Has anyone else had problems with a less than thrilled parent?

[neuropsyance]

---

Members do not see this ad.

Hey everyone,

So I've recently decided I want to pursue an MD. I was originally going to apply to graduate schools for Clinical Neuropsychology, but have now decided to spend another year in undergrad, working towards med school requirements.

My Mom has not taken the idea well. Now I don't need anyone to tell me they approve of my choice or that they believe in me. I guess I'd just like some support from the only parent I've got.

Has anyone had problems with a parent(s) thoughts on their plans for med school? If so, how did you deal with it?

 

[Compass]

Tell her the average age of a 1st year medical student is 25. We can work from there.

 

[jla314]

is she less supportive because she is footing the bill for your extra year of undergrad? or is it because she does not like the idea of you being a doctor?

 

[flip26]

is she less supportive because she is footing the bill for your extra year of undergrad? or is it because she does not like the idea of you being a doctor?

Or is she unsupportive because you are not a strong candidate (bad GPA) or you have had other flights of fancy?

 

[shiftingmirage]

Yes, my father quite frankly didn't think I'd finish high school, let alone college. I learned through the years that no matter what he would still view me as the family failure, so I stopped mentioning my aspirations to him, and stopped giving his opinions about my future any weight.

 

[Algophiliac]

My family is against me going to medical school, also. This is for many reasons, including:

*They don't think I can make it.
*They don't want me to be in debt.
*They don't want to have to pay for me after college for anything, be it furniture or basic living expenses.
*They want me to make money as soon as I possibly can.
*They don't want me to be under that much stress.
*They want a big, happy family with tons of grandkids.

Is it just those reasons, OP, or do your parents have additional concerns? If it's just those reasons, I say, who cares? This is your life, and they can either help or get out of the way.

 

[Jolie South]

Hey everyone,

So I've recently decided I want to pursue an MD. I was originally going to apply to graduate schools for Clinical Neuropsychology, but have now decided to spend another year in undergrad, working towards med school requirements.

My Mom has not taken the idea well. Now I don't need anyone to tell me they approve of my choice or that they believe in me. I guess I'd just like some support from the only parent I've got.

Has anyone had problems with a parent(s) thoughts on their plans for med school? If so, how did you deal with it?

My parents hated the idea of me going to medical school. "Why can't you just get a job with the degree that you have? It's so expensive. You're not going to be making money until your 30s."

I think you should do what you need to do. Your parents will eventually come around. Mine are really proud now.

 

[neuropsyance]

My mother will not be paying for my extra year of undergrad, I pay for my own schooling. I think she's most concerned about the stress of medical school and the cost. Not to mention not making money until I'm 32.

 

[hello3angel]

My parents hated the idea of me going to medical school. "Why can't you just get a degree with the job that you have? It's so expensive. You're not going to be making money until your 30s."

I think you should do what you need to do. Your parents will eventually come around. Mine are really proud now.

Thank you so much for sharing that. Especially the very last sentence. My dad is pretty against me pursuing a career in medicine. His reasons are similar to what algophiliac said. I would be supporting myself, but he wants to see that I am living a comfortable, balanced, and stable life with my own family as soon as possible. I want these things too, but my career path is just as important! In the end, I believe I'll find a way to make it work.

 

[Jolie South]

Thank you so much for sharing that. Especially the very last sentence. My dad is pretty against me pursuing a career in medicine. His reasons are similar to what algophiliac said. I would be supporting myself, but he wants to see that I am living a comfortable, balanced, and stable life with my own family as soon as possible. I want these things too, but my career path is just as important! In the end, I believe I'll find a way to make it work.

I had a lady interview me that said, "You can be 30 and unhappy or 30 and doing what you want. Either way, you'll be 30."

I think she's right on that.

 

[chman]

I'm 23. I have been gradually stepping up to telling them I want to go to med school. First I said I wanted to go to PA school, and next I will say med-school. They were surprised that I even went to college. I did not do well in high school and am kicking serious booty in college so I think they are adjusting. They will be surprised though, that's for sure. I am prepared to pay for med-school myself though, I can't expect them to chip in for that.

 

[Algophiliac]

I had a lady interview me that said, "You can be 30 and unhappy or 30 and doing what you want. Either way, you'll be 30."

I think she's right on that.

Oh, I really love that quote. 🙂 She's absolutely right.

 

[chman]

I had a lady interview me that said, "You can be 30 and unhappy or 30 and doing what you want. Either way, you'll be 30."

I think she's right on that.

Or you could be 30, unhappy, and doing what you like.

 

[AGLAIA]

My mother has a serious, irrational distrust of female doctors and has therefore been vocally less than thrilled with my choice...and then will brag to the person next to her in the same breath. I've chalked it up to her brand of crazy and moved on.

 

[ILikeDrugs]

My family doesn't know what I do or am doing. As far as they're concerned I am a high school graduate. I don't talk to them now. I never really payed attention to what they thought. I had a very critical family. So, I decided back when I was 16 (10 years ago) that it would best to not care about what they thought. It's my life and ultimately I am the one who is going to live it. I'm not going to live anyone else's life. Do what you want to do and you'll most likely end up happy.

 

[orthomyxo]

Here's something that I have learned over the past few months: Parents are STUPID. My parents never went to college, so they have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. My mom is the supportive one; I feel like if I told her that I wanted to be a garbage truck driver, she'd be happy. When I told her that I was going pre-med she was so excited, but I feel like she thinks becoming a doctor is easy.

My dad thinks I'm an idiot and he never gives me credit for anything. Even after I have proven myself in high school and got accepted into a 6 year PharmD program with a 20:1 rejection/acceptance ratio. When I told him that I was thinking about becoming an MD, he said "What're you crazy??" So since then I've just decided to do whatever the hell I want since it's my life and my education (that I'm paying for, not mommy and daddy).

OP - Unless they're paying for everything I don't think they should have a say.

 

[Jolie South]

OP - Unless they're paying for everything I don't think they should have a say.

Even if they are paying for everything, you're the one that has to live with the consequences of these decisions.

 

[Lil Bear]

I recently came to the decision of wanting to get an MD (I'm a senior in Highschool), and my parents have feigned some what acceptance but they both don't really like it, I can just see it all over their faces. My dad does not like me going into debt, and he seems to care more about money anyway. He would be much happier with me being some how able to start up a company somehow lol. My mom I think is just so used to our family failing that she doesn't really think I can do it.

 

[xmsr3]

Two things: 1 if debt is an overriding concern the military has some great scholarships that pay 100% tuition, books, lab fees and $24k a year to live on.

2. With all due respect, **** what your parents think. If medicine is what you are passionate about then do what will make you happy. Its your life and you will have to live it for the next 30+ years.

Personally, I am amazed that anyone's parents would be against their kids going to med school. My family has been 100% supportive from the start and I just assumed that all families where the same since medicine is the most prestigious profession in the world. Guess I am just lucky though.

 

[allinthecookies]

I'm lucky that my parents are fully supportive...my grandfather had a bit of a tiff at first saying that I'd be "over worked and underpaid" and going off about healthcare but that was more reflective of his political beliefs then anything but anyway...

I have a friend who got hell from her family. Her mother said "no man will ever want to marry you! You'll be old and die alone, no man wants a woman more successful then him." Her father told her she would fail miserably because she couldn't handle it. Same thing happened to my cousin back in the 70s (she's actually a 2nd cousin she's my mothers age) her best friend (who also went to medical school) was trying to talk her out of it, saying that there was no way she could get married and have kids. Truth was I don't think she wanted the competition. Never let other people bring you down, it's your life!

 

[ILikeDrugs]

medicine is the most prestigious profession in the world.

Actually, being an astronaut is the most prestigious proffesion in the world. 😉

 

[JoyceMD]

As a non trad premed, my mother was happy but others in my family are still tongue tied.

I think it has more to do with me giving up Nursing school and taking a longer road in health care. I am happy with my decision and that is what really matters, thank God!

 

[physicsguy]

Heh, quite the opposite is true in my case. From elementary school throughout high school, my parents were trying to groom me for a career in medicine, but then I went to college, learned to think independently, and ran off to become an astrophysicist. It didn't cause any serious problems between me and them, but they were pretty ticked off about it. Now here I am, getting paid to look at stars for a living, and independent of my upbringing I decided (over the course of about six months) that I would like to pursue a career in medicine. So after a few years of being slightly annoyed at my career choice, they're actually pretty happy. Not that that has anything to do with my decision.

 

[Abby_Normal]

Having someone tell you not to pursue something you want to can be discouraging and upsetting, of course, but I think one thing that helps is understanding why and realizing that it is probably not about you. I've never really had this come up with parents, but a number of other friends and family members.

Cases in point:
My grandma made an offhand comment about how she thought I would find medicine boring (which is funny because now she always asks about where I'll apply to med school and strongly supports me going into medicine). This made me worry at first--but then I put a few facts togehter: a) she wants one of her grandkids to follow in her footsteps down the PhD/academia path, combine with b) she has observed I think in a similar way as she does, combine with c) her ex was a doctor. In short, her reason for why I wouldn't like medicine probably related more to her than to me.

Second case in point: A conversation with a now ex-friend
ex friend: What are you majoring in?
me: premed
ex friend: you don't seem like the sort of person who should be a doctor
me: well, I am still sort of considering veterinary medicine if my allergies magically start responding to treatment...
ex friend: You don't want to do that. I talked to my vet. You have to be in school for ever.
me: Yeah. It's the same as medicine. College then four years of professional school.
ex friend: No, it's longer...I talked to my vet
me(thinking) : Have you actually looked at a vet school's web site?
In spite of the obvious issue with reality in terms of the vet school thing, I let this torment me for about a month and a half before a mutual friend that the girl had similarly tried to dissuade her from a career in nursing and probably just had some sort of jealousy issue. Either way, it was more about her insecurities than it was about our abilities (or reality).

 

[Exalya]

No one in my family was very happy with the idea. My grandparents and my father told me that it was "too stressful for a woman" and that I should just find something easier, because I'm married (my mother has been out of the picture, but back when we were speaking she thought it was a bad idea too). I've been told that it might be okay to get the degree, as long as I didn't use it so that I could attend to my wifely duties.

I just ignored them. It's been 3 years and now that I'm finally getting interviews, they've given up on discouraging me. While they still make a lot of sexist comments, they aren't as direct because they know that I'm not going to give up on being a doctor. I don't think there's any way to finesse such a situation... particularly the one I was in... you just ignore it until they get over it.

 

[netminder]

I was just accepted into an allopathic program EDP. I am thrilled. I can't even tell my parents, which is weak. They will be angry. When I first mentioned this to them (that I was thinking about applying), they both told me this would be the most financially irresponsible decision I have ever made. I believe the word, "stupid" also came into the discussion.

I am so torn about the fact that I can't share my joy regarding this wonderful gift (my acceptance) with them. We are such a close, loving family. My brother-in-law suggested I tell them at my graduation in 2014.

So you guys are not alone.

 

[GTV]

Most likely, they just want what's best for you. They probably understand that to become a doctor you have to trade in your life for a career that has a good chance at eating you alive. My parents and my family doctor both tried to talk me out of the idea on the grounds that you have no life outside of medicine, the divorce rate for doctors is something like 90%, you make virtually no money until you're in your 30s, get into $200K+ of debt, and if you happened to dislike medicine, there is no practical way of switching careers. All of these are valid points, but, as stated above, if you don't like your career, then you are essentially wasting valuable time in your life. From talking to other doctors though, here is what I've gathered on which you should base your decision: 1) if you have an interest in any field besides medicine, pursue that instead, and 2) do not pursue medicine if having a family is a priority.

 

[vickpick]

my parents think I dont work hard enough to be even considered for a med school...

i ignore them... u should too... I think this might be because they both have traditional "uneducated" view... according to them no one can not study and still ace tests like I do... they think I cheat...

Oh well... I don't give a damn really