Gap Year + "Cutting Yourself Off" From Parents?

[lalex]

So I've come to the conclusion that after my senior year of college, I will be cutting all communication with my parents (for the length of my gap year(s)).

I'm just wondering if anyone else had to do so and if you have any tips.

How do I support myself while taking a full course load? Should I take out loans?

Is it hard to get a decent paying job with a low undergrad GPA? My school offers amazing gap year jobs (research) but I'm sure they're very competitive.

I would love to do research but is it even possible for me to get a job as a tech if I had very little exposure to research in my 3 years?

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[NotASerialKiller]

Based on your last thread this is quite a big step. Are you sure you want to cut off "all communication" instead of just moving out? Did you have the "you don't run my life" conversation with your mother and this is the result?

Keep in mind that your GPA has to come first for med school. If you can't maintain your GPA while being able to support yourself with a part-time job (no idea if you have savings etc.) then yes you might have to take out loans.

Good luck with this!

edit: Whoops I didn't see the gap year part, so you're just asking about supporting yourself. You can try for research positions, but you should also be willing to take anything you can get to pay your rent and feed yourself.

 

[darkeon]

Look if your school needs tutors (paid ones)

 

[ndafife]

So I've come to the conclusion that after my senior year of college, I will be cutting all communication with my parents (for the length of my gap year(s)).

I'm just wondering if anyone else had to do so and if you have any tips.

How do I support myself while taking a full course load? Should I take out loans?

Is it hard to get a decent paying job with a low undergrad GPA? My school offers amazing gap year jobs (research) but I'm sure they're very competitive.

I would love to do research but is it even possible for me to get a job as a tech if I had very little exposure to research in my 3 years?

Through undergrad I worked in a research lab for about 20-25 hours a week to support myself while being a full time student. If you are not paying tuition its absolutely reasonable to do without taking out loans while maintaining a good GPA.

You just have to be smart with expenses and avoid procrastinating on things.

 

[StudyLater]

Research can be very intense. Depending on who your PI is, you may need to do lots unpaid OT just to stay on top of things. So be selective if that's the route you're going. You need a someone laid back with a solid team that can train you very well for the work you'll be doing.

Also doesn't pay much more than being a janitor or some other pretty much mindless employment. And I'm not sure if as a "tech" you'd be exclusively acting as an assistant to other projects or if you'd get to have your own. Not sure if you care, but a pub sure wouldn't hurt for your gap year.

 

[Petrichor1]

1. calm down and cool down. Don't take any actions or say something utterly out of emotion
2. You will definitely need your parents and will need to talk with them, especially when financial aid or something like that comes in the picture--so technically your entanglement cannot be disconnected with them.
3. Start networking while you are in school so that professors that might know somebody may refer you to those people. Research tech positions are a dime a dozen and usually they pay like $10/hour which is kind of questionable to live by if you are part-time and no loans (with loans it will be doable).
4. You might need to do a post-bacca depending on what you term as "bad ugpa". For that you might just have to drop the research tech idea if you get any hardship in studying (find the root cause to the rotting grades).
5. So you see...you can't be independent just yet...oh and thank your parents for putting up with you for all these years, I know they can be annoying but they are also kids like you learning the ways of life.

 

[lalex]

My parents are mentally abusive.. I think not living with them will be good for me and my grades. I'm almost positive my anxiety/depression is because of them...

The thing is I don't need a great paying job. My sister will probably let me live for free (though I want to contribute). The post-bacc school I am going to costs $300-400 a credit and with loans, won't cost more than 10k.

But I really want to do research too. Which would look better? Part-time research or part-time clinical work?

I'm planning to do some clinical research this year so hopefully that would help with a job?

I'm just very lost and I know I sound like an idiot as a lot of you have been on your own from day 1.

 

[lalex]

Based on your last thread this is quite a big step. Are you sure you want to cut off "all communication" instead of just moving out? Did you have the "you don't run my life" conversation with your mother and this is the result?

Keep in mind that your GPA has to come first for med school. If you can't maintain your GPA while being able to support yourself with a part-time job (no idea if you have savings etc.) then yes you might have to take out loans.

Good luck with this!

edit: Whoops I didn't see the gap year part, so you're just asking about supporting yourself. You can try for research positions, but you should also be willing to take anything you can get to pay your rent and feed yourself.

Not exactly but I did mention it to my dad and he flipped out. I don't understand why they're so mad at me for taking a year off. I guess from workaholic immigrants it is unacceptable. I have no clue what to do September 12th. My sister might just pretend to drive me but then what? Obviously I won't get a score.

 

[Petrichor1]

Not exactly but I did mention it to my dad and he flipped out. I don't understand why they're so mad at me for taking a year off. I guess from workaholic immigrants it is unacceptable. I have no clue what to do September 12th. My sister might just pretend to drive me but then what? Obviously I won't get a score.

you need to be honest with your parents. They are not going to bite you...Sure they'll flip out but you are an adult now and that doesn't mean that you mindlessly become independent. It means you handle the situation in the most mature and responsible way. Start studying for the MCAT right now and tell them that if they want to see you become a doctor, they need to leave you the option to study how. They will understand...they have to. They can't take the test for you, right? Plus, gpa is first priority. If you don't got your bases clear, how are you supposed to study for the big empanada?

 

[Avanafil]

$300-400 a credit and with loans, won't cost more than 10k

I would say that, if at all possible, fix things with your parents. I had a similar situation after ****ing up my car, but after a few hours it got better. Just act really sorry, say you will do whatever you gotta do to make them happy (do the dishes for a week, etc).

In the long run, moving out prematurely will cost you a fortune. $500/month rent + $360/month food (3 meals * $4/meal * 30 days) is 860/month or $10,000. Ten grand on minimum wage is going to be a bitch.

Or...in undergrad I wanted to apply to all the top 20 universities. My dad was pissed because it was going to cost like $3,000. I said "you know what? i'm done. i dont even care. i don't want to go to college". Next day he said he'd pay for 15 applications. In other words, tell your parents that you don't want to do medicine any more just to scare the **** out of them. Tell them you want to pursue music because its what you really enjoy. Scare them like hell, then say "well I might do medicine...but only if you don't force me to take the mcat".

 

[bee17]

Not exactly but I did mention it to my dad and he flipped out. I don't understand why they're so mad at me for taking a year off. I guess from workaholic immigrants it is unacceptable. I have no clue what to do September 12th. My sister might just pretend to drive me but then what? Obviously I won't get a score.

If you are actually signed up and can't get your money back, you might as well take the MCAT and void. If you are not signed up but just told your parents that you were, it may be time to start being honest with them now. I'm sure they'll be pissed, but if you want them to view you as an adult, honesty is the way to go.

It's great that your sister is willing to give you a place to live. Focus on getting a full time job (research or otherwise) so you can help out with groceries/pay phone bills/gas etc. Ask your sister to help you plan out a budget so you can see what it will actually cost you to move out.

I would not advise completely cutting off communications with your parents, but rather establishing clear boundaries. Spin it as you wanting to grow up/become more independent rather than wanting to get out from under their influence. Don't burn bridges unless you have to.

In your earlier posts, you mention anxiety, depression, and potential abuse. These issues are much more pressing than your medical school application, and moving out won't make them disappear. Please seek help from a counselor or mental health professional if you have not done so already. If your parents are willing to go, a therapist may be useful in helping you sort out the issues in your relationship with them. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[cloudmurder1]

Not trying to attack you, but what the hell is it with pre-allo and weird relationships with misinformed/controlling parents?? It's like a thread like this comes up every week here...

 

[tea guzzling traveler]

Not trying to attack you, but what the hell is it with pre-allo and weird relationships with misinformed/controlling parents?? It's like a thread like this comes up every week here...

I think it's just that the path of medicine is very attractive to controlling parents as it has security and a stable income at the end, so you would see that more in the pre-allo forum than a less respected/prestigious path.

 

[GrapesofRath]

Not trying to attack you, but what the hell is it with pre-allo and weird relationships with misinformed/controlling parents?? It's like a thread like this comes up every week here...

It's one of those things unless you have parents like this(and I don't) you will never understand, and that's not meant to be an insult to you or anybody like you. It's just the reality. It's very easy for people to sit here and say "man up" "grow a spine" "you should be able to have an honest talk with them" but it just shows a complete lack of perspective alot of the time. There are parents from cultures who no matter what you say will not consider what their "child" says and where the parent-child relationship is such where the child simply has no input no matter the age. In many of these cultures, children are under their parental influence until marriage, even through medical school or working full time. The American idea of independence not only doesn't exist to them, but is considered an insult.

So no matter what some applicants from immigrant families do, their parents will simply not listen or bend on their beliefs. They are the type that will still go paranoid anytime the child doesn't follow their input as it is perceived "as disrespect" and showing "no value for your parents". These type of parents are the ones who will manipulate every part of their child's life, control it, be the type who call ADCOMs to badger them, who do everything they can to have control over their children. And they don't do this in a mean spirited evil way. This is simply how they were raised and what there idea of parental influence is. Those who have much more extreme reactions to what their kids do and when they don't follow parental guide don't "care more" or "care less" than the more reserved parental influence we might be more accustomed to. It's just shows a complete difference in culture. To them, given the respect kids are supposed to show to them and how their viewpoint in their culture is considered the one that matters, it is not abnormal to call schools, to badger children and override their plan to no end, to perceive any "break or year off" as weakness or incompetence. It just is a different world where those parents grew up and in the influences that help created who they are today.

 

[NotASerialKiller]

It's one of those things unless you have parents like this(and I don't) you will never understand, and that's not meant to be an insult to you or anybody like you. It's just the reality. It's very easy for people to sit here and say "man up" "grow a spine" "you should be able to have an honest talk with them" but it just shows a complete lack of perspective alot of the time. There are parents from cultures who no matter what you say will not consider what their "child" says and where the parent-child relationship is such where the child simply has no input no matter the age. In many of these cultures, children are under their parental influence until marriage, even through medical school or working full time. The American idea of independence not only doesn't exist to them, but is considered an insult.

So no matter what some applicants from immigrant families do, their parents will simply not listen or bend on their beliefs. They are the type that will still go paranoid anytime the child doesn't follow their input as it is perceived "as disrespect" and showing "no value for your parents". These type of parents are the ones who will manipulate every part of their child's life, control it, be the type who call ADCOMs to badger them, who do everything they can to have control over their children. And they don't do this in a mean spirited evil way. This is simply how they were raised and what there idea of parental influence is. Those who have much more extreme reactions to what their kids do and when they don't follow parental guide don't "care more" or "care less" than the more reserved parental influence we might be more accustomed to. It's just shows a complete difference in culture. To them, given the respect kids are supposed to show to them and how their viewpoint in their culture is considered the one that matters, it is not abnormal to call schools, to badger children and override their plan to no end, to perceive any "break or year off" as weakness or incompetence. It just is a different world where those parents grew up and in the influences that help created who they are today.

All very true, but it was established in the last thread that this isn't simply a cultural norm for the OP, just an incredibly overbearing parent telling the OP when to write the MCAT etc.

 

[GrapesofRath]

All very true, but it was established in the last thread that this isn't simply a cultural norm for the OP, just an incredibly overbearing parent telling the OP when to write the MCAT etc.

Not sure the two(culture and overbearing parent) are as distinctly different as you might be suggesting.

 

[NotASerialKiller]

Not sure the two(culture and overbearing parent) are as distinctly different as you might be suggesting.

Well you cited parents from other cultures and immigrant families as a source of social standard that a lot of people here can't appreciate. This situation is just a hyper-helicopter parent. I feel, I believe justifiably so, much more comfortable judging them for this. If it's really the same thing, then you're just saying that no one can ever say anything remotely negative about any parenting style ever. If that's your position that's fine, but a lot of people would not agree with this blanket statement.

I think that's taking it a bit too far. If the cultural norms are the same as your own, then judge away. In common North American culture it is not appropriate for a parent to dictate exactly what their 22 year old child does at all times. Obviously if their child wants to respect that then that's their choice, but I don't think there's anything wrong with encouraging the OP to break free when she was calling her mother crazy etc. and there was no cultural standard to back up her mother's actions.

 

[StudyLater]

Agreed with @NotASerialKiller this is an individual thing from parent to parent that can have absolutely nothing to do with culture. Some extremely serious, hardworking parents don't try to micromanage their child at all. Others from middle class backgrounds with parents who didn't care about their academic achievement whatsoever turn to the polar opposite with their children, in the vein that they "will be better mothers/fathers to their children." These ones massively overdo it and consequently **** goes haywire every now and again; probably what recently happened to the OP.

Culture can come into it, sure. I'm just saying it really does come down to an individual decision of how you want to run things with your child. And I say they can do whatever the f*ck they want to you from an emotional perspective if you're living in their house, eating their food, and learning off their tuition money. You have no legal right to even be there anymore. Consider dealing with their bullsh*t the job that pays you in all the amenities that they provide (which are decently expensive, as you'll find out once you actually leave).

 

[cloudmurder1]

It's one of those things unless you have parents like this(and I don't) you will never understand, and that's not meant to be an insult to you or anybody like you. It's just the reality. It's very easy for people to sit here and say "man up" "grow a spine" "you should be able to have an honest talk with them" but it just shows a complete lack of perspective alot of the time. There are parents from cultures who no matter what you say will not consider what their "child" says and where the parent-child relationship is such where the child simply has no input no matter the age. In many of these cultures, children are under their parental influence until marriage, even through medical school or working full time. The American idea of independence not only doesn't exist to them, but is considered an insult.

So no matter what some applicants from immigrant families do, their parents will simply not listen or bend on their beliefs. They are the type that will still go paranoid anytime the child doesn't follow their input as it is perceived "as disrespect" and showing "no value for your parents". These type of parents are the ones who will manipulate every part of their child's life, control it, be the type who call ADCOMs to badger them, who do everything they can to have control over their children. And they don't do this in a mean spirited evil way. This is simply how they were raised and what there idea of parental influence is. Those who have much more extreme reactions to what their kids do and when they don't follow parental guide don't "care more" or "care less" than the more reserved parental influence we might be more accustomed to. It's just shows a complete difference in culture. To them, given the respect kids are supposed to show to them and how their viewpoint in their culture is considered the one that matters, it is not abnormal to call schools, to badger children and override their plan to no end, to perceive any "break or year off" as weakness or incompetence. It just is a different world where those parents grew up and in the influences that help created who they are today.

I am more than familiar of immigrant parenting mentality. You bring up a good point, but my original point was that there seems to be a strong association with this type of parenting and being premed.

 

[Petrichor1]

In many of these cultures,

let's not stereotype here. I can tell you that for someone coming with that perspective, something just made me confident one day and that was my education and belief in my own intelligence. So the "grow your spine" thing should apply here. You all are above 18. If you went through college knowing about your over-bearing parents and you did not pursue a degree where you could get employed that is your own fault...don't blame your parental pressure for it. Your parents work so hard for you and never share their problems; their understanding that you will be independent through medicine is recognizable. If you take gap years, work and study diligently and see how they will get off your back. Oh and stand up for yourself. Be just as arrogant as they are in terms of pursuing your career.