Friends vs. Grades

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once

once

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Hey guys,

Just finished freshman year and was wondering what I should do socially for next sem.

Freshman year I basically nerded out and had a fantastic year: great gpa, good ECs, research, awards, etc. But no friends. Is it worth it to make friends in college? I feel like they will mooch off me, making my application suffer consequently. I hear all the hype about college being the best years of one's life but isn't getting into med school more important than socializing? thoughts?
 
Is this a joke? If you are really serious (please don't be), then the answer to your question is 'no'. Jesus.
 
No I am serious. I'm extremely introverted trying to figure out if I should go try and make some friends (other than my roommate who I'm kinda stuck with).
 
Open up, attend a party make some friends, BLOSSOM! I mean unless you have schizoid personality disorder, you should have friends and not friends you put up with but friends who you love and will always remember. Not to mention opening up and becoming more socially developed is a good thing if your interests are working with sick people...
 
once said:
Hey guys,

Just finished freshman year and was wondering what I should do socially for next sem.

Freshman year I basically nerded out and had a fantastic year: great gpa, good ECs, research, awards, etc. But no friends. Is it worth it to make friends in college? I feel like they will mooch off me, making my application suffer consequently. I hear all the hype about college being the best years of one's life but isn't getting into med school more important than socializing? thoughts?
Click to expand...

I guess it depends. Personally, my college experiences would not have been complete without the many great people I met and shared them with. I would be miserable without my friends, but there are some people who prefer to have few or no close friends. You have to decide how important friendship is to you, and adjust your life accordingly.

What is more worrisome about your post is your initial statement that you feel like anyone you befriend will "mooch off you". I hope this is just a defense mechanism? Perhaps you are feeling badly because no one made the effort to befriend you freshman year or someone actually did try to use you in the past? If that is the case, I would try and branch out in the ways you make friends - join clubs or activities at your school that are not comprised completely of pre-meds. They will allow you to meet different people with different interests (who you shouldn't have to worry about "mooching" off you), and your branching out from the sciences should also help to enrich your application.

But if you truly believe any people who come into your life are just there to waste your time or use up your resources then I would seriously consider another profession. Medicine is all about people, and your general distrust of them will overshadow your academic efforts when it comes time for you to apply.
 
once said:
No I am serious. I'm extremely introverted trying to figure out if I should go try and make some friends (other than my roommate who I'm kinda stuck with).
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Ok. The first thing you need to understand is that it's really not that tough to get into a medical school. As long as you're pretty smart (and you probably are), it shouldn't take a whole lot of effort to do well in college. So, if you just study hard when you need to, you ought to have a lot of free time to make some friends.

You said you are introverted---that is perfectly fine. People will often say it's a bad thing, but it really isn't. Being lonely for four years, though, is definitely a bad thing. If I were you, I'd definitely try to make a couple good friends to hang out with. They aren't going to "mooch" off of you or hurt your application or whatever you were saying in your first post---they are going to make you a happier person.
 
LittleRichard said:
Ok. The first thing you need to understand is that it's really not that tough to get into a medical school. As long as you're pretty smart (and you probably are), it shouldn't take a whole lot of effort to do well in college. So, if you just study hard when you need to, you ought to have a lot of free time to make some friends.

You said you are introverted---that is perfectly fine. People will often say it's a bad thing, but it really isn't. Being lonely for four years, though, is definitely a bad thing. If I were you, I'd definitely try to make a couple good friends to hang out with. They aren't going to "mooch" off of you or hurt your application or whatever you were saying in your first post---they are going to make you a happier person.
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I agree. If all you do is look at papers and exams all day, it does stuff to you. No matter how smart you are, you'll need people to talk to. Human's are by nature social animals.

I mean, premed doesn't mean placing yourself in solitary confinement with a lot books and things that make you go "****", it means Imma manage my time so I become smart, but at the same time, have a life of my own.
 
LittleRichard said:
Ok. The first thing you need to understand is that it's really not that tough to get into a medical school. As long as you're pretty smart (and you probably are), it shouldn't take a whole lot of effort to do well in college. So, if you just study hard when you need to, you ought to have a lot of free time to make some friends.

You said you are introverted---that is perfectly fine. People will often say it's a bad thing, but it really isn't. Being lonely for four years, though, is definitely a bad thing. If I were you, I'd definitely try to make a couple good friends to hang out with. They aren't going to "mooch" off of you or hurt your application or whatever you were saying in your first post---they are going to make you a happier person.
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Gonna have to disagree with you there. Being introverted is bad, humans are social animals. I forced myself out of my introverted stage and I'm so glad I did.

Yes, I was happy having very few friends. Of course, I did not realize the fun and great people, plus the sex, I would have missed out on had I stayed in my room playing video games and studying. I've experienced both sides of the tracks. Being outgoing and having friends is INFINITELY better for you.

Obviously, don't let it take away from your goals but get out there and have fun. You only get one go around, make the best of it.
 
delhies said:
Gonna have to disagree with you there. Being introverted is bad, humans are social animals. I forced myself out of my introverted stage and I'm so glad I did.

Yes, I was happy having very few friends. Of course, I did not realize the fun and great people, plus the sex, I would have missed out on had I stayed in my room playing video games and studying. I've experienced both sides of the tracks. Being outgoing and having friends is INFINITELY better for you.

Obviously, don't let it take away from your goals but get out there and have fun. You only get one go around, make the best of it.
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There is nothing wrong with being introverted. You can be social without undergoing a total personality overhaul. I think we all know a few people who could benefit from being less outgoing. I, for one, can't stand people who never shut up. Like a previous poster said, join a few clubs with like-minded people and try to have some fun in college.
 
delhies said:
Gonna have to disagree with you there. Being introverted is bad, humans are social animals. I forced myself out of my introverted stage and I'm so glad I did.

Yes, I was happy having very few friends. Of course, I did not realize the fun and great people, plus the sex, I would have missed out on had I stayed in my room playing video games and studying. I've experienced both sides of the tracks. Being outgoing and having friends is INFINITELY better for you.

Obviously, don't let it take away from your goals but get out there and have fun. You only get one go around, make the best of it.
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👍
 
The answer to your question is implied in the first two replies, which guess that you're either kidding or have a diagnosable personality disorder.

When a description of your life makes people think that you're deliberately trying to present a gross and unflattering caricature of a pre-med, that's a sign that maybe you should hang out with some folks and see a movie or something. It's good to be driven and really want to succeed, but if you have so fetishized getting good grades that you're at the point where you characterize spending time with friends as people mooching off of your free time to your ultimate loss, then damn.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that your lifestyle is wrong for you, but it doesn't sound at all healthy.
 
once said:
Hey guys,

Just finished freshman year and was wondering what I should do socially for next sem.

Freshman year I basically nerded out and had a fantastic year: great gpa, good ECs, research, awards, etc. But no friends. Is it worth it to make friends in college? I feel like they will mooch off me, making my application suffer consequently. I hear all the hype about college being the best years of one's life but isn't getting into med school more important than socializing? thoughts?
Click to expand...

Ultimately, if you are premed, you enter undergrad with the goal in mind of getting good grades, great EC's that expose you to the medical field, etc. But this does not mean you shut people out completely. However, you do shut them out if they come in the way of your goals and are trying to harm you. We have all seen those horror movies where a freshman who was Valedictorian in high school, gets to college and falls into a wrong group of friends and becomes some sort of binge drinker, ready to fail out of college. It's good you weren't this person. My point is keep focused on your goal and keep getting the grades you are getting. Keep up your EC's. You don't have to go to some big party with lots of drinking after an exam but it doesn't hurt to just watch a movie or sit down in Starbucks with a friend to blow some steam off. Just don't let socializing get in the way of your goals. That will only lead to a disaster. But this doesn't mean you shut the world out. And yes, your goal of getting into med school should be your priority since that is why you are going through all those classes and sacrificing a lot to keep those grades and EC's going.
 
I know a few people in your situation. I"m actually a pretty introverted person myself but had a great freshmen floor that was very social that drug me out of my cave and made me have some fun. I'm a better man for it I think as I can interact with many others now comfortably.

The people I know are introverted and "nerd out" a lot, but they do have a few close friends to hang out with and talk with. You don't need to be partying every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, but it's good to have some people to destress with (even if it's just a board game, watching a movie, going out to grab a bit to eat, watching tv/the game) and someone to chat with when you are feeling stressed/low/tired.
 
I really don't think you'll survive college without meeting and making new people. It would be way too boring just to study and not go out.

Just try to make some new friends. You won't regret it.
 
develop a group of good friends and spend time with them. my friends are amazing because i often can't hang out with them/seem flaky because im studying. but they recognize that i have to work hard with the path im on. they include me in their plans in case i would be able to go out with them. when i do (like when the mcat was over), they welcome me into the fold of the group like i was never gone.

be realistic though about your other friends though. if they don't fall into the above group. they enjoy your company and you make their night better. however at the end of the day, they arent really concerned with YOUR future, just with THEIR current happiness. although they are really nice people and you like them a lot, they probably won't be lifetime friends and you shouldnt sacrifice [your time] for them.

😳
 
If you are introverted, this is something you might want to try and change before medical school (unless you are going into research). There's no reason why you can't make friends AND spruce up your medical school application.

Usually the pre-med community (at least at my university) is very tight, close, and supportive of each other. It's so important you make friends within this circle, or at least let them know you're there. Maybe get a tutoring job and meet new people that way. I know I've met a TON of great friends just through tutoring them. It'll also look good on your app.

Find somewhere to volunteer where you can meet new people as well. Some of the places I've volunteered I've met the most amazing friends, and these places aren't hard to find.

Get involved in campus clubs!! Possibly even leadership positions. Let your name be known among the science community. Don't be afraid of these things, they're all so important to preparing you for medical school and life. We always want to expand our comfort zones to make us stronger as people, so that's what you should do.

Goodluck man. 👍
 
If you have to ask this question, then you probably didn't have any friends in Highschool. With that being said, if you couldn't make friends before, then it's probably too late for you.
 
I did this. I regretted too.

Don't be a hermit. Worse thing to do. Life is so much better with human interaction. Are you going to ignore your patients while interning because you are trying to keep up with all the material? This is manageable to balance. You owe it to yourself!

I had a professor I did this summer cadaver program with who gave me the best advice, I think it will help:

"Med school is hell! You will be studying nonstop for the next 4 years, and continuing that into your residency. You need to make sure you do what you love. You don't have to major in a science just to get accepted; major in what you love. And remember, hang on to your social life. Spend time with your family, your friends, make new friends, try new things, travel, do all of it. You don't want to make your 4 years of undergrad suck."

Of course I paraphrased a bit. But he was right, do good in school, but try to keep a social life. You might regret it.
 
I think it depends on the person, but I also think that it doesn't matter if you make friends or not. First year, I didn't have friends at my university (still kept in touch with high school friends). Second year made really good friends with some other premeds and moved in an apartment on campus. Third year no friends at all because my uni friends left for med school and i've lost touch with my high school friends. Fourth year....dunno yet, about to move back home though.

My first year sucked, by gpa was like a 3.0 cause I was hangin out with my high school buddies and my girlfriend at the time, which took up all my time. My 3rd year was my most successful year (all A's except in a 3 credit hour class I got a B).


I think if you're happy with your situation, that's all that matters.

I believe that you're not in college to make friends (most of which you'll never hear from again after college), you're in college to get a career that you want to do for the rest of your life.
 
Do what makes you happy. Everyone assumes that includes a vibrant social life, but that's not necessarily true. I can't stand being stuck in books and studying all the time and have to spend time with friends to keep myself sane, but if you don't need or want that interaction, then don't do it.

Find your own happiness. Don't let SDN people tell you what you should and should not do. We don't know you well enough.
 
Both. I am an introvert as well, but being alone all the time is not a pleasant feeling. I think we all need some time alone (more of some especially introverts), but you really cannot live life without companionship.
 
I think the title is misleading, because those don't sound like friends.

My advice? Go hang out with non-premeds if you want to have fun. That way, you know for a fact that if they're still your friends, it's because they like hanging out with you and not because they have something they want to get from you.

My actual friends in school have been almost entirely radical environmentalists and musicians.
 
Getting into med school and making college the four best years of your life aren't mutually exclusive goals. Yes, it is worth it to make friends. **** like this (if you're serious) scares the hell out of me when I think about my future med school class, and will likely drive me to drink heavily
 
Naturally, you are going to get mixed inputs about this subject.

The one thing that is evident from your original post is that you view friendships as a rather negative thing, voiding you of your precious progress towards medical school. This in reality, is not completely true. It may be that you are under false assumptions from previous friendships and not have yet found a few friends, or even atleast one friend that helps the burden of having to keep up with all your academic endeavors.

Try to open up to people a little bit more, find people who share common interests, spark a conversation with undergrads in your research, your volunteer site, or individuals you see in class in the library.

Don't feel pressured to have to "party" just because you're in college. There are plenty of people who don't and prefer other ways to have fun - search for those individuals and just let loose a little.

College is a great facet to garner life skills, such as being a little bit more personable.
 
serenade said:
Open up, attend a party make some friends, BLOSSOM! I mean unless you have schizoid personality disorder, you should have friends and not friends you put up with but friends who you love and will always remember. Not to mention opening up and becoming more socially developed is a good thing if your interests are working with sick people...
Click to expand...

Don't get caught up thinking that socializing requires partying or anything really that people will say on SDN. Gravitate towards what it is that you like, and people who share your interests will gravitate towards you. Just do what you enjoy...and if studying is really what makes you happy, just do it at the library and eventually you'll notice others who are also always there.
 
Narmerguy said:
and if studying is really what makes you happy, just do it at the library and eventually you'll notice others who are also always there.
Click to expand...

But the librarians and night security usually aren't that sociable
 
My first instinct is to go like this:
<-------------
<-------------
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once said:
Hey guys,

Just finished freshman year and was wondering what I should do socially for next sem.

Freshman year I basically nerded out and had a fantastic year: great gpa, good ECs, research, awards, etc. But no friends. Is it worth it to make friends in college? I feel like they will mooch off me, making my application suffer consequently. I hear all the hype about college being the best years of one's life but isn't getting into med school more important than socializing? thoughts?
Click to expand...

In all seriousness, I rather not have a 4.0, but a damn decent GPA, and still have many friends. I can't even express this correctly because I think you might be kidding.

edit: I forgot about the part I bolded. This is probably what made people think you were kidding. If these people are mooching off of you, they are not your friend in the first place. Real friends wouldn't affect your application.
 
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Who says you can't have friends and become a doctor? Its really not that hard to get the grades and such. You don't need to dedicate every waking moment of your existence to becoming a doctor, you just have to know how to manage your time. If it required me to become an anti-social hermit to become a doctor, I wouldn't do it. Life (college especially) is about having fun. Try sex. Its fun.
 
You are obviously an ambitious person. Why not strive for "social excellence" as well. You have met people who are socially excellent- they are great at socializing. It takes practice to be socially excellent just like it takes study to get grades. Practice talking to people. If you want to be a good doctor you will have to be able to work with people. Just put yourself out there.
 
I used to be like you. I used to think that having friends would get in the way of my goals. The loner lifestyle eventually became unsustainable and actually brought my GPA down because I was too depressed to focus on school. Human beings are social animals and we are designed to have a social support network. This doesn't mean you have to party and get wasted; you can even find academically-focused people like you to hang out with and maybe study together. There are many people with fulfilling social lives that maintain a 4.0.
 
muhali3 said:
I used to be like you. I used to think that having friends would get in the way of my goals. The loner lifestyle eventually became unsustainable and actually brought my GPA down because I was too depressed to focus on school. Human beings are social animals and we are designed to have a social support network. This doesn't mean you have to party and get wasted; you can even find academically-focused people like you to hang out with and maybe study together. There are many people with fulfilling social lives that maintain a 4.0.
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this. you might be satisfied going to coffee-shop or the rock-wall together. mix friends with the other things you are going to do. you have to eat, might as well get dinner with someone. playing tennis hits two birds with one stone: social/friends and exercise.

👍
 
human beings are social animals, that's what everyone keeps saying. If you want some freinds get some, if not then its not the end of the world i think you'll be fine, theres always family. You have your whole life to make friends(and your only a freshman), just focus on your goal. Aim for that full scholarship to medical school not just an acceptance, I think that is worth more than any friend you'll make in undergrad.

If you do make friends, try to be friends with the smartest kids in your courses. Hopefully they will motivate you to be as brilliant as they are.
 
You don't need to make a ton of friends. But I guess everyone needs at least a minimum amount of friends. IMO, having a lot of friends is not that great. You have to keep up with them, be careful they're actually friends and not hypocrites, etc. I'd rather have three or four GREAT friends than 10 so-so friends. In fact my best friends are like sisters and brothers to me... Find people with your same interests! You'll make great friends along the way.

BTW...There's no way I could make it out of college without them. You just finished your freshman year, the difficulty of your career hasn't hit you yet. When you encounter those weeks that you have three tests, two quizzes, one presentation, etc. you'll definitely realize that you may actually need a drink or a venting time!
 
Some people don't have the opportunity to enjoy social life in college due to their unique circumstances. The people you meet in the working world will never compare to the friends you enjoyed time with when you're younger. A lot of those college friends you'll lose touch with, some you won't.

It's a hard call. But life is a grind for most of one's life.
 
I think you don't understand value of people skills as a doctor. I'm only a sophomore in college, but in the little time I've spent in the 'real world' volunteering in a hospital and doing basic science research, I've seen that knowing what to say and knowing when to say it (and conversely knowing when to shut up) can put you at a huge advantage in life. I was kind of the outsider in high school, and I'm trying to fix that in college. Mixing and mingling with people will keep you from burning out in your courses, and it will also teach you skills you'll need to get ahead. Being good with people is a skill that needs practice just like everything else. When you get to medical school/residency/practice and realize that you don't know how to talk to patients, nurses, or other doctors because you haven't been in any social situations in college, well... probably best to not end up like that. Do yourself a favor, go out and meet people. You'll be surprised how much you learn from that experience.
 
Anyone else notice that the OP hasn't been conversing with us throughout the past 30+ posts? This can be your first step OP, befriend us
 
Yeah I know... Even though it may feel like it in SDN, no one's gonna eat you through the screen.
 
ColeOnTheRoll said:
Do what makes you happy. Everyone assumes that includes a vibrant social life, but that's not necessarily true. I can't stand being stuck in books and studying all the time and have to spend time with friends to keep myself sane, but if you don't need or want that interaction, then don't do it.

Find your own happiness. Don't let SDN people tell you what you should and should not do. We don't know you well enough.
Click to expand...

👍 This.

But I would add one thing. I don't think anyone has mentioned the word yet...Balance. Everyone should make some effort to be balanced. Try to avoid extreme introversion or radical extroversion. I highly doubt that you are off-the-chart introverted, but like Cole said, accept your natural personality. Just remember that balance is important, too.🙂
 
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this thread title made my lol.

You may be content where u are, getting good grades but no friends but....

i think if you made some friends you would realize what your giving up.
 
Leaving aside med school, do you really want to go through your life having no friends?
I mean, being a doctor is just a job. You should not sacrifice your happiness and mental health for a job. College is the easiest time to make friends. Might as well start now and get the practice. It will serve you well the rest of your life.
 
Suffice it to say, just about every point up here is valid and friends really are an integral part of most people's emotional health. So I'm going to go at it from another direction. OP, You say that friends are going to keep you out of medical school. Let's look at why having people who give a **** about you actually tips the odds in your favor.

1. Friends look out for you. Forget being a bad relationship screen, these guys are going to be your bad teacher/bad class/bad volunteer site screen. What's that? The university hospital is a hell hole and the local hospital is much more volunteer friendly? Good to know.

2. Conversely, friends share their really cool opportunities with you as well. Of course they'll pull whatever strings to get you to come, having a friend along makes things much better! So now you know about that part time job where you work in home taking care of a stroke victim. Or now you have the information needed to become an EMT over the summer and you can become one of those bike medics at university events.

3. Medical schools are going to give you secondaries. While you can bull**** your way through "Define altruism and give an example of a time you exhibited it". It's much easier to answer if you actually have cared about another human being, like a friend. Then you wont have to pretend that all the stuff you did to pad your resume wasn't to pad it. Additionally, medical schools are going to ask you to write 1-2 pages on what kind of diversity you bring to their school/what makes you unique/what do you do for fun. Having friends opens you to new experiences and gives you much more to talk about.

4. You can bounce ideas off of friends. They will read your crappy secondary essays.

5. If you apply to UF medical school, they ask for a peer letter of recommendation...from a friend. (Don't know about other schools though)

6. The process of medical school will make you want to b!tch. alot. Only your friends will listen to it.

7. Furthermore, only your friends will tell you to suck it up and get your crap done when that b!tching has gone too far.

8. If you wish to find a future companion for stress relief or stimulating conversation, you will likely choose from (or meet them through) your group of friends. The specimens on craigslist are not as fine as they'd like you to think.

10. Some friends have connections to admission committees! Networking at its finest.

11. Don't get caught with your pants down at an interview when they ask, "So what would your friends say about you?"

etc. etc. All this in addition to those Saturday afternoon specials about the power of friendship and love! It gets things done. Trust me.

Look. Relationships do take reciprocal work. However, friends are not a one sided drain on your time and money. A friend isn't someone who just whines at you to have fun and shakes a bottle in your face. Nor are they additional responsibilities that heap their emotional issues on you. You get some real friends and they will become your army complete with spies, and defensive command. I'd give my all to anyone who is a part of my crew as soon as they ask. Random acquaintances don't get the same treatment.

Sorry for the word vomit, but I couldn't help myself this time. To answer your original question, YES. Just remember to set the standard of friendship that you want to have. The golden rule sort of works as long as you're not a doormat.

Oh, and congrats on doing so well your first year. That's something to be proud about.
 
Wow sorry just got back from work.

Thanks for all the comments and stuff. This thread is actually a serious question for me.

I mean I have had and can make friends. Something up with the way I was raised I think; my family is just really ambitious and are pushy and lay the stress on like crazy.

I am a nice person who will talk up people like crazy at events; its just that I never really commit to the friendship long enough because I feel its sortof a waste of time. I mean there is plenty of time for making friends later on.

I do see all of your points though! Guess I should probably stop being a premed robot before I apply!
 
time later on? when you have a job and a family?...
the time is now! bring your friends along with you keep in touch!
 
once said:
Wow sorry just got back from work.

Thanks for all the comments and stuff. This thread is actually a serious question for me.

I mean I have had and can make friends. Something up with the way I was raised I think; my family is just really ambitious and are pushy and lay the stress on like crazy.

I am a nice person who will talk up people like crazy at events; its just that I never really commit to the friendship long enough because I feel its sortof a waste of time. I mean there is plenty of time for making friends later on.

I do see all of your points though! Guess I should probably stop being a premed robot before I apply!
Click to expand...

Yeah, you need to step up now. If you don't think there's time now, it's not really going to get better in 4 years of med school, 3 of residency, however many of fellowship, a year or so after that where you transition into your new responsibilities/role/work environment...

By then, your friendship glands will have atrophied.
 
once said:
Wow sorry just got back from work.

Thanks for all the comments and stuff. This thread is actually a serious question for me.

I mean I have had and can make friends. Something up with the way I was raised I think; my family is just really ambitious and are pushy and lay the stress on like crazy.

I am a nice person who will talk up people like crazy at events; its just that I never really commit to the friendship long enough because I feel its sortof a waste of time. I mean there is plenty of time for making friends later on.

I do see all of your points though! Guess I should probably stop being a premed robot before I apply!
Click to expand...

Haha, you're pretty much like me. Goals now, and friends later on. Nothing wrong with introversion, just make sure you can get through interviews etc etc. Remember, you are the one applying to medical school, not your friends. They might not always have your future in their best interest when they ask you to hang out. This is coming from personal experience.
 
I have one word for you Once... Solipsism

Embrace it
 
I hope you aren't serious OP...

Otherwise I'm very sad for you....don't make the med app process turn you inhumane...Remember why we live for.
 
hoot504 said:
I have one word for you Once... Solipsism

Embrace it
Click to expand...

I dont think solipsism applies, maybe more like a misanthropic personality. Which is worrying given that the OP wants to be a doctor. O well, maybe he/she wont go into family medicine, or pediatrics or something like that.
 
You've got to have friends. It's important to have a social life during undergrad. Life is all about relationships. It's just depressing not to have friends. You need people to talk to, to hang out with. If you're just isolated all the time, you'll go crazy, and it will seriously affect your mental state, and thus your studies.

Some friends you may lose after you graduate. Others you will hold onto for the rest of your life.
 
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drxmed
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