Hello SDNF,
I am new to this, but am in desperate need of insight for how I can be supportive to my fiance (or how he can help himself more) who just started his Internal Medicine Residency in California. I know there are a number of forums in regards to long distance relationships, but there's several facets to this one.
We have been together for 3 years and got engaged in February (getting married October 2012). I am currently still on the East Coast finishing my PhD in chemistry. Those of you on this forum don't need me to tell just how taxing, exhausting, and difficult intern year is. He is having a very difficult time adjusting because he doesn't have ANY family or friends there and has never been more than an hour from them, and now he's 3000 miles from them.
We talk on the phone and Skype everyday, but many of those "conversations" are him dictating or taking notes while I'm in lab working. After he is done he goes to bed to try and get the 4 or 5 hours of sleep before he has to get up again.
I am trying to stay positive and encourage him, but it seems that he needs more than that and this whole thing is tough on me too! Some days are better than others, but he is showing signs of depression and it has me worried. I have suggested a number of coping mechanisms, but the trouble seems to be finding the time to do any of it because he literally gets up, goes to work, comes back, dictates, and sleeps. I really think he should see a therapist (as I am) to learn how to cope with the distance, loneliness, and stress, but he doesn't feel it will help (and again the time thing).
The upsides are that he has made strides in making friends with other fellow interns and has been out with them a few times, although the schedule really limits their ability to hang out. He has received some amazing reviews from his upper levels, including the program director. Also, I feel fortunate that we trust each other wholly and infidelity is NOT a concern whatsoever on either end.
I'm really reaching out to fellow interns or residents that have been through intern year (but welcome suggestions from ALL) to know if there's some way to work in time for himself. The further down he falls the more helpless I feel and the less I am able to function here. I fear we are on a downward spiral until I finish my thesis (hopefully December) and get out there. I know it's only a few months, but it's a long time when each additional day feels like a year. I have reached out to many family and friends and don't know where else to turn. Is there anything I can do as the fiancee?? I hope some of you out there that have experienced and been through it can help shed some light on our situation.
I greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you!!!!
I am new to this, but am in desperate need of insight for how I can be supportive to my fiance (or how he can help himself more) who just started his Internal Medicine Residency in California. I know there are a number of forums in regards to long distance relationships, but there's several facets to this one.
We have been together for 3 years and got engaged in February (getting married October 2012). I am currently still on the East Coast finishing my PhD in chemistry. Those of you on this forum don't need me to tell just how taxing, exhausting, and difficult intern year is. He is having a very difficult time adjusting because he doesn't have ANY family or friends there and has never been more than an hour from them, and now he's 3000 miles from them.
We talk on the phone and Skype everyday, but many of those "conversations" are him dictating or taking notes while I'm in lab working. After he is done he goes to bed to try and get the 4 or 5 hours of sleep before he has to get up again.
I am trying to stay positive and encourage him, but it seems that he needs more than that and this whole thing is tough on me too! Some days are better than others, but he is showing signs of depression and it has me worried. I have suggested a number of coping mechanisms, but the trouble seems to be finding the time to do any of it because he literally gets up, goes to work, comes back, dictates, and sleeps. I really think he should see a therapist (as I am) to learn how to cope with the distance, loneliness, and stress, but he doesn't feel it will help (and again the time thing).
The upsides are that he has made strides in making friends with other fellow interns and has been out with them a few times, although the schedule really limits their ability to hang out. He has received some amazing reviews from his upper levels, including the program director. Also, I feel fortunate that we trust each other wholly and infidelity is NOT a concern whatsoever on either end.
I'm really reaching out to fellow interns or residents that have been through intern year (but welcome suggestions from ALL) to know if there's some way to work in time for himself. The further down he falls the more helpless I feel and the less I am able to function here. I fear we are on a downward spiral until I finish my thesis (hopefully December) and get out there. I know it's only a few months, but it's a long time when each additional day feels like a year. I have reached out to many family and friends and don't know where else to turn. Is there anything I can do as the fiancee?? I hope some of you out there that have experienced and been through it can help shed some light on our situation.
I greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you!!!!
Thats sweet.. of course they can make sex that way, but c'mon, isnt it something so regular, even banal? Besides, he is running behing time, how will he find time for sex on the phone or before webcam? Forget it! 
