Feeling hopeless

[gladlyfocused]

Every time I look at any medical school requirements I just lose hope. I can never get to what they want of me, let alone what I want of me. It seems as if everything is just fading away. I'm pregnant in my last trimester and basically can't do anything worthwhile (volunteer, take classes,etc). We just moved to a new state, everything is completely foreign to me. My husband just started medical school and we are broke as hell. I've re-taken only 4 courses in the past two semesters. So far I've received 3 As and one incomplete that I'm anticipating a grade of C from. So disappointed in myself. It's such a long road for me, I want to start NOW.

How am I going to do this with a child and my husband in medical school? I have no family or friends in this state, I feel lonely, overwhelmed and hopeless. Sometimes I just feel that I should just stay put and forget my dreams. But then I can't bring myself to accept those terms. Then I start bargaining with myself, a PA is a good career...but I'll never be my own boss and make any final decisions. Dentistry, no. Optometry, declining. Pharmacy, interesting but declining in career options and autonomy. I think I'm just being too picky. Anyway, this was a rant and I needed to let it out to someone as I'm home alone with no one to talk to.

Thanks for "listening".

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[theseeker4]

Every time I look at any medical school requirements I just lose hope. I can never get to what they want of me, let alone what I want of me. It seems as if everything is just fading away. I'm pregnant in my last trimester and basically can't do anything worthwhile (volunteer, take classes,etc). We just moved to a new state, everything is completely foreign to me. My husband just started medical school and we are broke as hell. I've re-taken only 4 courses in the past two semesters. So far I've received 3 As and one incomplete that I'm anticipating a grade of C from. So disappointed in myself. It's such a long road for me, I want to start NOW.

How am I going to do this with a child and my husband in medical school? I have no family or friends in this state, I feel lonely, overwhelmed and hopeless. Sometimes I just feel that I should just stay put and forget my dreams. But then I can't bring myself to accept those terms. Then I start bargaining with myself, a PA is a good career...but I'll never be my own boss and make any final decisions. Dentistry, no. Optometry, declining. Pharmacy, interesting but declining in career options and autonomy. I think I'm just being too picky. Anyway, this was a rant and I needed to let it out to someone as I'm home alone with no one to talk to.

Thanks for "listening".

1. Feeling hopeless and depressed happens to everyone; simply looking at how far it is from pre-med to attending can make the most upbeat person ask "is it really worth it?"
2. Don't discount pregnancy hormones. This in no way negates the reality of your situation or your concerns, but the body does some crazy things during and after pregnancy, that can change a feeling of "well, this kind of sucks" to crushing depression. If you feel this way most of the time, don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about it and explore options with him or her.
3. There are women (and men) who have gone through med school as single parents, so it is doable, even though it will be MUCH harder than if you had a stay-at-home spouse to take care of all things domestic. It can be done though, and only you can decide whether it is worth doing, worth doing later, or deciding against pursuing an MD/DO entirely. There are people, at your school and online, you can reach out to, so don't think there is no help available.
4. Good luck, remember that as much as you may want to be done NOW, the path is a marathon, not a sprint, so just keep pushing through if you decide you won't give up your dreams.

 

[Goro]

I've had students who were single moms; mom's who had dad of the kids living about an hour away, or a continent away. I'm know students who gave birth while still in med school (some had kids twice in school).

if they could do it, so could you.

Start getting to know the moms and dads in your husband's class. See how they do it.

You don't have to do this tomorrow. Some of my best students ever were in their 30s and 40s when they matriculated.

Every time I look at any medical school requirements I just lose hope. I can never get to what they want of me, let alone what I want of me. It seems as if everything is just fading away. I'm pregnant in my last trimester and basically can't do anything worthwhile (volunteer, take classes,etc). We just moved to a new state, everything is completely foreign to me. My husband just started medical school and we are broke as hell. I've re-taken only 4 courses in the past two semesters. So far I've received 3 As and one incomplete that I'm anticipating a grade of C from. So disappointed in myself. It's such a long road for me, I want to start NOW.

How am I going to do this with a child and my husband in medical school? I have no family or friends in this state, I feel lonely, overwhelmed and hopeless. Sometimes I just feel that I should just stay put and forget my dreams. But then I can't bring myself to accept those terms. Then I start bargaining with myself, a PA is a good career...but I'll never be my own boss and make any final decisions. Dentistry, no. Optometry, declining. Pharmacy, interesting but declining in career options and autonomy. I think I'm just being too picky. Anyway, this was a rant and I needed to let it out to someone as I'm home alone with no one to talk to.

Thanks for "listening".

 

[freakingoutabit]

Every time I look at any medical school requirements I just lose hope. I can never get to what they want of me, let alone what I want of me. It seems as if everything is just fading away. I'm pregnant in my last trimester and basically can't do anything worthwhile (volunteer, take classes,etc). We just moved to a new state, everything is completely foreign to me. My husband just started medical school and we are broke as hell. I've re-taken only 4 courses in the past two semesters. So far I've received 3 As and one incomplete that I'm anticipating a grade of C from. So disappointed in myself. It's such a long road for me, I want to start NOW.

How am I going to do this with a child and my husband in medical school? I have no family or friends in this state, I feel lonely, overwhelmed and hopeless. Sometimes I just feel that I should just stay put and forget my dreams. But then I can't bring myself to accept those terms. Then I start bargaining with myself, a PA is a good career...but I'll never be my own boss and make any final decisions. Dentistry, no. Optometry, declining. Pharmacy, interesting but declining in career options and autonomy. I think I'm just being too picky. Anyway, this was a rant and I needed to let it out to someone as I'm home alone with no one to talk to.

Thanks for "listening".

When I first started down this road, I was also completely overwhelmed by how much I needed to do before I could even apply. Just take it one day at a time. It goes by really fast (especially once you start studying for the MCAT). Also, it helps me to think of what I'm doing now as the start of my career, rather than thinking that my career won't start until I graduate med school.

As for being broke and living off med school loans, that's really tough. Student loans are barely enough for a single person, much less a growing family! I had a classmate back in the day who was married and had a kid on the way, and they applied for WIC and food stamps. Have you looked into that yet? It made their lives a little easier.

Living in a place where you don't know anyone sucks. I'm sorry. If ever you want to rant/chat/vent, feel free to PM me. I just moved to a new city too, and I totally get it.

 

[sockit]

You can do it!

Take whatever time is necessary to do well (because that's the point, right?). Just keep plugging away at the prereqs, when you feel up to it. & it's totally fine to not be up to it right now, because guess what, you're making a person, and that takes physical energy.

I've moved cities a few times (countries, once), and know very well how hard it can be to adjust. It can take a couple of years for things to really start making sense, and feeling like home. I just wanted to encourage you to try to find other expecting/new moms to talk with. Kids are a thing that can bind people together, despite other differences. Are there any prenatal classes you can take, that might connect you with other mommas?

I don't know where you live or what's available to you, but have you exhausted all the financial supports you can get? Are you guys in couples student housing on campus? (At my uni, that's a really cheap option, can seriously cut down on expenses.)

 

[DoctorDermis]

Then I start bargaining with myself, a PA is a good career...but I'll never be my own boss and make any final decisions.

Not sure where Nurse Practitioner is on your radar, but the states which they can practice with autonomy and have prescribing rights is increasing.

http://allnurses.com/nurse-practitioners-np/states-nps-can-209418.html

Also, in my medical school class, several classmates were parents. More than 10 people I can name from memory were greater than 28 years old.

 

[gladlyfocused]

Thanks so much for replying everyone, it really made me feel better!

Start getting to know the moms and dads in your husband's class. See how they do it.

That's actually a great idea. The school is hosting a BBQ for the class and their family members, maybe I can meet someone there and see how they cope. Thanks for the suggestion.

We have looked into WIC and Food Stamps but they are taking forever to respond. I hope it goes well because it would seriously help and ease some worries for me.

I've thought of starting MCAT studying now before the baby is due just so that I'd get some subjects down and have less to do later. I'll try to take baby steps in this whole process because like you said seeker4, its a marathon, I have to continue seeing it that way, its that sometimes I have no patience for waiting anymore!

I haven't looked much into NP, I don't know their scope of practice or what they do exactly, but I will look into it.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement, it really means a lot to me.

 

[brownbaglunch]

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[Goro]

Just an idea off the top of my head..once the baby comes and you're comfortable being am om, maybe do daycare for one of your husband's classmates? Might be a good way to earn some $. Having two kids myself, they're more work than one, but not 2x.

Thanks so much for replying everyone, it really made me feel better!



That's actually a great idea. The school is hosting a BBQ for the class and their family members, maybe I can meet someone there and see how they cope. Thanks for the suggestion.

We have looked into WIC and Food Stamps but they are taking forever to respond. I hope it goes well because it would seriously help and ease some worries for me.

I've thought of starting MCAT studying now before the baby is due just so that I'd get some subjects down and have less to do later. I'll try to take baby steps in this whole process because like you said seeker4, its a marathon, I have to continue seeing it that way, its that sometimes I have no patience for waiting anymore!

I haven't looked much into NP, I don't know their scope of practice or what they do exactly, but I will look into it.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement, it really means a lot to me.

 

[NCOldie]

Listen to the others. Good advice!
I don't have much to say other than I have been where you are. I have been pregnant and completely hopeless. Somehow, pregnancy magnifies that. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am willing to bet most of your down feelings are pregnancy related. With how you feel, I highly suggest making an appointment now for counseling. I definitely suggest counseling after giving birth. If you're feeling down now, just wait until how you will possibly feel after giving birth and hormones are everywhere, you have very little sleep and you're juggling being a mother along with fulfilling your goals.
You have no reason to give up on your dreams.

 

[Kal EI]

Every time I look at any medical school requirements I just lose hope. I can never get to what they want of me, let alone what I want of me. It seems as if everything is just fading away. I'm pregnant in my last trimester and basically can't do anything worthwhile (volunteer, take classes,etc). We just moved to a new state, everything is completely foreign to me. My husband just started medical school and we are broke as hell. I've re-taken only 4 courses in the past two semesters. So far I've received 3 As and one incomplete that I'm anticipating a grade of C from. So disappointed in myself. It's such a long road for me, I want to start NOW.

How am I going to do this with a child and my husband in medical school? I have no family or friends in this state, I feel lonely, overwhelmed and hopeless. Sometimes I just feel that I should just stay put and forget my dreams. But then I can't bring myself to accept those terms. Then I start bargaining with myself, a PA is a good career...but I'll never be my own boss and make any final decisions. Dentistry, no. Optometry, declining. Pharmacy, interesting but declining in career options and autonomy. I think I'm just being too picky. Anyway, this was a rant and I needed to let it out to someone as I'm home alone with no one to talk to.

Thanks for "listening".

A PA isn't a good career, it's a great career.

Honestly, I wouldn't mind being a midlevel at all. 1/2 the training time, 1/2 the responsibility and if you go into the right field you can earn 75% of the $ of some physicians.

I'm not saying being a doc is bad by any means, but being a midlevel is one of the best gigs around too.

Stay positive. And medicine is a super long road - midlevel road is much shorter.

With all that said, antepartum / postpartum... probably not your primetime to make life decisions. If you don't get any postpartum blues then maybe think about it then. I will be a physician and honestly, it's way overblown - it's just a job. And the physician road has much more sacrifice - lots of hazing during med school / residency - midlevels just train you to do your job and then you go work.

But yeah, step back - recharge. Get out of your current situation (finish the class, etc.) and reassess. I wouldn't buy into the dreams talk and blah blah. Just find the best situation for you and your family. Pre-meds and adcoms have this fanciful idea of physicians - but doctors and medical students (M3/M4 - clinical) know that this is a job like any other. I'll say this, if you're lonely now, that will increase in med school. If you're stressed now, that will increase in med school. If you feel time poor now, that will be worse in med school. Consider that. I try to talk people out of it - but that's a service. If you hear all the warnings and still do it then at least you know what's coming.

 

[Gauss44]

Every time I look at any medical school requirements I just lose hope. I can never get to what they want of me, let alone what I want of me. It seems as if everything is just fading away. I'm pregnant in my last trimester and basically can't do anything worthwhile (volunteer, take classes,etc). We just moved to a new state, everything is completely foreign to me. My husband just started medical school and we are broke as hell. I've re-taken only 4 courses in the past two semesters. So far I've received 3 As and one incomplete that I'm anticipating a grade of C from. So disappointed in myself. It's such a long road for me, I want to start NOW.

How am I going to do this with a child and my husband in medical school? I have no family or friends in this state, I feel lonely, overwhelmed and hopeless. Sometimes I just feel that I should just stay put and forget my dreams. But then I can't bring myself to accept those terms. Then I start bargaining with myself, a PA is a good career...but I'll never be my own boss and make any final decisions. Dentistry, no. Optometry, declining. Pharmacy, interesting but declining in career options and autonomy. I think I'm just being too picky. Anyway, this was a rant and I needed to let it out to someone as I'm home alone with no one to talk to.

Thanks for "listening".

Find out if you can leave the incomplete as an incomplete instead of taking a c.

 

[edgerock24]

Do not rush yourself! There will always be a way to become a doc. Just take your time. This is not a competition or race.

 

[skippysuperstar]

Agreed. Hang in there! It sounds like there are a lot of changes going on right now, but things will start to settle down eventually.

 

[Darth Doc]

It sounds like this is your first child? Congratulations! No worries. Life is a lot longer and you have a lot more time than it feels like you do right now. I'm 6 kids into life and applying to med school. Take a deep breath.

Part of your feelings could be hormones, if so don't expect it to get better during the first few sleepless months. Talk to your OB if you need to. antepartum/ postpartum depression is very common and if that's part of what's going on you don't need to struggle through without help.

Don't stress out about the timing. Your time will come. If you want to be an MD, being a midlevel won't make you happy. There's a lack of autonomy you may find frustrating. Look into it but keep your eyes open. I disagree with NPs and PAs having private practices. Med school is more involved for a reason.

You're not giving up on your dream by waiting a couple of years to start med school.

 

[gladlyfocused]

Thanks for replying everyone. I try not to rush or feel like I need to rush, but I feel so much pressure from family. All eyes are on me, seriously. Every time we meet, everyone asks "When are you taking the MCAT"? or every time they hear I took a "test" they think its the MCAT and so with surprised eyes they exclaim "You took it?!" And of course, its a no. I feel like they don't believe I can do it. Its been a while since college graduation and I just want to prove to them that yes, this is what I want to do and I CAN do it. It's hard to get passed that pressure.

@ Darth Doc: Six kids!? God bless, I don't know how you can do it. Yes, this is my first child and I feel like I'm not going to be good at handling anything, lol.

I've thought about being a PA and right now it doesn't seem to be a bad idea, but I don't know, maybe I'm just settling? We'll see. I think you guys are right, the hormones and anxiety of a new baby might be getting to me. I'll wait for a few months until things completely settle before I make huge changes to my career plans.

But once again, thanks for the advice and support all!

 

[freakingoutabit]

I went through a phase when I thought all eyes were on me because I shouted my ambitions from the rooftops at a family gathering. It turns out the people were just making social chit-chat and cared about when I was going to finally get accepted as much as I cared about their recent trip to Florida. They didn't associate me with anything else besides being a student, so it was an easy opener to ask these anxiety-producing questions. Once I got married, the conversation shifted toward our plans as a couple.

It is stressful feeling accountable to people who can just sit back in their recliner asking us questions about something we care deeply about. The thing is, these people are not all that invested in what we do. So why care what they think when we tell them, no, we haven't taken the MCAT yet. The time will come where we get accepted and it may be 5 years from now, but who cares. If they are still alive they will congratulate us.

I didn't tell anyone that I decided to go to med school until after I finished most of my pre-reqs and took the MCAT for exactly this reason. This process requires a lot of energy and faith that it will work out, and having to explain your choices to skeptics and naysayers only depletes that energy and makes it easier to doubt yourself.

 

[Shjanzey]

I didn't tell anyone that I decided to go to med school until after I finished most of my pre-reqs and took the MCAT for exactly this reason. This process requires a lot of energy and faith that it will work out, and having to explain your choices to skeptics and naysayers only depletes that energy and makes it easier to doubt yourself.

Good strategy. Only my close family know I am trying to get in and I probably won't let the world know until I am actually accepted. Less questions, less hassle.

 

[gladlyfocused]

Good strategy. Only my close family know I am trying to get in and I probably won't let the world know until I am actually accepted. Less questions, less hassle.

I wish I did that. Oh well, whatever. Won't waste my time and energy thinking of what they might be saying.

 

[cabinbuilder]

Listen to the others. Good advice!
I don't have much to say other than I have been where you are. I have been pregnant and completely hopeless. Somehow, pregnancy magnifies that. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am willing to bet most of your down feelings are pregnancy related. With how you feel, I highly suggest making an appointment now for counseling. I definitely suggest counseling after giving birth. If you're feeling down now, just wait until how you will possibly feel after giving birth and hormones are everywhere, you have very little sleep and you're juggling being a mother along with fulfilling your goals.
You have no reason to give up on your dreams.

I concur - pregnancy can be a miserable state of affairs- especially that last few months. Couldn't stand myself. I would focus on being pregnant - sleep and forget everything else for now. The first six months of being a new mom is difficult and you are sleep deprived - just be with the baby, sleep when they sleep. Don't do anything else. Medical school will always be there. Take a year break before jumpling back into classes then you are done with nursing, get your body back, have better energy, have a routine and can use daycare (or earlier) for when you need study time and get back into classes. I started medical school with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. Much easier when then are in school and out of diapers, etc.

 

[StephanieZ]

Just wanted to chime in and say hang in there! I've been there and it's going to be hard but it's going to get better. The first six months of having a new baby are not the time to be doing any kind of long term decision making. The first few months you are going to be in survival mode. I was a junior when I had my daughter. I did my general chemistry lab while I was pregnant and (try to picture this if you can) was kneeling on top of the lab table doing titrations at fives months I was able to go back to school very early because I had a very supportive family but even so I just took a light semester load. With no family around there is no way I would have been able to do it.

If you and your husband are truly alone where you are and he is in medical school, I think it's probably best if you realize that the baby has to be your priority right now. Medical school isn't going anywhere and things will be a hundred times easier once he or she is a little older and can go to daycare or preschool. Mine is three now and she's in preschool three days a week and I feel like I have SO MUCH TIME. Hang in there, you will be fine! PM me any time if you want to talk.

 

[Ratio121]

There's some really great advice on here OP. I wish you the best of luck!!!