Has anyone been told that they're too intimidating/ effects on interviewers

[Tofurkey]

Hello,

My interest was piqued by a thread below which talks about being attractive and the interview. I wanted to get people's opinion on a related topic--that is, what if you're always being told by people that you're an "intimidating person to talk to/ be around" for whatever reason (looks, academic background, or a combo of those two) and you're worried that this intimidation will backfire come interview time.

The thing is, what if you can't get anyone to tell you why they think you're intimidating, and thus you can't do anything about it? If it's an appearance thing, should you "uglify" yourself for the interviews, to appear less intimidating?

I am really interested in getting people's opinions on this, because for me, it's a big problem, and I recently experienced a rejection which I believe is because of this exact issue (for a job).

Thanks,

Tofurkey

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[exmike]

how are your looks intimidating?

 

[Tofurkey]

Well, I think it's a combo of appearance and past achievements. My look is more exotic--not typical American-looking. But I also think the fact that I am naturally more reserved (not shy--just more reserved) doesn't help either. But as for looks, I've unfortunately seen how jealous other females can get of an attractive female, even good friends. Women can get very petty over things like that, such as saying, "man, you've lost weight" to show their disapproval of one's naturally slim and shapely body type. It really sucks--these people's attitudes, and I'm starting to worry about the implications come interview time, which is why I wonder if I should "uglify" and/ or perhaps ask my pre-med advisor point-blank when doing a mock interview what he/she thinks of my overall presentation/ demeanor and going from there.

My past experience with being judged on appearance has been for female interviewers to get quite petty and nasty even--for instance making comments about body type during a business interview lunch--not professional at all.

Thanks,

Tofurkey

 

[Maxip]

Maybe the best preparation you could make before going into an interview was to lose the attitude that you are "intimidating" on some level. Most likely you're going to be interviewed by an MD that has been around the block, and the sight of a 22-24 year old pretty girl is not going to have them quaking in their boots.

I think that the LEAST of your problems is going to be intimidating your interviewer.

 

[quideam]

Wait, so let me get this straight: You think that you're too attractive, and are wondering if you should make yourself look uglier for interviews???? ... oh, and 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

Honestly, don't worry about your appearance - I have seen some *hot* guys and some pretty attractive girls at top schools... focus on your interviewing skills instead. 🙄

 

[Smile'n'Wink MD]

Originally posted by exmike
how are your looks intimidating?

Maybe he/she has a unibrow...that always does it for me

 

[Tofurkey]

Guys, this is a serious post--I don't have an attitude that I am intimidating--it's unfortunately just that I've been told that over and over again since college. By the way, I'm older (non-traditional post-bacc.) I don't want to be intimidating, and I'm trying to figure out just why it is I've been told this so many times so I can do something about it for med school interviews.

I think it's partially a looks thing and partially a demeanor thing. But as for the looks, I am wondering if it's in my best interest to uglify. That is--wear glasses, no makeup, plain jane hair, etc. Or, I'm wondering if there's some way I can go about figuring out what about my demeanor in general might seem intimidating to some (as it has many times in the past) and do something about it.

This issue has made me very unhappy for a long time, because it's kind of an intangible thing--since no one has been able to tell me just what this intimidating aspect of my persona is, I haven't been able to work on it.

 

[jlee9531]

unless you look like a mass murderer...i dont think you have anything to worry about.

its somewhat ridiculous to even think about matters like this since i know a lot interviewers are there wanting to know what you are about and to see if you would fit the mission of their school.

your look...(obviously if you looked stoned or bloodshot etc...)...its not gonna work against you

 

[Blade28]

Originally posted by Maxip
Maybe the best preparation you could make before going into an interview was to lose the attitude that you are "intimidating" on some level. Most likely you're going to be interviewed by an MD that has been around the block, and the sight of a 22-24 year old pretty girl is not going to have them quaking in their boots.

Good points! 🙂

I was kinda confused by the OP's post...are you worried that you're a little too attractive, and thus too intimidating to talk to? Have you had this experience outside of the interviewing process? (For example, what friends tell you.)

 

[Tofurkey]

Yes, Blade has it correct. And yes, outside of the interviewing process, I've had many friends tell me that at first they were intimidated by me before they got to know me. That's the problem--and why it IS relevant to an interview situation--people, including interviewers, make judgments on you based on your first impression, and I don't want that judgment to be something along the lines of, "because she looks so good she won't be able to relate to patients" or something like that.

I recently interviewed for a public interest job working directly with the homeless, and I have a feeling that the reason I did not get the job (my credentials were perfect for the job) was because of this exact reason. I'm still feeling the sting, and that's what prompted me to post this post.

 

[niema]

Hello everyone!

I am a little disappointed with the replies on this post. You guys are usually very accepting and supporting. Perhaps the op has a ligitimate question and concern! I must admit that I have heard this come up before, especially amongst MD/PhD applicants. I am not at all trying to be conceited, but when I interviewed at MD/PhD programs I was concerned that my (very )blonde long hair/blue eyes combo would make me look like a less than serious candidate, only because I've had physics professors ask me if I am in the wrong class on the first day of school. Perhaps the op has had similar expiriences. And one note about girls: they CAN be pretty petty sometimes!

Tofurkey, my adivice to you would be to be yourself. Definately don't wear a lot of makeup to your interviews, and I would stay away from short-skirt suits! But really, just be yourself and show the adcoms that you are much more than just a pretty face!

 

[boomuntilnoon]

I get this a lot actually... but I find that having a warm smile and a relaxed attitude throughout the interview process downplays the whole intimidation factor. I'm pretty candid during my interviews as well, but at the same time, I am engaging and animated.

Exude passion.

 

[Maxip]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
"because she looks so good she won't be able to relate to patients"

Really? You really think people think that about you? Wow...

 

[jlee9531]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
I recently interviewed for a public interest job working directly with the homeless, and I have a feeling that the reason I did not get the job (my credentials were perfect for the job) was because of this exact reason. I'm still feeling the sting, and that's what prompted me to post this post.

have you ever thought there was someone else with better credentials or a better fit for the job? instead of believing that the decision not to hire you was soley based on your attractiveness...


your uber-attractiveness will not matter when it comes to med school admissions. do these professors, doctors, phd etc...wanna ask you out and thus feel the need to feel intimidated to see if an attractive lady will turn them down? No.

if you sound uncaring, or say things that clue in that you dont have a clue in whats going on in medicine etc...then yeah that would be grounds not to give you an acceptance. i think you are just overthinking this issue.

this is med school admissions...not "lets pick the ugliest person for the job."

 

[Tofurkey]

Yes, Maxip, I really do think people may be thinking this. More of, "can she relate to patients" and not "is she smart enough for med school." Thus my suspicions that I didn't get the public service job because of it (I'm wondering if they thought, "because she looks like a model, how will the homeless relate to her?" Isn't that a valid thing to be concerned about when it comes to med school admissions?

The other aspect to this equation is that I have several very unique (and unfortunately, extremely intimidating) accomplishments (not pre-med stuff, professional, job-type stuff) that make people very intimidated by themselves. In fact, in addition to the looks intimidation, I get people's intimidated reactions on these particular accomplishments all the time, and thus, I stopped telling people about them about a year ago. One example of a person's reaction to them was: "wow, you're really an overachiever, aren't you?" Yes, someone actually said that to me, and I barely even knew the person. People can get so jealous and petty sometimes over this kind of stuff. None of my friends that I've made in the past year know about them, and I'm starting to wonder if when I apply for jobs I should leave them off my resume altogether.

It's just kind of worrysome.

 

[Maxip]

OK, I retract my sarcasm... I am naturally wary of statements like this. If its a recurring problem, and based on more than your looks, than I am genuinely sympathetic.

However, I stand by my initial statement about adcoms: I HAVE to believe that they are beyond this type of whimsy. Then again, they are human, and there is a possibility that you will interview with a 14 year old in a 53 year old's body. Let's hope that's not going to be the case.

I can sympathize with being naturally reserved; I am too, at least when I'm sober. I guess my advice would be to simply make sure that you properly convey your passion for medicine. Most schools require a picture to be attached to your secondary, so they will have already seen you...

Final piece of advice: if you get a male interviewer who seems to be affected by your looks, FLIRT WITH HIM!

Apologies again for the initial skepticism. Good luck!

 

[Blade28]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
Yes, Blade has it correct. And yes, outside of the interviewing process, I've had many friends tell me that at first they were intimidated by me before they got to know me.

...

I recently interviewed for a public interest job working directly with the homeless, and I have a feeling that the reason I did not get the job (my credentials were perfect for the job) was because of this exact reason.

Ah, I see what you mean. Now while I don't claim to have this problem (never in a million years!), I do have a couple friends who seem to have experienced similar situations. Not to seem overly patronizing or anything, but I do understand that it can be tough. You want to be taken seriously, and your credentials and qualifications are all there, but some of the interviewers (who are, after all, only human) can't quite see past the looks part. And of course, we all know how important a first impression can be...

BTW, for some men, wearing glasses may actually IMPROVE a woman's attractiveness. 🙂

 

[Maxip]

Originally posted by Blade28
BTW, for some men, wearing glasses may actually IMPROVE a woman's attractiveness. 🙂

Agreed. 😛

 

[jlee9531]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
Yes, Maxip, I really do think people may be thinking this. More of, "can she relate to patients" and not "is she smart enough for med school." Thus my suspicions that I didn't get the public service job because of it (I'm wondering if they thought, "because she looks like a model, how will the homeless relate to her?" Isn't that a valid thing to be concerned about when it comes to med school admissions?

The other aspect to this equation is that I have several very unique (and unfortunately, extremely intimidating) accomplishments (not pre-med stuff, professional, job-type stuff) that make people very intimidated by themselves. In fact, in addition to the looks intimidation, I get people's intimidated reactions on these particular accomplishments all the time, and thus, I stopped telling people about them about a year ago. One example of a person's reaction to them was: "wow, you're really an overachiever, aren't you?" Yes, someone actually said that to me, and I barely even knew the person. People can get so jealous and petty sometimes over this kind of stuff. None of my friends that I've made in the past year know about them, and I'm starting to wonder if when I apply for jobs I should leave them off my resume altogether.

It's just kind of worrysome.

haha...your resume is too good to get into med school admissions? that is ridiculous. i can assure you whatever it is you have done, there are people on this board and in medical school that have prolly done a lot more impressive things to put on their application to HELP them gain acceptances.

you are dealing with medical school admissions. a lot of these doctors that conduct these iterviews have done things to save people's lives day in and day out. you think they would be soooo impressed with something you have done to warrant you a rejection?? that just doesnt make sense.

all of these things you mention will help you win half the battle...which is getting an interview. schools dont offer interviews to any old loser...they have a good feeling about you and want to see if you are everything they see on paper.

i dont know what else to say...other than i know some beautiful women that have been accepted to med school...i wonder how they got accepted then🙄

 

[Blade28]

Originally posted by Maxip
Agreed. 😛

Off the top of my head, Lisa Loeb, Tina Fey, etc. 🙂

 

[Maxip]

Woah woah woah... Lisa Loeb? DISagreed!

Janet Reno... now there's a looker. (Does she wear glasses?)

 

[Tofurkey]

Actually, it's not the men I'm concerned about....it's more the female interviewers. I find that it's often the female interviewers who are more susceptible to jealousy and who will feel the intimidation factor more. I've experienced this firsthand myself many times. It's pretty rampant in the business world, unfortunately.

And as for leaving the accomplishments off my med school resume--no, I wouldn't do that--but I may leave them off any resumes where I apply for jobs for my glide year, because so far in interviews these particular things have drawn more "overachiever" type comments than the supportive, enthusiastic comments I was hoping for. But I do think they'll help me stand out in the med school admissions process. I only mentioned them to illustrate that people can be very petty and get jealous over a variety of things about a person.

 

[Blade28]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
Actually, it's not the men I'm concerned about....it's more the female interviewers. I find that it's often the female interviewers who are more susceptible to jealousy and who will feel the intimidation factor more. I've experienced this firsthand myself many times. It's pretty rampant in the business world, unfortunately.

Yeah, this is EXACTLY what my friends were experiencing. Obviously not universal, but from their experiences, they were often getting the "check that other girl out and feel slightly resentful/jealous/bitter/whatever if they're even somewhat attractive" vibe.

 

[jlee9531]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
Actually, it's not the men I'm concerned about....it's more the female interviewers. I find that it's often the female interviewers who are more susceptible to jealousy and who will feel the intimidation factor more. I've experienced this firsthand myself many times. It's pretty rampant in the business world, unfortunately.

And as for leaving the accomplishments off my med school resume--no, I wouldn't do that--but I may leave them off any resumes where I apply for jobs for my glide year, because so far in interviews these particular things have drawn more "overachiever" type comments than the supportive, enthusiastic comments I was hoping for. But I do think they'll help me stand out in the med school admissions process. I only mentioned them to illustrate that people can be very petty and get jealous over a variety of things about a person.

yeah they may get jealous but this is medical school admissions. its not your typical job application/interview.

female interviewers...these woman are uber-accomplished...i might be wrong but i would assume that they would be far more accomplished than you are. why in the world would they be jealous over someone like you? you are trying to get where THEY are...

once again i stand by my views...the issues you are worried about are basically irrelevant in med school admissions.

 

[quideam]

Originally posted by niema
Hello everyone!

I am a little disappointed with the replies on this post. You guys are usually very accepting and supporting. Perhaps the op has a ligitimate question and concern! I must admit that I have heard this come up before, especially amongst MD/PhD applicants. I am not at all trying to be conceited, but when I interviewed at MD/PhD programs I was concerned that my (very )blonde long hair/blue eyes combo would make me look like a less than serious candidate, only because I've had physics professors ask me if I am in the wrong class on the first day of school. Perhaps the op has had similar expiriences.

Okay, I understand what you're saying, but I still really don't think that this is a legitimate thread. I also have blonde hair (long blonde hair, as a matter of fact) and blue eyes, and I have never even given this whole topic a thought. I have seen plenty of attractive people at interviews and as students at schools, and I really don't think that it's an issue.

 

[Persistence101]

Have you considered that it might be the way you present yourself to interviewers? You say you're reserved, then maybe you try to smile a little more. It's a little arrogant to think that your "great" looks got in the way. Maybe you should ask yourself how other good-looking premeds got accepted?

 

[Mr Reddly]

similar note.

Somewhere in this forum, there is a app/inteview/accept/matric listing for the schools.
It gave total,instate,out,women, and urm.
I took those numbers for the schools I'm waitlisted at, calculated the numbers for men (tot -women) and compared that to women.
This is what I got:

For all three, women are more likely to be accepted post interview... by close to 10% for each school.

ucd (52% vs 43%)
uci (59% vs 49%)
uvm(54% vs 46%)

I'm too lazy to compare all the schools. I was wondering if it just happened at these three schools (and for this specific year), or if it's normal.

Here's the data I used... collected from this site. (listed as accept,interview,accept,matricualte)

ucd
total 3731 425 203 93
instate 3169 420 198 92
out 562 5 5 1
women 1749 228 119 49
men 1982 197 84 44
urm 1596 162 85 39

uci
total 3507 411 220 94
instate 3117 406 220 94
out 390 5 0 0
women 1614 187 111 41
men 1893 224 109 53
urm 1918 223 103 41

uvm
total 4996 510 257 95
instate 64 32 25 21
out 4932 478 232 74
women 2323 268 145 55
men 2673 242 112 40
urm 1481 104 53 22

 

[donuthole]

I just have to say that it bothers me when people talk as though being blonde and blue-eyed automatically makes them "beautiful" and "intimidating." This hair/eye combo is not some sort of standard of beauty in the world.

I just don't get people sometimes! 🙄

 

[Mr Reddly]

Don't worry, some people prefer brunettes with short hair... Haven't thought about the eyes though. Blond reminds me of my sis too much .... ugh. 😱

so... umm.... BTW...How YOU doin?

 

[mosoriire]

This is the funniest thread...As a woman, I am not put off by beautiful women...And I think that the majority of women will agree. It's the beautiful women who 'know' they are beautiful and expect you to have an attitude about it that I have problems with

I think as a woman, you should be more concerned about falling into the 'female-default mode' during an interview. One of my interviewers asked me if I had thought about raising a family. My answer was no...She asked me if my parents were fretting about this. I said yes they were, naturally, as I was an only girl, but I think they're too young to be grandparents. She laughed. I was glad she got my joke. Double points for me with the humor.

It's conversations like this that scare the hell out of me...On a personal note, I hope that for the rest of my interviews, my interviewers are male, and are struck speechless by me Alicia Keys looks and Madeline Albright intellect I think that would be an absolute plus....Hell, since I'm so shallow, and you guys have brought it up, i think it will be a good idea to get blue contacts and dye my hair blonde, you know, have the whole lil kim thing going....

OK...I should stop now....

 

[donuthole]

Originally posted by mosoriire
It's conversations like this that scare the hell out of me...On a personal note, I hope that for the rest of my interviews, my interviewers are male, and are struck speechless by me Alicia Keys looks and Madeline Albright intellect I think that would be an absolute plus....Hell, since I'm so shallow, and you guys have brought it up, i think it will be a good idea to get blue contacts and dye my hair blonde, you know, have the whole lil kim thing going....

 

[HawkeyeBFP]

There is just no way to ask a question like this without sounding like you're bragging in disguise...not that I think you are, but it's an unsympathetic question on the face of it.

(Um, no pun intended.) 😉

Tofurkey, I am also a post-bacc, non-traditional, etc. I actually used to be an actress and model for a living so I guess I'm on the attractive side of things. 🙄 I do have one piece of advice, and maybe you already do this: show interest in your interviewer as well as in talking about yourself. Granted, you're there to talk about yourself, but I think it makes a good impression that you want to hear about someone else's experience as well. (Example: you get asked the typical non-trad question, Why did you decide on medicine now? And after you answer, finish with How about you? When did you decide?--assuming your interviewer is a doctor, of course)

I suggest this because you reference "how will she relate to the clients" as a possible issue.

My real challenge is always convincing guys in sports bars that I know more about baseball than they do. And I do, believe me, I do.

 

[Xmulder]

Originally posted by donuthole
I just have to say that it bothers me when people talk as though being blonde and blue-eyed automatically makes them "beautiful" and "intimidating." This hair/eye combo is not some sort of standard of beauty in the world.

I just don't get people sometimes! 🙄

Thank you, donuthole. This is an excellent point. American culture too often, i think, bases beauty on the Barbie doll, and frankly I find myself much more drawn to brunettes than blondies. Total media/hollywood influences on the blonde beauty. As for blue eyes, green, brown and other colors are equally attractive to me.

 

[Xmulder]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
Actually, it's not the men I'm concerned about....it's more the female interviewers. I find that it's often the female interviewers who are more susceptible to jealousy and who will feel the intimidation factor more. I've experienced this firsthand myself many times. It's pretty rampant in the business world, unfortunately.

And as for leaving the accomplishments off my med school resume--no, I wouldn't do that--but I may leave them off any resumes where I apply for jobs for my glide year, because so far in interviews these particular things have drawn more "overachiever" type comments than the supportive, enthusiastic comments I was hoping for. But I do think they'll help me stand out in the med school admissions process. I only mentioned them to illustrate that people can be very petty and get jealous over a variety of things about a person.

OK, Turkey girl, now on to more serious matters. Ignore what the naysayers on this post have said. Instead, you are correct: attractive women definitely incite feelings of jealousy, cat-i-ness, petty attitudes within other women. No question about it. I am also non-trad, have worked on Wall St and other corporate firms (where hundreds of hot women work) and have seen this firsthand, esp when i interviewed potential candidates (for a job) with my peer who was a hot girl. They tend to take things very personally, ask extremely pointed and difficult questions, and clearly become roiled with jealousy. I have seen the cold staring down look...just glad i never have to deal w/ that cuz i'm a guy.

The question is, as you pose, why do *you* seem to experience what seems to be a disproportionate amount of this "intimidating" effect on your interviewers. This is either 1) you are very ugly physically or 2) you are unbelievably hot -- basically like a 10 on the hotness scale. Since it doesn't sound like 1) is right, more likely you are on the other end of the spectrum. I remember when I interviewed at Tufts, I met an remarkably attractive girl, a perfect 10 physical wise. What i noticed, though, was that she realized her effect on others and had to work extra hard and nice to put people at ease, esp. the women, a few were getting catty. I think she was outstanding at defusing the effect. As if even if these other ppl were staring her down, she rose above their pettiness and remained fabulously warm, open-minded, and NICE -- smiling a lot (not the fake hot smile, but the good girl smile). I believe the way to disarm women if you are a hot interviewee is that they feel threatened and envious of what you have, so you need to be genuinely nice and communicate thru body language that "Hi, My name is ...and I don't flaunt my looks to get things the way i want." You need to convey that you don't cash in on the advantages your looks bring, but rather rely on merits like the rest of us. That you are a NICE person they would like to be good FRIENDS with. Most importantly, you have be genuine, because you cannot fake it. Even if you try to fake it, you will naturally (unconsciously) give off vibes of your pretentiousness. That is why we all like nice ppl: because they are truly nice.

I can go on about this, but will stop here. To this day, i still think about that girl i met and how special she really was -- personality and looks wise.

 

[Cuteasaurus]

Tofurkey: Have you actually been told that your looks are intimidating? Your original post seems to indicate that you've been called intimid. and that you're a more reserved type of person. Maybe you're super-attractice, but I've found in my experience that reserved is what gets you the "intimidating" title. Some people are simply less approachable because they seem more "serious." If that's the case, then just be friendly during your interview. You don't have to fake it, but if you show some interest then you should be fine. 🙂

 

[Anka]

Hey,

It might not be a problem with the MDs who interview you, but you're effects on the student interviewer might be more pronounced (as they're more directly 'in competition' due to age/status). I was a little uncomfortable interviewing with female student interviewers (I'm female) because a lot of them wanted to be girly-girly, and I'm just not that kinda woman (I'm a little older and tend to be pretty intense). I don't mind interviewing with a woman who is on the more feminine side, but I got the impression if I didn't talk in a squeeky voice to match, the interviewer would think I was being standoff-ish (and, indeed, the interviews where I did this didn't go as well).

Anyway, it's not advice, but here's sympathy flowing your way! In the end, you might have to strike a medium between dressing to the nines and going plain jane.

Anka

 

[gschl1234]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
The thing is, what if you can't get anyone to tell you why they think you're intimidating, and thus you can't do anything about it? If it's an appearance thing, should you "uglify" yourself for the interviews, to appear less intimidating?

Maybe your friends think that you come across intimidating on an unconscious level and so have a difficult time telling you "why". Maybe it's as simple as your body language or facial expressions. It's difficult to explain these things in words but becomes more evident on video tape. Does your college have a career center? Maybe they can set up a mock interview for you and video tape you. I did that and it helped a lot. I found it cringe-worthy watching myself on video but it's worth it in the end.

 

[emily69]

I think *envy* might be the root of your troubles, Tofukey. Women may compare themselves to you and feel that tinge of envy - why is this girl so pretty, obviously well accomplished, and has motivation to become a doc???

I get that bull from guys and girls. One guy called me a "bimbo with a brain". Another has said to me, "Are you for REAL? You must be lying about the doctor-thing..." Yeah - sure, I'm lying - wanna check out my acceptance letterS??? and yes, my boobs are real, too...

You know, if I were you, I'd just try to play if off like you don't know you're hot. That extra bit of humility puts people at ease. I would add a bit of clumsiness, try to be humorous, skip on the make-up, and TRY to come off down to earth, if possible. People will begin to see you for your sense of humor and personality and not be distracted by your physical beauty.

For example, I tend to get intimidated by super duper hot guys. But if they have a great sense of humor (or some other positive personality trait), I could talk to them without judging them for their great looks.

 

[medicomel]

I think I understand what Tofurkey is talking about; a doctor friend of mine came off as extremely intimidating when I met her. I think it had to do with a combination of her looks and her demeanor. She's an attractive woman, which can be intimidating enough, but on top of that her social skills weren't great. For instance, she seemed overly serious. For those of you who believe in astrology, she is a Scorpio, which is reputed to be the most "intense" sign of the zodiac. In a medical school interview, my guess is that you need to find a balance between being relaxed and jovial when talking about things that aren't related to medicine, and then be able to switch gears when serious questions are presented to you. Nobody wants a robot at their school.

My advice: Don't "uglify". Cultivate some humility, be mindful of how you interact with others, namely strangers. Maybe practice starting conversations with folks in the grocery store line. And smile! It makes a huuuuuge difference when you smile and are sincere; people find that more open and less intimidating.

Hope that helps,
M

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by Tofurkey
Actually, it's not the men I'm concerned about....it's more the female interviewers. I find that it's often the female interviewers who are more susceptible to jealousy and who will feel the intimidation factor more. I've experienced this firsthand myself many times. It's pretty rampant in the business world, unfortunately.

I know EXACTLY what you're taking about.

When I go on interviews, I purposely were my hair up, very little make-up and glasses (mainly becasue people take me more seriusly when I wear them). I also dress more on the "down" side unitl I get the job or in this case the medical school acceptance.

Unfortunately, this is just a fact of life because quite frankly, most attractive men and women pursue careers other than medicine and science. Most of the VERY pretty women at my undergraduate school were education or nursing majors (and as a former teacher, this is no diss to teachers or nurses). I certianly don't think you need to "uglify" yourself (which sounds like it would be impossible to do anyways,😉 ) just "tone down" a bit". I think it's unfair, but unfortunately it's the reality.

 

[efex101]

WTF? just be yourself and move on, nobody cares about how good you look blah blah blah. I agree that some women will be envious of other women that are prettier/richer/smarter but come on...just be yourself jeez.

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by efex101
WTF? just be yourself and move on, nobody cares about how good you look blah blah blah. I agree that some women will be envious of other women that are prettier/richer/smarter but come on...just be yourself jeez.

Common Efex101, I'm sure you never have ANY of these problems because when people take one look at your CV and see war veteran, they KNOW better than to give you any crap!

 

[Angeliqua]

Originally posted by Cuteasaurus
Tofurkey: Have you actually been told that your looks are intimidating? Your original post seems to indicate that you've been called intimid. and that you're a more reserved type of person. Maybe you're super-attractice, but I've found in my experience that reserved is what gets you the "intimidating" title. Some people are simply less approachable because they seem more "serious." If that's the case, then just be friendly during your interview. You don't have to fake it, but if you show some interest then you should be fine. 🙂

Absolutely. Good points. I am a reserved person and have gotten the intimidating comment from many different people (men, women, attractive, un-attractive, co-workers, friends, boyfriends whatever) my whole life. I have always attributed this to my reserved, slightly uptight (yeah, I'll admit it) demeanor and not so much my looks. I second the comment about being more open, show interest.

OP, I really think your issue (if you have one, which I don't think you do 🙂) has more to do with your anxiety that you ARE intimidating. Just be natural.

BTW brown hair, green eyes here - love 'em.

 

[niema]

Hey guys,

I am beginning to regret EVER mentioning the blonde hair/blue eyes business in my previous post. I NEVER intended to sound like that is the praragon of beauty. My point was simply that in my math-intensive courses not too many girls had flamboyant blonde hair and that made me stand out. I personally think that ALL hair colors and EYE colors are equality attractive, and being beautiful has a lot to do with attitude and intellect. Just to clear a few things up.

I must say that I'm happy that some people are taking the ops question seriously, though.

Being very attractive and successful can sometimes put others at ill ease. And girls DO get jealous (I feel like I have to add: and GUYS, b/c some people get very PC about stuff) That's life. Although I have to say that standing out from a crowd in a positive light may very well be an advantage, during interviews and otherswise.

 

[Fritz]

My advice is (from my own experience).
1) no make up; just a little bit of lipstick that matches your natural lip color.
2) no short skirts (under no circumstances); if you get a female interviewer short skirt can mean trouble).
3) if you have long hair my advice is not to wear it down because it can be interpreted as not "serious"; conservative is always better.
4) wear a black suit.
5) don't wear hills that are higher than 2 inches.

This worked for me, I got in everywhere. If you are too pretty and you get a female interviewer, you can be at a disadvantage. Contrary to what people usually say, women are usually jealous of other women that look good. Plus, overall pretty women are labelled as not trustworthy, not hardworking, not serious ...etc. I think it is better to err on the side of caution than to be in trouble. In term of looks try to blend in as much as possible. You don't want to stick out.
...just my 2c...

Good luck on interviews!

Fritz.

 

[mlw03]

i think tofurkey has a legit point. i admit that when i see a pretty girl, one of the first things i assume is that she isn't very intelligent. this is probably because most of the pretty girls from high school weren't very bright. i think that my prejudging is right more than not, and i try not to act on it, but i'll nonetheless admit to this type of thinking.

so what can you do? well, to be blunt, look average . dress and style yourself conservatively. try to make it so that your looks are a non-factor.

in terms of extremes though, i think it's WAY better to be very good looking as opposed to very ugly.

 

[Persistence101]

Originally posted by mlw03

so what can you do? well, to be blunt, look average . dress and style yourself conservatively. try to make it so that your looks are a non-factor.

So good-looking girls have to pretend to be who they're not? How superficial can this process be?

 

[Angeliqua]

Originally posted by mlw03
i think tofurkey has a legit point. i admit that when i see a pretty girl, one of the first things i assume is that she isn't very intelligent. this is probably because most of the pretty girls from high school weren't very bright. i think that my prejudging is right more than not, and i try not to act on it, but i'll nonetheless admit to this type of thinking.

What a sh***y assumption to make! I am not faulting YOU personally, but really - that sucks. Hey, maybe those girls from high school *were* bright...you really cannot judge a book by its cover. This is the same as saying that every ugly person you see is a genius, is this right more than not? What a about handsome guys? Are they not very intelligent? I would never de-accentuate my positive attributes (looks-wise) to appear more intelligent, to me that is totally counter-intuitive.

I am assuming that pretty here=classy, tasteful, well-groomed (think Audrey Hepburn-esque). Not skanky short skirt, cleavage, etc. Correct me if that is not your definition of pretty.


Blah, I hate that this kind of crap gets perpetuated.

I am not attacking you, mlw03, just this kind of thinking in general.

 

[efex101]

Path you are terrible! but you are right there is nothing better then a little arse kicking every now and then...

 

[Tofurkey]

Hi there guys, it's Tofurkey, the OP again.

I really appreciate your many helpful comments! By the way, I do not have blonde hair. I think my problem is a combination of being reserved and looks. Another aspect of the problem may be that I have a great body and also dress extremely fashionably all the time--once a friend called me a "triple threat"--brains, looks, and great fashion sense. I always feel like when I'm meeting a new woman for the first time she gives me the "once over"--looking me up and down and I can see a judgment forming in her head. I'm willing and eager to work on whatever it is about my demeanor that isn't putting people at ease, but I'm not sure how to figure out what that is. Other people who've had this problem--how did you go about working on it/ changing things?

But the thing is I'm not sure how to go about being less reserved--it definitely doesn't come naturally to me. I've been called "serious"--especially with people I don't know very well--and I tend to be more on the introverted side, which makes it hard for me to come up with spontaneous small talk, especially in large groups.

However, it saddens me about the nature of society that so many of you agree that women can get very jealous of other women. Why are women so petty and mean and competitive? It's happened to me SO many times. For instance, I asked a friend out to lunch one day and she was watching what I ate (a large portion lunch) like a hawk. Then she says, "how do you stay so thin with the way you eat?" She said it in a critical and jealous way, too. What's up with that? Other women ask me where I get my stuff--clothes, etc.--but not in a complimentary way--more in a competitive way. All of these games seem so petty to me.

Yes, I am naturally thin and I do eat a lot more than most women but why do other women have to show their petty jealousy over it? Once at a lunch interview the lunch interviewer (female) watched me eat dessert and said the exact same thing to me! In an interview!

For those of you who have been intimidated by another woman, can you pinpoint specifically what it was about her that made you intimidated?

I do agree that men can also get intimidated, as evidenced by some comments from them I've received, such as, "you're such an overachiever," etc. But I'm more concerned with dealing with female interviers and this problem.

Thanks for all your advice and support as I attempt to get to the bottom of this!

Tofurkey