Ever have days when you can't study well and feel really depressed?

[wootwoot18]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this except maybe some online anonymous support. I'm having one of those days in which I really just want to crawl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and block out the world. It's not everyday or even most days...but there are days when I just feel so lonely, so behind, so not interested in the material, so disconnected from my class and so unhappy that I get teary eyed just watching another lecture or thinking about the next day and everything that comes with it. I always feel like I'm the only one who has these feelings...everyone in my class always seems so on top of the material and happy to be here. I've gone to counseling and that helps, but I think the general feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety about the volume of information just wears me down and there are days when I kind of crack and wall myself off from the world. Is this really abnormal? I think part of the problem is I'm far away from family and don't have a social support network at my school. I have acquaintances, and I like some people in my class, but realistically I don't have any true friends here. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Med school has been really hard for me, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with classmates because everyone always looks so strong and driven to succeed. Wondering if I really am alone or if there are a few folks out there who also have these kinds of really tough days. What do you do to get through them?

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[libertyyne]

Everyday.

But you should talk to someone IRL. Yours sounds like a lot more severe than mine.

 

[Goro]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this except maybe some online anonymous support. I'm having one of those days in which I really just want to crawl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and block out the world. It's not everyday or even most days...but there are days when I just feel so lonely, so behind, so not interested in the material, so disconnected from my class and so unhappy that I get teary eyed just watching another lecture or thinking about the next day and everything that comes with it. I always feel like I'm the only one who has these feelings...everyone in my class always seems so on top of the material and happy to be here. I've gone to counseling and that helps, but I think the general feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety about the volume of information just wears me down and there are days when I kind of crack and wall myself off from the world. Is this really abnormal? I think part of the problem is I'm far away from family and don't have a social support network at my school. I have acquaintances, and I like some people in my class, but realistically I don't have any true friends here. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Med school has been really hard for me, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with classmates because everyone always looks so strong and driven to succeed. Wondering if I really am alone or if there are a few folks out there who also have these kinds of really tough days. What do you do to get through them?

Get thee back to your school's counseling center, stat.

If you don't do it already, engage in mindfulness techniques.

And hit the gym.

 

[kb1900]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this except maybe some online anonymous support. I'm having one of those days in which I really just want to crawl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and block out the world. It's not everyday or even most days...but there are days when I just feel so lonely, so behind, so not interested in the material, so disconnected from my class and so unhappy that I get teary eyed just watching another lecture or thinking about the next day and everything that comes with it. I always feel like I'm the only one who has these feelings...everyone in my class always seems so on top of the material and happy to be here. I've gone to counseling and that helps, but I think the general feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety about the volume of information just wears me down and there are days when I kind of crack and wall myself off from the world. Is this really abnormal? I think part of the problem is I'm far away from family and don't have a social support network at my school. I have acquaintances, and I like some people in my class, but realistically I don't have any true friends here. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Med school has been really hard for me, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with classmates because everyone always looks so strong and driven to succeed. Wondering if I really am alone or if there are a few folks out there who also have these kinds of really tough days. What do you do to get through them?

You’re not alone at all. I think I feel like this every few weeks for a few days at a time. Having a social support is huge and probably the only reason I don’t feel this way every other day. I stopped feeling guilty about taking a day and not doing anything but it can get pretty bad if my SO or family isn’t around for support.

I think opening up to friends in your class is really important. The more I talk to others the more I realize I’m not alone at all in having days where it’s impossible to even do 1 lecture or 10 anki reviews.

One thing that I’ve found helps if I absolutely have to do work on a day I feel burnt out and completely disinterested is changing up where I spend the day studying. Seriously. Staying in my room or the library during the day every day for 4-7 hours gets old fast. Noise canceling headphones + coffee shops/parks/anywhere was a huge game changer for me

 

[curbsideconsult]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this except maybe some online anonymous support. I'm having one of those days in which I really just want to crawl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and block out the world. It's not everyday or even most days...but there are days when I just feel so lonely, so behind, so not interested in the material, so disconnected from my class and so unhappy that I get teary eyed just watching another lecture or thinking about the next day and everything that comes with it. I always feel like I'm the only one who has these feelings...everyone in my class always seems so on top of the material and happy to be here. I've gone to counseling and that helps, but I think the general feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety about the volume of information just wears me down and there are days when I kind of crack and wall myself off from the world. Is this really abnormal? I think part of the problem is I'm far away from family and don't have a social support network at my school. I have acquaintances, and I like some people in my class, but realistically I don't have any true friends here. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Med school has been really hard for me, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with classmates because everyone always looks so strong and driven to succeed. Wondering if I really am alone or if there are a few folks out there who also have these kinds of really tough days. What do you do to get through them?

I completely understand the feeling inadequate compared to classmates. Everyone seems so on top of things. In reality, however, you're probably not the only one at your school who feels that way. What you're feeling is not abnormal, but it is worrisome in terms of the severity of what you're describing. It's good that you're going to counseling and you should continue to do so. If you feel like having a chat, PM me.

 

[DarknightX]

It's not abnormal. I felt this way all the time as a medical student. I never felt like I belonged, and that I was always struggling to learn things that my classmates knew cold already. There were many times that I didn't think I would make it through medical school. I was alone, not a lot of friends, and really struggled at times. It's really tough, especially when you feel like you are alone. I felt like quitting many times during my first 2 years of medical school, and thought that I had made a huge mistake.

Thankfully, I stuck it out, and I fell in love with surgery during the end of my third year (it was my last rotation, and I never thought I would enjoy surgery). What you are feeling is not abnormal and you definitely aren't alone.

 

[fourandtwo]

Oh honey, even if you weren't in medical school, you wouldn't be the only one feeling these things. These feelings are very normal, medical student or not. We are compelled to act like our best selves. We post only the best parts of us on social media. I'm not a medical student yet, but I feel these feelings all the time.

Here's a little advice (if you need it): Each time you feel down, focus on getting back up emotionally. Try to find more similarities between you and your classmates than differences. Try to open up, you'll be surprised at how others are desperately wanting to connect too. If you can't study or be productive, do something different. Something new that would make you feel good, like cook or even just clean. Then soon, you'll learn that it's not so bad to feel sad. You may still feel down sometimes, but you'll learn that it's only temporary and when you know that it's much easier to manage. <3 I learn most about myself when I'm depressed.

 

[MerYangBey]

I’m assuming just because people seem like they have their s### together doesn’t mean that they do.

And I’m willing to bet a lot of people feel like you do at one point or another (even your classmates).

On the days I really don’t wanna Med school. I don’t. It’s probably not the best study strategy ever but taking some time off is important to maintain some level of motivation.

 

[Einsteinonmaking]

Dear Wootwoot18,

Let me tell U this may be it can resonate with U. Am an IMG graduate my country is at war. There is no electricity no internet not even a running tap water in my country leave away good medical training or services. So, if I wanted to pursue my dream of "up my medical Study", I have to leave my country & be a refugee in a nearby country. A country in which I knew no one & I had to start my days in it by sleeping on a bare floor. Alone without my family or any social network or support while doing my USMLE Steps was hell. Everything U r describing I felt it during my studying while struggling tough life conditions from hunger to loneliness, U name it. Even though my family r with me chatting & calling however that wasn't enough. I still felt the horrible pain everyday. Soul pain, body pain, mind pain & heart pain. I had many moments of If I had to read another one sentence today I will die. I took Step 1 & Step 2 CK & CS ... pass them all not as the level I wish or the level I know I am capable of thou but I did.

From the above nutshell, let me tell U the lessons I learned from my experience that I hope would help U:

1. Wether we want it or not. Have it or not. Beside our own strength, Social support is important & Having people around is good for us functioning to our best ability. So, Don't isolate urself. Try to reach out to others. U can reach to others online on forums & blogs. Am glad U did on SDN. Also offline in ur school look for 3-4 & start a study group. (Google about study groups so U can get the best out of the experience). Let this be ur Starting niche in ur school to build both Study support & social support.
2. Lifestyle is important. Divide your day to include enough sleep, healthy regular meals & exercise.
3. A regular healthy study schedule & routine. Vary the Subjects & the study places but keep the study timetable constant & regular. Every week U have one day off Study no matter what.
4. The day off & time off is for rest & recreation. Do anything except studying. Time to have little adventure in the city even if alone. Go watch a movie better if funny. Cook, clean, etc. & No worries about the large material to Study b/C U have ur regular timetable.
5. The material in Med school is huge, difficult, complex & endless & U r worried. Don't let ur worry get the best out of U. Stop worrying & Individualized/personalized Ur Study. In Med school we aren't all at the same level of knowledge but that doesn't mean we can't catch up. Some Subjects we need to start from basics, others we r good at & can pick up from here. Look for someone to guide U & give U advice to help U personalize ur study material & techniques to ur strength & weakness. Any academic counselor in ur school go talk to them. Above all, Remember the only person U r competing against is urself & no one else. Ur goal in Med school & life is to be better today than yesterday. That is it. Just that. To start: look for a course called learning how to learn on Coursera. I hope it is still running. Plus google about studying techniques & schedules to get ur niche. There is also a book called how to succeed at medical school: an essential guide to learning take a look at it. There is no problem that has no solution. Don't let the problem consume ur time instead let the solution fills U up to growth & new horizons.
6. There is something that is called burn out. It happens to all people in different arenas from sport to study. So after having ur schedule & all U will still feel sometimes that U can't Study U just can't do it U cry & all. When this happen = time off & don't regret not studying at all. Take from 1 day to 3 days off. & then go back to ur Study schedule & follow it throu.
7. Do U know what is my biggest lesson & biggest regret from my tough experience. I wish I didn't let conditions take the best out of me & defined my capacity & I wish instead of trying to do what everyone was doing, I focused on personalized my study to fit me & my situation. So many roads can take us to Rome. It isn't about how we get to Rome but that we get there. Personalize ur study process for U to reach ur outcome. Take ur own road to Rome (with a visor guidance of course) darling & believe in it.

Conclusion,
Q1: Do U or Do U not need counseling? The answer is yes U do. If U have access to it use it & benefit from it, why not.
Q2: R U alone in this? Hell no.
Q3: Are ur feelings abnormal for a Med student? No & of course no.
Q4: Are those feelings enough reason for U to quit? No my darling.
Q5: Are those feelings is a reflection of ur adequacy to be a Med student? No, U r smart to get into Med school in the first place but U r allowing conditions to get the best out of U.
Q6: Can U snap out of all these feelings to be the U U know U r strong, smart & vibrant? Yes of course. Step by step & don't give ur power away. Everything U need is already within U. U have enough & U r enough darling.
PS: if U feel like talking dont hesitate to PM me.
Wish U the best luck. Peace & Love.

 

[deleted707454]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this except maybe some online anonymous support. I'm having one of those days in which I really just want to crawl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and block out the world. It's not everyday or even most days...but there are days when I just feel so lonely, so behind, so not interested in the material, so disconnected from my class and so unhappy that I get teary eyed just watching another lecture or thinking about the next day and everything that comes with it. I always feel like I'm the only one who has these feelings...everyone in my class always seems so on top of the material and happy to be here. I've gone to counseling and that helps, but I think the general feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety about the volume of information just wears me down and there are days when I kind of crack and wall myself off from the world. Is this really abnormal? I think part of the problem is I'm far away from family and don't have a social support network at my school. I have acquaintances, and I like some people in my class, but realistically I don't have any true friends here. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Med school has been really hard for me, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with classmates because everyone always looks so strong and driven to succeed. Wondering if I really am alone or if there are a few folks out there who also have these kinds of really tough days. What do you do to get through them?

Keep in mind that you can't absorb/learn material when you are acutely stressed. I get overwhelmed/anxious all the time, and I have to recognize that sitting there going through the motions isn't going to do me much good. Get sad/stressed/anxious when trying to study? Lace up those shoes, go on a run or a hike. Sure its exercise, but its also a meditation too. A time to think through and get past your biggest worries. Get involved in yoga, even if you have to pay for it. After that hour, go sit back down and you will find a new endurance for studying, and you can take in a lot more info. I'll tell you that all my grades have been somewhat mediocre, but I've really liked every class thus far, and I am continually looking forward to the next one.

Reducing the stresses, you'll be able to find the things you enjoy about school, rediscover why you wanted to be here in the first place, and it won't all seem like a huge slog. I know its hard to mesh with other medical students, too. Try to look outside of school for peers - Im a big fan of running clubs and board game groups just because its not awkward to meet people at those. Running club near me is sweet, as they go on a run, and all stay for a beer or two afterwards. Much more level-headed than the majority of med students, and maybe better peers to have.

You'll be alright, OP.

 

[mistafab]

I really haven't had this feeling OP. I think you should go talk to someone about it. Maybe a counselor could help you out.

Yeah, maybe some days I feel 3/10, but I never want to just crall into a ball and block out the world. Worst I get is “man it is a pretty day out, too bad I gotta study.”

 

[Cardinals#1Fan]

.

 

[Gorne]

Lol. Just wait until 3rd year. You have no idea what’s coming

 

[Rekt]

Lol. Just wait until 3rd year. You have no idea what’s coming

Studying as much as second year with 1/4th the time.

 

[watermelon master]

Dear Wootwoot18,

Let me tell U this may be it can resonate with U. Am an IMG graduate my country is at war. There is no electricity no internet not even a running tap water in my country leave away good medical training or services. So, if I wanted to pursue my dream of "up my medical Study", I have to leave my country & be a refugee in a nearby country. A country in which I knew no one & I had to start my days in it by sleeping on a bare floor. Alone without my family or any social network or support while doing my USMLE Steps was hell. Everything U r describing I felt it during my studying while struggling tough life conditions from hunger to loneliness, U name it. Even though my family r with me chatting & calling however that wasn't enough. I still felt the horrible pain everyday. Soul pain, body pain, mind pain & heart pain. I had many moments of If I had to read another one sentence today I will die. I took Step 1 & Step 2 CK & CS ... pass them all not as the level I wish or the level I know I am capable of thou but I did.

From the above nutshell, let me tell U the lessons I learned from my experience that I hope would help U:

1. Wether we want it or not. Have it or not. Beside our own strength, Social support is important & Having people around is good for us functioning to our best ability. So, Don't isolate urself. Try to reach out to others. U can reach to others online on forums & blogs. Am glad U did on SDN. Also offline in ur school look for 3-4 & start a study group. (Google about study groups so U can get the best out of the experience). Let this be ur Starting niche in ur school to build both Study support & social support.
2. Lifestyle is important. Divide your day to include enough sleep, healthy regular meals & exercise.
3. A regular healthy study schedule & routine. Vary the Subjects & the study places but keep the study timetable constant & regular. Every week U have one day off Study no matter what.
4. The day off & time off is for rest & recreation. Do anything except studying. Time to have little adventure in the city even if alone. Go watch a movie better if funny. Cook, clean, etc. & No worries about the large material to Study b/C U have ur regular timetable.
5. The material in Med school is huge, difficult, complex & endless & U r worried. Don't let ur worry get the best out of U. Stop worrying & Individualized/personalized Ur Study. In Med school we aren't all at the same level of knowledge but that doesn't mean we can't catch up. Some Subjects we need to start from basics, others we r good at & can pick up from here. Look for someone to guide U & give U advice to help U personalize ur study material & techniques to ur strength & weakness. Any academic counselor in ur school go talk to them. Above all, Remember the only person U r competing against is urself & no one else. Ur goal in Med school & life is to be better today than yesterday. That is it. Just that. To start: look for a course called learning how to learn on Coursera. I hope it is still running. Plus google about studying techniques & schedules to get ur niche. There is also a book called how to succeed at medical school: an essential guide to learning take a look at it. There is no problem that has no solution. Don't let the problem consume ur time instead let the solution fills U up to growth & new horizons.
6. There is something that is called burn out. It happens to all people in different arenas from sport to study. So after having ur schedule & all U will still feel sometimes that U can't Study U just can't do it U cry & all. When this happen = time off & don't regret not studying at all. Take from 1 day to 3 days off. & then go back to ur Study schedule & follow it throu.
7. Do U know what is my biggest lesson & biggest regret from my tough experience. I wish I didn't let conditions take the best out of me & defined my capacity & I wish instead of trying to do what everyone was doing, I focused on personalized my study to fit me & my situation. So many roads can take us to Rome. It isn't about how we get to Rome but that we get there. Personalize ur study process for U to reach ur outcome. Take ur own road to Rome (with a visor guidance of course) darling & believe in it.

Conclusion,
Q1: Do U or Do U not need counseling? The answer is yes U do. If U have access to it use it & benefit from it, why not.
Q2: R U alone in this? Hell no.
Q3: Are ur feelings abnormal for a Med student? No & of course no.
Q4: Are those feelings enough reason for U to quit? No my darling.
Q5: Are those feelings is a reflection of ur adequacy to be a Med student? No, U r smart to get into Med school in the first place but U r allowing conditions to get the best out of U.
Q6: Can U snap out of all these feelings to be the U U know U r strong, smart & vibrant? Yes of course. Step by step & don't give ur power away. Everything U need is already within U. U have enough & U r enough darling.
PS: if U feel like talking dont hesitate to PM me.
Wish U the best luck. Peace & Love.

really underrated post. thanks a lot for posting this. This deserves its own thread IMO

 

[ciestar]

OP, literally every single day. My grades are garbage and I feel like I’ve wasted the past two years of my life.

 

[IsleyOfTheNorth]

I get this way sometimes (even as a lowly pre-med). Seeing out counseling is probably a good idea. I have some tricks that work for me. I find there are two solutions to this problem (for me):

1. Get out of yourself. The easiest way to do this is to go do something you enjoy or find a new experience. Go for a run. Go see a movie. Do something that will force a perspective change.

2. Get into yourself. Remind yourself why you're doing what you're doing. Think "big picture" and imagine yourself in 5-10 years. What are you doing 10 years from now? Imagine yourself thinking back to today - what observations would you have?

I also like to surround myself with positive motivators for times when I get down. I have some favorite movies/songs/books that I enjoy that give me a little push. Find things that motivate you to help you get over that "hump". What caused you to pursue medicine in the first place? That might be a good well to draw from. Did shadowing really get you in the groove? If so, maybe try to find a few hours a week to be in that environment. Make it a task to remind yourself of why you're doing what you're doing.

I accept that I'll have days where I can't be productive. On those days, I focus on recharging my batteries. Not just taking a break, but actively re-"charging" myself. Ideally, I wouldn't have to spend time doing that, but we're humans with limits. Accept them, understand them, then work around them.

Hope that helps.

 

[ibjudo]

Look I will be honest with you . I did not attend medical school i went to nursing school. Which in some cases is tougher than med school. I understand and share your pain! We are expected to be at all lectures and understand all the info. It’s like drinking from a fire hose. Believe it will get better! You need to take days off, 1.2.3 maybe four in order to set your mind right! It all comes down to your will, how strong is your mind!! What I did was , I kept telling myself before I went to sleep “I can do it” and even more specific “I will graduate nursing school with a bachelors”. After three months you start believing it and rest just falls into place. If you have to take 1-2 days off GO for it. Skip a class , worry about it later! Of course don’t fall behind but allow yourself the freedom to do so. Go out with friends or solo , get drunk or use “other recreational methods” of relaxation . Lol. I frequently went out got drunk, only to show up to g lass hung over ! Haha, you can say my friends helped stay sane and get me thru nursing school while many did not have friends like mine and failed out or ended up in a dark place.
You are not alone buddy! I promise there are others who feel the same in your class, if they are not they’re I denial! Reach out to them, struggle forms very long lasting relationships, friendships and romantic alike!!!

 

[honigbiene]

Every. Single. Day.
I have lost entire weekends I could have been studying because I did nothing but lie in bed with the lights off, only getting up to pee, for 48 hours straight.
At first I felt alone, until I found out that half my class feels like either stepping in front of a bus, or wondering if they need to call 911 in the middle of the night because they can't tell if they're dying of a heart attack or just panicking that bad.
You're not alone. Med students are type A people who can put on one hell of a good act. Those people who seem to know the material cold, it's because they were up until 2am memorizing because their anxiety wouldn't let them stop memorizing and go to sleep.

 

[BGDino]

1. You need to talk to someone who you can trust - a partner, family member, friend, school counsellor, private therapist. Get it out of your head and off your chest.
2. Remember that little bits are better than nothing. Start with super small goals, even if they seem insignificant in the face of what you think you can accomplish. One page, 10 questions, 5 slides... little chunks.
3. Realise that you’re allowed to have a bad day, weekend, week... but if you can do 1) and 2) you can offset it as long as you try not to beat yourself up continually. The idea that everyone else is studying efficiently and continually is false - that’s your mind playing tricks on you.
4. If things are not improving get professional help, if only to exclude a reactive depression.

Believe me I know how you feel, I was diagnosed with melancholic depression at the beginning of my specialty training and had relapses throughout, including the year of my final exam. There were days I was so depressed I would open a book to try and study and end up crying into my husband’s lap for hours, convinced that I was a worthless human being because I couldn’t do something as simple as read some notes.

 

[Ho0v-man]

I’m there right now. I’m only a lowly m1 and I’m just fed up already. The information just keeps coming and I feel overwhelmed all the time. I keep waiting for that magic moment where it’s all supposed to click and I find this awesome groove where I’m able to exercise, eat healthy, and make time for hobbies. But instead it just keeps getting worse and solution seems to be just spending even more effing time grinding.

The worst part is, I really want to know the material. I get that it’s important and med school should be hard...but the abusive way they try to just scar this information into my brain is just too much sometimes.

You’re anything but alone OP.

 

[Chibucks15]

I’m there right now. I’m only a lowly m1 and I’m just fed up already. The information just keeps coming and I feel overwhelmed all the time. I keep waiting for that magic moment where it’s all supposed to click and I find this awesome groove where I’m able to exercise, eat healthy, and make time for hobbies. But instead it just keeps getting worse and solution seems to be just spending even more effing time grinding.

The worst part is, I really want to know the material. I get that it’s important and med school should be hard...but the abusive way they try to just scar this information into my brain is just too much sometimes.

You’re anything but alone OP.

Right there with you. Literally anything sounds better

 

[Durty-Trixxx]

Try to gain some consolation knowing that what you are going through is VERY common, as judging by all the responses to your post.

I was also in a very similar situation as you as an M1. I went to a school in the Northeast and was about 3 hrs. drive from my family. I was also single so things got pretty lonely really quickly once I realized most of my classmates were Type A gunners who werent that fun to be around outside of the lecture hall. I can also rememeber getting seasonal affective disorder to some degree and January and February I would be in a really sad funk and even thought about suicide once or twice, although not serious about planning it out.

The way I got out of the funk was to change up my habits and daily routine. I used to take study breaks and sit in front of the TV on a weeknight eating ice cream right out the box and quickly gained 15 lbs. in a couple months. So I started eating chicken Cobb salads and things like that for dinner instead of pasta and burgers and fried foods. I also joined a gym and it's amazing what a 30-min. workout can do both mentally and physically. I also tried to study in other places besides my apartment like Panera Bread or some nearby college library and it's nice to be in a different environment and seeing different faces than the ones in class. I also tried to date some girls I met on Tinder and other dating sites and that kinda went well but didnt find a serious girlfriend out of it.

Overall, I think the people who handle med school the best are those folks with a significant other who can lend them lots of love and support during the many tough times you face. I was always jealous when I heard a classmate said he's going home to a home-cooked meal with his wife and enjoy some overdue lovemaking as a reward for studying so hard all week. I just went home and relieved myself with PornHub. What a life, huh ??

 

[Promethean]

Look I will be honest with you . I did not attend medical school i went to nursing school. Which in some cases is tougher than med school.

Oh, you sweet, sweet, summer child. The thing you said in bold above is so absurd that it totally distracts from anything else you might have had to say.

It is okay to say that you are doing a really hard thing that is pushing your boundaries and challenging you in ways that you think are pretty extreme. Playing a weak comparison game really hurts the case you meant to make, though.

I have actually done both nursing school and medical school, so I can speak to this with a bit more credibility. Nursing school was indeed challenging. Medical school was harrowing, absolutely scarring and soul crushing and desperation-inducing in ways that I never could have imagined until I was in the thick of it.

But we don't need to play the who-has-it-worse game. It doesn't have any winners. The point is that yes, whenever you attempt something that pushes your personal limits of academic potential, you will have days when your efforts fall flat, and you feel discouraged, and that is normal and okay. It is part of doing the difficult thing. If you never felt challenged, then you probably aren't being ambitious enough. Like, if you never felt this way, then it would mean that you were holding yourself back from what you could do if you would only try.

For the OP:

Depression is a real thing, and you should get help for it if you are dealing with it. Give yourself permission to relax and regroup now and again. Practice setting some small goals and rewarding yourself for hitting them. Think about things that you do that make you feel good and feel good about yourself, or that used to have that effect, and do those things. Attend to personal hygiene. Keep your space neat and tidy. Get some exercise. Listen to lectures at the gym or even just walking around your neighborhood. Make a friend and spend an hour talking about nonmedical stuff. These kinds of behavioral changes can be as effective as medication and therapy, and if you use them along with those other treatment modalities, you can really impact the quality of your life.

We have all been there, or will be, sooner or later. You aren't alone and you can get through it. If I can be of service to you, hit me up. Or anyone else you trust. Don't be afraid to reach out. We are all in this together, and it is our responsibility to look out for one another.

 

[The Knife & Gun Club]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this except maybe some online anonymous support. I'm having one of those days in which I really just want to crawl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and block out the world. It's not everyday or even most days...but there are days when I just feel so lonely, so behind, so not interested in the material, so disconnected from my class and so unhappy that I get teary eyed just watching another lecture or thinking about the next day and everything that comes with it. I always feel like I'm the only one who has these feelings...everyone in my class always seems so on top of the material and happy to be here. I've gone to counseling and that helps, but I think the general feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety about the volume of information just wears me down and there are days when I kind of crack and wall myself off from the world. Is this really abnormal? I think part of the problem is I'm far away from family and don't have a social support network at my school. I have acquaintances, and I like some people in my class, but realistically I don't have any true friends here. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Med school has been really hard for me, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with classmates because everyone always looks so strong and driven to succeed. Wondering if I really am alone or if there are a few folks out there who also have these kinds of really tough days. What do you do to get through them?

Dude, like all the time. Probably once a week. That feeling of that everyone is rocking it and you not wanting to look vulnerable is very real. I swear it takes all my strength some days to not gut check a friend when they say “eh, this units not too bad.”

I will say, going to talk to a therapist is pretty helpful. I’ve been doing it for 6 months and it’s been great. An hour every two weeks is such a small time commitment for us, and it really is a major boost. You don’t even need to know what you want out of it - I didn’t. Just show up and tell them life is rough and you want help coping. Chances are they’ve seen this a millions times before, and already know what to say to take the edge off.

 

[PS2summerdays]

Literally everyday. There are ups and downs, but I can totally see where you're coming from. It adds to anxiety. You should seek some help (probably outside the school as trusting the administration with this kind of stuff might not always work to your favor). I haven't gotten any psychiatric help and thus I suffer everyday. Doing things differently might offer a better outcome.

 

[ortnakas]

Disclaimers: SDN is not for mental health advice, the internet in general is not for mental health advice, get mental health help from a real person, you won’t be the first or the last and there’s no shame in it

You are describing my life first year, especially during anatomy. When you can’t study because you’re overwhelmed but you’re overwhelmed because you can’t study? I hear you.

My thoughts:
—break things down into manageable bits. Studying all day sounds awful. Studying the entire kidney by Friday sounds terrifying. But I bet you could study one lecture for the next hour (or one chapter or whatever, with notecards or reading or whatever floats your boat). And then another hour of something. And then a break. And then repeat. I scheduled my life in half hour increments in that time of my life because, to paraphrase Kimmy Schmidt, you can do anything for 30 minutes.
—Use some of those 30 minutes to cook, shower, watch Netflix, call your mom, powenap, your choice. Energized you can study better in 30 minutes than exhausted you can right now.
—Get academic help. Your school should have resources if you’re struggling, or at the very least upperclassmen mentors who can give advice on how they pulled it off.
—You’re hiding all this stress from your friends and your classmates have no idea you’re going through this, right? Newsflash: you’re not the only good actor and you’re not the only one who’s struggling. I wish I would have realized this sooner, but once I found out I was a lot less lonely.
—Exercise helps.
—Fresh air helps.
—Changes of scenery help. Partly to get out of a rut, and sometimes can help with whatever is bothering you (overwhelmed watching your classmates study with you? Go home. Lonely at home? Be in the vicinity of other humans at Starbucks. Etc)
—This too shall pass. I was you in first year. I was not a great student by any stretch of the imagination. Now I graduate in under 60 days and I matched into a residency that’s a perfect fit for me. You’ll make it through too. One step at a time.

 

[Durty-Trixxx]

—Changes of scenery help. Partly to get out of a rut, and sometimes can help with whatever is bothering you (overwhelmed watching your classmates study with you? Go home. Lonely at home? Be in the vicinity of other humans at Starbucks. Etc)

It's profound how much a change in study venue can help. Much of my M1 was spent in my dank apartment staring at the walls and hearing the depression eating away at my soul as I sunk deeper and deeper into the abyss.

I finally wised up and tried studying in Starbucks and Panera and college libraries. While it's true those kinds of places are noisier and filled with distractions, it also proves that humans are social animals and need to be around other humans to feel natural and content. My M2 year consisted of me "power-cramming" notes for about 2-3 hrs. in my apt. and then another 1-2 hours at those public study venues just so I could review everything and also enjoy a frappuccino and scope out some cute chicks and still feel connected to the outside world and not just exist as some med school drone in a vacuum.

 

[The_Sunny_Doc]

Lol. Just wait until 3rd year. You have no idea what’s coming

I respectfully disagree! Third year is so much better compared to first and second year.

OP, if you can make it to third year, just know that life gets so much better. You get to talk to people all day and see medicine come to life. It’s far more exciting and rewarding when you’re working with patients and not just sitting doing tedious memorization. Hope that you can get through Step and progress to the part of medicine that’s fun and rewarding.

 

[BGDino]

I respectfully disagree! Third year is so much better compared to first and second year.

OP, if you can make it to third year, just know that life gets so much better. You get to talk to people all day and see medicine come to life. It’s far more exciting and rewarding when you’re working with patients and not just sitting doing tedious memorization. Hope that you can get through Step and progress to the part of medicine that’s fun and rewarding.

I definitely found that studying seemed to have more of a purpose once I hit the clinical years because I could see connections between what I was seeing on rotation and what I was studying. And I performed better too! I’m DEFINITELY a late bloomer when it comes to my medical career... just scraped into medical school, borderline passes through preclinical years, low average for the clinical ones, above average for specialty training, appointed as consultant (attending) by age 30... (caveat: I’m in Australia, so different med school and training system)

 

[BGDino]

Guess I’m trying to say what you’re experiencing and what you’re like preclinical isn’t going to be what you’re like forever!

 

[Moose A Moose]

I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of posting this except maybe some online anonymous support. I'm having one of those days in which I really just want to crawl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and block out the world. It's not everyday or even most days...but there are days when I just feel so lonely, so behind, so not interested in the material, so disconnected from my class and so unhappy that I get teary eyed just watching another lecture or thinking about the next day and everything that comes with it. I always feel like I'm the only one who has these feelings...everyone in my class always seems so on top of the material and happy to be here. I've gone to counseling and that helps, but I think the general feelings of isolation, loneliness and anxiety about the volume of information just wears me down and there are days when I kind of crack and wall myself off from the world. Is this really abnormal? I think part of the problem is I'm far away from family and don't have a social support network at my school. I have acquaintances, and I like some people in my class, but realistically I don't have any true friends here. Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. Med school has been really hard for me, and I don't feel comfortable talking about it with classmates because everyone always looks so strong and driven to succeed. Wondering if I really am alone or if there are a few folks out there who also have these kinds of really tough days. What do you do to get through them?

You’re not alone. I get that rock bottom feeling once in a while too. Hit the gym, and have a night every week for yourself. Chasing a carrot helps.