MD & DO Friends with benefits/Early relationsip, Medical school, and Legal documents

[Saga0101]

but you should have no control over her birth control.

She should be worried about the BC I use, in the same way I should worry about what she uses.
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On what planet is nexplanon 600-1300 dollars and not covered by insurance?

I don't even think she's on a major medical insurance plan, which in that case I would doubt it. I could ask sometime and see though.

Because you’d feel more comfortable with her being on some long acting reversible contraception, and also considering it’s her body- you should definitely ask her if it’s something she’s thought about. Then, you know, it’s kind of up to her whether she wants something like that in her body.

There’s pretty much a 99 percent or higher rate of contraception with your current methods of use, but also remember that there’s the morning after pill if something goes wrong with the condom.

I'll think about a way to ask her. In the mean time, I don't want to be too "worrisome" to her. It's a turn off for sure. Being too neurotic to her about this will most likely kill the relationship.

Bottom line, people get pregnant while on hormonal BC and condoms using both perfectly. It’s uncommon but it can happen.

If that's under perfect use, that's got to be around 99.99% effective though (pills, condom, pulling out). If not effectively, it can be way too high. The pre-ejac. or very small amount of semen is 1 in 10,000+ probably. So I'm not worrying about that, as much as I am that she isn't do her part for BC's while condom/pullout fails simultaneously.

Or just, you know, stop going after strange and find a permanent partner.

It's my current permanent partner. It's just early in the relationship.

There’s pretty much a 99 percent or higher rate of contraception with your current methods of use, but also remember that there’s the morning after pill if something goes wrong with the condom.

Yea, things have before and she doesn't care because "she's on the pill. So she may be at ease, but I'm not so much because how do I really know she take it correctly? All I do is nod my head and move on. Not going to have her take plan B if she is adamite she takes the pill, even if I can't be sure.​

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[UnoMas]

Lolz x2.

Checking back in on this thread we now have medical students, presumably smart adults, arguing the merits of the pullout method. I have seen more rational arguments from high schoolers. FYI, and I can’t believe I’m explaining this to medical professionals and not middle schoolers in sex ed class, it is absolutely possible to have small amounts of actual semen, not Cowper’s gland pre-ejaculate, or “precum” (lol), be expelled without an orgasm, especially if you are attempting to prolong your session by trying to hold it in when you’re close. Movement of fluid can precede the forceful orgasm, so even if you can stop the contraction, you can’t stop that small amount of initial leakage you didn’t feel. This will obviously vary from person to person. Even if you’re wearing a condom, if you unknowingly expel a small amount of semen into the condom, take a 10 second break, then keep going, there is a risk this will get pushed out the base.

Bottom line, people get pregnant while on hormonal BC and condoms using both perfectly. It’s uncommon but it can happen.

If you want to have casual hookup sex out of a relationship where would be prepared to deal with the consequences then this is the price you pay (that and genital herpes, which affects what, 1/5 adults?)

OP should think about banking sperm and getting a vasectomy. $300/year for cyro is a small price to pay compared to the alternative.

Or just, you know, stop going after strange and find a permanent partner.

Just lol.

Alright serious but dumb question here. I swear I honored my OBGYN rotation and got great board scores but how does frozen sperm work? Do they just thaw it out and shoot it up the woman's coochie with a baster or do they do IVF? Main concern is success rate and cost. If it's going to cost 15-20k down the line to conceive then furgetaboutit. Asking for a friend.

 

[atomi]

If that's under perfect use, that's got to be around 99.99% effective though (pills, condom, pulling out). If not effectively, it can be way too high. The pre-ejac. or very small amount of semen is 1 in 10,000+ probably. So I'm not worrying about that, as much as I am that she isn't do her part for BC's while condom/pullout fails simultaneously.

It's my current permanent partner. It's just early in the relationship.

A small amount of semen can contain millions of viable sperm. A lot of people think the only thing that can come out of you before an orgasm is pre-ejaculate and that’s just not true.

I would say the odds are more like 98-99, not 99.99%. However this depends on lots of things.

And dude wtf are you doing if you think the condom will slip off when you pull out? I’ve broken one exactly once in my life, but never ever had one even come close to “slip off” Unless you are hanging out in there until it’s totally flaccid this should be a non issue unless you are using garbage bags. I don’t know wtf you are doing but unless you just enter and wiggle around until it’s over, normally during the act the P will go totally out of the V probably 30-40 times as you change position, screw around, etc. never any problem, right? Why would that last one be a problem? The thing is squeezed on at the base, it’s not like a bunch of semen is immediately going to get down there and act like WD-40.

Have you considered that maybe you just aren’t ready to be having sex with this individual yet? A lot of these things you have said are major red flags as this is stuff that goes through teenagers minds, and not something that us old folks get all worked up about

 

[atomi]

Alright serious but dumb question here. I swear I honored my OBGYN rotation and got great board scores but how does frozen sperm work? Do they just thaw it out and shoot it up the woman's coochie with a baster or do they do IVF? Main concern is success rate and cost. If it's going to cost 15-20k down the line to conceive then furgetaboutit. Asking for a friend.

Sperm are quite resilient and tolerant of cyro for a very long time (50+ years and counting). Once thawed they resume normal motility and can be inserted via IUI. Typically 2-3 sessions result in a pregnancy, and it’s much much cheaper than IVF. Like 10 times cheaper. You increase you success rate by banking more sperm. Typically three “deposits” will give you enough tries to have a very good chance of having enough to have 2 kids in the future.

 

[deleted103644]

Lastly, weirdly, and it could be it's own essay, but if she really is 10/10, in the scheme of life knocking her up might not be the end of the world, even in that worst worst worst case scenario.

I'm starting to think we just think about these things backward and it's mostly related to consumer culture that puts everything before normal biology.

 

[atomi]

Yea, things have before and she doesn't care because "she's on the pill. So she may be at ease, but I'm not so much because how do I really know she take it correctly? All I do is nod my head and move on. Not going to have her take plan B if she is adamite she takes the pill, even if I can't be sure.​

There’s this thing called trust. You don’t have it. I was in a relationship like that once. Hot girl, but did not trust her. Guess what, she cheated on me multiple times, got pregnant, tried to say it was mine, then found out about the cheating. Srs advice, wait for sex until you have established trust. Our modern society is really screwed up in this regard.

 

[UnoMas]

I don’t know wtf you are doing but unless you just enter and wiggle around until it’s over, normally during the act the P will go totally out of the V probably 30-40 times as you change position, screw around, etc. never any problem, right? Why would that last one be a problem? The thing is squeezed on at the base, it’s not like a bunch of semen is immediately going to get down there and act like WD-40.

Dude you should consider a side gig of writing eroticas, this is quality stuff here

 

[Saga0101]

A small amount of semen can contain millions of viable sperm. A lot of people think the only thing that can come out of you before an orgasm is pre-ejaculate and that’s just not true.

That is true, you need many more millions than what the small drop contains to have a reasonable chance at pregnancy. Many men are considered "infertile" have low sperm counts still ranging in the millions.

I would say the odds are more like 98-99, not 99.99%. However this depends on lots of things.

Perfect pill use, perfect condom use, and perfect pulling out has to be close to 99.9% than 98%. Maybe pills and condom without pulling out is closer to 99.0%.

And dude wtf are you doing if you think the condom will slip off when you pull out?

Just like any basic sex guide, if you pull out "too fast" during ejaculation, then you risk the condom slipping off. That's why they always say "hold the base of the condom as you pull out". As for broken condoms, it hasn't happened for a while but they certainly do, especially using for longer periods of time...and both of these are unlikely, but are expected to happen if you're not careful at least occasionally.

Have you considered that maybe you just aren’t ready to be having sex with this individual yet? A lot of these things you have said are major red flags as this is stuff that goes through teenagers minds, and not something that us old folks get all worked up about

I've had many partners before, and I've been fortunate so far. Even though "I get how this works", I think I may just be a bit more worrisome than most people on the subject. Kind of like how a pre-med worries about a small error in their application and loses sleep over it, I tend to be a bit more like that on pregnancy.

Although, after reading this thread, I feel more comfortable and less worried.

 

[Saga0101]

There’s this thing called trust. You don’t have it. I was in a relationship like that once. Hot girl, but did not trust her. Guess what, she cheated on me multiple times, got pregnant, tried to say it was mine, then found out about the cheating. Srs advice, wait for sex until you have established trust. Our modern society is really screwed up in this regard.

Been there, except the "her getting pregnant and trying to slam me for it".

I trust this girl, but I also like to have more control over the situation. Considering half of the control is just given to her, it bothers me a little bit because now I can't ever be 100% sure things will go as planned (i.e. pills).

 

[UnoMas]

Just like any basic sex guide, if you pull out "too fast" during ejaculation, then you risk the condom slipping off. That's why they always say "hold the base of the condom as you pull out". As for broken condoms, it hasn't happened for a while but they certainly do, especially using for longer periods of time...and both of these are unlikely, but are expected to happen if you're not careful at least occasionally.

Bro, man to man here, maybe you lack girth, downsize if this is an issue for you. The checkout girl won't laugh at you I promise. This is NOT a common occurrence

 

[Saga0101]

Bro, man to man here, maybe you lack girth, downsize if this is an issue for you. The checkout girl won't laugh at you I promise. This is NOT a common occurrence
View attachment 238232

"condoms are meant to contain ejaculation, so trying to pull out rapidly right before or during ejaculation actually increases your risks of condom failure because slips like you've described are really likely to happen. "

Very common.

 

[OrthoTraumaMD]

It's early in the relationship and she is a little bit younger. I don't want to bombard her with "what if" questions just yet. If I had been dating her for several months, it would be different.

I may be simply more neurotic than most people on the subject. 2-3 BC methods still make me worry more than I should probably. But as I said before, 3 BC methods can become near 0 in just a moment if things go wrong.



Women have the luxury of being a little bit choosier of "how" and "when" and "who" they have sex with. Biologically, men are most apt to take more chances because they generally have less chances.

But in light of that, I do agree it is of course "safer" to only do the deed under longer term relationships. But I do think its an important part (not the major part) of our relationship.

I can sort of see what you mean re “luxury” in terms of women, but not really. I feel like the “chances” are pretty equal for men and women, especially when you’re in med school and are in the “elite” of potential partners (i’d buy the argument “no one wants to f*** me” if you were some homeless guy).... I was celibate for most of my adult life, including the entirety of medical school, until I found someone I felt comfortable with. Could I have slept around? Sure. My advice applies to women as well. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. If you call that luxury that’s fine, but I don’t see why men should not have standards, and i feel like trust is a bare minimum of standards when you engage in the ultimate act of intimacy.


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[Saga0101]

I feel like the “chances” are pretty equal for men and women, especially when you’re in med school and are in the “elite” of potential partners (i’d buy the argument “no one wants to f*** me” if you were some homeless guy)

Yes and no. Just as an example, go to a dating app and compare the results of a very attractive guy and a very average girl, and the girl will still receive 15 times the messages.

I was celibate for most of my adult life, including the entirety of medical school, until I found someone I felt comfortable with. Could I have slept around? Sure.

Major props. I would think its harder to have sex once and then be celibate rather than to just be celibate all the way through (because you don't know what you're missing out on).

I would find it hard, that's for sure.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. If you call that luxury that’s fine, but I don’t see why men should not have standards, and i feel like trust is a bare minimum of standards when you engage in the ultimate act of intimacy.

I'm not saying men should have lower standards, but just different standards. It is much easier for a girl to turn down sex from an attractive guy, than vice versa! Guys don't know when their next chance could be. It could be days, weeks, months, or years for us. Women are more assured they can do it almost at anytime they want.

 

[atomi]

"condoms are meant to contain ejaculation, so trying to pull out rapidly right before or during ejaculation actually increases your risks of condom failure because slips like you've described are really likely to happen. "

Very common.

Sorry bro, it’s not. I realize that people tell you to hold the base in sex Ed but this is one of many urban myths and outright lies told to young people by idiotic adults. If the condom is slipping off an erect penis, it is way way too big. I would recommend normal Trojans if that is actually a problem for you. For me they are uncomfortably tight and always felt like it was going to strangle my dick to death. You should also be using lube. Yeah if it’s totally dry there will be more friction but hopefully the poor girl wouldn’t let you do that to her.

Major props. I would think its harder to have sex once and then be celibate rather than to just be celibate all the way through (because you don't know what you're missing out on).

I would find it hard, that's for sure.

I agree with orthotraumamd. Voluntary celibacy is not uncommon. I was sexually active at 19, stopped because I wasn’t ready and wanted to focus on school without the worry of having to start a family, then didn’t become active again until 24. I have never been interested in pursuing causal sex and personally find it unappealing and slightly gross. I was a tall attractive male with a good career going into medical school. I turned down numerous outright advances for sex and countless other opportunities where it would have required minimal effort on my part. Don’t believe all the hype. There are lots of attractive young men and women who are not hooking up and instead looking for something monogamous, or just flat out not looking at all because they have other priorities. Modern society kind of shames them, especially young men, into not admitting it or thinking there’s something wrong with themselves for not chasing tail on the weekends.

 

[UnoMas]

Sorry bro, it’s not. I realize that people tell you to hold the base in sex Ed but this is one of many urban myths and outright lies told to young people by idiotic adults. If the condom is slipping off an erect penis, it is way way too big. I would recommend normal Trojans if that is actually a problem for you. For me they are uncomfortably tight and always felt like it was going to strangle my dick to death. You should also be using lube. Yeah if it’s totally dry there will be more friction but hopefully the poor girl wouldn’t let you do that to her.



I agree with orthotraumamd. Voluntary celibacy is not uncommon. I was sexually active at 19, stopped because I wasn’t ready and wanted to focus on school without the worry of having to start a family, then didn’t become active again until 24. I have never been interested in pursuing causal sex and personally find it unappealing and slightly gross. I was a tall attractive male with a good career going into medical school. I turned down numerous outright advances for sex and countless other opportunities where it would have required minimal effort on my part. Don’t believe all the hype. There are lots of attractive young men and women who are not hooking up and instead looking for something monogamous, or just flat out not looking at all because they have other priorities. Modern society kind of shames them, especially young men, into not admitting it or thinking there’s something wrong with themselves for not chasing tail on the weekends.

Aren't you perfect!!

 

[atomi]

Aren't you perfect!!

Was pretty awesome not gonna lie! Now getting old and fat. Oh well. No regrets for not chasing tail. LTR has been great, night actually consider the M word some day.

 

[Saga0101]

Sorry bro, it’s not. I realize that people tell you to hold the base in sex Ed but this is one of many urban myths and outright lies told to young people by idiotic adults. If the condom is slipping off an erect penis, it is way way too big. I would recommend normal Trojans if that is actually a problem for you. For me they are uncomfortably tight and always felt like it was going to strangle my dick to death. You should also be using lube. Yeah if it’s totally dry there will be more friction but hopefully the poor girl wouldn’t let you do that to her.

It's not a myth at all. I can definitely tell you form experience that the condom fits fine and only comes off during a time a ejaculation and pulling out quickly simultaneously for me. That's an indication of poor technique (which I'm better with than before), and not so much condom size. Although it might be reasonable to assume one could go a condom size lower if that was the case, but then it might be too small and more susceptible to breakage. Lube isn't necessary in this case! Maybe the older they get it could become a problem though.

I agree with orthotraumamd. Voluntary celibacy is not uncommon. I was sexually active at 19, stopped because I wasn’t ready and wanted to focus on school without the worry of having to start a family, then didn’t become active again until 24. I have never been interested in pursuing causal sex and personally find it unappealing and slightly gross.

I have had times where I'm much, much more active than other times. I usually respect the academic schedule and still put it as number 1 on my list. Although, my situation is still not casual sex, and much as just an early relationship.

I certainly don't mind being monogamous with my now gf.

 

[grateful_phys]

A small amount of semen can contain millions of viable sperm. A lot of people think the only thing that can come out of you before an orgasm is pre-ejaculate and that’s just not true.

I would say the odds are more like 98-99, not 99.99%. However this depends on lots of things.

And dude wtf are you doing if you think the condom will slip off when you pull out? I’ve broken one exactly once in my life, but never ever had one even come close to “slip off” Unless you are hanging out in there until it’s totally flaccid this should be a non issue unless you are using garbage bags. I don’t know wtf you are doing but unless you just enter and wiggle around until it’s over, normally during the act the P will go totally out of the V probably 30-40 times as you change position, screw around, etc. never any problem, right? Why would that last one be a problem? The thing is squeezed on at the base, it’s not like a bunch of semen is immediately going to get down there and act like WD-40.

Have you considered that maybe you just aren’t ready to be having sex with this individual yet? A lot of these things you have said are major red flags as this is stuff that goes through teenagers minds, and not something that us old folks get all worked up about

The fact that this is still a thread blows my mind.

 

[togaedere]

Just guessing here, but she probably doesn’t want to be pregnant, so not sure why she would lie about taking her pills. Unless you feel like she’s immature, forgets to take her pills and then minimizes that that is a big deal. I’m just really trying to wrap my head around what you think is going on in hers.

Yea, things have before and she doesn't care because "she's on the pill. So she may be at ease, but I'm not so much because how do I really know she take it correctly? All I do is nod my head and move on. Not going to have her take plan B if she is adamite she takes the pill, even if I can't be sure.​

 

[GoSpursGo]

Yea theoretically it should. But if your condom slips/breaks during a pull-out, you lose all the forms at once. And you would have to rely on the fact she is taking her pills correctly, and consistently. I'm just saying, things can go downhill real fast, even when on 2-3 BCs.

Know what else doesn't work? Waving around a piece of paper trying to convince anybody that you shouldn't have responsibilities if you get someone pregnant.

Not many probably, but knowing her carefree mentality, I doubt she would even think about it much. Under most circumstances, I would probably agree. I wouldn't have thought about the legalities and contracts had she been the type of person who it would "turn off".

I don't know what else to tell you. Either you think she's smart/trustworthy enough to be taking her BC, or your don't, and if it's the latter then maybe you shouldn't be regular sex with her.

I think it's very clear that this thread is done.