(obvious throwaway account due to post content)
Everyone seems to get burned out during M3, and everyone has rotations they hate. But as we all fill out our paperwork for M4 and sign up for Step 2, etc, I'm secretly panicking because I haven't liked anything. I've been bored/eager to be dismissed on every required rotation thus far, and have pretty much already ruled out the two remaining required rotations left. I have friends who also dislike all the required rotations, but they're all already 100% set on what they want to do. I couldn't be farther from that. I'm doing above average overall, getting good evals and killing the NBMEs, but nothing I've done has said to me "I could see myself doing this for 30 years." I went to medical school to be surgeon, but have realized I'm not a surgeon at heart. I haven't met any doctors who I look at and think "this person is me."
I've tried to talk about this to my friends, but they just tell me "you'll figure it out" or jokingly tell me to drop out, not realizing that, if I could turn back time, I probably would. I've got plenty of debt, no other employable skills other than my brains, and hate myself for putting myself in this position. I'm also a non-trad, and while not much older than my peers, I'm feeling every tick of the clock of life. I truly want to help/heal people, but don't see a pathway to get there at this point.
My question: what do I do? I've admittedly been fully inoculated with the cultural stigma against seeing mental health professionals and am kind of scared/embarrassed to see the school counselor or psychiatrist, especially because while the psychiatrist is nice, I worked with them on psych. I don't come close to meeting the DSM criteria for depression, and I'm not sure how they could help anyway. The academic counselor we're required to meet with in M3 basically told me "you'll end up liking something" and then essentially told me to just pick something. My friends have told me to just go with something like EM/PMR and work short hours (maybe) or pathology (no).
Everyone is looking forward to M4. I'm dreading it as the deadline it is. Would love any suggestions, here or PM.
Everyone seems to get burned out during M3, and everyone has rotations they hate. But as we all fill out our paperwork for M4 and sign up for Step 2, etc, I'm secretly panicking because I haven't liked anything. I've been bored/eager to be dismissed on every required rotation thus far, and have pretty much already ruled out the two remaining required rotations left. I have friends who also dislike all the required rotations, but they're all already 100% set on what they want to do. I couldn't be farther from that. I'm doing above average overall, getting good evals and killing the NBMEs, but nothing I've done has said to me "I could see myself doing this for 30 years." I went to medical school to be surgeon, but have realized I'm not a surgeon at heart. I haven't met any doctors who I look at and think "this person is me."
I've tried to talk about this to my friends, but they just tell me "you'll figure it out" or jokingly tell me to drop out, not realizing that, if I could turn back time, I probably would. I've got plenty of debt, no other employable skills other than my brains, and hate myself for putting myself in this position. I'm also a non-trad, and while not much older than my peers, I'm feeling every tick of the clock of life. I truly want to help/heal people, but don't see a pathway to get there at this point.
My question: what do I do? I've admittedly been fully inoculated with the cultural stigma against seeing mental health professionals and am kind of scared/embarrassed to see the school counselor or psychiatrist, especially because while the psychiatrist is nice, I worked with them on psych. I don't come close to meeting the DSM criteria for depression, and I'm not sure how they could help anyway. The academic counselor we're required to meet with in M3 basically told me "you'll end up liking something" and then essentially told me to just pick something. My friends have told me to just go with something like EM/PMR and work short hours (maybe) or pathology (no).
Everyone is looking forward to M4. I'm dreading it as the deadline it is. Would love any suggestions, here or PM.