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Hey guys I've been a longtime lurker but created a new account to share this story with you. I have read so many posts here on SDN that really helped me through the dark times in Med School. I'm hoping to pay it forward.
About me: Top 30 USMD school. Never a stellar student, bottom half of my class, really struggled through medical school to keep up with my other classmates. I always felt just lucky to have gotten into medical school after serial sub-30 MCAT scores and taking a couple years off from school to build my application. I had felt like I "made it" after getting into not just medical school, but a state school offering amazing tuition break that was also close to family.
Fast forward to Step 1 time, and I was completely lost. Studying for hours on end while feeling completely behind my peers throughout my first two years. I passed my practice exams in the 217s, and I had already pushed my exam back 2 months. I was drained and really was ready to just get the test over with. After talking to my advisor, mentor, and dean, they all said that being so close to my exam date, to go for it, which I did, and missed the passing score by 2 points. That hurt. Really bad. I felt like a failure and sunk into a deep depression that I didn't admit to until a year later.
Thank god for amazing family and friends. I told just those that I was closest to. They really helped me get through those next few months. I talked to my academic advising department, which was great and incredibly sympathetic. Took 6 months off (health reasons + retake Step). Studied my butt off, changed study strategies, used resources outside of First Aid, experimented with how to tackle practice questions and reviewing them, made a strict schedule, and I ignored my depression/anxiety/low self-esteem problems (NOT RECOMMENDED). The second time around I passed with a horribly low score (205), but I was just ecstatic to have passed. At this point, my career goals were in Peds, I had little hope of anything else.
One of my classmates recommended that I talk to a therapist in a very kind way. I saw a one during the entirety of my Third Year until he told me that I really didn't need him any more. Then MS3 blew by, I worked really hard to get great evaluations, and prepare for LORs and ERAS. I ROCKED my 3rd year clinicals. I knew that I needed to make up for my low test scores in other areas of my application come time to apply to residency. Also, I fell in love with Anesthesia during 3rd year, F*CK! Then it was time to take Step 2, which literally scared the **** out of me. I had much less time to study (3 weeks), and the trauma of step 1 kept coming back to me, and I constantly questioned by ability to do well on step 2. Again I turned to my very supportive friends and family. Miracle of miracles, I passed with a score I was happy with (225).
For SDN standards, this is horrific, I know. But these were the cards I had dealt to myself, and I had to work with what I had. I kicked a** on all of my electives and sub-I's during 4th year as well. I tried to make as many connections as I could (Attendings, Residents, PD, Researchers ect.) The true reality of how horrible a step 1 fail was now a reality. Many advisors kept emphasizing to apply broadly and to consider adding another specialty. I applied to 117 Anesthesia programs, pretty much every program except the top 10. After getting screened out of nearly every program, I took the time to send every. single. program an email (or 3) begging for an interview and why I would be a good fit. I was invited to interview at 10 GAS programs mostly mid-upper tier. I was asked about Step 1 in 4 of the 10 interviews, but also asked about what my future goals and aspirations were, and it was an incredibly humbling experience. I sent thank you letters and remained incredibly gracious and appreciative throughout the entire season. Luckily, I have been told that I am very personable and can connect with just about anyone. I did really well on most of my interviews.
When it came to the rank list, I had a feeling my chances of matching were pretty good as several programs took the time to send me personal emails following the interview. As someone with a step 1 failure, not awesome step 2, great third year clerkship grades, and pretty good LORs, a match at any of the programs I interviewed would be awesome. My dream was a position at any GAS program. On UnMatch Day (the Monday before Match), my nerves got the better of me. I was worried I didn't match and drove to school to open my email, just in case I needed to go to the Academic Advising Office ASAP. Luckily, I MATCHED! On Match Day, I was ecstatic to have matched at my #2 in what many would consider a Mid-Upper tier program.
Some lessons I learned through this whole surreal experience:
1) forgive yourself. at any point of failure, it does nothing to berate yourself, blame yourself, or feel like you are no longer "good enough." life and **** happen and the true test of getting through a failure is to forgive yourself and move forward in reaching your goals.
2) seek out help when you need it at the earliest sign of struggle. I wish I had done this earlier, and been more open about my weaknesses to the academic faculty. Don't let pride or fear get in the way. Your school wants you to succeed and will help you do that. Just do your part.
3) humility is key to get you through interviews. At a well-respected academic program, one of my interviewers said he really appreciated my response to my step 1 failure because he had heard too many students say that they were "not good test takers." The failure falls on you, not any other outside force, and so good reflection and really learning from a failure will reflect well on you as person and as a a future resident.
4) sounds awful, but true: beggars cannot be choosers. With residency spots becoming more competitive, I was definitely in the beggar pool. Apply broadly, and to a lot of programs. If geography is not an issue, maximize that advantage. I considered getting 9 programs outside of my school interested in my application a pretty big success, so I made sure not to blow these interviews. I was lucky too that these interviews were in cities that I would be willing to live in, so it served as double motivation to prepare myself: research the residency website, come with questions about anything related to residency, be prepared to answer why you are interested in their program, and socialize with the residents as well as the other applicants.
5) be realistic about your goals. Big name programs were not even going to take a first look at me, so I very quickly put those out of my mind. Don't worry about the rejection emails, be grateful for what you do get. Even the best get rejection emails. Focus on the programs who want to talk to you and making a good impression on them. If programs can't see you as more than just a number, you don't want to go there any ways.
6) send thank you letters, and personalize them to your experience as much as you can. Though they probably won't help, they definitely wouldn't hurt.
7) kindness goes a long, long way. do not underestimate it. if you are sincerely kind to those around you, it won't go unnoticed.
I apologize for this being a long read, but I learned so much through this process and I am so grateful to have seen light at the end of the tunnel. As more of a lurker than a poster, I've seen that there are members who struggle and are brave enough to ask for advice. While they do get wonderful support, there are few who can truly relate to them. Please PM me with any questions. Thanks!!
About me: Top 30 USMD school. Never a stellar student, bottom half of my class, really struggled through medical school to keep up with my other classmates. I always felt just lucky to have gotten into medical school after serial sub-30 MCAT scores and taking a couple years off from school to build my application. I had felt like I "made it" after getting into not just medical school, but a state school offering amazing tuition break that was also close to family.
Fast forward to Step 1 time, and I was completely lost. Studying for hours on end while feeling completely behind my peers throughout my first two years. I passed my practice exams in the 217s, and I had already pushed my exam back 2 months. I was drained and really was ready to just get the test over with. After talking to my advisor, mentor, and dean, they all said that being so close to my exam date, to go for it, which I did, and missed the passing score by 2 points. That hurt. Really bad. I felt like a failure and sunk into a deep depression that I didn't admit to until a year later.
Thank god for amazing family and friends. I told just those that I was closest to. They really helped me get through those next few months. I talked to my academic advising department, which was great and incredibly sympathetic. Took 6 months off (health reasons + retake Step). Studied my butt off, changed study strategies, used resources outside of First Aid, experimented with how to tackle practice questions and reviewing them, made a strict schedule, and I ignored my depression/anxiety/low self-esteem problems (NOT RECOMMENDED). The second time around I passed with a horribly low score (205), but I was just ecstatic to have passed. At this point, my career goals were in Peds, I had little hope of anything else.
One of my classmates recommended that I talk to a therapist in a very kind way. I saw a one during the entirety of my Third Year until he told me that I really didn't need him any more. Then MS3 blew by, I worked really hard to get great evaluations, and prepare for LORs and ERAS. I ROCKED my 3rd year clinicals. I knew that I needed to make up for my low test scores in other areas of my application come time to apply to residency. Also, I fell in love with Anesthesia during 3rd year, F*CK! Then it was time to take Step 2, which literally scared the **** out of me. I had much less time to study (3 weeks), and the trauma of step 1 kept coming back to me, and I constantly questioned by ability to do well on step 2. Again I turned to my very supportive friends and family. Miracle of miracles, I passed with a score I was happy with (225).
For SDN standards, this is horrific, I know. But these were the cards I had dealt to myself, and I had to work with what I had. I kicked a** on all of my electives and sub-I's during 4th year as well. I tried to make as many connections as I could (Attendings, Residents, PD, Researchers ect.) The true reality of how horrible a step 1 fail was now a reality. Many advisors kept emphasizing to apply broadly and to consider adding another specialty. I applied to 117 Anesthesia programs, pretty much every program except the top 10. After getting screened out of nearly every program, I took the time to send every. single. program an email (or 3) begging for an interview and why I would be a good fit. I was invited to interview at 10 GAS programs mostly mid-upper tier. I was asked about Step 1 in 4 of the 10 interviews, but also asked about what my future goals and aspirations were, and it was an incredibly humbling experience. I sent thank you letters and remained incredibly gracious and appreciative throughout the entire season. Luckily, I have been told that I am very personable and can connect with just about anyone. I did really well on most of my interviews.
When it came to the rank list, I had a feeling my chances of matching were pretty good as several programs took the time to send me personal emails following the interview. As someone with a step 1 failure, not awesome step 2, great third year clerkship grades, and pretty good LORs, a match at any of the programs I interviewed would be awesome. My dream was a position at any GAS program. On UnMatch Day (the Monday before Match), my nerves got the better of me. I was worried I didn't match and drove to school to open my email, just in case I needed to go to the Academic Advising Office ASAP. Luckily, I MATCHED! On Match Day, I was ecstatic to have matched at my #2 in what many would consider a Mid-Upper tier program.
Some lessons I learned through this whole surreal experience:
1) forgive yourself. at any point of failure, it does nothing to berate yourself, blame yourself, or feel like you are no longer "good enough." life and **** happen and the true test of getting through a failure is to forgive yourself and move forward in reaching your goals.
2) seek out help when you need it at the earliest sign of struggle. I wish I had done this earlier, and been more open about my weaknesses to the academic faculty. Don't let pride or fear get in the way. Your school wants you to succeed and will help you do that. Just do your part.
3) humility is key to get you through interviews. At a well-respected academic program, one of my interviewers said he really appreciated my response to my step 1 failure because he had heard too many students say that they were "not good test takers." The failure falls on you, not any other outside force, and so good reflection and really learning from a failure will reflect well on you as person and as a a future resident.
4) sounds awful, but true: beggars cannot be choosers. With residency spots becoming more competitive, I was definitely in the beggar pool. Apply broadly, and to a lot of programs. If geography is not an issue, maximize that advantage. I considered getting 9 programs outside of my school interested in my application a pretty big success, so I made sure not to blow these interviews. I was lucky too that these interviews were in cities that I would be willing to live in, so it served as double motivation to prepare myself: research the residency website, come with questions about anything related to residency, be prepared to answer why you are interested in their program, and socialize with the residents as well as the other applicants.
5) be realistic about your goals. Big name programs were not even going to take a first look at me, so I very quickly put those out of my mind. Don't worry about the rejection emails, be grateful for what you do get. Even the best get rejection emails. Focus on the programs who want to talk to you and making a good impression on them. If programs can't see you as more than just a number, you don't want to go there any ways.
6) send thank you letters, and personalize them to your experience as much as you can. Though they probably won't help, they definitely wouldn't hurt.
7) kindness goes a long, long way. do not underestimate it. if you are sincerely kind to those around you, it won't go unnoticed.
I apologize for this being a long read, but I learned so much through this process and I am so grateful to have seen light at the end of the tunnel. As more of a lurker than a poster, I've seen that there are members who struggle and are brave enough to ask for advice. While they do get wonderful support, there are few who can truly relate to them. Please PM me with any questions. Thanks!!
