How often should I visit my LDR S/O as an OMS1?

[Dr_Ham]

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Hey all,

I'm starting med school in June and I'm trying to work out how often I can afford to see my dude. A bit of background: I met my bf a decade ago and we've been dating 5 years (4 years of long distance). During long distance, we both succeeded in grad school and supported each other very well despite our rigorous schedules and the challenges of being physically apart. All in all, we're quite experienced at making our LDR work. We have serious intent on getting married in 3 or 4 years and we love/care for each other a lot. Our friends and family are even rooting for us to make it work 🙂.

My dude and I are not within driving distance, but he has a good job and can regularly afford the 90- minute flight to close the gap. I'd like to see him as much as I can, while I can during preclerkship. I have no issue with getting large volumes of school work done at his place and his employer genuinely doesn't care if he works remotely for weeks at a time. We also plan to take turns traveling.

What things should I consider when I decide how often and when I am away from campus?

 

[Rogue42]

As someone who is in a 8 year, long-distance relationship myself;

I think what you first and foremost need to figure out is how much you need to study to be successful. Some people roll into medical school, not needing that much studying to grasp a full understanding and doing well while others need hours and hours on end to be successful. A mistake a lot of people make is that they are the person in undergrad or grad school who found school easy, and thought that medical school would be no different only to find out that they just got rolled over by a dump truck before they could tell their family they were accepted (granted, this is obviously hyperbole, but you get the idea!).

The second thing you need to do once you figure that out, is to determine how big of a distraction being with him is when y'all are together. If you're one of those people who truly don't need a lot of time at the books to get the picture, then this really isn't an issue as you can probably learn what you need to in time regardless of how distracted you become. But if you find that you need a ton of time studying to be successful, and you cannot stay focused when he is around, then you might want to plan time together around easier weeks. OR if you can stay focused when he is around, then this really is not an issue either.

Otherwise, see him as much as your schedule sees fit so long as it works within the constraints that I explained above. I am one of those people who do not need a lot of time to study to understand, so over the last two years of school, I traveled / she traveled / did what we wanted, when we wanted so long as I knew I could get done what I needed to.

Basically, it all depends on you - I know that is vague, but I really hoped I helped a little!

Best of luck!

 

[ThatSameGuy]

As someone who was in a long distance relationship for the first year, before she was able to move to me. If you want to make it work you can definitely find the time during preclinicals. I flew probably about 2-3 times per month and spent close to 1/2 of first year in a different state than my school.

To make it work you've just gotta be realistic with your goals and how you study. I made a point that when i was studying i was studying, there was no playing on the phone intermittently or distractions. It'd be 4-5 hours of anki/boards&beyond/etc. but then free the rest of the time to hang out/do whatever. Most of the horror stories of 10+ hour days you hear about on here are not the norm, i don't think i had a single friend study more than like 6 hours a day and we're all in the top 50% of the class easily, and based on NBME's and such we're all sitting well above average for boards. It's all about quality > quantity when it comes to studying the amount of info you need to learn.

Just be proactive during school and their is plenty of time to travel and play around.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

You visit him as much as you're able or willing to without it interfering with your schooling. You don't even know what your life will be like in Medical School and you're expecting a pretty package of "visit him every 17 days for 2.5 days?" Focus on school first then figure out the rest

 

[Dr_Ham]

You visit him as much as you're able or willing to without it interfering with your schooling. You don't even know what your life will be like in Medical School and you're expecting a pretty package of "visit him every 17 days for 2.5 days?" Focus on school first then figure out the rest

Perhaps I should've phrased my thread title better, but I was looking moreso for things to consider. I wasn't really looking for a solid answer as I understand that that would be stupid to ask for when there are so many things to think about.

I'm wondering if there are aspects of med school life that I shouldn't miss out on and whatnot. Also looking for other people's experiences with LDRs in preclerkship years....

 

[Rogue42]

I'm wondering if there are aspects of med school life that I shouldn't miss out on and whatnot. Also looking for other people's experiences with LDRs in preclerkship years....

Right, yeah, I am still confused on exactly what you are asking about.

The things you do not want to miss out on in medical school is the comradery. Medical school is tough, and you will be with a lot of people going through the same things. You are going to want to make friends, and have an outlet of being able to escape medical school with your medical school friends (especially on weeks when you cannot see you S/O). You are going to want to make connections with physicians and faculty members who will control whether or not you get LORs.

I am unsure of what kind of answer you are looking for since I do not know what medical school you are going to, and what that school specifically offers. At the end of the day, you are going to want to be able to have / form relationships with your classmates who are going through the same struggles as you. You are going to want to have people to depend on when you do not understand certain concepts, etc, etc. And you cannot do that if you are never in class or leave every day as soon as class ends.

As far as my long distance relationship, we have been together since we were 18. We met on a cruise. We went to undergrad and grad school 5 hours away from each other. She is still 3 hours away from me in medical school. We do not think medical school is tough on or puts a strain on our relationship. I am the Class President and in various clubs, and I sit in the top 25% of my class. I put in the work that I need to M-F and I take every weekend off (except for when there were monday tests). My S/O and I saw each other probably on average of every other weekend (because she works M-F as well so there was not really an opportunity for week long visits). So twice a month basically, and we would take turns driving. I was still able to maintain relationships, and have a strong supporting cast here at school. Furthermore, I have rarely missed out on things that I wanted to do at my medical school or with my medical school friends because of my S/O. Obviously there have been sacrifices, but nothing absolutely insane. More like, "Hey, theres an end of the semester get together, you coming?" and me being like, "Nah, Im going to spend that extra time with my girl." And no one bats an eye at that response.

All that to say this; you can make the relationship work, you can make the connections you want, you can do whatever you want so long as you are willing to put in the time for each aspect. But no one can tell you exactly what you "shouldn't" miss out on.

 

[Dr_Ham]

Right, yeah, I am still confused on exactly what you are asking about.

The things you do not want to miss out on in medical school is the comradery. Medical school is tough, and you will be with a lot of people going through the same things. You are going to want to make friends, and have an outlet of being able to escape medical school with your medical school friends (especially on weeks when you cannot see you S/O). You are going to want to make connections with physicians and faculty members who will control whether or not you get LORs.

I am unsure of what kind of answer you are looking for since I do not know what medical school you are going to, and what that school specifically offers. At the end of the day, you are going to want to be able to have / form relationships with your classmates who are going through the same struggles as you. You are going to want to have people to depend on when you do not understand certain concepts, etc, etc. And you cannot do that if you are never in class or leave every day as soon as class ends.

As far as my long distance relationship, we have been together since we were 18. We met on a cruise. We went to undergrad and grad school 5 hours away from each other. She is still 3 hours away from me in medical school. We do not think medical school is tough on or puts a strain on our relationship. I am the Class President and in various clubs, and I sit in the top 25% of my class. I put in the work that I need to M-F and I take every weekend off (except for when there were monday tests). My S/O and I saw each other probably on average of every other weekend (because she works M-F as well so there was not really an opportunity for week long visits). So twice a month basically, and we would take turns driving. I was still able to maintain relationships, and have a strong supporting cast here at school. Furthermore, I have rarely missed out on things that I wanted to do at my medical school or with my medical school friends because of my S/O. Obviously there have been sacrifices, but nothing absolutely insane. More like, "Hey, theres an end of the semester get together, you coming?" and me being like, "Nah, Im going to spend that extra time with my girl." And no one bats an eye at that response.

All that to say this; you can make the relationship work, you can make the connections you want, you can do whatever you want so long as you are willing to put in the time for each aspect. But no one can tell you exactly what you "shouldn't" miss out on.

I thought your previous answer was great, I was just replying to another poster 🙂. But the additional information is very helpful. It sounds like you have a great balance in your life and it gives me hope that I won't just crap the bed. I've seen an overwhelmingly unanimous stance on sdn where the majority of people say "IT AIN'T GON' WORK, break up now muahaUhahahaaaHAHAhaha" lol.

The tidbit about maybe student government activity and focusing on building my professional network are the kinds of things I wanted to hear from the replies. Thanks for the thorough reply 🙂.

 

[AlbinoHawk DO]

Perhaps I should've phrased my thread title better, but I was looking moreso for things to consider. I wasn't really looking for a solid answer as I understand that that would be stupid to ask for when there are so many things to think about.

I'm wondering if there are aspects of med school life that I shouldn't miss out on and whatnot. Also looking for other people's experiences with LDRs in preclerkship years....

Like the other person mentioned. It's hard to understand what you're asking. Medical school is just the schooling. Everything else is your social life. It's not different than undergrad except more rigorous. What made undergrad what it was to you was what you chose to do with your free time. Other people spent it entirely differently. In the same way, there's no medical school milestones

 

[hallowmann]

Did anyone else see the title and wonder how they are going to be spending time with their SO when they are busy on the LDR (labor, delivery, and recovery) service? I was super confused for a while until I realized they meant long-distance relationship. I'm either too old or have been stuck in medicine too long.

OP, I would expect not to go see them until maybe after the first month or first exam. After that you can gauge how much time you truly need to study and how much can be spent traveling. Honestly, if you guys can afford it, you can study effectively there, and you are doing OK is school, then it really doesn't matter. Like AlbinoHawk mentioned, nothing is special about med school. There are going to be study groups and sometimes workshops, but those things exist in undergrad too. Whether you are going to need them is ultimately something you'll have to decide, hence the wait until the first month or first exam suggestion to know where you stand.