How do I do this politely?

[tomorrowgirl99]

Here's the problem:
I am taking biochemistry with this girl who has failed the class about 4 to 5 times. We previously had microbiology together and she noticed that I did well on my tests. On the first biochem test I did well and she failed, so she asked me to help her study for the next test. I agreed thinking it was just going to be us asking each other questions. However, when I got there, she hadn't read any of the 3, 30-40 page chapters. Basically, she expected me to go really, really slowly and teach her the course. In short, I just found out I bombed the exam, and I feel like it may have been due to the fact that I felt like she slowed me down. Fortunately, I can drop this exam, but I don't know how to politely ask her study on her own. Can anyone think of a some sort of comprimise? I really feel sorry for the girl, especially since this is the only class she needs to graduate. Thanks in advance.

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[bkpa2med]

Just tell her the truth. How she threw you off of your pace in your studies ... No big deal, you just need to take care of yourself first...

 

[deuist]

Do what you do when you have a guy stalking you: don't answer the phone when she calls and don't return her phone calls. When you see her later, say, "I was busy and couldn't get back to you."

 

[crazy_cavalier]

Here's the problem:
I am taking biochemistry with this girl who has failed the class about 4 to 5 times. We previously had microbiology together and she noticed that I did well on my tests. On the first biochem test I did well and she failed, so she asked me to help her study for the next test. I agreed thinking it was just going to be us asking each other questions. However, when I got there, she hadn't read any of the 3, 30-40 page chapters. Basically, she expected me to go really, really slowly and teach her the course. In short, I just found out I bombed the exam, and I feel like it may have been due to the fact that I felt like she slowed me down. Fortunately, I can drop this exam, but I don't know how to politely ask her study on her own. Can anyone think of a some sort of comprimise? I really feel sorry for the girl, especially since this is the only class she needs to graduate. Thanks in advance.

Refer her to the TA. It's not your job to tutor her. Be careful how you approach her about it... if you mention that you bombed the last exam, she might feel guilty

 

[carn311]

Here's the problem:
I am taking biochemistry with this girl who has failed the class about 4 to 5 times. We previously had microbiology together and she noticed that I did well on my tests. On the first biochem test I did well and she failed, so she asked me to help her study for the next test. I agreed thinking it was just going to be us asking each other questions. However, when I got there, she hadn't read any of the 3, 30-40 page chapters. Basically, she expected me to go really, really slowly and teach her the course. In short, I just found out I bombed the exam, and I feel like it may have been due to the fact that I felt like she slowed me down. Fortunately, I can drop this exam, but I don't know how to politely ask her study on her own. Can anyone think of a some sort of comprimise? I really feel sorry for the girl, especially since this is the only class she needs to graduate. Thanks in advance.

I deal with people like this every day...
I mean I've walked out of finals and had people in the front row of the class room ask me what "the answer to 28" was. The only way of dealing with a slacker is to tell them they are absolutely on their own. Tell her that her disgusting performance has a direct correlation with her disgusting work ethic or lack there of...

I'm actually a pretty nice guy so I wouldnt do this if it wasnt the only way. Helping someone who is trying to help themselves is honorable. Helping someone too lazy to help themselves not only hurts you but it hurts them in the long run.

 

[67192]

Here's the problem:
I am taking biochemistry with this girl who has failed the class about 4 to 5 times. We previously had microbiology together and she noticed that I did well on my tests. On the first biochem test I did well and she failed, so she asked me to help her study for the next test. I agreed thinking it was just going to be us asking each other questions. However, when I got there, she hadn't read any of the 3, 30-40 page chapters. Basically, she expected me to go really, really slowly and teach her the course. In short, I just found out I bombed the exam, and I feel like it may have been due to the fact that I felt like she slowed me down. Fortunately, I can drop this exam, but I don't know how to politely ask her study on her own. Can anyone think of a some sort of comprimise? I really feel sorry for the girl, especially since this is the only class she needs to graduate. Thanks in advance.

Hmm... while I have discovered (and read somewhere too) that the absolute best way to remember material for an exam is to teach it. So, you may be able to use this to your advantage.

I recommend telling her you need to study on your own before the next exam (so you don't have to spend too much time with her) but then meet with her a couple days before the exam for a few hours (depending on your schedule). Just tell her you have a very busy schedule and can only meet with her for a few hours and then maybe tell her a day and time. Then, when you meet, you will be prepared to answer her questions b/c you'll have already studied and can use it as kinda a practice for the test. Just try not to use a book or lecture notes... give thorough explanations from memory and integrate concepts. It's a great studying tool! And she'll be happy cuz you're helping her too.

Anyway, just my advice, don't know what it's worth. If you just want to get her off your back, I would be upfront with her and say that you feel you study best on your own and since you didn't do too well on the last exam, you need lots of time to study solo for the next one.

 

[67192]

On a side note: I don't understand how people can be so irresponsible about studying when they are clueless about the material. It's your education for peets sake! Sheesh... Why pay all that money to be lazy, have to retake classes (more money) and risk not getting your degree?

 

[glp]

if you want to help her, just set aside 2-3 hours a couple of days before the test and stick to that. also tell her that she needs to have read all the material and write down notes and specific questions she has before you meet. it is not being unreasonable to set high standards for her. if she is unwilling to do that, she is too inconsiderate for you to waste your time helping her. its a just a suggestion, but i think that is what i would do. if she shows up unprepared, dont feel remorse for telling her she has to swim on her own.

 

[Anastasis]

if you want to help her, just set aside 2-3 hours a couple of days before the test and stick to that. also tell her that she needs to have read all the material and write down notes and specific questions she has before you meet. it is not being unreasonable to set high standards for her. if she is unwilling to do that, she is too inconsiderate for you to waste your time helping her. its a just a suggestion, but i think that is what i would do. if she shows up unprepared, dont feel remorse for telling her she has to swim on her own.

I agree with that advice completely. Don't let your grade suffer because the girl isn't willing to put in the work. And don't let yourself feel guilty about it either.

 

[clc8503]

Here's the problem:
I am taking biochemistry with this girl who has failed the class about 4 to 5 times. We previously had microbiology together and she noticed that I did well on my tests. On the first biochem test I did well and she failed, so she asked me to help her study for the next test. I agreed thinking it was just going to be us asking each other questions. However, when I got there, she hadn't read any of the 3, 30-40 page chapters. Basically, she expected me to go really, really slowly and teach her the course. In short, I just found out I bombed the exam, and I feel like it may have been due to the fact that I felt like she slowed me down. Fortunately, I can drop this exam, but I don't know how to politely ask her study on her own. Can anyone think of a some sort of comprimise? I really feel sorry for the girl, especially since this is the only class she needs to graduate. Thanks in advance.

Tutoring is one of the best ways for me to remember something. Seriously, it's your test scores that have attracted her in the first place, so just simply tell her the truth. Just say "I'm not doing that well in the class and you would be better off getting someone else that understands the material better to help you". I'm sure you understand the material, but just lie to her. The next time you get a big fat juicy "A", just put it away and get some discusting look on your face and act as if you failed another exam. Trust me, if you do it right, she'll believe you. No one will ask there friend if they can look at their exam, when they know they failed. It's quite humbling and if she does ask to see your test after you inform her that you failed, then she is just rude and inconsiderate. All that aside, if she was really really really really HOT, I might would tutor her anyway. Remember when Chris Farley tutored Adam Sandler in the movie BILLY MADISON? Maybe the two of you could work something like that out. Of course she could take the place of Farley. I'm sure you wouldnt want to see something like that though.

Chris Farley-"That answer is corrrect"(said seductively)
SHIRT COMES OFF

 

[riceman04]

Refer her to the TA. It's not your job to tutor her. Be careful how you approach her about it... if you mention that you bombed the last exam, she might feel guilty

That would be a reason to tell her....Tell her the truth.....that you did not do well on the last exam and that you need to ensure that you understand all the material before you can tutor her (crazy you know I am not talking to you)....

 

[snobored18]

Wow I can't believe people on this form are saying to lie about your situation. I agree with whomever said that teaching is one of the best ways to learn the material inside and out, but with a class like biochem I find it would be hard to sit and teach someone amino and nucleic acid structures, or even pathway memorization like connecting glycolysis, krebs, FA synthesis etc. If you short change this kind of memorization for teaching "big" concepts you can easily get screwed in biochem (stupid chemists and their details). I would be honest with the girl...tell her that you need x amount of time to memorize and develop an intricate knowledge of how whatever pathway, structure, etc. works and that this kind of work can't really be done as a team. Set aside your study time first, and then set define meetings time with the person you are essentially tutoring...set a time frame and stick to it by scheduling stuff immediately after the agreed on time. Alternatively, figure out if there is anyone out there who does paid tutoring for biochem, and tell this poor girl that it is in her best interest to get someone who has tutored this class before...if she is willing to waste the money to re-take the class a bunch of times I'm sure it would be a good investment for her to get a regular tutor who can help her stay on top of stuff, because this is in no way shape or form your responsibilty.

 

[Flopotomist]

ALbert Einstein once said (ok, i have no idea if it was him, but some smarty said) if you can't explain something to your grandmother and have her understand, you yourself don't understand. I agree with the previous poster that suggests that you should use this situation to your advantage. Set aside 2 hours per week (outside of your regular studying time) and TEACH this person - don't study with her, TEACH her. Give her strict rules (eg have read the chapter, and attempted the homework problems before the meeting).

Find somewhere with a chalkboard or dry erase board and stand up and take her questions. If you can answer her questions on the fly, and explain the material, you will actually understand the material yourself.

In addition, you will get to feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that you are helping her through this. Good luck!

 

[Pretty POHA]

if you want to help her, just set aside 2-3 hours a couple of days before the test and stick to that. also tell her that she needs to have read all the material and write down notes and specific questions she has before you meet. it is not being unreasonable to set high standards for her. if she is unwilling to do that, she is too inconsiderate for you to waste your time helping her. its a just a suggestion, but i think that is what i would do. if she shows up unprepared, dont feel remorse for telling her she has to swim on her own.

GLP, this is fabulous advice! I agree completely! Set the expectations appropriately and tell her specifically what you expect from her, then you've put the ball in her court. It's not okay for you to do all the work for her! She needs this class, and it's not like she hasn't been exposed to the materials already... so maybe it's that she needs direction on how to study. So tell her she needs to thoroughly read the chapter, highlighting the sections she finds perplexing, and then after she's taken notes and prepared herself for help (yours or otherwise), then perhaps (if you have time) you can assist her. This way there's no skin off your back for doing a review with her-- but there's absolutely no reason why you should waste your time on someone that is holding you back! Genius!

 

[DrBowtie]

ALbert Einstein once said (ok, i have no idea if it was him, but some smarty said) if you can't explain something to your grandmother and have her understand, you yourself don't understand. I agree with the previous poster that suggests that you should use this situation to your advantage. Set aside 2 hours per week (outside of your regular studying time) and TEACH this person - don't study with her, TEACH her. Give her strict rules (eg have read the chapter, and attempted the homework problems before the meeting).

Find somewhere with a chalkboard or dry erase board and stand up and take her questions. If you can answer her questions on the fly, and explain the material, you will actually understand the material yourself.

In addition, you will get to feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that you are helping her through this. Good luck!

Seems like going above an beyond without getting $$$$.
Studying with someone and answering questions as you study is fine for free but she seems like she is leeching a tad too much without $$$.

 

[monkeydocta]

If she had already failed that class 4-5 times then she should have read the entire or atleast part of the book atleast one of those times. You've got to be blunt with her and ask her to do her homework and ask for help only on the specific sections or questions that she does not understand. This really won't be impolite. Even God only helps those who help themselves. She can't expect you to teach her the entire book. Infact I think by doing that she was being impolite to you. If she is really having hard time with this course after 4-5 times then she should really consider other options.

 

[carn311]

Seems like going above an beyond without getting $$$$.
Studying with someone and answering questions as you study is fine for free but she seems like she is leeching a tad too much without $$$.

Finally someone with some sense...
This girl is lazy...why does no one see this?

 

[Flopotomist]

Seems like going above an beyond without getting $$$$.
Studying with someone and answering questions as you study is fine for free but she seems like she is leeching a tad too much without $$$.

I don't think it would be appropriate to charge money while you are still taking the class and therefore not technically qualified to be a tutor. By suggesting the OP teach her, I was just putting out one possible option because just telling her the truth is the obvious solution. I was just trying to think of alternatives to consider.

In addition to assisting the OP, teaching may have another advantage - the professor may look kindly on this act of compassion and boost your grade a bit in the end.

 

[DrBowtie]

I don't think it would be appropriate to charge money while you are still taking the class and therefore not technically qualified to be a tutor. By suggesting the OP teach her, I was just putting out one possible option because just telling her the truth is the obvious solution. I was just trying to think of alternatives to consider.

In addition to assisting the OP, teaching may have another advantage - the professor may look kindly on this act of compassion and boost your grade a bit in the end.

You stress TEACH not study but how can you be qualified to teach if you aren't qualified to tutor?

If you are doing the bulk of the talking and teaching concepts...you should charge.
If you are answering a few questions here and there while sitting in the same room or table that's just being a decent peer.

 

[Flopotomist]

Finally someone with some sense...
This girl is lazy...why does no one see this?

She may just not know HOW to study. If she is showing up to class, and showing up to her study sessions, perhaps she is just overwhelmed and needs a successful student to help her learn strategies for success.

Geesh - this is biochem we are talking about, it is challenging. I would hope that demonstrating a little teamwork to help the weaker students would be looked at as an opportunity to demonstrate a little humanity as opposed to a giant obstacle.

 

[carn311]

I don't think it would be appropriate to charge money while you are still taking the class and therefore not technically qualified to be a tutor. By suggesting the OP teach her, I was just putting out one possible option because just telling her the truth is the obvious solution. I was just trying to think of alternatives to consider.

In addition to assisting the OP, teaching may have another advantage - the professor may look kindly on this act of compassion and boost your grade a bit in the end.

How is it compassion to help someone who is so lazy. Its like going to the store to buy the local bum booze. "He'll spend my money on it anyway so I'll be REALLY nice and save that poor deadbeat the trip.". This doesnt help you. It doesnt help the bum (girl).

And how in the heck would the professor find out about this? And even if he somehow did he'd probably think you were nuts for helping this bum.

 

[Flopotomist]

How is it compassion to help someone who is so lazy. Its like going to the store to buy the local bum booze. "He'll spend my money on it anyway so I'll be REALLY nice and save that poor deadbeat the trip.". This doesnt help you. It doesnt help the bum (girl).

And how in the heck would the professor find out about this? And even if he somehow did he'd probably think you were nuts for helping this bum.

Wow - equating a struggling student with an alcoholic "bum" I just hope that I don't end up in a school with people that share your views - what an unpleasant academic environment that would be!

 

[carn311]

She may just not know HOW to study. If she is showing up to class, and showing up to her study sessions, perhaps she is just overwhelmed and needs a successful student to help her learn strategies for success.

Geesh - this is biochem we are talking about, it is challenging. I would hope that demonstrating a little teamwork to help the weaker students would be looked at as an opportunity to demonstrate a little humanity as opposed to a giant obstacle.

I honestly see your point and respect it. The key fact here is that she is not doing her homework. If she wont try then why try to make her try? I would bend over backwards to help someone who was willing to help themselves. I have many times but the minute they want to freeload thats it; I'm done.

 

[carn311]

Wow - equating a struggling student with an alcoholic "bum" I just hope that I don't end up in a school with people that share your views - what an unpleasant academic environment that would be!

(See above)
I help my fellow students constantly...and recieve help myself on occasion. You missunderstand me.

 

[Long Dong]

Is the girl hot?

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

I don't believe the OPs story. There is no way that a person would retake a class five times, but even if that person was dumb enough to do it, then there is no way a school would allow someone to enroll in the class that many times. There is simply some common sense in this world, or at least I want to pretend there is.

 

[Samoa]

ALbert Einstein once said (ok, i have no idea if it was him, but some smarty said) if you can't explain something to your grandmother and have her understand, you yourself don't understand. I agree with the previous poster that suggests that you should use this situation to your advantage. Set aside 2 hours per week (outside of your regular studying time) and TEACH this person - don't study with her, TEACH her. Give her strict rules (eg have read the chapter, and attempted the homework problems before the meeting).

Find somewhere with a chalkboard or dry erase board and stand up and take her questions. If you can answer her questions on the fly, and explain the material, you will actually understand the material yourself.

In addition, you will get to feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that you are helping her through this. Good luck!

It'll also give you a really good story to write about in your personal statement, and one that will showcase a lot of the qualities med schools look for in a student. Not that I advocate doing stuff just for your application, but you do have a goal, and this would probably serve it better than many other things you could do with that time.

...just a thought...

 

[Rendar5]

do ur review studying by teaching this girl. Tell her to read the material and attempt the hw's or u won't study w/ her. Then when she shows up, go over the material w/ her. If you can't teach her, then u never learned the material well urself.

 

[Law2Doc]

do ur review studying by teaching this girl. Tell her to read the material and attempt the hw's or u won't study w/ her. Then when she shows up, go over the material w/ her. If you can't teach her, then u never learned the material well urself.

I agree with this -- one of the most effective ways of studying is often to explain the subject to someone else. If you have gotten yourself to the point that you can "teach" the course, then you should have gotten yourself to the point where you can do well on the tests. If you think you are able to explain the course to this girl and yet somehow not know it well enough for the exam, it might be you who needs the tutoring. Did she do okay on the test you bombed? If she also did badly, it might be easier to get yourself disentangled -- just tell her it wasn't working out for either of you. If she did better than you, though, then your bombing of the test had little to do with her.

 

[tomorrowgirl99]

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I think the problem lies in the fact that I didn't expect to be teaching her the material. I was under the impression that we would be asking each other questions and emphasizing ideas that either of us might have not understood. I guess I should set aside a few hours with her after I am finished studying. I did ask her to read the material, but she wasn't able to answer some of my questions, so I think she may have a problem absorbing what she reads. I know for the first exam, she didn't read the book, but read the powerpoint notes and reviewed her old tests. That would be fine in some cases, but our class notes are only diagrams and the old tests were from different teachers who had a different book. I also may suggest to her the reading/writing center at my school because they teach people how to properly take notes. Maybe I will go with her. Again, thanks for the suggestions.

 

[SleepPsych72]

Its true if the girl is truly hot then that changes everything. You may have to audit the class just to help her.

 

[funshine]

Thanks for all the helpful advice. I think the problem lies in the fact that I didn't expect to be teaching her the material. I was under the impression that we would be asking each other questions and emphasizing ideas that either of us might have not understood. I guess I should set aside a few hours with her after I am finished studying. I did ask her to read the material, but she wasn't able to answer some of my questions, so I think she may have a problem absorbing what she reads. I know for the first exam, she didn't read the book, but read the powerpoint notes and reviewed her old tests. That would be fine in some cases, but our class notes are only diagrams and the old tests were from different teachers who had a different book. I also may suggest to her the reading/writing center at my school because they teach people how to properly take notes. Maybe I will go with her. Again, thanks for the suggestions.

You could do that. Or, you could just xerox your notes for her. I find this is to be the quickest way to "help" people, and they feel bad asking you to teach them, b/c hey, you gave them your NOTES! However, if she doesn't understand what she's reading from the textbook, then she probably won't get much from your notes.

Studying together only works if you are compatible learners and pretty equal in terms of intelligence. This doesn't seem to be the case here. Unless you really like tutoring other people in a subject you're just beginning to grasp yourself, I'd give her your notes and make a run for it!