down one day...thank goodness he's only 6, but i also freak out whenever i take him to get a dental or something and he's put under anesthesia.

don't feel like veterinary medicine isn't for you or something -- the vets i work with always show some sort of emotion when they have to put down an animal, one of them even cries a little bit after she's done with it. i also think that showing some sort of sympathy/sadness conveys to the pet's owner that you do actually care about them and what you are doing.

 

[Emio]

So, this thread may make me seem pretty insane but here it goes...

I just found my fish dead in my room and it really bothered me. I was almost embarrassingly upset. I've never lost a dog or cat that I've been close with, and I can't even imagine what going through that would be like. For that matter, I've never even lost a human that I've been close with either. Basically, I'm doubting my ability to deal with death day in and day out.

I have no problem with watching surgeries or doing dissections, and I firmly believe that euthanasia is a wonderful tool to end suffering. For some reason I just really don't like the idea of death, especially when it is unexpected. Maybe I'm just sensitive because it was my pet or maybe it is my inexperience with handling death that is my weakness. I feel like I might only have a problem when I have a personal attachment to the animal, but I am afraid this may not hold true. Dealing with death was the reason I talked myself out of vet med for most of my life, up until two years ago when I decided that the good I would do in helping animals would outweigh the sad parts of the job. I know it is a part of life and whatnot, but am I crazy? Do other people feel this way?

I know it is something that I'll need to get past both in this career and in life in general, but does anyone have any advice on learning to cope with this aspect of the job?

for what it's worth, Big Red died while i was in undergrad, and i was rather disproportionately upset. he was a betta fish. big whoop. but i cried, and was upset for days.

i also tear up during most euthanasias. losing it and getting overly emotional is not ok by any means, especially because there's already a VERY upset client in teh room. you don't need to add to it, and rather, you should be the strong person. but i agree with what someone else said, that owners appreciate that you actually care. it would be a little upsetting if the bearer of death didn't mind it at all and could kill things all day long without a second thought.

all that being said, know its something that strongly affects you and work on "coping" mechanisms so to speak. infinivet is right (as usual) and it will be different when it's a client's pet and not your own, but what if it's a neighbor's pet that you know well? what if the dog you do surgery on in school dies from complications that you created? or same in real life. so long as you recognize it, i think you'll be fine. i'm sure there are plenty of good books on the subject, too.

 

[ckd816]

Thanks to everyone for the suggestions, encouragement and for sharing your personal stories. It's nice to know that I can just be sad for the loss of my fish for a couple of days and not have to freak out and wonder if I'm really cut out to be a vet at the same time. Also, I am relieved that a few tears are acceptable on the job... I do remember my aunt telling me that her vet cried one time. I think my aunt's cat had feline leukemia and had to be put down.

Anyway, special thanks to Emio for admitting you cried when your Betta died. Mine was a Betta too, and I felt really dumb crying over a fish. I realized that I have a right to be sad over losing something that brought me joy and that it was not "just a fish" as some people might feel.

I honestly cannot think of another career I would be happy in anyhow, but I think we all have our doubts along the way. Thanks again to everyone for restoring my sanity and cheering me up!

 

[robeezy08]

We had to put down my dog this winter, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. But it actually helped us that the veterinarian and vet assistant who did the euthanasia were moved by his death too. I know as a vet assistant I always got a little teary eyed (not crying, but obviously touched) during euthanasia and the owners appreciated those signs of compassion. I work in research now and the death of research animals is a daily reality, and while I've learned to deal with it professionally, showing compassion and emotion over the loss of an animal is ALWAYS appreciated by both the animal and the owner - as long as you can learn to deal with it without being depressed for the rest of the day.

Sorry to hear about your dog absvet. I had to put my dog down too last year and it still hurts. I like to run and he was my running partner....I think every euth case will be different - some patients you're attached to and some not so much. But I think experiencing loss can be a way to connect to your clients on a more personal level. I can't tell you how many 'thank you' cards I've read from clients who have euthanized their pets, and expressed to our vet staff how much they appreciated our compassion, kindness and understanding throughout the whole process.
BTW, I was out of town last weekend and when I came back I found my beta motionless and on his side. Luckily, he didn't 'cross over' but when I first saw him, my heart sank and I know I would've def cried

 

[BR549]

Death is hard, but I learned to cope with it at very young age. I have had close family members die my whole life (big family). I also was raised on a farm and found out really quick that any of my favorite pets would always die. Whether they got sick, got hit, or was killed by a dog, something always died (Last year we had to put down our 16 year old dog and our 12 yo was shot and killed by my evil cousin!...rough year.). As a result, I only get upset when an animal I'm close to dies. Just yesterday, one of my favorite marine fishes killed itself by wedging into a piece of rock and getting stuck. I was sad, but mostly frustrated. I made sure it was dead and flushed him down to Elysium. All of this, just to assure you that you too will develop coping mechanisms. It doesn't mean that you get "used to it" or that you become callous, it just means that you have trained yourself to contain your emotions and you have developed an understanding of the process.

In addition, I think that one's faith has a direct effect on how one views and feels about death. I know that my faith allows me to see death as just a new beginning, and it helps to know that I will see my loved ones again (my dad just died last September). There's a Southern Gospel song that sums it all up, "Death Ain't No Big Deal!" IMHO

 

[absvet]

Sorry to hear about your dog absvet. I had to put my dog down too last year and it still hurts. (

Thank you, and I'm sorry about your dog too!

The vet and his assistant came to our house to euthanize Ty, and it was really so much better. I encourage any of you to think about this if you are going into small animal practice or need to have an animal put down. Our dog wasn't stressed at all, and nobody needed to worry about crying through a waiting room full of patients or driving home afterwards. It is a really compassionate service and I'm so grateful they were able to help us in that way.

 

[eventualeventer]

I'm sorry about your fish.

I don't have anything to add to the great responses this thread has gotten except another voice saying that it's completely different when it's your own animal. I was in hysterics after I found out that my "heart" horse, William, had shattered his leg out in the pasture. I was at work and happened to be walking through the reception area when I overheard the receptionist taking the call from his owner. I pretty much came unglued -- I was doing some sort of crying/shrieking thing and insisting that I had to go see him before he was PTS (work was 45 minutes from the barn and one of the vets was at a nearby call already), which they fortunately prevented me from doing.

I've never done more than get misty eyed at work, but for some patients I cry, or get angry and start cursing, on the way home that night. It's a perfectly natural reaction and I think you do more harm than good to stifle your emotions about death. Try to keep it together and focus on the job at hand at work, but let yourself grieve and express your emotion at a more appropriate time.

This may or may not help you, but I try to separate out grief for what the animal is going through -- which is all ending and being fixed, in a way -- with my own (and other people's) grief for the loss of the animal. Honestly, I think that it does get easier at work when you have seen both euthanasias and the consequences of owners who refuse to euthanize a suffering animal. I still have the loss of the animal to deal with, making a hole in my heart, but I find comfort in the knowledge that, as Mistoffeles alluded to, euthanasia is not a wrong decision as far as a suffering animal is concerned. Maybe it's not always the only decision, or the best decision, but it is a humane one. I know that you know this already, but it helps me some to try to put the animal first and focus on the fact that they are not suffering. Then, when you get home, cry over a pint of ice cream or do whatever it is you do to deal with stress.

 

[katryn]

The only thing I'll add is a quick personal coping mechanism. When I've had to put particularly close pets to sleep, or just had a run of euthanasias close together, I find it really helps to go through the kennel at work and love on all the live animals. It's a good reminder that even as life ends, life goes on too. It's ok to be sad, otherwise you wouldn't be human.

 

[sumstorm]

Each death is different. I have witnessed people who never bat an eye at the death of family and friends break down upon the loss of a beloved pet.

There are some euths (and unfortunatly due to the animal control methods here, some gassings) that I have felt only relief at....animals who were suffering immensely either physically or emotionally/mentally. Or animals that had held on for as long as thier bodies would allow.

Some euths are really hard for me. Euths that I don't agree with due to ability to treat, or convenience, or euths triggered by sheer neglect. In these cases, I don't just feel sad for the animal, but furious with the responsible humans. In some of these cases, as a vet, I would refuse to perform the procedure.

I dread the day my oldest dog dies..... my poor husband who has never had pets before is extremly attached, and I worry about how hard it will be for him. Losing my own pets is terrible, but for me it balances with the joys we shared in their lives. As long as I have provided the best care I am able, I am ok letting go (though it still hurts deeply!) Also, even decades later, unexpected twinges of saddness creep in, sharp memories of good or bad times that remind me of the loss.

 

[ckgilabert]

that's why i want to do large animal. i have more attachment towards dogs and cats than i do towards cows, goats, sheep, horses and chickens.

i already told the doctors i work with that i cant deal with it(but i still do help them, you know) EVERY time they euthanize a dog...i either cry or tear up.

i even had a dream that my turtle died...and i was bawling like a baby in my dream. it was horrible.

i've had a bird die (that i only owned for a week) and i cried for like 3 days. i've had people close to me die too....and its horrible. i dont even like thinking about my dogs dying. i'm just hoping they'll live as old as the oldest dog in the world (29yrs) BUT that they'd be healthy.

 

[CatVet2Be]

I cried when I found my plecostomus dead in my fish tank. I was also a little drunk that night so though I would have been sad anyway, the crying fit that followed was a bit excessive. But a pet is a pet and you love them no matter how big or small or interactive.

And you will learn to deal with death the more you're exposed it. When I assisted in my first euthanasia I felt that we all needed to give a moment of silence for the dog that had just passed and I was sad for the rest of the day. 5 years later I'm much more desensetized to it. I can assist in a euth and turn around and do a puppy exam with a smile on my face. I'm not calloused but I've also learned not to dwell on it. Despite that there will still be certain cases that stick with you. The last one I had this afternoon was a really tough one that I won't be able to erase for a while but thankfully those are few and far between.

And anything involving your own pet is on an entirely different level. No chance of desensitization there. Last time my dog was under anesthesia I sat on the floor with her head on my lap as she woke up feeling wretched because she looked so loopy. I don't have that reaction with other people's pets.

 

[ckd816]

that's why i want to do large animal. i have more attachment towards dogs and cats than i do towards cows, goats, sheep, horses and chickens.

I don't think I want to do small animal either, and it's partly because of this reason. I originally wanted to do zoo medicine but then thought that job opportunities would be better in the small animal world... I also think I would like the interactions with clients and having the ability to help people through their pets, but there are obviously hard parts to having that client interaction as well. I am still considering both sides but I have always leaned more towards LA/wildlife/zoo medicine.

 

[TSUJC]

Losing a pet is a very different experience than doing your job as a veterinarian. I don't think you can judge your veterinary ability based on your reaction to the loss of your own pet. I know I would be a basketcase if I had to put my dog down.

And you will learn to deal with death the more you're exposed it. When I assisted in my first euthanasia I felt that we all needed to give a moment of silence for the dog that had just passed and I was sad for the rest of the day. 5 years later I'm much more desensetized to it. I can assist in a euth and turn around and do a puppy exam with a smile on my face. I'm not calloused but I've also learned not to dwell on it. Despite that there will still be certain cases that stick with you.

CatVet2Be said it the best. I feel exactly the same way. I think that the more experience people get the better they are able to cope with euthanasia.

On a side note I think it is important to remember that even if your career goals involve large animal work, you will still have to deal with plenty of small animal situations whether it be in school or out in practice.

Even in the most rural areas, there are very few clinics that are strictly large animal. I am not trying to be a downer but unless you plan to do consultant work or government veterinary medicine, realistically you will have to deal with small animal "emotional" issues at some point in your career.

 

[ckd816]

Losing a pet is a very different experience than doing your job as a veterinarian. I don't think you can judge your veterinary ability based on your reaction to the loss of your own pet. I know I would be a basketcase if I had to put my dog down.

BUT on a side note I think it is important to remember that even if your career goals involve large animal work, you will still have to deal with plenty of small animal situations whether it be in school or out in practice.

Even in the most rural areas, there are very few clinics that are strictly large animal. I am not trying to be a downer but unless you plan to do consultant work or government veterinary medicine, realistically you will have to deal with small animal "emotional" issues at some point in your career.

I totally agree. I'm not unrealistic enough to think I can avoid the emotional parts of the job for my entire career... To be honest, I'm leaning away from SA exclusively because I don't think I would love in the long run. Working with species aside from dogs and cats just seems much more exciting to me, but a mixture of these things would be lovely. Regardless of the type of animals I end up working with, I know that there will be tough issues I will have to face.

 

[twelvetigers]

My friend likes to go to a local park with her boyfriend. They were both very excited to see that one ofthe ducks there had two ducklings! The next time they visited, there was only one duckling. She said he almost cried. I was like, "Uh... good luck when you have pets?"

To me, it's strange to imagine someone not having gone through the pain of losing a dear pet. Of course it's hard (VERY hard sometimes) but I think it's important for children and adults alike to grieve. If a pet has lived a long and fulfilling life, euthanasia is sad, but somehow easier to handle. I don't mind these situations too much.

Also (and I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing)... my grief is very tempered because of the number of times I had to be the one to grab the dead cat off the road since Mom was always stricken with grief... I kinda got over the whole process after a while...

 

[sumstorm]

I don't think I want to do small animal either, and it's partly because of this reason. I originally wanted to do zoo medicine but then thought that job opportunities would be better in the small animal world...

I hate to say it, but from my experience in zoos, zoo animal deaths have an entire extra level of grief and heartbreak to them. Often, when a zoo animal dies members of the community are mourning and/or upset. Some people expect that zoo animals will live forever.... or that extreme measures will always be taken when an animal has cancer, etc. (try chemo on a tiger....) Babies are the worst, even in populations where typically twins are born and one nearly always dies, the public outrcry can be horrible if drastic measures aren't taken, and at the same time, the measures that would save an infants life are likely to isolate them from the social group for their entire life. There are also animals which you feel more connected to than others. Our zoo vet's favorite was a wharthog...which are terribly inbred and have all sorts of problems....he was devastated when it died. I cried my eyes out when we lost a lovely red tail that we used for programs...she was an HBC with a crippled wing that I had worked with since she was very young. She was an early casualty to west nile, despite vax.

 

[TSUJC]

To be honest, I'm leaning away from SA exclusively because I don't think I would love in the long run. Working with species aside from dogs and cats just seems much more exciting to me, but a mixture of these things would be lovely

.

I am in the same boat. Small animal is fine and good but I think food animal is EXCITING!!

 

[ckd816]

I hate to say it, but from my experience in zoos, zoo animal deaths have an entire extra level of grief and heartbreak to them. Often, when a zoo animal dies members of the community are mourning and/or upset. Some people expect that zoo animals will live forever.... or that extreme measures will always be taken when an animal has cancer, etc. (try chemo on a tiger....) Babies are the worst, even in populations where typically twins are born and one nearly always dies, the public outrcry can be horrible if drastic measures aren't taken, and at the same time, the measures that would save an infants life are likely to isolate them from the social group for their entire life. There are also animals which you feel more connected to than others. Our zoo vet's favorite was a wharthog...which are terribly inbred and have all sorts of problems....he was devastated when it died. I cried my eyes out when we lost a lovely red tail that we used for programs...she was an HBC with a crippled wing that I had worked with since she was very young. She was an early casualty to west nile, despite vax.

I agree with you. However, I know when there are births at the zoo I work at they are never announced until it is known that the baby is stable. Also, when there are deaths the public is never notified... The only exception to this that comes to mind was the case of an elephant named Ruby. She was a very public figure because she was a painter, but she ended up having to be euthanized about 10 years ago after a complication in her pregnancy. She had a calf die in her womb, so when the doctors performed a Cesarean they discovered that her uterus had ripped and infection had spread through her abdomen. It was extremely sad, and the public was devastated.