Family-Relatives Say The Darndest Things...

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SpoiledMilk

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Not every applicant's family/relatives are supportive on this journey. To those who are lucky to have support, that is great. To others without such support, and who has faced incessant criticism along the way, keep fighting the good fight!

You're Pondering Medical School
  1. Their reactions:
  • Never going to happen!
  • What are you smoking?
  • Too many more years in school!
You're Applying to Medical School
  1. Their reactions:
  • When are you going to wake up!
  • Get ready to be disappointed!
  • All that application money down the toilet!
You've Been Accepted
  1. Their reactions:
  • Some: Congratulations!
  • Others: You're still making a mistake!
  • One Uncle: So you're buying me a new car, right? (SMH)
My Reaction: Internal satisfaction...Priceless.

 
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Hmmm...my parents lost faith in me in undergrad, regained their faith when I applied, and will lose their faith again when I don’t get into medical school this year. All super fun. Can’t wait to disappoint them again. 🙁
 
My new in-laws came by yesterday, congratulated us on the wedding (within the last month), and then said they'd be hitting me up for down payment help on a house next year. :sour:

I was too blown away by their audacity/inappropriateness/stupidity/general evilness to give them the crap I should have. I think I said something like, "Well, I probably won't be working much next year and I'll have a lot of new debt, so I don't think that's going to happen."

Should've said that they were going to be making more money than I will be, so I'll be expecting them to make tuition payments for me.
 
My engineer father’s response was basically “how could you ever think of leaving the absolutely perfect profession of engineering to degrade yourself by becoming a physician?” He now tells everyone that doctors aren’t very smart because they just memorize everything while engineers use reason.

Then when I told everyone I was accepted to our state’s flagship school (which our family is not a huge fan of), I received multiple text messages that stated, “you are dead to me.”

And there have been a few awkward conversations where I’ve discussed interviews and acceptances and more than a few people have asked me, “so when will you hear from the good schools?” Umm, it’s med school. They’re all good schools.

So sorry to disappoint everyone ...

Thankfully, everyone seemed fairly supportive at Thanksgiving.


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DBC03 said:
My engineer father’s response was basically “how could you ever think of leaving the absolutely perfect profession of engineering to degrade yourself by becoming a physician?” He now tells everyone that doctors aren’t very smart because they just memorize everything while engineers use reason.

Then when I told everyone I was accepted to our state’s flagship school (which our family is not a huge fan of), I received multiple text messages that stated, “you are dead to me.”

And there have been a few awkward conversations where I’ve discussed interviews and acceptances and more than a few people have asked me, “so when will you hear from the good schools?” Umm, it’s med school. They’re all good schools.

So sorry to disappoint everyone ...

Thankfully, everyone seemed fairly supportive at Thanksgiving.


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wow what an ignorance explosion. i'm sorry your family is like that...
 
•Syzygy• said:
wow what an ignorance explosion. i'm sorry your family is like that...
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For the most part I know many of my family members are joking, but even my husband started getting irritated by it. The hardest people to talk to are research advisors who think of medical school like grad school - they think you apply and get in to a few, then have your pick. It’s SO different from anything they have experienced and it’s so hard to explain that I’ll have great prospects no matter where I go, and it’s so hard to get in that someone with my stats (at my age) is very blessed to get in anywhere.


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onyxbell said:
That's still better than Asian parents & relatives. I basically have 2 choices: 1. Harvard, Yale, Penn calibre or 2. Disowned.
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Can concur. When I told my dad I was submitting DO apps as a backup, his response was 'Why DO? Get into an MD or I'm sending you to Ross'.

To be fair he is an attending and used to get a ton of rotating Caribbean students so he has no idea about the horrors of that route, but I've tried to hammer it into his head so many times but to no avail. Feels bad man.
 
As a GA resident, my family and friends are all like "Emory or bust" -.-

My engineering colleagues give me crap for going over to the "dark side".
 
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Anyone else get the "You're so smart, you'll get in wherever you want!"?

HA, if only they knew that in addition to being smart, you also have to have climbed Mount Everest barefoot, performed open heart surgery with only a steak knife and rusty spoon, and rescued 19 orphan children... all while maintaing a perfect GPA, nailing the MCAT, and perfecting your ECs😱
 
Ha the life of an Asian kid. My parents have been egging me to be a doctor all my life. I’m Asian so it’s that or engineering, and since my parents were both masters of calculus, I chose the pre-med route. My mom is better than most in terms of knowing that getting into medical school is difficult and aren’t like “if you don’t get into Harvard you’re worthless” types. My dad is annoying as **** with the this kid got into Stanford crap.

First semester of undergrad for me ended with a 3.28 GPA and they switch me over to pharm (lower average GPA) because my mom is the most neurotic person on the planet. I blame Calc II and my crappy CHEM I professor. 3.97 next semester so they think I can make it.

It’s really a huge family competition to see who makes the most successful kid. The behind the scenes tension is intense in my extended family it’s not even funny. (There’s also huge fight for my paternal grandparents’ assets which include real estate and company shares of a resin company in China. Lotta money.) I have 2 cousins also trying to be doctors. 1 got rejected at least once. Another is probably going to get in. Standard Asian nerd that is all book smarts and likes anime. He’s like 21 and still can’t drive though.
 
Stories like these make me happy to be a nontrad - my mom was just happy at the thought that I'd be even better equipped to take care of her in her old age. I'm like, they don't really let you treat family members...

On top of the "you're so smart, I know you'll get in," do you get the "I know you'll get in, I have a good feeling about this"?
 
aaronrodgers said:
my parents were shocked when I said that for 99% of us the app cycle is basically

apply 35 schools > secondaries 30 schools > interview 5 schools > accepted 1-3 schools

and 5 interviews is very generous ... D:
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When I told a friend that most people apply to 30-40 schools, his immediate response was, "That sounds like a broken system." This was a friend from my first round of grad school - I think I applied to ten schools, which was way more than most of my classmates.
 
not a relative, but i have friends who consistently imply that my applying to med school is "selling out" to my Asian parents' desires and/or for a high paying job. shows a clear misunderstanding of the med school process as well as me as a person, and is not particularly supportive, so i've given up talking about it.

i also once had a boy tell me being premed was "boring"; he was a philosophy major and incredibly didactic, and anyways I'm a humanities major as well as premed
 
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aaronrodgers said:
my parents were shocked when I said that for 99% of us the app cycle is basically

apply 35 schools > secondaries 30 schools > interview 5 schools > accepted 1-3 schools

and 5 interviews is very generous ... D:
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And your parents are all, “why in the world would you quit football for medicine.”


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My parents judged me for applying to 10 schools (all TX). Then when I was filling out secondaries and going to all of the interviews I was offered, my mother got into an argument with me because “you don’t even want to go to school XYZ.” She thought that since I wanted a specific school, I should only apply there and should ignore all others.

They also got mad when they asked for money and I told them no cause I’ve been paying to travel to interviews and don’t have extra cash flow. They were upset.
 
DBC03 said:
And your parents are all, “why in the world would you quit football for medicine.”


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I personally think that the most impressive people are those who have done more than just one thing in life.

We always hear things like "she was an engineer, a doctor, and a professional ice skater!"

It also just comes down to having a diverse life, to have done everything you wanted to do 🙂
 
I come from town where all the kids tried to get into super competitive colleges while having parents breathe down their necks every step of the way. I was pretty lucky and had chill parents (Asian) who let me do what I enjoyed (ex. instead of taking an extra AP, I’d find a new hobby).

Reading through these comments just reminded me of how awful senior year of high-school was when everyone was applying to college. I sincerely hope that your families take the time to educate themselves on how hard it is to get into medical school and that the process is a long one. Best of luck to everyone...
 
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I come from an Asian family, and I have a male cousin who's applying the same time as I am. As traditional families go, my extended family prefer the guys over the gals. We're constantly compared this cycle, but my achievements are often trivialized to his.

Yesterday, when I got into my dream school that he had been waitlisted to a few weeks ago, all they told me was: "Oh, poor (name of my cousin). If he had only worn glasses, he would've looked older and gotten in.")

Me: 😡 :uhno: not how the process works....

Just a snippet of what they've been doing this past year...
 
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Neither of my parents even graduated high school, let alone college, so they really don't understand the whole process. I try to explain and my dad says, "You make it sound hard, stop feeling sorry for yourself." My mom says, "It's not like it's impossible. There are tons of doctors, you'll just be another." Ok, lets chat when I'm making 50x your annual salary and I tell you "Oh, it's not that hard. Why don't you go do it?" :prof:
 
actioncat said:
Neither of my parents even graduated high school, let alone college, so they really don't understand the whole process. I try to explain and my dad says, "You make it sound hard, stop feeling sorry for yourself." My mom says, "It's not like it's impossible. There are tons of doctors, you'll just be another." Ok, lets chat when I'm making 50x your annual salary and I tell you "Oh, it's not that hard. Why don't you go do it?" :prof:
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Same! My parents didn't graduate HS either so they don't get it. They're going to be so confused when they hear their daughter with great grades not getting into medical school.
 
It's very difficult for people to understand it when they're outside of the system. I don't even think current physicians 10 years out of medical school totally get how hard it is now. So I think this leads parents to certain extremes. On one hand, you have those who are supportive to the point of being flippant/dismissive. My father, for example, went to college in the late 70s. His roommate applied to a handful of medical schools and ended up going to the University of Pennsylvania, then became a dermatologist. My grandfather went to medical school overseas, immigrated to the United States, and started a medical practice. So I feel like my family saw becoming a doctor as something that you just did, and legitimately didn't understand how worried I was. The other side of the same coin is that some parents might be aggressive in pushing you to be the "best" and don't understand that just because a school isn't a household name doesn't mean it isn't an excellent opportunity and an amazing achievement. I remember my grandma saying something dismissive when I got an interview to Rosalind Franklin University -- she just didn't understand. At the end of the day you just have to trust yourself and try to compartmentalize those types of comments as much as possible.
 
My asian parents were more on the lines of “girls shouldnt work so hard to become a doctor, just get a rich doctor husband.”

After my acceptance: Guess who’s gonna be forever alone w/ 50 cats and an MD after her name though??? :claps:

Also can confirm the asian parent stereotypes: A=avg, B=u die, C=u die twice, D-F=doesn’t exist
 
bananafish94 said:
It's very difficult for people to understand it when they're outside of the system. I don't even think current physicians 10 years out of medical school totally get how hard it is now. So I think this leads parents to certain extremes. On one hand, you have those who are supportive to the point of being flippant/dismissive. My father, for example, went to college in the late 70s. His roommate applied to a handful of medical schools and ended up going to the University of Pennsylvania, then became a dermatologist. My grandfather went to medical school overseas, immigrated to the United States, and started a medical practice. So I feel like my family saw becoming a doctor as something that you just did, and legitimately didn't understand how worried I was. The other side of the same coin is that some parents might be aggressive in pushing you to be the "best" and don't understand that just because a school isn't a household name doesn't mean it isn't an excellent opportunity and an amazing achievement. I remember my grandma saying something dismissive when I got an interview to Rosalind Franklin University -- she just didn't understand. At the end of the day you just have to trust yourself and try to compartmentalize those types of comments as much as possible.
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How would you go about telling parents--who have no idea what the process is like--that even though you have good grades, ECs, e.t.c that you didn't get into medical school? My parents didn't even go to college, so to them, this process is completely foreign. They know plenty of doctors so it's weird that their daughter wouldn't get into medical school. I'm just not ready to break the news to them and see their disappointed and confused faces.
 
Piglet2020 said:
My asian parents were more on the lines of “girls shouldnt work so hard to become a doctor, just get a rich doctor husband.”

After my acceptance: Guess who’s gonna be forever alone w/ 50 cats and an MD after her name though??? :claps:

Also can confirm the asian parent stereotypes: A=avg, B=u die, C=u die twice, D-F=doesn’t exist
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10/10 relate to the "rich doctor husband" thing. My mom has literally said, "So, you're going to medical school to find a husband right?" Yes mom. I'm definitely planning on being 200+ thousand dollars in debt for the sole purpose to find a husband. That's my top priority
 
actioncat said:
10/10 relate to the "rich doctor husband" thing. My mom has literally said, "So, you're going to medical school to find a husband right?" Yes mom. I'm definitely planning on being 200+ thousand dollars in debt for the sole purpose to find a husband. That's my top priority
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that's low key my option C if none of this works out. If you can't beat em--marry them :laugh:👎...I'd still be an "MD"---"Married to Doctor"

okay I'll stop.
 
Gilakend said:
My parents don't even know I'm premed.

However, I did have my dad randomly say one time he was happy I wasn't going to be a doctor because it takes too long.
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This breaks my heart, not only because I suspect my dad felt the same way, but because I trust that most parents are right about what a long career medicine is and how valuable that time is, especially when looked at retrospectively.
 
Giovanotto said:
This breaks my heart, not only because I suspect my dad felt the same way, but because I trust that most parents are right about what a long career medicine is and how valuable that time is, especially when looked at retrospectively.
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Agreed! My mom loves telling me how many (youthful) years that I'm going to waste in medical school..and how I'm "not living life" and all I'm doing is "studying." My mom feels really bad for me for not "starting" my life yet.
 
bubba21 said:
Anyone else get the "You're so smart, you'll get in wherever you want!"?

HA, if only they knew that in addition to being smart, you also have to have climbed Mount Everest barefoot, performed open heart surgery with only a steak knife and rusty spoon, and rescued 19 orphan children... all while maintaing a perfect GPA, nailing the MCAT, and perfecting your ECs😱
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Man, all of my coworkers... who have looked at me with anything from total disbelief to outright skepticism when I try to tell them how difficult is to get into medical school. They all give me, "Well, Dr. X, Y, and Z got into medical school, so anyone can be a doctor... why are you saying it's so hard?"

I just remind them that regardless of how those people practice now, they likely overcame a ton of hurdles to be where they are today... and also, things were probably a little different 20+ years ago. :bang:
 
Dr. Jay said:
Dude, you're gonna be fine. Chill. Lol
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I'm exhausted, anxious and neurotic 😛
calivianya said:
Man, all of my coworkers... who have looked at me with anything from total disbelief to outright skepticism when I try to tell them how difficult is to get into medical school. They all give me, "Well, Dr. X, Y, and Z got into medical school, so anyone can be a doctor... why are you saying it's so hard?"

I just remind them that regardless of how those people practice now, they likely overcame a ton of hurdles to be where they are today... and also, things were probably a little different 20+ years ago. :bang:
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+1. I remind them that it’s probably not very likely that if they applied in 2017 that they would get in.
 
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