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Future Med School Wife and mother? Need advice!

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by KelClay, Feb 26, 2007.

  1. KelClay

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    Hello! So my boyfriend and I plan to marry after graduation from undergrad and he wants to take a year off before going to med school (and possibly be an EMT). We have talked about life while he is in med school but not indepth. I plan to work and use my money to pay most of the bills, my undergrad loans, and he will have loans for med school as well (he's lucky, his parents paid for his undergrad).
    However, I have been really wondering about the whole having kids thing. All my life all I've ever wanted to do when I grew up was be a stay-at-home mom. Almost everyday I just worry over the little things that have to happen in order to make it work though. My mother had a lot of trouble being able to become pregnant (it took her like 5 years or so I believe) and I'm so worried that will happen to me as well! I don't want to wait years and years to have kids and then find out I have problems like she did. I don't want my children to have health problems either merely because I decided to wait until I was older to have them. However, with my boyfriend/future husband not only going to med school but also taking a year off inbetween, I am really wondering when to start "trying" I guess. Did anyone else have this issue? It seems a lot of people on here could plan their pregnancies really easily, I'm just not so sure that will work for me.
    On top of that, the whole idea of finances has me scared to death. I am a big saver and hate being in debt (although my undergrad loans will only be around 20,000 when I graduate, I'm still super scared by that). I had always thought that during his 4th year of med school we could start trying and that way we'd have a baby when he was in residency and making an income in order to afford our family. However from reading other posts, it seems as though that is a bad time to start? He will more than likely be going to the University of Michigan's Med School or Michigan State's so any information from someone who had a child while in med school there would be AWESOME!
    I've always been told that if you wait until you can afford kids it'll be too late. I don't want this to happen but again I want my kids to be able to enjoy sports and other activities and not make them miss out simply because we'd be so poor. On the other hand I guess we could just take out more loans and just be paying them back our whole lives?
    Please any information on financing, when to have a child, what it's like to be in this situation, etc would be MUCH appreciated.
     
  2. msl2007

    msl2007 Senior Member
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    One thing to look at is how the med schools provide aid. At my school, they give as much aid as you need/want, and so you could get enough to support tuition, two adults living and a child.

    Also look at health insurance- what coverage will you have? What prenatal care, birthing options, well child, etc. will you use state funds or private insurance?

    While your pregnant and trying, can you work to earn some extra income to help with finances, and to give you soemthing to do? Do you have someone who can help with the baby if you need help and your husband can't give enough because of school? Will you be ok emotionally if you are home with a not-yet-verbal child and your husband is gone long hours, including some nights and weekends? (to study, for hospital duties.)

    I think residency is a fine time if you stay at home with the kid. you will see oyur husband less during intern year, but at least you feel comfortable and happy providing most childcare, and he doens't have to be pregnant or nursing while working in the hospital!

    In terms of time to get pregnant, you might want to find out more about why it took a while for your mom, and see a doctor if you are concerned. Yoiu liekly won't have any toruble, and doctors aren't worried until it has been a year of good trying, or at least a few months.

    I definitely think it can be done, whenever it feel like an emotioanlly good time for you and your husband. It might be easier after he starts school so that the moving, etc is done.

    Also, if you want to buy a house as oppossed to renting, do it while he is an EMT and has a real income (loans don't count!) Otherwise, you are wise to avoid debt.
     
  3. Wifty

    Wifty Eccentrically Silly
    Moderator Emeritus 7+ Year Member

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    I don't know how old you are, but it took us almost 5 years to get prego and I had my daughter at the age of 33 during second year of med school. It worked out perfectly!

    Hubby was able to get out of classes more so then during 3rd and 4rth year or intern year.....so I had the extra support when our daughter was really tiny.

    At that age, they don't need much and so you don't need the money for sports and whatnot. Daughter is now 3 and still doens't need money for extras, although she does go to preschool parttime.

    No time is actually 'bad' but some times do have more upsides. However, you can't plan these things all the time so why not just start trying when you are ready....and see what happens? It might be sooner or later and there is good and bad to both.

    Good luck!! We loved the med school journey....but it is different and interesting.

    rebecca
     
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