I don’t wanna leave home

[CaffineDoc24]

Having a hard time starting med school next month. I lived away from home for 5 years, had a blast, and came home for my app year. But I wanna stay home so badly. I’m literally forcing myself at this point to go to school and have started antidepressants. From LA so odds I match here are slim. School is in a suburb ~30 min outside a big city across the country. I really don’t wanna leave for up to 10 years anymore. Friends, parents(who are aging), family are all here.

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[TwoHighways]

How bad do you want to be a doctor? There are thousands of premeds willing to trade places with you.

 

[bredtobe]

If you are originally from california and it seems like you have ties to the state, I don’t think it should be difficult to match back here depending on specialty choice

 

[ChymeofPassion]

Womp womp

 

[djiboutiman]

I feel you. I’m also from SoCal and will likely be starting school across the country this month(unless my CA waitlist works out). Its hard to leave your support system and the awesome weather. However, you can always come home on breaks. Medical school will also be so busy that it’s unlikely we would even get to enjoy being in CA anyways. 4 years goes by quick and if you work hard you can match back to CA. Good luck in medical school!

 

[AnonymousDoctorGuyPerson]

If you're still set on medicine just make sure to give it your all and you can be back in Cali in 4 years. Could even do aways there as well. Itll pass quickly, dont worry. Just gotta make the best of where you are now.

Good luck!

 

[DrStephennmnm]

Not sure why there's people here who are hating on OP, there's nothing wrong with being home-sick....

to OP, it may seem hard right now, but if I were you, I would spend as much time as possible with family and be in the moment as much as possible; these are the golden moments you will look back on and reminisce. Once you get started at med school tho, I'd wager you will be so busy and productive that you don't have time to feel down or sad. That's how I am at least. Good luck OP

 

[OfMiceAndWomen]

Not sure why there's people here who are hating on OP, there's nothing wrong with being home-sick....

Lol, I know, people are harsh.

@OP, you're completely valid in your feelings, esp because you'll be be moving far from your support system. I think you should share these feelings and anxieties with your family & friends, so they know to check in with you regularly (vice versa). They can still be your support system, even from afar. Also, there's also absolutely nothing wrong with utilizing therapy and other mental health resources that your school offers, and I hope that you'll be able to use these resources as support when you need it.

You have a lot to look forward to, and you're gonna do great future doctor

 

[stayathomemom]

The first few posters, or should I say posers, need to work on the empathy they probably say they espouse in their applications.

OP, you're right, it's hard. Any move or big change means you're losing something else, and in your case it's something important to you: proximity to your parents and friends. So it's totally natural and okay to grieve.
But I think you're so overwhelmed by the grief you are feeling that maybe you're not receptive to the hope of joyous things in your future in your new med school location. I encourage you to not let your emotions totally direct your path. Emotions are helpful, sure, and you should hear them out, but sometimes they are sneaky liars, telling you partial truths or lies that will derail you. The problem is it's always hard to tell.
At any rate, it doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes you can't use logic to get yourself out of emotionally dark places. Just know that you're not alone and I hope you find the support you need at your new school (hint: surround yourself with the part of class that is not faking their empathy).

 

[CaffineDoc24]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. Honestly may not seem like it, but I’m really thick skinned. Had no problem being thousands of miles away for college. I guess I just got attached this year.

 

[Booksandshoes]

I am moving far away from my family and cat, and the farthest I have lived from home is 3 hours away. I am attending my top choice medical school, but it's over a day's drive away from home. Separation anxiety has hit me hard! It's not easy in the least to leave my loved ones and my comfort zone behind for an unknown. Everytime my cat looks at my packed belongings and gets sad, my heart breaks. However, I try to focus on the positive aspects: the new adventures that await, being able to experience medical school, and that years of hard work is paying off! Whenever I get sad, I accept it, journal, and try to focus on the long-term positive aspects.

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. Honestly may not seem like it, but I’m really thick skinned. Had no problem being thousands of miles away for college. I guess I just got attached this year.

 

[deleted688779]

Nothing more to add - just wanted to say your feelings are valid and don't let people deny that and don't let people invalidate your feelings simply because there exists someone who has it worse. I will be going far from my home in CA and I am feeling the same way. I get anxious just thinking about it. Work hard and match back in CA!

 

[TwoHighways]

The first few posters, or should I say posers, need to work on the empathy they probably say they espouse in their applications.

OP, you're right, it's hard. Any move or big change means you're losing something else, and in your case it's something important to you: proximity to your parents and friends. So it's totally natural and okay to grieve.
But I think you're so overwhelmed by the grief you are feeling that maybe you're not receptive to the hope of joyous things in your future in your new med school location. I encourage you to not let your emotions totally direct your path. Emotions are helpful, sure, and you should hear them out, but sometimes they are sneaky liars, telling you partial truths or lies that will derail you. The problem is it's always hard to tell.
At any rate, it doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes you can't use logic to get yourself out of emotionally dark places. Just know that you're not alone and I hope you find the support you need at your new school (hint: surround yourself with the part of class that is not faking their empathy).

You know nothing about me or my capacity of empathy. How arrogant of you to assume that you do.

Your feels don't matter when your decisions can make the difference between life and death. The profession isn't for the faint of heart. There are no safe spaces. You will face untold amounts of actual human suffering. Medical school and residency will necessarily make or break someone that has admitted to taking antidepressants due to concerns about leaving home.

 

[stayathomemom]

You know nothing about me or my capacity of empathy. How arrogant of you to assume that you do.

Your feels don't matter when your decisions can make the difference between life and death. The profession isn't for the faint of heart. There are no safe spaces. You will face untold amounts of actual human suffering. Medical school and residency will necessarily make or break someone that has admitted to taking antidepressants due to concerns about leaving home.

The only empathy that matters is the kind that is shown, not simply felt.

And to suggest that physicians must be unfeeling robots and that any show of "weakness" is a indication of assured failure is ludicrous. We all have feelings and weaknesses, and if you think you don't or that your future colleagues shouldn't, that's another problem altogether.

 

[TwoHighways]

The only empathy that matters is the kind that is shown, not simply felt.

And to suggest that physicians must be unfeeling robots and that any show of "weakness" is a indication of assured failure is ludicrous. We all have feelings and weaknesses, and if you think you don't or that your future colleagues shouldn't, that's another problem altogether.

I've made no such suggestion. You've drawn a false dichotomy and mischaracterized my post, which isn't surprising, given the hubris you demonstrated in your first post. I will however plainly state that you will be exposed to tremendous amounts of human suffering and that leaving home will seem trivial in comparison to. No amount of coddling will change that.

To the OP, I recommend keeping it all in perspective, which means not getting stuck too much in your own feels to recognize the amazing opportunity you have. Good luck to you!

 

[CaffineDoc24]

You know nothing about me or my capacity of empathy. How arrogant of you to assume that you do.

Your feels don't matter when your decisions can make the difference between life and death. The profession isn't for the faint of heart. There are no safe spaces. You will face untold amounts of actual human suffering. Medical school and residency will necessarily make or break someone that has admitted to taking antidepressants due to concerns about leaving home.

This is assuming medication was only for the mentioned problem. Don’t assume.

 

[ciestar]

This is assuming medication was only for the mentioned problem. Don’t assume.

Ignore that. I couldnt believe what i was reading.

Honestly, i get it. I am only 2.5 hours from home (for med school and now residency) and it is still hard to go home and leave again. I did a rotation close to home last summer and it was really hard to have to come back here after that. There is just something comforting about being home.

However, you get by. One step at a time and hopefully you’ll get to go home, or closer to it, for residency.

 

[M&L]

1) OP, dont EVER let anyone tell you that because you take antidepressants you are not strong enough, or anything like that. Realizing you are having a hard time, and taking care of it is BRAVE, and it absolutely has NO CORRELATION to you being a successful doctor. If anything i can see how it might make you more empathetic to your patients.
2) I moved across the world from my family, and i know how hard it is. It is heartbreaking. I can definitely say that my relationships with my family actually improved since i moved: consider starting a whatsapp chat with your family, schedule regular video chats, share a lot of pictures with them, give them a virtual tour of your medical school, etc. Plus you will have holidays, vacations, etc. It is better than you think. Plus you can schedule away rotations in your home town, and you can find research opportunities there (you can even already start working on finding places for research next summer). I think all of these things might help you look forward to good things. What do you think?
3) also, - everyone has different triggers and things that upset them. For example, i have no problem working with the dead, i counselled criminals (including violent crimes), i worked with rapist, etc. But show me a dead animal and i will probably want to cry. Everyone is different. Never assume that because OP is sensitive about leaving home, he/she wont be an absolute hardcore badass is other aspects of medicine. assuming that is, honestly, kind of shows lack of knowledge about human psyche and lack of life experience.

Bottom line: OP, your feelings are justified. Things will definitely get better when you get to medical school (the white coat ceremony, scrubs, all that is actually very exciting and will definitely inspire you . Just keep going, maybe listen to some pod casts on these issues, meditate, try to stay afloat.

 

[Osteosaur]

Its a rough first step to take. I was 2 hours outside home, but lived there up until going to school. Its kind of weird thinking. Before I went my brother, mother and I watched all of the Simpsons seasons 1-10 before I left. It was crazy to think I won't ever be home long enough to do something like that again. It was a crazy feeling.

You're going to miss some stuff. But you can still find ways to make time. Maybe that means gunning for 230 and not 250 on step. Maybe it means that you value your family and would rather be an FM doc in CA than a surgeon. There are concessions you can make at the level of medical student. One of the deans at my school gave a talk when we started M1 about making sure the path you're on is right for you rather than just gunning for money and prestige because 'why not?' It was a good talk.

Just remember, also, that with phones and the internet its a lot easier to talk to everyone. I had a long drive the other day and just used the time to talk to a friend on bluetooth. There is a lot you can do to keep in touch.

 

[hailbate]

How bad do you want to be a doctor? There are thousands of premeds willing to trade places with you.

What an absolute tone deaf statement.

Essentially "your feelings dont matter cause people have it worse."

Yeah okay lol

 

[deleted1005514]

It’s perfectly valid to feel anxiety and sadness when leaving behind your home and loved ones. It is equally valid for those who did not have happy or healthy homes to feel relief when moving away.

OP, I recommend that you try to get plugged in to your new community as soon as you move. Look for a place of worship if you’re spiritual, a place to volunteer, and seek out opportunities to meet people your own age, whether they be in medicine or not. Search out ways to do your favorite things (gym, hobbies, library, etc)...you’ll meet likeminded people there and build a support network away from home.

Set up regular times to call home. Stay connected so you don’t feel isolated. If you know your school schedule isn’t going to allow you to be home for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries of other important days, plan to FaceTime so you won’t feel left out. One last thing: use your time away as an opportunity to focus on YOU. This will be a unique time of self-growth, don’t allow yourself to sink into despair and waste it.

 

[deleted804295]

Having a hard time starting med school next month. I lived away from home for 5 years, had a blast, and came home for my app year. But I wanna stay home so badly. I’m literally forcing myself at this point to go to school and have started antidepressants. From LA so odds I match here are slim. School is in a suburb ~30 min outside a big city across the country. I really don’t wanna leave for up to 10 years anymore. Friends, parents(who are aging), family are all here.

I'm soooo sorry!

This was my greatest fear during my app cycle. Being away from family </3. I cried on every plane trip I took to interview at a school away from home. But I still pulled through because I knew my dream was to be a doctor even if it meant 4 years away from home.

Find a good support network at your new school. I know it's tough but you have the strength to do this. If you're a religious person find a good community in a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque and go there regularly. Otherwise find a club for a hobby that you enjoy and make those people family. I made sure to research organizations I was affiliated with in areas away from home in the event that I had to matriculate elsewhere. I know you can do it and if you need help researching communities to take part in let me know.

 

[okayyyalx]

FFS @stayathomemom, TwoHighways is just telling it like it is. If you can't handle the heat, then get out of the kitchen.

They might be right, but neither of y'all have to be insensitive jerks about how a person is feeling.

 

[super robot]

?? nobody likes to be "that person" judging strangers' competencies in their jobs, but I just have to say, I will never get why people who have no tolerance for emotion or mental illness, and furthermore get bristled at any backlash, decide to go into this field.. if you can't take it then definitely don't dish it, my friends.

Anyway, I'm also California going out of state. I've been a little concerned about living on my own for the first time, as in no roommates, especially during COVID. I'm getting a pet to help ease that transition. I've had them for much of my life so I'm prepared for the responsibility. It's a positive step that you reached out and got yourself on treatment, so hopefully you'll have strong resources at med school to help you manage whatever you are feeling.

 

[LunaOri]

The last few months have been a very scary time for almost everyone, and the scary stuff isn't over yet. It's natural to want to stay safe at home, and be close to friends and family. Having those feelings doesn't mean that you will not do well in medical school, or that you won't be a good doctor. When you start school, you will find that you have a lot in common with your classmates, and will probably make friends quickly: med school is a much smaller group than college, and you are all taking the same classes, so you have a built-in support group. Having a pet is a great idea--is there a reason you can't take your cat with you?

 

[CaffineDoc24]

The last few months have been a very scary time for almost everyone, and the scary stuff isn't over yet. It's natural to want to stay safe at home, and be close to friends and family. Having those feelings doesn't mean that you will not do well in medical school, or that you won't be a good doctor. When you start school, you will find that you have a lot in common with your classmates, and will probably make friends quickly: med school is a much smaller group than college, and you are all taking the same classes, so you have a built-in support group. Having a pet is a great idea--is there a reason you can't take your cat with you?

I don’t have a cat, really allergic haha. I have a dog who is my world but I can’t take him. I wish I could.

 

[LunaOri]

I don’t have a cat, really allergic haha. I have a dog who is my world but I can’t take him. I wish I could.

Why can't you take your dog with you?

 

[CaffineDoc24]

Why can't you take your dog with you?

He’s technically my brother’s dog and he wants to keep him, which I totally understand.