Do I have a bad personality for medicine?

[Contr0lz]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well Something has been really bugging me for a while now. I'm not sure if SDN is the right place to post such a topic, but I'll give it a go.

The major problem with me is that I have an extremely competitive personality. Unfortunately, it has been mentally and physically destroying me everyday. I don't have a gunner type of mentality per se, but I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm). However, I am a really nice, and caring person and generally am a pretty likable person on the outside. I immediately become friends with almost everyone I meet in school. However, I feel as if there are some personal aspects that might preclude me from having a satisfying career as a physician. For example, we had a pretty difficult O-Chem midterm yesterday and (fortunately) I did extremely well on it. One of my best friends, who is also a premed, texted me saying he did pretty poorly on the test and might make a C in the class. He was pretty scared. Immediately after reading his text, I sent some comforting and supporting texts back to him, and I even offered to study for the final exam together. I really dislike seeing people unhappy, and I usually try my best to help them as much as I can. The weird/ironic thing is that a part of me was kind of happy and relieved that he is performing sub par compared to me, because I see him as my competition. Now, if this person was a fellow engineering friend, I would not feel the same way. However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.

I was not always like this though. In high school, I was a very relaxed, chill, and kind person. I didn't really too well in my academics, because I was very naive and just didn't care until I got to my senior year. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get a good sat score and somehow land in a great university. But now I see my college career as the final chance in my life to get to the Harvards, MITs, and Stanfords of the world. I feel like I didn't accomplish anything in my life so far, so I see my college career as a window of fleeting opportunities, and therefore must accomplish as much as possible with the least amount of resistance.I see other premeds as blocking this path. Again, I would never do anything crazy like hurting them or purposefully giving them wrong answers or anything of that sort. But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

I just finished my freshman year of college, so I hope that my views will change, and I can become a more mature person over the next three years. However, I'm scared that I won't change. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is medicine a bad fit for me? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I would to love to read some anecdotal responses.

Thanks for reading the long post.

---

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[ketosisevangelist]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well Something has been really bugging me for a while now. I'm not sure if SDN is the right place to post such a topic, but I'll give it a go.

The major problem with me is that I have an extremely competitive personality. Unfortunately, it has been mentally and physically destroying me everyday. I don't have a gunner type of mentality per se, but I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm). However, I am a really nice, and caring person and generally am a pretty likable person on the outside. I immediately become friends with almost everyone I meet in school. However, I feel as if there are some personal aspects that might preclude me from having a satisfying career as a physician. For example, we had a pretty difficult O-Chem midterm yesterday and (fortunately) I did extremely well on it. One of my best friends, who is also a premed, texted me saying he did pretty poorly on the test and might make a C in the class. He was pretty scared. Immediately after reading his text, I sent some comforting and supporting texts back to him, and I even offered to study for the final exam together. I really dislike seeing people unhappy, and I usually try my best to help them as much as I can. The weird/ironic thing is that a part of me was kind of happy and relieved that he is performing sub par compared to me, because I see him as my competition. Now, if this person was a fellow engineering friend, I would not feel the same way. However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.

I was not always like this though. In high school, I was a very relaxed, chill, and kind person. I didn't really too well in my academics, because I was very naive and just didn't care until I got to my senior year. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get a good sat score and somehow land in a great university. But now I see my college career as the final chance in my life to get to the Harvards, MITs, and Stanfords of the world. I feel like I didn't accomplish anything in my life so far, so I see my college career as a window of fleeting opportunities, and therefore must accomplish as much as possible with the least amount of resistance.I see other premeds as blocking this path. Again, I would never do anything crazy like hurting them or purposefully giving them wrong answers or anything of that sort. But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

I just finished my freshman year of college, so I hope that my views will change, and I can become a more mature person over the next three years. However, I'm scared that I won't change. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is medicine a bad fit for me? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I would to love to read some anecdotal responses.

Thanks for reading the long post.

A bad personality is requisite.

 

[mysdnhandle]

Come to the dark side, Luke.

 

[darkjedi]

I don't have a gunner type of mentality per se, but I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm).
....
However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.
But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

That is pretty much the definition of gunner

Part of the admissions process is to try and weed out people who don't play well with others. Teamwork is a critical part of medicine and the future of medicine will only become more reliant on teams.

 

[Contr0lz]

That is pretty much the definition of gunner

I guess I probably am. I always got the vibe that a gunner is someone who purposefully goes out of their way to get edge over his/her peers unfaithfully. I don't do that and I will never do it.

 

[Taco Time]

You go to a great university--by your own words--so realize that you don't have to be 90th percentile on every test to get into medical school. You'll burn out if if being smarter than everyone else is your goal. Or, you'll annoy everyone once they pick up on it. The sooner you realize that the success/failure of you getting into medical school--and beyond--is not contingent on your friends, the happier and less stressed you'll be. A competitive zeal is good and you'd rather control your competitive nature than have horrible grades. But, you should not feel well when others do poorly, and you should not feel miserable when Joe Shmo got 5 standard deviations above the class average while you only got 4 on the quantum physics final. Don't end up being a gunner. At the end of the day: do well in undergrad, be involved, do well/great on MCAT, and get into med school.

 

[darkjedi]

I guess I probably am. I always got the vibe that a gunner is someone who purposefully goes out of their way to get edge over his/her peers unfaithfully. I don't do that and I will never do it.

From what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are malicious, however the "it's not enough that i should succeed, but that others should fail" mentality will only be more and more counterproductive the further you go in your career. You should figure out for yourself where your strengths and weaknesses lie so you can best leverage them to get ahead in life. Blaming others for not getting to where you want to be doesn't help you, and neither do feelings of insecurity or jealousy.

 

[Contr0lz]

Part of the admissions process is to try and weed out people who don't play well with others. Teamwork is a critical part of medicine and the future of medicine will only become more reliant on teams.

That is absolutely true. I do for the most part work really well in teams and have always been a big proponent of working together in teams rather than as a single person.

 

[allantois]

At least you understand the patterns of your thoughts and that you are unhappy with the way these situations make you feel. I can tell you that you are not the only one with this type of personality, but as long as it goes undetected (not obvious to others) I guess it's alright. You need not worry about other people academic performances be it good or bad. Just be happy with the fact that you are doing well, and that's all that matters. There are so many different medical specialties, I'm sure you will find your niche. I do agree that it's us premeds who are essentially making the entire process more and more competitive. I have some friends who are smart but they are not doing what they need to be doing (ECs in particular) and I tried to let then know of its importance but I think it's a very fine line between being helpful and making yourself a competition. There's this one girl who is smarter than me but she's not as informed as me and there are times when I wonder whether I really want to push her to do research where I'm planning to do it or volunteer where I volunteer as I understand that at the end of the day she might become the one getting that spot at the medical school.

 

[radkat101]

When I started college as a freshman, I was somewhat like the way you describe. Now, several years later and about to start med school, I'm completely different. That kind of attitude really doesn't lead to any fulfillment or happiness and if you aren't careful, it will start to come across as arrogance to other people and affect your friendships/relationships like it did for me. I didn't even realize I was becoming this way.

The most important thing is to stay conscious of how others are perceiving your attitude during the rest of undergrad, but also stay competitive and learn to play the game. It's a tricky balance. Unfortunately that's the way the system is set up, and there's really no way around it without getting run over by more aggressive competition. Once you reach your end goal (medical school acceptance), give yourself some time to cool off and recognize that from there on out, your ability to work with people who are as smart/smarter than you in a professional environment trumps the need to be competitive anymore and that you will never find happiness in life by always having to be #1 at everything you do because someone will always be better.

 

[Essee]

I guess I probably am. I always got the vibe that a gunner is someone who purposefully goes out of their way to get edge over his/her peers unfaithfully. I don't do that and I will never do it.

Lol. I think I understand exactly what you mean because you kind of remind me of younger me. Very competative but would never purposefully do anything to harm someone else. It just makes you want to work harder *yourself* to best them, am I right?

The good thing is that you have the insight to realize that you have this tendancy and recognized that some aspects may be unsavory. There is nothing inherently wrong with being competative, especially if it makes you work harder to better yourself. I think the fact that you take a little pleasure in your competition's misfortune though, just comes down to maturity, and you can overcome it. You sound like an empathetic, caring person. If you've ever felt the disappointment from doing poorly in something, then I'm sure you can understand to not want to wish that terrible feeling upon anyone else. As you mature, I'm sure you will realize this more as you encounter more "real life" suffering (outside our academic bubble at least).

So stay motivated and competative but realize that helping others, including your competition, will not push you down. If you're good enough to get into medical school, you will get in irregardless of how anyone else you know does. You might find that helping others actually helps yourself (ex. Tutoring your friends can help you solifify a concept) I think as you grow more you'll come to embrace this.

 

[Contr0lz]

Lol. I think I understand exactly what you mean because you kind of remind me of younger me. Very competative but would never purposefully do anything to harm someone else. It just makes you want to work harder *yourself* to best them, am I right?

The good thing is that you have the insight to realize that you have this tendancy and recognized that some aspects may be unsavory. There is nothing inherently wrong with being competative, especially if it makes you work harder to better yourself. I think the fact that you take a little pleasure in your competition's misfortune though, just comes down to maturity, and you can overcome it. You sound like an empathetic, caring person. If you've ever felt the disappointment from doing poorly in something, then I'm sure you can understand to not want to wish that terrible feeling upon anyone else. As you mature, I'm sure you will realize this more as you encounter more "real life" suffering (outside our academic bubble at least).

So stay motivated and competative but realize that helping others, including your competition, will not push you down. If you're good enough to get into medical school, you will get in irregardless of how anyone else you know does. You might find that helping others actually helps yourself (ex. Tutoring your friends can help you solifify a concept) I think as you grow more you'll come to embrace this.

Yeah Great response.

Thanks for the thoughtful advice everyone. It was much appreciated.

 

[SpaceBuff12]

The major problem with me is that I have an extremely competitive personality.

I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm).

The weird/ironic thing is that a part of me was kind of happy and relieved that he is performing sub par compared to me, because I see him as my competition.

However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.

I see other premeds as blocking this path.

But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

Whenever I see a senior member (ex: Planes2Doc) post a treasure chest full of information regarding E.Cs, timelines, how to study... for future/current premeds, I get really upset. I know they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, but I sometimes feel like they are doing it on purpose to increase the competitiveness in the future. I sometimes see it as if they are indirectly making premeds' lives in the future a living hell.

You need to learn to compete against yourself. It's like golf: it's not proper sportsmanship to root against a playing partner and there will always be someone that is better than you. If you spend your time always chasing someone else, you will always fail. If you work to maximize your ability and be the the best that you can be, you will succeed.

The information that experienced members post on this board is an invaluable resource for many, including you. That you would feel that this is somehow wrong is baffling. Where would we be without those that came before us? "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." - Isaac Newton

 

[Law2Doc]

Being competitive and wanting the best out of yourself is fine. Wanting others to do poorly and being annoyed that they too receive useful information is not. In general, If you can't make it standing on your own two feet instead of on others heads you don't belong in this field. Med school is rough for gunners for two reasons. First, med school is isolating enough that you can Ill afford to do things that cost you friends. Depression runs rampant and most people need a sounding board. Second, It's a team sport after the basic science years, and gunners tend to no "play well with others". From the basic science to clinical years to intern year the rules of the game change drastically. And the ugly truth is the first two years grades barely matter compared to the third year evaluations -- most places don't advertise this because they want people to study hard, but if you have to peak, don't do it first year because it really won't count. Step 1 counts, but there are more ways to skin that cat than beating your classmates - on that you are competing nationally against strangers. Starting third year, You are expected to be a good team member, always teach others, lend a helping hand, lead, and often throw yourself on grenades as a component of leadership. Gunners sometimes thrive in the classroom but usually sink thereafter, when it really matters career-wise, so it's actually an awful skill-set to perfect. You are better off being very average in the classroom and a superstar to your class than vice versa.

 

[I like meowmix]

Honestly, you sound like a lot of people in med school

 

[ridethecliche]

Maybe you should get over your inferiority complex and judge yourself by your work instead of in relation to others.

 

[DermViser]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well Something has been really bugging me for a while now. I'm not sure if SDN is the right place to post such a topic, but I'll give it a go.

The major problem with me is that I have an extremely competitive personality. Unfortunately, it has been mentally and physically destroying me everyday. I don't have a gunner type of mentality per se, but I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm). However, I am a really nice, and caring person and generally am a pretty likable person on the outside. I immediately become friends with almost everyone I meet in school. However, I feel as if there are some personal aspects that might preclude me from having a satisfying career as a physician. For example, we had a pretty difficult O-Chem midterm yesterday and (fortunately) I did extremely well on it. One of my best friends, who is also a premed, texted me saying he did pretty poorly on the test and might make a C in the class. He was pretty scared. Immediately after reading his text, I sent some comforting and supporting texts back to him, and I even offered to study for the final exam together. I really dislike seeing people unhappy, and I usually try my best to help them as much as I can. The weird/ironic thing is that a part of me was kind of happy and relieved that he is performing sub par compared to me, because I see him as my competition. Now, if this person was a fellow engineering friend, I would not feel the same way. However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.

I was not always like this though. In high school, I was a very relaxed, chill, and kind person. I didn't really too well in my academics, because I was very naive and just didn't care until I got to my senior year. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get a good sat score and somehow land in a great university. But now I see my college career as the final chance in my life to get to the Harvards, MITs, and Stanfords of the world. I feel like I didn't accomplish anything in my life so far, so I see my college career as a window of fleeting opportunities, and therefore must accomplish as much as possible with the least amount of resistance.I see other premeds as blocking this path. Again, I would never do anything crazy like hurting them or purposefully giving them wrong answers or anything of that sort. But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

I just finished my freshman year of college, so I hope that my views will change, and I can become a more mature person over the next three years. However, I'm scared that I won't change. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is medicine a bad fit for me? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I would to love to read some anecdotal responses.

Thanks for reading the long post.

I forgot to mention something. Whenever I see a senior member (ex: Planes2Doc) post a treasure chest full of information regarding E.Cs, timelines, how to study... for future/current premeds, I get really upset. I know they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, but I sometimes feel like they are doing it on purpose to increase the competitiveness in the future. I sometimes see it as if they are indirectly making premeds' lives in the future a living hell.

You sound a lot like this, honestly:

 

[LMBLBM]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well Something has been really bugging me for a while now. I'm not sure if SDN is the right place to post such a topic, but I'll give it a go.

The major problem with me is that I have an extremely competitive personality. Unfortunately, it has been mentally and physically destroying me everyday. I don't have a gunner type of mentality per se, but I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm). However, I am a really nice, and caring person and generally am a pretty likable person on the outside. I immediately become friends with almost everyone I meet in school. However, I feel as if there are some personal aspects that might preclude me from having a satisfying career as a physician. For example, we had a pretty difficult O-Chem midterm yesterday and (fortunately) I did extremely well on it. One of my best friends, who is also a premed, texted me saying he did pretty poorly on the test and might make a C in the class. He was pretty scared. Immediately after reading his text, I sent some comforting and supporting texts back to him, and I even offered to study for the final exam together. I really dislike seeing people unhappy, and I usually try my best to help them as much as I can. The weird/ironic thing is that a part of me was kind of happy and relieved that he is performing sub par compared to me, because I see him as my competition. Now, if this person was a fellow engineering friend, I would not feel the same way. However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.

I was not always like this though. In high school, I was a very relaxed, chill, and kind person. I didn't really too well in my academics, because I was very naive and just didn't care until I got to my senior year. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get a good sat score and somehow land in a great university. But now I see my college career as the final chance in my life to get to the Harvards, MITs, and Stanfords of the world. I feel like I didn't accomplish anything in my life so far, so I see my college career as a window of fleeting opportunities, and therefore must accomplish as much as possible with the least amount of resistance.I see other premeds as blocking this path. Again, I would never do anything crazy like hurting them or purposefully giving them wrong answers or anything of that sort. But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

I just finished my freshman year of college, so I hope that my views will change, and I can become a more mature person over the next three years. However, I'm scared that I won't change. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is medicine a bad fit for me? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I would to love to read some anecdotal responses.

Thanks for reading the long post.

I forgot to mention something. Whenever I see a senior member (ex: Planes2Doc) post a treasure chest full of information regarding E.Cs, timelines, how to study... for future/current premeds, I get really upset. I know they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, but I sometimes feel like they are doing it on purpose to increase the competitiveness in the future. I sometimes see it as if they are indirectly making premeds' lives in the future a living hell.

hypocrite.

If you are gunner, at least fire your gun with dignity and pride. I often enjoy myself by imagining me flying to Africa and spend my entire life helping others, even though I know that I cannot do it. Eating chipotle with this thought makes my chipotle extra delicious.

In all do respect, you don't want to change yourself at all. And, there is nothing wrong with it

 

[G_Marker]

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well Something has been really bugging me for a while now. I'm not sure if SDN is the right place to post such a topic, but I'll give it a go.

The major problem with me is that I have an extremely competitive personality. Unfortunately, it has been mentally and physically destroying me everyday. I don't have a gunner type of mentality per se, but I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm). However, I am a really nice, and caring person and generally am a pretty likable person on the outside. I immediately become friends with almost everyone I meet in school. However, I feel as if there are some personal aspects that might preclude me from having a satisfying career as a physician. For example, we had a pretty difficult O-Chem midterm yesterday and (fortunately) I did extremely well on it. One of my best friends, who is also a premed, texted me saying he did pretty poorly on the test and might make a C in the class. He was pretty scared. Immediately after reading his text, I sent some comforting and supporting texts back to him, and I even offered to study for the final exam together. I really dislike seeing people unhappy, and I usually try my best to help them as much as I can. The weird/ironic thing is that a part of me was kind of happy and relieved that he is performing sub par compared to me, because I see him as my competition. Now, if this person was a fellow engineering friend, I would not feel the same way. However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.

I was not always like this though. In high school, I was a very relaxed, chill, and kind person. I didn't really too well in my academics, because I was very naive and just didn't care until I got to my senior year. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get a good sat score and somehow land in a great university. But now I see my college career as the final chance in my life to get to the Harvards, MITs, and Stanfords of the world. I feel like I didn't accomplish anything in my life so far, so I see my college career as a window of fleeting opportunities, and therefore must accomplish as much as possible with the least amount of resistance.I see other premeds as blocking this path. Again, I would never do anything crazy like hurting them or purposefully giving them wrong answers or anything of that sort. But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

I just finished my freshman year of college, so I hope that my views will change, and I can become a more mature person over the next three years. However, I'm scared that I won't change. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is medicine a bad fit for me? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I would to love to read some anecdotal responses.

Thanks for reading the long post.

I forgot to mention something. Whenever I see a senior member (ex: Planes2Doc) post a treasure chest full of information regarding E.Cs, timelines, how to study... for future/current premeds, I get really upset. I know they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, but I sometimes feel like they are doing it on purpose to increase the competitiveness in the future. I sometimes see it as if they are indirectly making premeds' lives in the future a living hell.

I think a lot of people are at least a little like this. Maybe it's time to take a step back, though. Get off SDN, try out different volunteer opportunities this summer (and try not to think of them as med school prereqs), meet new people, and try to stop thinking so much about medical school. You are just a rising sophomore! Volunteer experiences, I've found, have been most rewarding when I try not to think of them as requirements. They give you the opportunity to help people in need and realize why you really are interested in being a doctor. It's not about the prestige of Stanford or MIT. Also, medical school is so competitive, that no matter how well you do and how much you do, you're at the mercy of these adcoms. The best you can do is prepare yourself to someday be a great doctor, whether it's learning all you can about an important premed subject or helping out those in need.

I don't think being competitive has anything to do with personality. We all get caught up in our own goals - I think you sound like a compassionate person, who cares about how he/she treats and views others. All premeds I know are competitive, but not all of them are willing to own up to it like you.

 

[Cyberdyne 101]

hypocrite.

If you are gunner, at least fire your gun with dignity and pride. I often enjoy myself by imagining me flying to Africa and spend my entire life helping others, even though I know that I cannot do it. Eating chipotle with this thought makes my chipotle extra delicious.

In all do respect, you don't want to change yourself at all. And, there is nothing wrong with it

So I'm not the only one!

 

[625233]

 

[Cyberdyne 101]

hypocrite.

If you are gunner, at least fire your gun with dignity and pride. I often enjoy myself by imagining me flying to Africa and spend my entire life helping others, even though I know that I cannot do it. Eating chipotle with this thought makes my chipotle extra delicious.

In all do respect, you don't want to change yourself at all. And, there is nothing wrong with it

Maybe you'll never synthesize the elixir of immortality, but who says you can't help ppl in Africa as a doctor?!

 

[LMBLBM]

Maybe you'll never synthesize the elixir of immortality, but who says you can't help ppl in Africa as a doctor?!

Well maybe after I clear 320k debt and secure my retirement

 

[Cyberdyne 101]

Well maybe after I clear 320k debt and secure my retirement

Dermatology
Plastic Surgery
Radiation Oncology
are some suggestions to help with the debt. If you're fine with working more, there's always neurosurgery. Vascular surgeons do pretty well too.

Edit: oh wait, I didn't get to the retirement part. I guess you can design an artificial disc that allows for better spine mobility. That'll cover retirement.

 

[Goro]

Not what I want to see in a student of mine. Perhaps get an MBA? Be a Master of the Universe?

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is doing well Something has been really bugging me for a while now. I'm not sure if SDN is the right place to post such a topic, but I'll give it a go.

The major problem with me is that I have an extremely competitive personality. Unfortunately, it has been mentally and physically destroying me everyday. I don't have a gunner type of mentality per se, but I do have the urge to out perform people of similar age who do better than me in academics, research etc (basically the scholastic realm). However, I am a really nice, and caring person and generally am a pretty likable person on the outside. I immediately become friends with almost everyone I meet in school. However, I feel as if there are some personal aspects that might preclude me from having a satisfying career as a physician. For example, we had a pretty difficult O-Chem midterm yesterday and (fortunately) I did extremely well on it. One of my best friends, who is also a premed, texted me saying he did pretty poorly on the test and might make a C in the class. He was pretty scared. Immediately after reading his text, I sent some comforting and supporting texts back to him, and I even offered to study for the final exam together. I really dislike seeing people unhappy, and I usually try my best to help them as much as I can. The weird/ironic thing is that a part of me was kind of happy and relieved that he is performing sub par compared to me, because I see him as my competition. Now, if this person was a fellow engineering friend, I would not feel the same way. However, I see this person and all other highly motivated premeds as obstacles that I must some how destroy to be #1.

I was not always like this though. In high school, I was a very relaxed, chill, and kind person. I didn't really too well in my academics, because I was very naive and just didn't care until I got to my senior year. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to get a good sat score and somehow land in a great university. But now I see my college career as the final chance in my life to get to the Harvards, MITs, and Stanfords of the world. I feel like I didn't accomplish anything in my life so far, so I see my college career as a window of fleeting opportunities, and therefore must accomplish as much as possible with the least amount of resistance.I see other premeds as blocking this path. Again, I would never do anything crazy like hurting them or purposefully giving them wrong answers or anything of that sort. But I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down.

I just finished my freshman year of college, so I hope that my views will change, and I can become a more mature person over the next three years. However, I'm scared that I won't change. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is medicine a bad fit for me? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I would to love to read some anecdotal responses.

Thanks for reading the long post.

I forgot to mention something. Whenever I see a senior member (ex: Planes2Doc) post a treasure chest full of information regarding E.Cs, timelines, how to study... for future/current premeds, I get really upset. I know they are doing it out of the kindness of their hearts, but I sometimes feel like they are doing it on purpose to increase the competitiveness in the future. I sometimes see it as if they are indirectly making premeds' lives in the future a living hell.

 

[625233]

Not what I want to see in a student of mine. Perhaps get an MBA? Be a Master of the Universe?

Lololol

 

[Contr0lz]

Judging the post I wrote two days ago at 1 am, I'm feel really horrible. Most of the overdramatic part is NOT true. I think the tired/depressive/late night self was writing that post...

'I do get a weird, sadistic internal pleasure from seeing other premeds/obstacles fail or fall down' is NOT true. I don't feel happy when others do bad, but I do feel slightly relieved.

Most of the other non-overdramatic stuff is more or less true to a slightly smaller degree.

Physically, I'm developing really bad health habits. I'm get extremely anxious the day before a midterm. For my last six OChem/PChem summer exams, I had to stay up all night to study. It was not because I was cramming, but because I was too scared to sleep. I also started working really late into the night in my lab because I kind of got used to it. I'm starting to put on some weight, and get really dark circles underneath my eyes.

I never been to a psychologist/psychiatrist in my life so far. But, I think I should probably visit the one working at my school soon.

 

[threesparrows]

Feeling relief at other people's misfortunes is normal. You are relieved it didn't happen to you. This is called schadenfreude.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude

Writing overly dramatic posts about yourself at 1am when you are feeling depressed is also normal and you shouldn't feel too embarrassed.

But do go see your school psychologist and talk about the anxiety you've been feeling around midterms and your compulsion to work super late at the lab and not take care of yourself. It sounds like the stress of being a pre-med is getting to you and hopefully whoever you talk to can help you work through that and figure out how to reach your goals and not make yourself crazy in the process.

 

[gumdrops]

Snarkiness aside, you sound like you could do really well in medicine. You sound as if you're concerned over whether anxiety and fear over getting into medical school is undermining your empathy and increasing your selfishness. That happens to everyone at times. You can't let it corrode who you are internally, though. As suggested above, counseling is a great way to get those feelings in check if you feel they're interfering that much with your life and relationships.

The gunner mentality will undermine your personal relationships and patient relationships, definitely. People really respond to sincerity and true kindness. This is especially true in medicine, where we deliver services to people every day. You don't want to come off as calculating or careerist. People will sense it, even if it doesn't directly affect them.

If you're this self-aware and open though, I think you're just fine. It's just important to think about this stuff because I've seen too many people become borderline sociopaths during training. Because they use both the responsibilities and rewards of medicine to justify awful behavior towards others, I would argue that they are the people whose personalities are bad for medicine. Not yours.

 

[Gauss44]

Personality not included* or required...

Response to title: As much as I wish it were, "personality," is NOT a requirement for becoming a doctor. MCAT and other screening processes seem to select for "cybermen."**

Way too many premeds are so WORRIED about perfectly checking every box ADCOMs may potentially be interested in, that they are AFRAID to develop the uniquely human parts of themselves, including unique talents outside of science, and to participate in hobbies outside of prereqs that develop personality and emotional qualities.

*way too often, not 100% of the time thank goodness!
**http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyberman

 

[kthxbai]

You're probably 19 at this point and a completely green.

It's OK. You will get over this first world problem and feel dumb for even posting this thread.

Do you at least truly feel ashamed for wishing failure on your classmates? If so, you've got hope buddy. I was you when I was a little piece of turd undergrad until real life set in, and I realized that I find much greater happiness with my peers when they succeed too.

 

[Mad Jack]

Careful with language and insults. In pre-allo, if you don't tread lightly, you can land a ban pretty quick.

 

[Mad Jack]

Be a Master of the Universe?

I don't think they'd take him on, even with an MBA. Ever since Skeletor took over HR, they've been pretty picky.

 

[KanyeWes]

Part of the admissions process is to try and weed out people who don't play well with others.

^^^^ well, then they aren't doing a very good job then.