Guilt after getting in

[tigerlilly57]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

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[Thelonious Chunk]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

I never felt that way but I wanted to encourage you to not feel so guilty. I grew up in a poor household. I got into college and got into medical school. I genuinely do not feel that being poor held me back in any significant way. It isn't that difficult to get into a college from a poor area. Just do the work, get decent grades and go somewhere. If your public school disadvantaged you, you are on an even playing field once you get into college. If you can't get into college from a disadvantaged area I'm really not sure you'd get to med school. Community colleges get the job done too. Do well there and transfer into a good school 2 years later, crush pre-reqs and apply to med school. You either can do it or you can't. It would have been easier if I had wealthy parents probably, but life isn't fair in that way and that is ok and not a burden that you need to hold onto. Some people simply don't have what it takes to figure out how to get in and execute that plan and it isn't your fault. I do understand the issue is significantly more nuanced than this but there are different admissions protocols for poor MD applicants to account for this in someway, and at the end of the day it is up to the individual to be good enough. Also, tell him to apply DO if he hasn't. My buddy applied MD 3x, didn't get in, applied to DO next cycle, got in and got 240+ on both steps and is interviewing at university IM programs currently.

 

[tigerlilly57]

I never felt that way but I wanted to encourage you to not feel so guilty. I grew up in a poor household. I got into college and got into medical school. I genuinely do not feel that being poor held me back in any significant way. It isn't that difficult to get into a college from a poor area. Just do the work, get decent grades and go somewhere. If your public school disadvantaged you, you are on an even playing field once you get into college. If you can't get into college from a disadvantaged area I'm really not sure you'd get to med school. Community colleges get the job done too. Do well there and transfer into a good school 2 years later, crush pre-reqs and apply to med school. You either can do it or you can't. It would have been easier if I had wealthy parents probably, but life isn't fair in that way and that is ok and not a burden that you need to hold onto. Some people simply don't have what it takes to figure out how to get in and execute that plan and it isn't your fault. I do understand the issue is significantly more nuanced than this but there are different admissions protocols for poor MD applicants to account for this in someway, and at the end of the day it is up to the individual to be good enough. Also, tell him to apply DO if he hasn't. My buddy applied MD 3x, didn't get in, applied to DO next cycle, got in and got 240+ on both steps and is interviewing at university IM programs currently.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! I appreciate you taking the time. You're right, I know I need to get used to being okay with the fact that life isn't fair, whether I get the short or long end of the stick. He has applied DO, I'm hoping so much for him to get in! It's crushing to know how much he's hurting over this

 

[Thelonious Chunk]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply! I appreciate you taking the time. You're right, I know I need to get used to being okay with the fact that life isn't fair, whether I get the short or long end of the stick. He has applied DO, I'm hoping so much for him to get in! It's crushing to know how much he's hurting over this

If the guilt persists, you can always give back by providing care to the underserved and being a mentor to disadvantaged students who want to make it to medical school. Make sure he's applying to enough bottom-of-the-barrel/new DO programs to really maximize that possibility of getting in, but if he can't get in there he might not have the chops and it will save him $ and time to get rejected.

 

[Goro]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

This is very common, now keep your eyes on the prize.

 

[deleted480308]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

It doesn’t matter anymore. You are in and they aren’t. The rest is just a thought exercise that isn’t helpful to either of you. Hit the grind on day one and don’t stop until you are out of residency

 

[crossled]

Instead of feel guilty, thank God for being able to be there, he blessed you, so give thanks to him.

 

[raiderette]

Don't discount your accomplishments for anyone. Stop apologizing for your own hard work.

 

[deleted1006988]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

I was in a similar position as your boyfriend a few years ago. Sure, he will probably feel a bit jealous of your accomplishments, but seeing you crushing med school would also be motivating. Now that I'm a med student myself, I realize how much having an SO as an upperclassman has prepped me for this. I encourage you not to feel guilty about your advantages and instead focus on doing the best you can with what you have. The better a position you are in, the easier it is for you to help others.

 

[sella.turcica]

Instead of feel guilty, thank God for being able to be there, he blessed you, so give thanks to him.

Amen brother.

 

[Hopeful101]

Don't worry. Soon it'll change to wishing you hadn't gotten in.

 

[jurisburger]

If you made it in you deserve it. Whatever advantages you had getting there still doesn't mean others deserve it more than you. Maybe they deserve it too but so do you.

 

[KeikoTanaka]

Hopefully you can use your new acceptance as a way for him to get into the same school - Really cozy up with the administrators.

Think about it, if he gets in next year, he'll have all your notes to study from!

 

[libertyyne]

You worked hard to get here. You didnt just waltz into medical school. Yes, you may have had benefits getting here, but its mature of you to even acknowledge that.

 

[gyngyn]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

Early decision?

 

[MusicDOc124]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

You worked hard to get where you are, and you were accepted. Don't compare yourself to others in the way you were mentioning.

As for the "why me?" - attempt to change your perspective. Instead of "Why me," you will now have opportunities to get to a point where you can later ask yourself "what can I do for those people who are disadvantaged?"

Also, nearly everyone feels like they have imposter syndrome at one point or another, and for some it is continuous.

 

[Detective SnowBucket]

Instead of feel guilty, thank God for being able to be there, he blessed you, so give thanks to him.

I wouldn't until he got my SO in with me 😉

 

[Kardio]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

I found out that an ex girlfriend “beat” me to med school. She came from a much wealthier family, is a bit younger than me, and goes to a stronger program than I will go to. I understand that comparison can be the thief of joy - but this is honestly more an issue of perception than reality. I could focus my thoughts on the fact that she had an economic advantage over me - or the fact that she had an admirable work ethic. I choose the latter.

The fact that you had an economic advantage doesn’t take away from what you’ve accomplished. You had to work hard. You earned it.

If you define your self worth entirely by the progress of your career, both of you will be perpetually miserable. There will always be someone who “does better.” It doesn’t mean that they are a better or more valuable person.

Gratitude and guilt, admiration and jealousy, are two sides of the same coins. The glass is half full, the glass is half empty. You can choose how you want to see the world.

<end armchair philosophy reply>

 

[Fatalis]

I was accepted into medical school on my first try this week and while I am of course ecstatic and relieved, I have also been struggling with some feelings of guilt for the past few days. I think this is stemming from a lot of things - primarily my boyfriend, who is currently applying for the third time after getting rejected last year. I know he'd be an amazing doctor and he is so deserving and wants this so bad - and I can't help but feel awful that I "beat him to it" in a way, and I know that while he is so happy for me, it's making him feel terrible about himself. But it's more than that - I feel like I don't deserve this - why should I have been born to parents with the financial and emotional means to get me to this point? Why me, when there are so many disadvantaged people in the world who will never even get to go to college, let alone medical school? I feel like I'm already begin to experience imposter syndrome. Did anyone else feel this way? If so, how did you deal with it?

some people can do things their first try; for others it takes time or never happens... such is life. Be happy where you are at.