Disadvantaged status help!!

[premeddad29]

Was hoping if someone could give me insight on how my disadvantaged status essay sounds...

I grew up in a family that consisted of an alcoholic father and physically abusive mother. My father was a sales man and my mother was a high school drop out who always had a hard time finding work. Due to the nature of my father's career, there were always fluctuations in our financial situation, most of the time for the worse. After years of fighting, my mother decided to leave my family and file for divorce when I was sixteen. My father became depressed and lost his job. When I was eighteen, my house foreclosed and I was left homeless for two weeks while attending college. Luckily, my high school lacrosse coach allowed me to reside in his house until I was able to find a place of my own.
After living with my fiancé for several years, we decided to start a family. I also decided that I needed a career suited to properly provide for my family. While re-matriculating, I was required to work full time to pay rent and other financial obligations. Because of this, I missed out on many research and volunteering opportunities that I would have loved to participate in. I've had my fair share of hardships that made me what I am today; a resilient, hard working father with a dream of becoming a doctor.

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[Fawna]

Bump.
For what it's worth (I am not an expert by any means), I think the first part is good, but the last part sounds a little too excuse laden and maybe a little too TMI with living with fiancee for x years, then we decided to start family...
I would just say while attending school, you had to work full time to support your family. I got lost about the re-matriculating, but I guess you explained that somewhere.

 

[premeddad29]

Bump.
For what it's worth (I am not an expert by any means), I think the first part is good, but the last part sounds a little too excuse laden and maybe a little too TMI with living with fiancee for x years, then we decided to start family...
I would just say while attending school, you had to work full time to support your family. I got lost about the re-matriculating, but I guess you explained that somewhere.

Thank you for the feedback!!

 

[hubbsbubbs]

Thank you for the feedback!!

Try this?

My father was an alcoholic and my mother was physically abusive. My father was a salesman, paid on commission, which meant our financial situation was always in flux. My mother dropped out of high school when she was young and always struggled to find steady work. My parents fought for years before my mother finally divorced my father and walked away from our family. Then, I was sixteen. My father lost his job around that time, and shortly after, our house was foreclosed upon. I was homeless for the first few weeks of my college career, until I found refuge in the home of my high school lacrosse coach. Though I've had my fair share of hardships, these experiences drove me to want more for my own family, to provide a steady home for my kids, and to stand strong in the face of adversity.