Diversity essay option feedback

[regularguy12]

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Hello everyone,

I'm currently working on pre-writing my diversity secondaries and would greatly appreciate some thoughts on my considered topics:

1. I have been a classically trained amateur pianist since I was 5 years old, and since then, music has been a huge part of my life. Throughout middle and high school, competing in state and regional competitions let me dive into different local musical communities across the country. Each place had its own style and approach that I got to learn from. I was also fortunate enough to travel overseas to participate in music festivals in Russia, Greece, and other countries where I encountered completely different musical traditions. In college, I've been in chamber music ensembles and festivals where I've collaborated with musicians from all sorts of cultural backgrounds who've taught me techniques from their heritage. I'm thinking about focusing my diversity essay on how these musical experiences have taught me to bridge cultural divides and understand different perspectives, which I believe will make me a more empathetic physician.

I am worried about a couple things: a) I already mentioned music in two of my volunteering activities as well as in a personal statement paragraph (performing at nursing homes and hospitals), though those were more about connecting individually with patients. Is it overkill to write about music again? b) Could this come across as tone-deaf? Like "look at all the cool places I got to travel" when I know I was privileged to have these opportunities?

2. My second option is writing about being a second-generation Chinese American who grew up in a predominantly white East coast community. I would write about focusing on navigating between two cultures - speaking Mandarin at home while trying to fit in at school, sometimes feeling caught between my parents' expectations and American norms. Over time I learned to see this as giving me a unique perspective on understanding different communities. I do realize this topic is very very overdone with immigrant children applying to med school but in terms of my cultural/ethnic background, this is really the only significant and impactful diversity angle I have.

Thanks in advance for any advice!!

 

[unumsolum]

Hm. As a random premed, I'm leaning slightly towards the first one since it is more unique. Would it be possible to infuse elements of the second one into the first? They do have similar themes (i.e. they're both about embracing cultural differences as a way to learn about the world vs. something that divides us)

The strength in that second pitch is that it is your personal perspective, the first pitch is a little more external. I wouldn't want to see that personal perspective get omitted.

 

[regularguy12]

Hm. As a random premed, I'm leaning slightly towards the first one since it is more unique. Would it be possible to infuse elements of the second one into the first? They do have similar themes (i.e. they're both about embracing cultural differences as a way to learn about the world vs. something that divides us)

The strength in that second pitch is that it is your personal perspective, the first pitch is a little more external. I wouldn't want to see that personal perspective get omitted.

Ah that's a great point. So in that vein maybe I could frame myself as someone who grew up as a second-generation Chinese American in a predominantly white community and thus always existed between cultures (Chinese/American). This made me naturally drawn to seeking out other "in-between" spaces utilizing my music experience, and the national/international music festivals and music ensembles I experienced became places where I felt drawn to and comfortable, where I could better understand and empathize with other cultures and their music.

 

[PickaGodnPray]

Hello everyone,

I'm currently working on pre-writing my diversity secondaries and would greatly appreciate some thoughts on my considered topics:

1. I have been a classically trained amateur pianist since I was 5 years old, and since then, music has been a huge part of my life. Throughout middle and high school, competing in state and regional competitions let me dive into different local musical communities across the country. Each place had its own style and approach that I got to learn from. I was also fortunate enough to travel overseas to participate in music festivals in Russia, Greece, and other countries where I encountered completely different musical traditions. In college, I've been in chamber music ensembles and festivals where I've collaborated with musicians from all sorts of cultural backgrounds who've taught me techniques from their heritage. I'm thinking about focusing my diversity essay on how these musical experiences have taught me to bridge cultural divides and understand different perspectives, which I believe will make me a more empathetic physician.

I utilized a similar storyline for a Umich secondary in terms of playing soccer in Europe, seeing different perspectives and styles of play. I ended up getting an II and my interviewer asked me about that experience directly. I like your story and its a unique experience not everyone will have, so I say go for it.

 

[LizzyM]

Please don't be the "piano guy". That's who you'll be if you use piano as the response to 3 different prompts. The only thing more overdone than being a second generation, bilingual applicant is being a pianist. You won't bring a whole lot of diversity to the class either way but you are who you are and you should try in the responses to various questions to show multiple facets of yourself rather than just one repeatedly.

 

[Mr.Smile12]

Welcome to the forums.

Your second choice (2nd gen Chinese American) probably fits the intention of more "diversity" prompts, but I would want to know what makes your experience unique (to you), or why that is important for others to know about you. This as opposed to being 1st gen Chinese American. (I'm pointing this out to concur with your point that the details of your story matter.)

The piano theme... if you used it already in two other places, you should probably think of another aspect. You shouldn't sound like a broken record.

 

[regularguy12]

Welcome to the forums.

Your second choice (2nd gen Chinese American) probably fits the intention of more "diversity" prompts, but I would want to know what makes your experience unique (to you), or why that is important for others to know about you. This as opposed to being 1st gen Chinese American. (I'm pointing this out to concur with your point that the details of your story matter.)

The piano theme... if you used it already in two other places, you should probably think of another aspect. You shouldn't sound like a broken record.

Hello,
Thank you and @LizzyM for the straightforward feedback. After thinking about my second choice, a big part of my childhood as a 2nd gen Chinese American was my upbringing as a fundamentalist Christian in a predominantly white evangelical Christian school from K through 8, where I had no Chinese Christian peers or families in my community for the entirety of this time. This is what created a lot of the personal conflict and growth I have experienced from not only culture but also within my religion in terms of the several other ethnical denominations I had to navigate. Is this religious/cultural diversity topic just not relevant enough for a diversity prompt and is it just a no go due to religion?

 

[Mr.Smile12]

Hello,
Thank you and @LizzyM for the straightforward feedback. After thinking about my second choice, a big part of my childhood as a 2nd gen Chinese American was my upbringing as a fundamentalist Christian in a predominantly white evangelical Christian school from K through 8, where I had no Chinese Christian peers or families in my community for the entirety of this time. This is what created a lot of the personal conflict and growth I have experienced from not only culture but also within my religion in terms of the several other ethnical denominations I had to navigate. Is this religious/cultural diversity topic just not relevant enough for a diversity prompt and is it just a no go due to religion?

Religion is not a taboo subject, but you should describe how your background shapes your interactions with others (suggesting). Certainly it's a question about how you interact with others from different religions and backgrounds.

Finding Judaism in an Ohio Town Without a Synagogue

The first time I stepped into a synagogue, I was sixteen years old and hundreds of miles from my hometown of Lancaster, Ohio.

www.interfaithamerica.org

Where Religious Identity Fits into Your Diversity Strategy

Religious identity is a form of diversity, so religion must be part of any company’s diversity strategy. These seven best practices will help.

www.interfaithamerica.org

 

[regularguy12]

Religion is not a taboo subject, but you should describe how your background shapes your interactions with others (suggesting). Certainly it's a question about how you interact with others from different religions and backgrounds.

Finding Judaism in an Ohio Town Without a Synagogue

The first time I stepped into a synagogue, I was sixteen years old and hundreds of miles from my hometown of Lancaster, Ohio.

www.interfaithamerica.org

Where Religious Identity Fits into Your Diversity Strategy

Religious identity is a form of diversity, so religion must be part of any company’s diversity strategy. These seven best practices will help.

www.interfaithamerica.org

Would talking about religious identity be off-putting to the non-Jesuit/Catholic schools?

 

[LizzyM]

Would talking about religious identity be off-putting to the non-Jesuit/Catholic schools?

Not at all. Schools value a diversity of lived experiences. Also, having the experience of being "other" in a community, particularly if you have gone between being part of the majority to part of a minority, can be a formative experience.