Double doctor families?

[kapMD/PhD]

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Hey friends -
just wondering how your double dr family works. My husband is a resident and i'm in the MD/PhD program (grad part now). What is your life like in the ' real practice world"? do you have kids? how do you manage child care? Thanks for the input!

 

[mommy2three]

just wanted to say i love your av...cute kitty 🙂
we are a dual doctor family....but my dh is a phd and hopefully someday i will be a md.
we do have children and although it can be difficult it can be done.
if one of us has a big exam coming up then the other temporarily takes the majority of the burden leaving the spouse in question more time to study. not to say this would work for everyone this is what has worked for us.

 

[Faebinder]

Misery... is the best way I can describe it... especially when you both got kids and end up matching different places cause you want the careers you want.

One will end up sacrificing career for the other or separation will happen.

Marrying a doctor after residency is a different story... I can't comment on that... it might be semi normal.

 

[kapMD/PhD]

Misery... is the best way I can describe it... especially when you both got kids and end up matching different places cause you want the careers you want.

One will end up sacrificing career for the other or separation will happen.

Marrying a doctor after residency is a different story... I can't comment on that... it might be semi normal.

Yea - Actually he's a 2nd year resident in MED/PEDS and i'm a 1st year grad student in the MD/PhD program. so he'll have one year left after residency before i graduate, and then hopeuflly they'll want me for residency whereever he will want fellowship 🙂 that would be good. There just doesn't seem to be very many double DR families, so we can use all of the tips, advice ect. that we can get. No kids for us yet, but some time down the road, perhaps at the end of my med school or some time after residency (then age starts to become a factor 😳 . Thanks guys!

 

[f_w]

2 docs here, both in private practice. A family member lives with us to take care of the little guy during the day.

It's not easy, but nobody said it would.

 

[durfen]

2 docs here, both in private practice. A family member lives with us to take care of the little guy during the day.

It's not easy, but nobody said it would.

I know a couple who is a double doctor couple, one is in peds, other in internal medicine. Their parents helped out with the kids while they were in residency apart, basically live with them. But, it's an Indian family, so it is sort of expected.

 

[f_w]

But, it's an Indian family, so it is sort of expected.

It is the norm, anywhere but in the US or western europe.

 

[durfen]

It is the norm, anywhere but in the US or western europe.

Yeah I know, I wasn't excluding anyone else. What's your ethnicity?

What am I doing on this board? *finds way back to pre-allo*

 

[tlew12778]

My parents' neighbors are a double doc family. They have 2 kids. They got together in med school (in belgium- he is American she is German), did the steps together and matched together as IMGs, both in manhattan. They didn't move to my parents neighborhood until after residency when they could no longer afford housing in NYC bc they lose their susbsidized housing when they finished residency. She is in emergency medicine and he is a pediatric cardiologist. For a while they had a nanny, then she went PT bc their daughter has down's and requires quite a bit of attention. When she went PT, the nanny went back home (she was European). I think she pretty much works the minimum possible in order to maintain her license. It helps that both kids are in school now.

 

[Wifty]

My close friends are (or will be) a double doctor family. They are currently interns and picked a family-friendly, FP residency in order to be able to most easily accomadate having children.

Their goal is to both work FP part-time so that one of them is always home with the children. They decided not to go into other residencies in order to make it work out for them......it is just a matter a choices.

Wifty

 

[NEMC]

My close friends are (or will be) a double doctor family. They are currently interns and picked a family-friendly, FP residency in order to be able to most easily accomadate having children.

Their goal is to both work FP part-time so that one of them is always home with the children. They decided not to go into other residencies in order to make it work out for them......it is just a matter a choices.

Wifty

I just mentioned that my two relationships with M.D (while as myself is a M.D too) both didn't work out. Easier to like each other because so many common topics but difficult to maintain it. I am still receovering from the last break up. I don't know. I probabaly will suggest double doctor family does require the couple more mature and understanding. Prepare well..

 

[raspberry swirl]

this thread is making me panic .. my bf and i are both 4th years. we've been together 6 years. we're couples matching and its really really really difficult. thankfully both of us are going into "lifestyle" specialties (me in psych, and him in pmr) so hopefully things wont be as hard ... after residency we should just be regular 9-5ers, or less, i suppose. but im a little paranoid about how we're going to handle the stress of it all ...

 

[LADoc00]

this thread is making me panic .. my bf and i are both 4th years. we've been together 6 years. we're couples matching and its really really really difficult. thankfully both of us are going into "lifestyle" specialties (me in psych, and him in pmr) so hopefully things wont be as hard ... after residency we should just be regular 9-5ers, or less, i suppose. but im a little paranoid about how we're going to handle the stress of it all ...

Rarely does life get easier, just new and different challenges. If you are from super wealthy families tho, no worries!

 

[ESPNdeportes]

I grew up in a 2 doc household. My mom is a general pediatrician and my Dad is a hematologist/oncologist. Both were founding members in private practices. I would say they both worked about 60-70 hours/wk.

They needed help raising my sister and I. Luckily, my aunt was willing to help raise us and picked us up from school, cooked, and took us to our sporting events/other activities until we could drive. We also had several great babysitters growing up to help out.

Despite needing help, my parents never missed anything we were involved in. I played 2 varsity sports in high school, and my sister 1. We both did theatre, band, and other stuff, and my parents were always there. We were also very close, and my parents were very involved with everything we did, and our friends. We usually took at least two family vacations per year. They were very loving and supporting parents.

One of the things that allowed them to work so hard and be so involved was how efficient they are with their time. They never, ever watch TV, unless its like the superbowl (The first 9 years they lived together they had no TV at all) and they never seem to waste time. They are also extremely close, and jogged together 5 mornings a week and every Wednesday night was "date night" and they would go to dinner.

So, its completely possible to have a 2 doc family a raise a great family! However, the biggest thing in my opinion is being somewhere where you have a great support network- parents or siblings who would be willing to help out with your children.

 

[1Path]

IBut, it's an Indian family, so it is sort of expected.

I think thats a pretty accurate statement. A very close friend of mine is Indian and they should be a model for the rest of us on how to support your family!👍

 

[buddindoc]

i agree,both me and my husband went to med school after we got married(arranged marraige)we just graduated.and had 2 kids while in med school and clinicals respectively!!!my husbands parents encouraged us to get a live in indian nanny and his grand mother kinda moved in with us and she helped raise the kids.
every time we have been in a bind they have always stepped in and taken over the kids for months at a time.
i could not have gotten to this point without them..and yes they are indian.we all are🙂

 

[megsMS]

I know two physicians in my area who are both surgeons. They have two children and they are perfectly fine. They have no troubles and ABSOLUTELY no family around here to help. They just use daycare. And take off work if the kids are sick. It can be done. I didn't grow up with doctors as parents but my parents did have a full-time nanny/housekeeper. If you are an M.D. you can afford it; you just have to prioritize.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Just want to say its nice to read about some of the other couples on here. My husband is a 4th year right now and I will be applying next year. I'm grateful that we will be on "opposite schedules" so at least we will hopefully have the means in order to help support our "future" children. I think we will probably try for our first within the next two years. I'd like to have them while I'm in med school. So by the time I'm a 3rd year, my hubby will be an attending and we can afford to hire someone to help us on a full-time basis. We have some of his family in the area but no one extremely close (most an hour or two away). Hopefully he will work for 2 years until my residency when he'll most likely go back for a fellowship and by then we'll have two incomes to support the kids.

I'm not expecting that it will be easy and as ESPN said, it will be sacraficing on our part but I know we are strong enough to find a way. As well as I'm hoping that I don't fall in love with a time intensive specialty like surgery or the sort 😉

I know of a few 4th year couples who are married and the wife is going into a lifestyle specialty and planning on not practicing (or maybe a little part-time) after residency to raise the kids. But they can afford to do this. There's no way that I could afford to do that.

 

[Wifty]

this thread is making me panic .. my bf and i are both 4th years. we've been together 6 years. we're couples matching and its really really really difficult. thankfully both of us are going into "lifestyle" specialties (me in psych, and him in pmr) so hopefully things wont be as hard ... after residency we should just be regular 9-5ers, or less, i suppose. but im a little paranoid about how we're going to handle the stress of it all ...

I think you have little reason to panic! You have been together for a while and have made it thru the toughest years of med school (1 & 3) and you are still together making good plans for the future!

Internship will be hard because the schedules are so icky, but after that, you are going into good specilities that will have little call and more normal hours. I think you are set and should be excited about whats about to come!

Good luck and have fun on the journey!
Wifty

 

[Wifty]

I think we will probably try for our first within the next two years. I'd like to have them while I'm in med school. So by the time I'm a 3rd year, my hubby will be an attending and we can afford to hire someone to help us on a full-time basis.

I think this sounds like a great plan! Hubby is an intern but of all the babies that were made, the easiest on the med student were the ones that came during the first couple years of med school. Third and fourth year are also options, but not quite as easy as the first 2 years.

Basically, its the only time when you can really take off the time that you need. You don't HAVE to be in class everyday, so when you are feeling too prego, you can miss a day here and there. In residency however, you have a very limited amount of time you can take off. Hubby has 2 weeks in his intern year.....and thats it.

We had our daughter during his second year and it was perfect becasue he was able to spend some extra time with her. Of course, he also decided that he wasn't gunning for the top grades.....time with his family was a priority.

Anyways, just wanted to give the thumbs up over your thoughts about when to have kids. 🙂

with smiles,
wifty

 

[needinformation]

At least being dual md family means that you can throw money at the problem- imagine the stress of making minimum wage and can't hire help. Help, either from family, or hired help, is a must when raising children and finishing training/starting career...etc.

 

[basmoq]

My wife is a second year internal resident and I'm currently applying to med schools. We also have a 1 year old who I currently stay home with. I can't even comprehend going through the residency at the same time as my wife. She needed all the moral support I could provide in her first year, although she is a Bulgarian medical graduate with no practice experience before she came here and met me. I don't think I'll have as much problem with the residency, but it will be nice that she is done before I get to that point. It was a tough decision for me to continue on to medical school applications after marying a physician and having a child, but it's what I've always wanted and after considering dental, I just know I'm making the right decision. I just can't imagine wimping out after all I went through to get my undergrad and doing something like Nursing. I will probably do a relatively benign specialty like derm so that my schedule can mesh reasonably with my wife's (she's thinking to do a fellowship in GI when I complete my residency or if I don't get accepted anywhere)

 

[Lgb325]

I have had many moments wondering how life would work "down the road".... my husband and I both being 3rd year med students. I think the most important thing is remembering why you got involved with the person to begin with (whether it is your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend)
Obviously medicine is important to us or we would not have gone into the field BUT obviously these people are important to us as well. Therefore, if you want your relationship to work you have to work at balancing it with medicine and your career.

It totally lifted me up to read the post by ESPNdeportes-- THANK YOU!
It's nice to hear a good story... bc you do hear a lot of "bad" ones.

Just a note: I actually came across a number of attendings married to another physician on my peds rotation (from those I can recall: one was married to a GI specialist and another to a surgeon)

I suppose picking a field where you can have more control over your schedule is important too, that is if having a family is important to you.

Just another quick note: Babies were totally on my mind during my OB-GYN rotation and when I was in the nursery on peds!! All I did was wonder when in this crazy life I would ever have time for it.... I was reminded all the time that it may not be for a long while.
The chief resident of OB was actually pregnant while I was there. She was married to the chief resident of anesthesia and they had two small children at home already!! So people do make it work.... they had help from her mom, I believe. And I think she was going to cut down on her hours once she finished residency.

Ok that's my two cents. I do think that in making relationships work, people deal with all kinds of situations and this is just another one of them! 🙂

 

[Sohalia]

this thread is making me panic .. my bf and i are both 4th years. we've been together 6 years. we're couples matching and its really really really difficult. thankfully both of us are going into "lifestyle" specialties (me in psych, and him in pmr) so hopefully things wont be as hard ... after residency we should just be regular 9-5ers, or less, i suppose. but im a little paranoid about how we're going to handle the stress of it all ...

My parents are (dad) psych and (mom) pm&r. Had 3 kids. It was great, all 3 came out smart, healthy and basically perfect 😉 My parents were there for us, but we were not catered to (i.e. spoiled). I'm pm&r myself and definitely looking for a doctor for a life partner, and yes, I will be having some perfect indian doctor babies 😍

 

[Catalystik]

My spoiuse and I have a double doc marriage: peds and OBGYN. We met and married in med school and had our first child at the end of residency. We never had family close enought to help out. Childcare for one was easy. We found a stay-at-home mom across the street who was amenable to a drop off at any time. Child number two came while I was in private practice. It was more difficult finding childcare for two. We tried outside-home and formal daycare, and a sitting service, but none were optimal. Making last minute arrangements for a sick child or replacing a sick caretaker were stressful. After child #3 arrived, we finally advertised for a live-in nanny. This option, with one exception, worked very well. When we found someone who worked out well, it was worth making the job hard to leave by offering great health insurance and tuition for night school, in addition to a competitive salary. What finally worked best, though, was a live-out grandmother who lived two blocks away and was "on call" whenever both of us were. Having raised her own brood she was very experienced and was never fazed by illness or accident. We met her through an emergency formal-daycare situation and induced her to join us by offering superior benefits. All three kids grew up healthy and happy. Someone went to every soccer game and school meeting. When I was younger it distressed me when my child would say, "Why aren't you home all the time like everyone else's mom?" But when I changed to a new job with fewer hours and no call, I was amused to hear the refrain change to, "Why are you around all the time; can't you work more like everyone elses's mom?" I was lucky to have a spouse who was equally interested in helping with childcare. I was luckier that he spearheaded the nanny-seeking effort. Making the decision to pay what a nanny costs was difficult, but so well worth while considering the drastic decrease in day-to-day stress.

 

[peacefuljourney]

Hi.

I have really enjoyed reading through the posts here. My husband is in year 6 of a 6 year program in Europe and I'm in year 5. We have 3 children and a 4th (and final!) is on the way. They are 8 yrs, 7 yrs, 1.5 yrs & I'm due in January.

I'm looking at ob/gyn and he's looking at peds/im-oncology. We'll see.

It's great to get tips on how to work this out. I'm very worried about residency training and how we will manage that. We are Canadians, living in Slovakia right now. My husband was born here and his family immigrated to Canada when he was 4 - but we have a house here and cost of living WAS less so we thought we could swing it. Also the pace is slower here - 6 years vs. 4 yrs. So, although we've been doing this on our own for 6 years, it would sure be nice to have help from family when we return. Still, we are looking at the States and thus will have to be away from our families again. They are also getting up in years and 4 kids is a handful for anyone...

It has been a tough haul although I think we've managed fairly well overall. I've had to be superorganized and do many things at once - like give the kids a bath, drill math questions and clean the toilet at the same time.... tiring and definitely not ideal. I can't just cook dinner, I must have a diagram on the whiteboard to memorize at the same time. Goljan is in the car etc. This 'superefficiency' is draining. I predict that a nanny/caregiver will become a part of our lives. I have a lady here that helps with the younger baby during the day and sometimes she picks the other 2 up from school. Still, life in Europe is pretty doable - the pace and expectations are different. In North America we are work obsessed.

I'm not lazy or wish to pile a load on colleagues who don't have children, but I guess my priorities have shifted with age and children. Yes, I want to be there. I have no problem working hard during the day and picking it up later in the evening post 9.00 pm when the children are asleep but I want to be there with them for dinner and homework etc.

It's really heartening to hear that it's possible. It certainly isn't easy - but other pathways aren't either. I like the idea of a 'date night.' We really need that. I don't have a sitter here though. I don't think my regular lady would do this for me.

Re: family. I've been fortunate to have the help of my mother-in-law when my older children were small. She is gifted with small babies. I don't think you fully appreciate the help until you try to go it alone. Definitely family is best and we are more 'European' in that we live together with her (and some siblings as circumstances dictate). The help is so nice, but I think the really important aspect of this is that children develop solid relationships with their families. Kids and grandparents need each other - both benefit. Anyhow, its too bad that often this type of arrangement isn't feasible due to distances, jobs, etc.

Any thoughts on ob/gyn in my situation? Seems like the malpractice fees will dictate the number of hours I have to work just to make a go of it? Does it really come down to picking a state that isn't 'in crisis' to make this work? Thanks for taking the time to lend me your thoughts. I really appreciate it.

S-

 

[paradiselost]

I'm an MS2 and my fiance is an MS4. We plan to be married after I graduate, but before I start residency. Does anybody know if hospitals in any way shape or form give preference in the match to people whose spouses are already working in the hospital? Does it matter if it's in a different department in the same hospital?

I wish we could do couples match. Fooey!

🙁