Getting married after vet school?

[pennygirl]

I was just curious what some of the women in vet school do when they get married.. Do you graduate vet school with your maiden name and then take your husband's name?? I don't want to get married while still in vet school but I don't really want my maiden name on my diploma... Just seeing what others think...

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[VAgirl]

I was just curious what some of the women in vet school do when they get married.. Do you graduate vet school with your maiden name and then take your husband's name?? I don't want to get married while still in vet school but I don't really want my maiden name on my diploma... Just seeing what others think...

I've seen plenty of vets with a name on their diploma different than the name they currently use. I assume some vets also keep their maiden name.

Is there a reason why you don't want to get married in vet school? (I'm getting married this summer.) It's kind of a pain to deal with the restrictions or time of year, etc., but it's not that big of a deal. But I dunno...I'm trying to keep wedding things low key in general. It seems that if you don't want your current name (future maiden name) on your diploma, the thing to do is get married while still in school. (Unless you're not yet with the person you want to marry, of course. That would make it harder. )

 

[twelvetigers]

The vet I work for has her maiden name (on her diploma) as her middle name and goes by Dr. Lastname... but you can choose to keep whatever name you like or hyphenate it. It doesn't matter what the diploma says. I guess you could get married now if you really want the new last name on the diploma... but make sure it's for the right reasons. Lol.

 

[pennygirl]

Well the reason is that my parents offered to pay for my wedding completely if I get my DVM first, so i will definitely be getting my degree first! i dont think i will be ready for a couple years anyways me and the bf are gonna do the long distance thing for a year when i go off to WSU this august (we both live in colorado right now). we will see where this year takes us i suppose!!

 

[chris03333]

Well the reason is that my parents offered to pay for my wedding completely if I get my DVM first, so i will definitely be getting my degree first! i dont think i will be ready for a couple years anyways me and the bf are gonna do the long distance thing for a year when i go off to WSU this august (we both live in colorado right now). we will see where this year takes us i suppose!!

I got married right before my last finals in undergrad. What I did was got my BS with my maiden name (had not gotten the chance to get my name changed officially by that time), gave that one to my parents, then paid for an additional one which had my married name listed. I am not sure that is an option for your DVM but it might be something worth looking into if it is important to you.

 

[TSUJC]

Wow Chris03333 that is a great idea!!! I didn't know that could be done.​

I am glad this thread was started, I was wondering the same thing. I don't feel like I will have time to plan an out-of-state wedding while I am in vet school so we were going to wait until after I graduate. VAgirl, are you having a big wedding? How difficult is the planning process while you are in vet school?​

 

[dyachei]

Wow Chris03333 that is a great idea!!! I didn't know that could be done.​

I am glad this thread was started, I was wondering the same thing. I don't feel like I will have time to plan an out-of-state wedding while I am in vet school so we were going to wait until after I graduate. VAgirl, are you having a big wedding? How difficult is the planning process while you are in vet school?​

It all depends on where you're getting married and what kind of ceremony you're gonna have. I am currently planning my wedding for this summer and in my second year of vet school (and many other previous students have gotten married in this position that I know of). It really isn't that hard because my parents agreed to pay for the majority of it. There are a few things that require my attention (we did our own invitations instead of sending those out) and I have to be available for meetings with the venue, but they are very helpful in actually planning the event. The hardest part for me is getting organized and understanding exactly what I have to do and when I have to do it and there are tons of free online resources that have timelines and to-do lists, etc. The time commitment isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be, either.

 

[VAgirl]

VAgirl, are you having a big wedding? How difficult is the planning process while you are in vet school?​

I honestly don't think about the wedding much, so I guess the planning process is easy. We're not having a big wedding. Maybe 90 people.

Also doing as much as I can to minimize fuss. No wedding attendants, no favors (who cares about them anyhow?), having the ceremony and reception at a cute restaurant that has nice decor (so food is taken care of, no need for additional decorations or flowers, and we're having a bunch of regular small cakes that the restaurant will make instead of a "wedding cake"). Oh, and printing our own invitations--did those over spring break.

Honestly, the hardest thing for me at the moment isn't planning long distance or while in school, it's the fact that any party bigger than 5 people makes my fiance want to run and hide and he hates all things associated with planning parties. So part of the keeping things low key is trying to keep him from losing it. But I think it's doable. Honestly, to me, the bigger issue would be waiting longer than I want to to marry the man I love just because I might be able to plan a better party. We're in our late 20s and have been together for over 3 years, so we certainly aren't rushing into anything. And I'm not judging others who put off their weddings to get things just right, either, I swear. It just didn't seem to make sense for us, so we'll do what we can now.

Oh, and it's in August, too, so I assume that I can figure out whatever stuff I've forgotten about during the early part of the summer. Here's hoping!

 

[Trilt]

I personally don't believe in the 'take on your husband's last name' bull. (I actually still bear my mother's maiden name, though she married when I was seven... yeah, bit of a headstrong kid.)

But, that said, I don't understand why it would be a problem to have your maiden name on your degree if you weren't married when you graduated? I'd almost see it as a... bit of a fib if you had your husband's name switched out later. It's not as if people don't realize that others get married, and I'm sure anyone with a brain would come to the marriage conclusion after looking at the degree for a second or two. C:

 

[pennygirl]

I personally don't believe in the 'take on your husband's last name' bull. (I actually still bear my mother's maiden name, though she married when I was seven... yeah, bit of a headstrong kid.)

But, that said, I don't understand why it would be a problem to have your maiden name on your degree if you weren't married when you graduated? I'd almost see it as a... bit of a fib if you had your husband's name switched out later. It's not as if people don't realize that others get married, and I'm sure anyone with a brain would come to the marriage conclusion after looking at the degree for a second or two. C:

I'm-really-not-THAT-worried-about-it-haha-i-was-just-curious....

 

[Poochlover11]

I honestly don't think about the wedding much, so I guess the planning process is easy. We're not having a big wedding. Maybe 90 people.

Also doing as much as I can to minimize fuss. No wedding attendants, no favors (who cares about them anyhow?), having the ceremony and reception at a cute restaurant that has nice decor (so food is taken care of, no need for additional decorations or flowers, and we're having a bunch of regular small cakes that the restaurant will make instead of a "wedding cake"). Oh, and printing our own invitations--did those over spring break.

Honestly, the hardest thing for me at the moment isn't planning long distance or while in school, it's the fact that any party bigger than 5 people makes my fiance want to run and hide and he hates all things associated with planning parties. So part of the keeping things low key is trying to keep him from losing it. But I think it's doable. Honestly, to me, the bigger issue would be waiting longer than I want to to marry the man I love just because I might be able to plan a better party. We're in our late 20s and have been together for over 3 years, so we certainly aren't rushing into anything. And I'm not judging others who put off their weddings to get things just right, either, I swear. It just didn't seem to make sense for us, so we'll do what we can now.

Oh, and it's in August, too, so I assume that I can figure out whatever stuff I've forgotten about during the early part of the summer. Here's hoping!

These are really great ideas! My fiance and I are planning to get married when I finish my undergrad (Im not in vet school yet). I really just want to keep it as low key as possible (I happen to be more of the personality of your fiance ), and keep the budget small. What are other things you have done to help cut back on the budget?

 

[Poochlover11]

Accidentally posted twice-my bad.

 

[VAgirl]

What are other things you have done to help cut back on the budget?

I've really only done two other things so far...

1) We sent out a save the date by email. I found a design for one online, edited it in Paint to have our information and then emailed it out to everyone on our guest list. Only like 2 people on our list didn't have email, so that worked fine (we just told them verbally). The only actual problem with it was that one of my older relatives decided to email the save the date to some other folks we weren't inviting (distant relatives). So my mom felt kinda bad. I offered to let her invite them as damage control but she decided it didn't matter too much.

2) We found a photographer. I went with one of the pricier ones that I found because I adore her photograhs, but I worked out a cheaper package with her than any of her advertised packages. Basically, she's going to take unlimited digital photos for the entirety of the time she's there, edit/retouch a few hundred of them and then give them to us in soft copy with a copyright release so we can have them printed anywhere. Then we're going to make a photo album using something like this: http://www.apple.com/ilife/iphoto/print-products.html We can get a book STUFFED with our pictures and captions, etc. for only $100. Apparently photographers may give you a good deal but gouge you on albums. So this way we're avoiding that and instead spending the money on a high quality photographer. We're also having her there for the whole ceremony but not all of the reception to minimize cost.

I'll let you know what else we think of to keep the budget in check if you're interested. However, I have to say that even for all that, it's still not cheap. We're just trying to spend money on what we care about and not on things that we don't.

Oh, and sorry for the long post. If others would prefer, we can move this convo to PM.

 

[dyachei]

You may also be able to find cheaper photographers by giving photography students a break. If you hire them, they get the opportunity to have a larger portfolio and many of them are good. Just make sure you get the digital rights for the photo album thing.

Other money saving options include DIY projects from craft stores like Michaels/Jo-Anns if you have something you need to do like invitations or the like.

*I know you asked VAGirl for help, but I figured you wouldn't mind more ideas.

 

[VAgirl]

Other money saving options include DIY projects from craft stores like Michaels/Jo-Anns if you have something you need to do like invitations or the like.

The thing about DIY projects (which I think are great) is that it's often a trade off between time and money. If you put in more of your own time and effort, then you can often pay less money. So what's tricky about that from my POV is that as vet students, we're short on both time and money. So while I've done some DIY (invitations), I've also been working on just cutting fluff because I don't have time to fuss with doing all that stuff myself and didn't want to pay someone else to do it for me.

The other thing that I've heard from some folks getting married is that if you give yourself too many DIY projects (a lot of them that have to be done right before the wedding) you can end up totally crazed and not enjoying your own wedding.

If you've got awesome tips about how to swing a bunch of DIY projects, though, dyachei, I'd love to hear them!

 

[dyachei]

The thing about DIY projects (which I think are great) is that it's often a trade off between time and money. If you put in more of your own time and effort, then you can often pay less money. So what's tricky about that from my POV is that as vet students, we're short on both time and money. So while I've done some DIY (invitations), I've also been working on just cutting fluff because I don't have time to fuss with doing all that stuff myself and didn't want to pay someone else to do it for me.

The other thing that I've heard from some folks getting married is that if you give yourself too many DIY projects (a lot of them that have to be done right before the wedding) you can end up totally crazed and not enjoying your own wedding.

If you've got awesome tips about how to swing a bunch of DIY projects, though, dyachei, I'd love to hear them!

Honestly, I am just doing invites and the save-the-dates that way. but they were both pretty easy and took a few hours over the weekends. But other people like things like programs, menus, and all that which is really easy to print on cardstock, too. Also, simple centerpieces don't take too much time. I find that taking a break from vet school work (even if it is to do other work) is refreshing.

 

[bunnity]

I guess you could get married now if you really want the new last name on the diploma... but make sure it's for the right reasons. Lol.

Also just be aware that if you get married before vet school is over, your spouse's assets and income will probably impact your EFC and financial aid forms. So if your future spouse is $$ it might be a good idea to wait to get married until after vet school (all other things considered equal).

And for the diploma thing, my undergrad allows you to request a new diploma if you present documentation of a name change. You have to pay for it, of course. It's something I am considering down the road when I do marry my fiance because I am looking forward to losing this last name.

 

[QTkitty]

My boyfriend and I actually just talked about the EFC thing with our tax lady last week and she said that you can still file separately after you are married. She said that it usually isn't a good idea, but if you are still in school and your spouse makes decent money, it is kind of the way to go.

 

[sumstorm]

Filing seperatly won't affect your EFC for financial aid (including loans.) FAFSA is a completly seperate form and it doesn't matter whether you are legally seperated, living apart, married filing seperatly, if you are still legally married, you are legally required to input your spouses financial info.

Sorry, went through this recently. Husband makes 4 x what I do, and I make decent money. I could not actually progress through the FAFSA without inputing his info, unless I put that I was not married in the form.

What we don't yet know is if it will affect what I can take out in loans. I have been told that professional school loans are income independent, but I don't know if that is actually true or not. Can let you know sometime between May and August.

 

[VAgirl]

What we don't yet know is if it will affect what I can take out in loans. I have been told that professional school loans are income independent, but I don't know if that is actually true or not. Can let you know sometime between May and August.

If you don't mind, I would very much appreciate it if you would share this information with us when you get it. Thanks!!

 

[critterfixer]

All I can tell you is that as someone with a spouse who makes a very good income, I am still able to get some subsidized loan money, but the majority is the unsubsidized Stafford. So I can borrow enough to cover tuition and medical insurance, and that's about it. I was surprised I got any subsidized money at all given that we have such a good income.

As for all you about-to-be-marrieds, take it from someone who is going to celebrate her 21st anniversary this year--you will someday look through the boxes in your attic during a move and wonder why in the world you needed programs, napkins, a guest book, or even a cake topper. Just focus on enjoying your day together and accumulate as little "stuff" surrounding the event as possible.

Now my invitation, I am glad to have!

 

[sumstorm]

I agree with all of that! The only thing we have from our wedding is a scrapbook which mostly consists of cards from well-wishers and photos, our rings, and my dress and his tux (which he does wear for some other events.)

My first wedding had 600 guests (small farming community = know everybody) from our community and family (large families on either side, some came from out of the country.) We did it cheaply (everything was done by hand, it was a morning wedding at a fairgrounds, with a sandwhich luncheon that my family put together.) Little $, lots of time, energy, effort, and love. The only things I still have from that wedding are the ring pillow, my dress (sewed myself), my shoes, our wedding bands, the gift he gave me wedding day, and photos. Some of those photos are displayed around our home, because several people who celebrated that day are gone, including my father's best friend, my father's father, several of my grandmother's sisters, 2 cousins, and one of my HS best friends. I still have my engagement ring as well, but I am considering having it made into a different piece of jewelry before starting vet school (I am not comfortable wearing my first engagement ring and wedding band when I am wearing my current one.)

 

[pressmom]

To go with the original question, the name that is on my diploma is the name I will practice under. Sure I'll probably turn around if someone says Mrs. so-and-such, but I'll be Dr. Pressmom.

 

[VAgirl]

To go with the original question, the name that is on my diploma is the name I will practice under. Sure I'll probably turn around if someone says Mrs. so-and-such, but I'll be Dr. Pressmom.

I've thought about doing that, too. Primarily because while I'm cool with being Mrs. "Fiance'sLastName", I've been imagining being Dr. "VAgirl" my whole life. That is actually the one that I think is harder to let go of.

But in the end, I figured that it would be too confusing to have a different last name depending upon the situation. And while I totally want to be one of those people that's cool with whatever you call them, I worry that my inner control freak who wants things to be correct would be irritated by it.

(Um, I guess there's also the fact that by the time I actually get my diploma I'll already have my fiance's last name anyhow...so that kinda makes it moot for me, huh? )

 

[sumstorm]

LOL. I didn't take either of my husbands last names. My first and middle name are both nouns. Both husband's last names was/is a noun.

That, and I have always held strongly to the belief that I didn't want to give up my last name...that at most I would hyphenate it. That if the hubby wanted our names to be the same, he could change his. Luckily both men were completly understanding of my insistance about keeping my last name. I do respond to 'Mrs Late Husband' and 'Mrs Husband' and 'Ms/Mrs Me'

As a vet, I already realize I will probably be Doc FirstName. Especially if I return to my home farming community....since that was my nick name from a very young age, and I am fine with that.

 

[twelvetigers]

I plan to be Dr. Hisname, because that will have been my name for 6+ years when I graduate, and my maiden name was a bit cumbersome. However, people will jump to conclusions about my ethnicity (Hispanic) when they look me up in a phone book (if I'm even doing clinical work), but they would have done so with my maiden as well (sounds Irish but it's not)!

I think you should use whatever name you like! If you don't want to be Dr. Hisname, are you sure you want to be Mrs. Hisname? I'm not questioning your intent to marry, I'm asking if you want to take his name anyway. There's nothing wrong with keeping your last name if you want, andthat has nothing to do with being called Dr. Whatever.

Just a thought!

 

[Angie09]

Most people will probably never even see your degree, so the only person to whom it likely matters whether it says your last name or his last name is you. All of the vets I've ever known (private practice or academic) keep their degree/diploma on the wall in their personal office, where no clients ever go. I've certainly never gone to the vet and demanded to see their credentials before allowing them to examine my pet.

Personally, I strongly dislike the practice of one person changing their name, and offered my fiance a compromise. Either we could BOTH change our name, or neither of us would change our name. I don't want to hyphenate because I think often one of the names ends up getting dropped somewhere along the line, and the automatic taking-his-last-name makes me feel like I'm being transferred from my father's ownership (hence his last name) to my husband's ownership (so now HIS last name). Obviously no one owns me, and I consider my father's name/maiden name to be MY name, so I'll keep it. For now, we're both going to keep our own names. If in the future we have children, we plan to both change our names to something combined, so that our family will all have the same name. But if we don't have kids, I'm going to keep my own name.

 

[Poochlover11]

The thing about DIY projects (which I think are great) is that it's often a trade off between time and money. If you put in more of your own time and effort, then you can often pay less money. So what's tricky about that from my POV is that as vet students, we're short on both time and money. So while I've done some DIY (invitations), I've also been working on just cutting fluff because I don't have time to fuss with doing all that stuff myself and didn't want to pay someone else to do it for me.

The other thing that I've heard from some folks getting married is that if you give yourself too many DIY projects (a lot of them that have to be done right before the wedding) you can end up totally crazed and not enjoying your own wedding.

If you've got awesome tips about how to swing a bunch of DIY projects, though, dyachei, I'd love to hear them!

Hey, thanks for the info VAgirl and others! It's always fun and beneficial to get tips from others who have been through or are going through the wedding process!

 

[meadow36]

In reference to the loans ... sumstorm, if you can post that info when you get it I would also apppreciate it - thanks!

Up until now I was thinking I would have to wait until the summer before 4th year (after FAFSA is filed already) before getting married, but now I'm thinking it won't affect the ability to get loans? Or only the subsidized ones?

BTW, call me old fashioned, but I can't wait to take "his" name. Then we would be Dr. and Dr. "Hisname". I hope it's before 4th year so it's on my diploma. Just call me an old softie, I guess.

 

[sumstorm]

I should have the info next month, I think, based on NCSU's time line.

 

[VAgirl]

BTW, call me old fashioned, but I can't wait to take "his" name. Then we would be Dr. and Dr. "Hisname". I hope it's before 4th year so it's on my diploma. Just call me an old softie, I guess.

I just sent out wedding invitations, and one of the couples invited are both Drs. who use the same last name (PhDs, I believe). I tried to look up the "correct" way to address all invitees based off of title, etc., and apparently the way to do so in that case is "The Doctors Hisname" (Or whichever last name the couple is using.) Isn't that a hoot?

 

[sumstorm]

If I took hubbys name, I would sound like some very odd botanical. For example (not my name) it would sound like 'winter blizzard tree' and I am not kidding. it would be 'season weather plant' which was better than my late husband's last name, which made me sound like an odd variant of a serial killer like 'spring hurricane butcher'...his last name was barber.

 

[bunnity]

meadow, you can probably graduate with your current name, change your name, and request a new diploma with the new name. My undergrad does this, although they make you pay!

Oh also before you make plans to get married that summer, take a close look at your school's financial aid forms. I'm sure it varies by school, but mine had a section for "spouse or intended spouse." So for this year's forms, if I was planning on getting married before July 2010 (or something around there) I had to declare future spouse's income and assets.

 

[meadow36]

Heh, well they can't prove I was "planning" on getting married. I would probably leave him out when filing that last year. I don't need my maiden name on my diploma; actually I was saying that I totally don't mind taking his name. Some others on this thread seem really attached to their maiden names.

Then we can be "The Doctors 'Hisname'" like VAGirl suggested. Haha!!

 

[DollyyLlama]

Hey, call me cynical -- you would be correct -- but I would never want a husband's last name on my diploma because, statistically, there's a high chance (50%?) that someday that'll be my EX-husband's name on my diploma (although that could never happen to me, right? Except.. I'm sure my talented and loving mom never thought it would happen to her, and it has, twice). So for me personally, while I feel no great loyalty to the paternal line, at least I know that my own name isn't one I'm likely to someday resent

 

[meadow36]

Hey, call me cynical -- you would be correct -- but I would never want a husband's last name on my diploma because, statistically, there's a high chance (50%?) that someday that'll be my EX-husband's name on my diploma (although that could never happen to me, right? Except.. I'm sure my talented and loving mom never thought it would happen to her, and it has, twice). So for me personally, while I feel no great loyalty to the paternal line, at least I know that my own name isn't one I'm likely to someday resent

Wow, how cynical. Seriously though, I understand. My mom was divorced twice. But I plan on making this one stick.

 

[VAgirl]

Hey, call me cynical -- you would be correct -- but I would never want a husband's last name on my diploma because, statistically, there's a high chance (50%?) that someday that'll be my EX-husband's name on my diploma (although that could never happen to me, right? Except.. I'm sure my talented and loving mom never thought it would happen to her, and it has, twice). So for me personally, while I feel no great loyalty to the paternal line, at least I know that my own name isn't one I'm likely to someday resent

As people have indicated, in case that happened, you could always get it reissued with your "new" (or old as the case may be) maiden name.

 

[fargeese]

Nothing really to add except two funny stories--

I had two friends who were getting married and his last name was Arreola, which as you could imagine made for a painful childhood, and his fiance did not want to become Mrs. Arreola! He did not want to emasculate himself by taking his wife's name of Cerasoli, so they combined their last names into "Ceriola" so everyone was happy and their kids would not get beat up!

The other was a friend of mine whose last name was "Slaughter" which I thought was interesting and dark, and it turns out her maiden name was Paine. So her full last name was -- Paine Slaughter. How awesome is that!

I am keeping my maiden name if I get married because it was the influence of my parents, not a future husband, that got me through the DVM. That and I am too lazy to change my name paperwork wise

 

[QuarterHorseGal]

I am keeping my maiden name if I get married because it was the influence of my parents, not a future husband, that got me through the DVM. That and I am too lazy to change my name paperwork wise

I agree! Plus, my dad already calls me Dr. My Last Name! Also, my SO's brother is a human doctor, and it may seem silly, but I don't want to be another Dr. His Last Name, I want to represent MY family. It has been my hard work and my family that has supported me and helped me from the very beginning, and even though they would never admit it, I know they would like me to keep our name.

 

[dgm]

I had two friends who were getting married and his last name was Arreola, which as you could imagine made for a painful childhood, and his fiance did not want to become Mrs. Arreola! He did not want to emasculate himself by taking his wife's name of Cerasoli, so they combined their last names into "Ceriola" so everyone was happy and their kids would not get beat up!

I think I would've become an Arresoli. Ceriola definitely still rhymes with "areola"...

 

[Joanhabety]

You can have a civil marriage before the big wedding so that you'll be able to use your husband's last name.