Developing a Thick Skin

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Lifeblood_20

Lifeblood_20

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Hello SDN,

This is my first post -- please let me know if I'm doing this wrong.

I am a first-year undergraduate student. I want to become a doctor because I genuinely want to help people and make a difference. I am also fascinated by science and the scientific method. My biggest weakness is that, as of now, I feel like I am a bit too sensitive to criticism and rejections. I also struggle with writing convincingly -- part of it could be because I have a little self-esteem issue. My parents are immigrants and I went to schools in a couple different countries. I had to overcome language barriers multiple times, and I had developed the habit of doubting whatever I say or write.

I know that med-schools break students, and that doctors are self-confident people. My question is, is there a way to overcome my weaknesses? I know that I can only find the strength from within myself, but it is very difficult to fake confidence. Are there things that I should pay attention to, or things I should do, to become more mentally tough?

Thank you.
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Flying Penguin said:
Hello SDN,

This is my first post -- please let me know if I'm doing this wrong.

I am a first-year undergraduate student. I want to become a doctor because I genuinely want to help people and make a difference. I am also fascinated by science and the scientific method. My biggest weakness is that, as of now, I feel like I am a bit too sensitive to criticism and rejections. I also struggle with writing convincingly -- part of it could be because I have a little self-esteem issue. My parents are immigrants and I went to schools in a couple different countries. I had to overcome language barriers multiple times, and I had developed the habit of doubting whatever I say or write.

I know that med-schools break students, and that doctors are self-confident people. My question is, is there a way to overcome my weaknesses? I know that I can only find the strength from within myself, but it is very difficult to fake confidence. Are there things that I should pay attention to, or things I should do, to become more mentally tough?

Thank you.
Click to expand...

Play a team sport.

Or fake it till you make it. I speak from experience and I don't believe in any confidence gene, it's all about mindset, experience and the paradigm you choose to adopt. Start speaking louder, make strong eye contact with the people you interact with and take chances. Take a public speaking class or make it a goal to interact and befriend as many people as possible in your classes by initiating a conversation. These types of things will put you out of your comfort zone and will seem really scary at first, but trust that you will become a better person by exposing yourself to these types of things even though things might turn out awkward. There's no such thing as "I'm not the type of person to do that," it's all in your head. A lot of confidence can come from meeting people that don't care about you or anything you have to say and later realizing that those people don't matter. In my opinion you can't really build inner confidence unless you take the hits, so put yourself in positions where you do get criticized and rejected so you can minimize your sensitivity to being emotionally manipulated by others.
 
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Meeehai said:
There's no such thing as "I'm not the type of person to do that," it's all in your head. A lot of confidence can come from meeting people that don't care about you or anything you have to say and later realizing that those people don't matter. In my opinion you can't really build inner confidence unless you take the hits, so put yourself in positions where you do get criticized and rejected so you can minimize your sensitivity to being emotionally manipulated by others.
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Developing a "thick skin" is a skill just like any other; it needs to be learned and maintained through practice/experience. Another point I'd like to add is the importance of knowing how to handle failure with some grace. All that being said, sensitivity to those around you is not inherently a debilitating trait. I think it helps us relate to others and be attuned to their needs, arguably traits we want in our physicians. However, keeping sensitivity in check will be important to not taking things like insults, malignant rumors, insinuating remarks, and ad hominem attacks (things that you may encounter in your academic and professional life, unfortunately) personally and to move on in a productive way from setbacks and criticism.
 
Not all physicians have "thick skin". Some are very emotional, they just understand when it is appropriate to display those emotions. I agree with the suggestion of finding a therapist you like.
 
libertyyne said:
Or you know, get a job. A retail job serving other people will help you build a thick skin.
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100% agree.
Get a job, get some A's in college, get a girlfriend/boyfriend. These things will increase your confidence. Or go to the gym and workout/ take a fighting course (boxing, judo etc.)
Also don't sound like a little bitch. Go listen to some J. Cole
 
Work in retail. Join the military/guard or do ROTC. Get an EMT job. Basically, you need to be exposed repeatedly to people breaking you down. It's kind of like working out a muscle. You have to build it up.

I was definitely more sensitive before I started working in healthcare. Having surgeons scream at you because you didn't put the needle in the needle holder at precisely the right angle gets old fast, and you quickly learn to brush it off. The military just finished the job. I recommend either.
 
You will get better if you practice op, I promise. I used to be super thin skinned too. I once had a patient scream at me and cuss me out for something that wasn't my fault, and it made me cry when I left the room. Now if something similar happens, it barely phases me. You're only a freshman, you have years and years to practice before going to medical school 🙂
 
Wow thanks for all the replies about productive solutions.

I work in a lab and as a tutor, but I never thought of getting a job in retail -- I suppose that is a job where I can get those type of practice. I'm a female and I'm not familiar with process of joining the U.S. military though I will check out the ROTC at my school. I was planning to take EMT training over the summer.

Dagrimsta1 said:
Also don't sound like a little bitch. Go listen to some J. Cole
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😛 That's the kind of words I need to hear more often.
 
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Meeehai said:
Play a team sport.

Or fake it till you make it. I speak from experience and I don't believe in any confidence gene, it's all about mindset, experience and the paradigm you choose to adopt. Start speaking louder, make strong eye contact with the people you interact with and take chances. Take a public speaking class or make it a goal to interact and befriend as many people as possible in your classes by initiating a conversation. These types of things will put you out of your comfort zone and will seem really scary at first, but trust that you will become a better person by exposing yourself to these types of things even though things might turn out awkward. There's no such thing as "I'm not the type of person to do that," it's all in your head. A lot of confidence can come from meeting people that don't care about you or anything you have to say and later realizing that those people don't matter. In my opinion you can't really build inner confidence unless you take the hits, so put yourself in positions where you do get criticized and rejected so you can minimize your sensitivity to being emotionally manipulated by others.
Click to expand...

This is sage advice OP ^
 
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Another vote for go work retail!
 
Flying Penguin said:
Wow thanks for all the replies about productive solutions.

I work in a lab and as a tutor, but I never thought of getting a job in retail -- I suppose that is a job where I can get those type of practice. I'm a female and I'm not familiar with process of joining the U.S. military though I will check out the ROTC at my school. I was planning to take EMT training over the summer.


😛 That's the kind of words I need to hear more often.
Click to expand...
Good man you'll be alright
 
One important thing to realize is that most of all things are not about you. If people are frustrated with you, short with you, or say something offensive, 99% of the time it is not your fault, but something else going on in their life or their day. Some people are mean-spirited, rude people, of course. Further, when you are trying to get a job done, things are definitely not about you and you have to learn to roll with the punches.

I think getting a job or volunteer position where you are in a service role will definitely help.
 
Goro said:
Lots of good advice here, OP. I hope that you do develop a thicker skin, because I have some students who are so thin-skinned, that light passes right through them. They can get offended by air.
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Thank you, Goro, for stopping by my post. I have a lot to work on but I am more than willing to put in the effort.
 
Lucca said:
One important thing to realize is that most of all things are not about you. If people are frustrated with you, short with you, or say something offensive, 99% of the time it is not your fault, but something else going on in their life or their day. Some people are mean-spirited, rude people, of course. Further, when you are trying to get a job done, things are definitely not about you and you have to learn to roll with the punches.
Click to expand...

This is how I normally deal with horrible human beings. I used to take everything personally but I've found it helpful to give people benefit of the doubt. They could be rude for a variety of reasons. They could be facing ongoing relationship problems, work-related conflicts, or family illness. Maybe they're experiencing midlife crisis, or maybe that's just how they were raised.

It's definitely a learning process. If you get offended by everything, you'll stay angry for the rest of your life because there are just too many incidents to get worked up about!

I had a colleague who was extremely sheltered and thin-skinned. She's now in med school, and I heard from her classmates that she doesn't get along with anybody. As @Goro put it perfectly, she "gets offended by air."
 
I can relate to this.

I joined my college newspaper after constantly underperforming in high school English (It was women's lit, etc). Helped me in countless ways.

Figure out what it is you fear or are unsure about. And do that thing. If you're afraid of public speaking, join a debate group. If it's writing, partake in a writing activity. Tackle it head on. It's the only way.
 
Divine Comedy said:
This is how I normally deal with horrible human beings. I used to take everything personally but I've found it helpful to give people benefit of the doubt. They could be rude for a variety of reasons. They could be facing ongoing relationship problems, work-related conflicts, or family illness. Maybe they're experiencing midlife crisis, or maybe that's just how they were raised.

It's definitely a learning process. If you get offended by everything, you'll stay angry for the rest of your life because there are just too many incidents to get worked up about!

I had a colleague who was extremely sheltered and thin-skinned. She's now in med school, and I heard from her classmates that she doesn't get along with anybody. As @Goro put it perfectly, she "gets offended by air."
Click to expand...

Second this. I've seen people who never learned to let things go. Know of someone who failed a clerkship because he/she was always arguing with attendings.

Figure this stuff out before starting med school, for sure.
 
Anti-PD1 said:
Figure this stuff out before starting med school, for sure.
Click to expand...

Couldn't agree more. I recommend undergrads taking a few years off not for the purpose of beefing up their applications but to learn how to deal with difficult interpersonal relationships. I was super immature when I graduated from college. I knew I wasn't ready for medical school so I'm glad I had three whole years to interact with difficult individuals and develop important, transferable, social skills.

I made a bunch of childish, laughable, and embarrassing mistakes along the way but it was a valuable learning experience -- one that's very much ongoing. I'm still learning new coping skills every day!
 
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Lucca said:
I think getting a job or volunteer position where you are in a service role will definitely help.
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Yes, I started volunteering at my University's hospital this semester and I've been learning a lot -- even though my job is stocking supplies for patient care units, my supervisor is strict and she constantly yells at me even when I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong. But her words do make me consider how I can do things better. Lately I've learned to smile and say, "Yes, I'll do that," as well as being more careful and detailed when I do my job. Just last week, she was so content with my work that she hugged me and told me that I am a lovely girl. My heart melted at that.

Anti-PD1 said:
Figure out what it is you fear or are unsure about.
Click to expand...
Among my biggest fears are 1. being a leader and 2. being my own advocate. I get frustrated easily with internship rejections and I don't know how to manage people...
 
Flying Penguin said:
Among my biggest fears are 1. being a leader and 2. being my own advocate. I get frustrated easily with internship rejections and I don't know how to manage people.
Click to expand...

That all comes with experience. You can be a leader in almost any position. If you see something that needs someone to take charge of, don't be afraid to just step up. Even if it's something small. That's how you get noticed and given more opportunities.

As for managing people, that also comes with experience. There are definitely strategies, but you won't know which ones will be effective until you're doing it.
 
Do a performing art or anything where your work is open interpretation. Getting your work torn apart after putting your heart into or getting called out in front of the whole ensemble is a good way to build up tolerance. If that's not your thing, then do retail. Youll get use to people being rude and abrasive rally quick.
 
Just learn not to care what other people think. Also working with pts teaches you to have thick skin as does roaming SDN. Also consider getting rid of some social media.

You can fight thin skin with a steady dose of confidence.
 
I've been sensitive to criticism as well - the two big things that help you with it are experience and a change in outlook. With experience, the more you do in life, the more you get used to criticism as a part of it. With change in outlook, you start to understand why people are critical of you and are able to learn to take it less personally. You are also able to take the criticism and use it to better yourself.
 
I can tell you're a worthless pos idiot, just delete your account and give up on being a doctor.
 
The only way to have tough skin is by being exposed to your fears and conquering them.
 
Getting a service based job or an healthcare job will definitely help in developing a thick skin. I worked in a nursing home as a CNA for a summer, and like Pusheen, left a resident's room and cried after because a family member straight up yelled at me during my first day on a new to me (my first day!) and challenging dementia floor. Found out later that I wasn't supposed to be put on that room, but I am glad I did because it has taught me to toughen up. After the end of the summer I was much better at dealing with difficult residents, nurses, and families.

I also recommend that you put yourself out there. I'm not a fan of public speaking, but I've gotten better by forcing myself to do it, whether by volunteering to help present a group project (only 2-3 of us had to present out of 8 of us) or by running for President for an organization I'm part of. Doing those things have helped push me out of my comfort zone.

It all boils down to experience and practice !
 
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