I feel truly sad and I need a little help

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wanttogohome

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Hi all,

I know we don't know each other at this point, but I just had the worst day of my life and I really need some objective advice badly. Very recently, my girlfriend of 5 years started having feelings for another guy. This happened relatively easily because I am a 26 year old post-bacc who studies A LOT. I'm finishing up my post-bacc classwork this semester and I'm registered for the June MCAT. I knew she had always had certain problems with the "student" lifestyle and some concerns with the rigors of medicine, but to my knowledge, I've always been able to reassure her it would be different in the long run. Anyway, we are now taking some time apart so she can sort out her feelings and concerns. My biggest problem is that this is literally happening at THE worst possible time....I even have a solo oral presentation tommorow which I have barely prepared for because this has consumed my entire weekend. Anyway, I'm throwing this out there....right now I feel so devastated that this person who I was convinced I was spending the rest of my life with no longer wants to be with me. I have worked as hard as humanly possible over the past 2 years as a post-bacc and I am sincerely worried that my effort will be in vain if I cannot get my head together and finish this semester strong and get a high score on the MCAT. Becuase of all this, I am seriously considering NOT applying this summer even though this has been my carefully thought-out plan for 3 years. 5 years is a long enough time to be with someone that I can not just push these thoughts of grief and sadness aside and concentrate fully on my MCAT studying and coursework. This worst case scenario has come true....i feel close to losing my dream girl and my dream career. Anyone out there?!
 
keep your focus and work hard to get into med school.

two words: candy stripers
 
If she didn't balk on you now, she would have balked on you later. Atleast, this way, you didn't end up wasting any more time with her. Now, you have an opportunity to find someone who'll be willing to stick it out for you.
 
Hey bro, this almost exact same thing happened to my best friend earlier this semester and things turned out fine for him. Let me tell you whats going to happen. She is going to go hang out with this other guy for a few weeks and then realize that she misses you, and she will call or email you saying she misses you. Then you will get back together and thing will be back to normal. When people are together for a long time(5 years) they are bound to get tired of each other and need a little break, everyone knows closeness breeds contempt. So, my advice: put it out of your mind, own this upcoming presentation and focus on your school. In due time she will come back. If she didn't want to be with you she wouldn't have stuck around for five years. So focus on school now so that you wont regret it when you get back with her. Also, if you do poorly now even if you do get back with her you will resent her since you will blame her for your poor performance. Know its a long post but I want to make sure you get the point since I have seen this thing happen several times. In conclusion, focus on school...don't go out with other chicks...and wait for her to come back.
-Peace Bro
 
i was in love with a girl who broke up with me. I dropped out of grad school and was miserable for 2 years. Looking back on this now makes me realize I should have been stronger. Don't get distracted- go for your dream of being a doctor-a profession that will give you satisfaction and pride for the rest of your life. In a song by the Rolling Stones Jagger says girls are like street cars- another one will come along.
 
Relationships ending are always hard. But I agree with zenlike. She obviously had a problem with your other commitements and couldn't be there to help you through thick and thing. Forget her.
 
**** happens: just realize that there are plenty of girls out there, probably hotter and smarter that would love to date a future doctor.
 
I'm sorry to hear she broke your heart. It sounds like you're still with her. If I was you, I'd try to talk to her about how important the next couple of months are and ask her to understand. If she loves you, she'll hang in there so you two can work out your relationship this summer. But be prepared that she might say it's over and then you have no choice but to deal with the grief and try to move on. Don't postpone your life for a year. Postpone the MCAT until July if you have to and use the next month to get your head back together, but don't let her suck a year of your life out of you.
 
I was there two years ago.

It is hard and there is no easy answer. But, time will eventually ease the pain. Even though, right now it may not seem like it.

You can not force someone to be with you no matter how hard and bad you want it. Believe me!! I know!!

Try to finish up the semester strong and then prepare for the MCAT. If you are still having problems focusing, postpone the MCAT until July.

I tried to keep busy with school and work until I got over it several months later. Now granted, my pain was not over a five year relationship.

BTW, I have not dated since then either because I know it is very hard to have a relationship because I have no time for a girlfriend. I have not yet met a girl that wants or will accept being number two or three. They may say they can accept it but in the end the neglect will get to them. Some can get over it and some can not.

Hang in there!! The pain will dull over time but it may never go away.

However, it is still better to have loved and lost than never loved at all. Take it as another life lesson.

Now, concentrate on those books and the MCAT because they will still be there no matter what. Are you going to lay down and fall apart or get up and finish what you started and worked for so long? Do not give her that power.

Seize the day before the day passes!!


Note: All of this may be for not because she probably will come back to you soon after she sees if the grass is greener on the other side.
 
dude chicks are dime a dozen. If she isnt willing to stick it out with you now dont you think it better thatyou found out at this point rather than when you are studying for your step I. Call on your friends and family for support. You can do what I did, make sure she knows you are better off without her.


Or you can sit back cry and complain about your life and feel sorry for yourself, just saying....
 
I know that this will be as hard as hell, but do not let her get the best of you. By postponing your goals you let her do just that.

I agree that she will probably come running back eventually but ignore her if she does. She has shown that she has no concept of loyalty and will just make life difficult for your further down the road.
 
I am sorry to hear that. It's always tough, especially when you were so attached. But you have to think of it this way: as others have said it seems she had a problem with your personal commitments, with what you wanted to get out of life. And as such, no matter how you felt for her, she wasn't the right person for you. One day it will all work out, you'll look back and be glad this happened now and not later.
 
My g/f of four years broke up with me in college when she realized she could be dating more popular guys. I really took it to heart even though I was getting a little tired of her, myself--I realized I could have been dating smarter girls.

Anyhow, I took all of that anger and put it into lifting weights and training in MMA (boxing, wrestling, etc). I was a pretty scary guy after about a year of that and the anger faded away. I'm not sure if "Oh, yeah? She doesn't think I'm good enough for her?" was a healthy mindset, but it worked out for me in the end. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: Take all of the pain your feeling now and putting into something worthwhile--MCAT, for example.
 
zenlike said:
My g/f of four years broke up with me in college when she realized she could be dating more popular guys. I really took it to heart even though I was getting a little tired of her, myself--I realized I could have been dating smarter girls.

Anyhow, I took all of that anger and put it into lifting weights and training in MMA (boxing, wrestling, etc). I was a pretty scary guy after about a year of that and the anger faded away. I'm not sure if "Oh, yeah? She doesn't think I'm good enough for her?" was a healthy mindset, but it worked out for me in the end. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: Take all of the pain your feeling now and putting into something worthwhile--MCAT, for example.
Click to expand...

I agree, great advice zen
 
Take a few minutes and let yourself mourn all that's happening. Then, try to walk away from it during the time you need to do presentations or study for the MCAT. But give yourself permission to dwell on it for a little while each day or it will eat you up. Please keep in mind that this may just be a step in finding your way together or it may open the door to even better relationships. It's hard, but you will get through it. Let your friends and family support you. Best of luck.
 
zenlike said:
If she didn't balk on you now, she would have balked on you later.
Click to expand...

Quite true. Med school is hard on even strong relationships. A postbac schedule is quite easy compared to that of a med student, which in turn is quite easy compared to residency and so on, and so honestly if your current schedule was too difficult for her, there is no way this relationship would have made it through first year, let alone beyond. Count your blessings that this won't be derailing you while in med school. This is not the right woman for you because she is likely not someone who can be with a person going through med school and then residency. You will have less time, not more, as you go down this road. If you are with someone who requires more attention than you are capable of giving, then she is simply not the right woman for you. Move on.
 
MDMAMA said:
Take a few minutes and let yourself mourn all that's happening. Then, try to walk away from it during the time you need to do presentations or study for the MCAT. But give yourself permission to dwell on it for a little while each day or it will eat you up. Please keep in mind that this may just be a step in finding your way together or it may open the door to even better relationships. It's hard, but you will get through it. Let your friends and family support you. Best of luck.
Click to expand...

At first I thought your sn was "MDMA." That would be the perfect cure for this situation.

OP, I feel for you. Hope it works out.
 
i think a lot of us have wasted time on people that weren't worth it in the long run. don't compromise yourself. work on accomplishing your goals and sooner or later you'll meet someone who DOES love you for who you are and what you want to be. i know it can be hard in the meantime though. 🙁
 
Tired said:
I had a similar experience at the end of my first year of med school.

Here's the truth: She's not your "dream girl", she's just the only piece of tail you've had in the last five years.

Unless, of course:
1) When you picture your dream girl, she's banging out some other dude
2) You appreciate women with no long-term goals
3) You've always wanted someone who doesn't support you at all

You need to quit crying and turn back into the man you are. You can be hurt inside without advertising it to the world around you. Gather what's left of your dignity, tell her "thanks for all the great times but it's time for both of us to move on", get together with some friends for a few drinks, and get back on the road to restoring your self-respect.

Listen, I'm not being a dick. I'm telling you the truth, and the sooner you get a handle on it, the sooner you'll get better. Getting your heart broken is like getting sick; take your medicine and get better, or wallow in bed and prolong your suffering.

I'm five years out from my last relationship crap storm, and now happily married to a woman who is 1000% more beautiful and supportive than my last tramp. You don't know how much better things can be until you actually make yourself find it.
Click to expand...


I... love you. In a non-homoerotic way, I mean.
 
Tired said:
I had a similar experience at the end of my first year of med school.

Here's the truth: She's not your "dream girl", she's just the only piece of tail you've had in the last five years.

Unless, of course:
1) When you picture your dream girl, she's banging out some other dude
2) You appreciate women with no long-term goals
3) You've always wanted someone who doesn't support you at all

You need to quit crying and turn back into the man you are. You can be hurt inside without advertising it to the world around you. Gather what's left of your dignity, tell her "thanks for all the great times but it's time for both of us to move on", get together with some friends for a few drinks, and get back on the road to restoring your self-respect.

Listen, I'm not being a dick. I'm telling you the truth, and the sooner you get a handle on it, the sooner you'll get better. Getting your heart broken is like getting sick; take your medicine and get better, or wallow in bed and prolong your suffering.

I'm five years out from my last relationship crap storm, and now happily married to a woman who is 1000% more beautiful and supportive than my last tramp. You don't know how much better things can be until you actually make yourself find it.
Click to expand...


awww man, that is good stuff....but it's the truth...
 
All I can say is even though right now it may seem like you're not in control of your feelings, remind yourself firmly that you own your feelings, and you can change how you're feeling in that moment and force yourself to shift your focus on to your school work. Let your school work be the thing that distracts you from all the heartache.

And another thing I would like to add is to leave her alone. Do not try to contact her. I know it may be really difficult not to call and try to persuade her, but this will only push her away. If she wants space, give it to her.

If at some point there's willingness on both parts to work on it, go to a counselor. Your school or her school may have one that will allow both of you to come in and improve things.

Lots of luck to you!
 
dude, i had a similar situation when a 5 year relationship ended. felt like total crap for a couple of days. one year later, she's out of the picture, i have met someone else (literally the best girl evar), and i'm happier than i've ever been in my life.

if she isn't sure about you after 5 years, it probably won't work out in the long run.
 
wanttogohome said:
Hi all,

I know we don't know each other at this point, but I just had the worst day of my life and I really need some objective advice badly. Very recently, my girlfriend of 5 years started having feelings for another guy. This happened relatively easily because I am a 26 year old post-bacc who studies A LOT. I'm finishing up my post-bacc classwork this semester and I'm registered for the June MCAT. I knew she had always had certain problems with the "student" lifestyle and some concerns with the rigors of medicine, but to my knowledge, I've always been able to reassure her it would be different in the long run. Anyway, we are now taking some time apart so she can sort out her feelings and concerns. My biggest problem is that this is literally happening at THE worst possible time....I even have a solo oral presentation tommorow which I have barely prepared for because this has consumed my entire weekend. Anyway, I'm throwing this out there....right now I feel so devastated that this person who I was convinced I was spending the rest of my life with no longer wants to be with me. I have worked as hard as humanly possible over the past 2 years as a post-bacc and I am sincerely worried that my effort will be in vain if I cannot get my head together and finish this semester strong and get a high score on the MCAT. Becuase of all this, I am seriously considering NOT applying this summer even though this has been my carefully thought-out plan for 3 years. 5 years is a long enough time to be with someone that I can not just push these thoughts of grief and sadness aside and concentrate fully on my MCAT studying and coursework. This worst case scenario has come true....i feel close to losing my dream girl and my dream career. Anyone out there?!
Click to expand...

Reading and responding without having read any other post in this thread. Take it as you will.

1. You haven't lost anything yet. What you have is a significant other who's entertaining the possibility that you are not "it." And as she should, honestly; you might be a fantastic guy, but I don't think people should be so quick to commit to someone if they have any lingering doubts. She clearly does. A year from now, you might meet someone who is perfect - absolutely perfect - for you, and better than your current girlfriend. Don't say, "nuh uh, that's not true" - you don't know that.

2. But again: you haven't lost her yet. Don't jump to too many conclusions.

3. If she didn't do this now, she might have done it later. And maybe the timing would've been better for you then... or maybe it would've been worse. Maybe something else in life would've had you in a slump, and THEN she did that. Maybe... maybe you see the hazards of "what if" games.

4. On the above: stick with what you know. What you KNOW is that you have someone who undoubtedly loves you - hence a five-year relationship - but is sorting things out in her head. Period. You know that you are planning on going to medical school. You know that you need to do well in academia and on the MCAT to do so.

5. On the above, part 2: the truth of the matter is that maybe you'll lose your "dream girl," but I say this and "caveat lector" in the same sentence, because she may not be your dream girl. I thought my ex-girlfriend was amazing (whoops). I thought the girl before that was amazing. I currently think someone else is amazing. I stayed up many a sleepless night when my ex-ex and I weren't getting along because it absolutely ate me up, much like this is doing to you.

5.5 You are not alone in things like this. This planet's intergalactic population sign now reads north of 6.5 billion people, some of whom have gone through this before you. People are going through this with you, and many people will go through such things after you. With life, death, and taxes comes the fourth lesser-cited certainty: many good things will come into your life, and bad things will happen in your life. The goal is to live accordingly and the best you can under whatever circumstances you face.

6. If you don't go into medicine, it's going to be because you ultimately chose not to do it, not because this mystery person has some ultimate control over your life; and if she DOES have ultimate control over your life, you shouldn't be with her at all. You can't control what other people do, but you most friggin' definitely CAN control how you react.
 
Tired said:
I had a similar experience at the end of my first year of med school.

Here's the truth: She's not your "dream girl", she's just the only piece of tail you've had in the last five years.

Unless, of course:
1) When you picture your dream girl, she's banging out some other dude
2) You appreciate women with no long-term goals
3) You've always wanted someone who doesn't support you at all

You need to quit crying and turn back into the man you are. You can be hurt inside without advertising it to the world around you. Gather what's left of your dignity, tell her "thanks for all the great times but it's time for both of us to move on", get together with some friends for a few drinks, and get back on the road to restoring your self-respect.

Listen, I'm not being a dick. I'm telling you the truth, and the sooner you get a handle on it, the sooner you'll get better. Getting your heart broken is like getting sick; take your medicine and get better, or wallow in bed and prolong your suffering.

I'm five years out from my last relationship crap storm, and now happily married to a woman who is 1000% more beautiful and supportive than my last tramp. You don't know how much better things can be until you actually make yourself find it.
Click to expand...

Awesome post! You need to be invited on Oprah and Dr. Phil- a possible book deal should be in order.
 
UFMed said:
Awesome post! You need to be invited on Oprah and Dr. Phil- a possible book deal should be in order.
Click to expand...

Reading his post... yep. He put in shorter, better terms what I was trying to say.
 
Tired said:
I had a similar experience at the end of my first year of med school.

Here's the truth: She's not your "dream girl", she's just the only piece of tail you've had in the last five years.

Unless, of course:
1) When you picture your dream girl, she's banging out some other dude
2) You appreciate women with no long-term goals
3) You've always wanted someone who doesn't support you at all

You need to quit crying and turn back into the man you are. You can be hurt inside without advertising it to the world around you. Gather what's left of your dignity, tell her "thanks for all the great times but it's time for both of us to move on", get together with some friends for a few drinks, and get back on the road to restoring your self-respect.

Listen, I'm not being a dick. I'm telling you the truth, and the sooner you get a handle on it, the sooner you'll get better. Getting your heart broken is like getting sick; take your medicine and get better, or wallow in bed and prolong your suffering.

I'm five years out from my last relationship crap storm, and now happily married to a woman who is 1000% more beautiful and supportive than my last tramp. You don't know how much better things can be until you actually make yourself find it.
Click to expand...

Oh my God. If my husband repeated the bolded section, I'd never have another insecure moment in my life. Make sure you tell your wife that. We love to hear that we are the best. 🙂

To the OP: I know this sucks, but trust me, it can always be worse. I'll admit I had mean, nasty thoughts when I first read your post. In the past 5 days my (adopted) dad died, I've puked my brains out (food poisoning), I've had to deal with a semi-suicidal mom, and I haven't missed a single lecture. Beat that. Life goes on. I'm in school, doing what I have to do, you should do the same.
 
maroon 5 (songs about Jane)...d/l it.

don't get distracted, take care of business.
 
Tired said:
I had a similar experience at the end of my first year of med school.

Here's the truth: She's not your "dream girl", she's just the only piece of tail you've had in the last five years.

Unless, of course:
1) When you picture your dream girl, she's banging out some other dude
2) You appreciate women with no long-term goals
3) You've always wanted someone who doesn't support you at all

You need to quit crying and turn back into the man you are. You can be hurt inside without advertising it to the world around you. Gather what's left of your dignity, tell her "thanks for all the great times but it's time for both of us to move on", get together with some friends for a few drinks, and get back on the road to restoring your self-respect.

Listen, I'm not being a dick. I'm telling you the truth, and the sooner you get a handle on it, the sooner you'll get better. Getting your heart broken is like getting sick; take your medicine and get better, or wallow in bed and prolong your suffering.

I'm five years out from my last relationship crap storm, and now happily married to a woman who is 1000% more beautiful and supportive than my last tramp. You don't know how much better things can be until you actually make yourself find it.
Click to expand...

Sooooooooooooooo on.👍
 
Tired said:
I had a similar experience at the end of my first year of med school.
...
I'm five years out from my last relationship crap storm, and now happily married to a woman who is 1000% more beautiful and supportive than my last tramp. You don't know how much better things can be until you actually make yourself find it.
Click to expand...

Dude...you're human after all! 👍 🙂
 
Hey, man, I don't want to sound so cliche-ish, but when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Don't lose sight of the true goal in life: you want to go into medicine and so therefore, take it, it's yours.

Plus, I think things will work out as some have stated above. I mean, she will realize how much time she consumed and wasted going after a cheeseburger when all that time at home, she had a filet mignon. I hope she comes around and realize what she has and what she will be missing if she lets go.

Hope it turns out well for you.
 
monkeyman12 said:
Hey bro, this almost exact same thing happened to my best friend earlier this semester and things turned out fine for him. Let me tell you whats going to happen. She is going to go hang out with this other guy for a few weeks and then realize that she misses you, and she will call or email you saying she misses you. Then you will get back together and thing will be back to normal. When people are together for a long time(5 years) they are bound to get tired of each other and need a little break, everyone knows closeness breeds contempt. So, my advice: put it out of your mind, own this upcoming presentation and focus on your school. In due time she will come back. If she didn't want to be with you she wouldn't have stuck around for five years. So focus on school now so that you wont regret it when you get back with her. Also, if you do poorly now even if you do get back with her you will resent her since you will blame her for your poor performance. Know its a long post but I want to make sure you get the point since I have seen this thing happen several times. In conclusion, focus on school...don't go out with other chicks...and wait for her to come back.
-Peace Bro
Click to expand...

life is not a romantic comedy, this sort of thing rarely happens, don't give him false hope.


but tomorrow is a new day
 
Tired said:
I had a similar experience at the end of my first year of med school.

Here's the truth: She's not your "dream girl", she's just the only piece of tail you've had in the last five years.

Unless, of course:
1) When you picture your dream girl, she's banging out some other dude
2) You appreciate women with no long-term goals
3) You've always wanted someone who doesn't support you at all

You need to quit crying and turn back into the man you are. You can be hurt inside without advertising it to the world around you. Gather what's left of your dignity, tell her "thanks for all the great times but it's time for both of us to move on", get together with some friends for a few drinks, and get back on the road to restoring your self-respect.

Listen, I'm not being a dick. I'm telling you the truth, and the sooner you get a handle on it, the sooner you'll get better. Getting your heart broken is like getting sick; take your medicine and get better, or wallow in bed and prolong your suffering.

I'm five years out from my last relationship crap storm, and now happily married to a woman who is 1000% more beautiful and supportive than my last tramp. You don't know how much better things can be until you actually make yourself find it.
Click to expand...

Very well said. Unfortunately the first time this happens to someone it is probably going to be difficult to implement the lessons you learn from going through the experience itself. Here's to hoping thats not the case.
 
The best revenge is living well. When you are planning on a career that will take up a lot of your time, you start to realize that other people are not quite as excited about playing a support role. But hey, if she is not the person who can handle your idea of your future, it's best you realize this now. Good luck.
 
The best advice I can give you is to work your *** off to change the things you can, and to realize that no matter how hard you try, you are never going to change everything.

As far as your relationship is concerned, is there anything you can do to win your girlfriend back? I'm sure you know her well enough to know if this is possible or not. If you can, then do it. If not, you need to realize that because sometimes if you know it is out of your hands it helps you to move on.

In terms of school, you need to figure out exactly how badly this is interfering. Do you feel depressed and think that it would be really hard to get back to work, but that you could do it if you really pushed? Or is there no way you could possible force yourself to work the way you need to? If you think it's possible to push through it then do it. If you know you can't, take some time off and get your life back together.

In the end, only you know what you need to do, but I would say that you should probably try to live normally and see if things get any easier. They probably will. If they don't, go find something to make you happy so you can get your life back.
 
Mennnnn..dude, I cant even imagine how much pain you are going through right now.

I would recommend you approach this very carefully..( I know easier said than done).

Firstly, I think you need to look at what the relationship was like within those 5 years..Was it a rocky relationship? Do you guys argue a lot? How old is she?

Having said that, 5 years is a long time and I want to believe your gf is just going through a phase. She probably thinks this other guy is cute and she is probably just physically attracted to him.

However, this is a risk. This other guy might be a very good looking , nice guy. This other guy might have the same qualities she likes in you. This other guy might be a very good guy. If this is the case, then there is a risk that she might like him MORE if they hang out more. However, I am hoping your gf is smart enough to know that 5 years is not something you just throw away.......

Although I was going to say at least she didnt cheat on you, but I think 5 years is a good reason for not cheating on you. So , I cant really give her any credit for telling you about this other guy.

Mennn i really wish I could help better because I know you are going through so much pain now. However, my best advice is keep your self occupied.. Do you have a good friend? A friend you can cry on, without feeling vulnerable? Do you like working out? Hang out with your friends....DO NOT STAY IN YOUR ROOM ALONE!!!!!!!!...that will only drive you crazy and you will start having all crazy thoughts.

Again, 5 yrs is a long time. Give your gf sometime but make sure you text her once in a while ( maybe once in 4 days).

Dude ,looking at the broader picture, your MCAT and career is also important.




wanttogohome said:
Hi all,

I know we don't know each other at this point, but I just had the worst day of my life and I really need some objective advice badly. Very recently, my girlfriend of 5 years started having feelings for another guy. This happened relatively easily because I am a 26 year old post-bacc who studies A LOT. I'm finishing up my post-bacc classwork this semester and I'm registered for the June MCAT. I knew she had always had certain problems with the "student" lifestyle and some concerns with the rigors of medicine, but to my knowledge, I've always been able to reassure her it would be different in the long run. Anyway, we are now taking some time apart so she can sort out her feelings and concerns. My biggest problem is that this is literally happening at THE worst possible time....I even have a solo oral presentation tommorow which I have barely prepared for because this has consumed my entire weekend. Anyway, I'm throwing this out there....right now I feel so devastated that this person who I was convinced I was spending the rest of my life with no longer wants to be with me. I have worked as hard as humanly possible over the past 2 years as a post-bacc and I am sincerely worried that my effort will be in vain if I cannot get my head together and finish this semester strong and get a high score on the MCAT. Becuase of all this, I am seriously considering NOT applying this summer even though this has been my carefully thought-out plan for 3 years. 5 years is a long enough time to be with someone that I can not just push these thoughts of grief and sadness aside and concentrate fully on my MCAT studying and coursework. This worst case scenario has come true....i feel close to losing my dream girl and my dream career. Anyone out there?!
Click to expand...
 
Another fellow oldie (27 - ha) here:

I was engaged before my current husband, and I had a long relationship in between that tore my heart out. You will get through this, but keep your eye on the prize, my friend.

As cliche as this advice is - you have to push it aside and think about that surgery you will do one day or that diagnosis you will have the capability to think through. You can do this, and you have to focus. Worry about this later, even though I know it consumes you. I totally know how you feel.

BTW - Post-bacc-kers rock!
 
You have worked too long and hard to lose it all now. In a few months when you're over her, you'll regret not applying and trying your best on the mcat. My advice is be true to your goals.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=JEMdXhfO-Wk


Remember: girls come and go. but an mcat score and gpa are there forever.

good luck my friend
 
mmmcat said:
Remember: girls come and go. but an mcat score and gpa are there forever.
Click to expand...

This really makes me sad... but dammit it's true to a good extent.


To the OP:

At least it happened now that she realized she wasn't into how you chose your life. It'd be worse if you were married, in your mid thirties, then she does this to you and you realize that you no longer have the youth that you once had to look for someone better. And honestly, you guys are on a break and she could come back so don't shoot yourself in the foot if you do believe that you guys stand to have a future together. Try to put it past you and focus on what's infront you.

You still got to do what it takes to get into med school and pursue your dreams. I would say think of all this as a challenge. You will have all kinds of trouble in life that would affect your career. If you manage to come out of this one alive, then you are better for it. Afterall, physicians are known to have troubles with their family life due to their commitment to their career. If you can deal with this right now, then you are up for whatever else life has to throw at you for wanting to be a doctor.

P.S.

Don't be hating on her just quite yet, save the anger for when you guys are for sure not going to be with eachother. Some things when spoken out loud, cannot be taken back. Think before you act.
 
wanttogohome said:
Very recently, my girlfriend of 5 years started having feelings for another guy. This happened relatively easily because I am a 26 year old post-bacc who studies A LOT. I'm finishing up my post-bacc classwork this semester and I'm registered for the June MCAT. I knew she had always had certain problems with the "student" lifestyle and some concerns with the rigors of medicine, but to my knowledge, I've always been able to reassure her it would be different in the long run.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. 🙁

Honestly, though - it probably won't be different in the long run. It's not like med school gets easier and requires less time as you go through it. 1st and 2nd year can be very time consuming, and third year - your schedule is NOT your own, and you will be busy and not necessarily able to spend a lot of time with her.

Did she have her own career plans? Or does she have a not-very-demanding job, and has a lot of free time?

wanttogohome said:
Very recently, my girlfriend of 5 years started having feelings for another guy.

Anyway, we are now taking some time apart so she can sort out her feelings and concerns. My biggest problem is that this is literally happening at THE worst possible time....I even have a solo oral presentation tommorow which I have barely prepared for because this has consumed my entire weekend.

i feel close to losing my dream girl and my dream career. Anyone out there?!
Click to expand...

Umm...I know that you've been together for five years, which is a pretty long time...but why is she your "dream" girl?

* She seems pretty needy - if she resented the fact that you were busy studying, and couldn't handle the "student" lifestyle.

* She doesn't seem very sympathetic - I understand that she needs to look out for herself and her wants, but it seems like she doesn't understand how much you want to be a doctor. Or how much work is involved in becoming one.

* She doesn't seem very considerate - if you have a big presentation coming up, then why did she choose THAT particular weekend to tell you that she has "feelings" for another guy? I mean, it could have waited a few days, probably. How did you find out about this?

This doesn't sound like "dream-girl" material to me...

(I'm sorry to bad-mouth a girl that I (obviously) don't know, but that's just what it seems to me based on what you've written. She obviously has great qualities, but it just seems like she needs to understand what you want a little bit better...)
 
Matthew 7:14:


Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.



Don't give up your dream. Only a few will make it that far!
 
Law2Doc said:
Quite true. Med school is hard on even strong relationships. A postbac schedule is quite easy compared to that of a med student, which in turn is quite easy compared to residency and so on, and so honestly if your current schedule was too difficult for her, there is no way this relationship would have made it through first year, let alone beyond. Count your blessings that this won't be derailing you while in med school. This is not the right woman for you because she is likely not someone who can be with a person going through med school and then residency. You will have less time, not more, as you go down this road. If you are with someone who requires more attention than you are capable of giving, then she is simply not the right woman for you. Move on.
Click to expand...

Exactly. You're life is going to be busier and more stressful in the near future and if she can't handle it now, you may be better off. Just the application process itself can be extremely hard on a relationship, especially if you're like me and applying all over the country and have no idea where you'll end up.

I actually broke up with my gf of 3 years this summer because it was all too much and I needed to focus on myself. Granted I was going to South America, completing applications, and we would have been doing long distance all year, and potentially for the next 4 years, so it would've just added stress to my life. We had the kind of relationship where we never fought about anything and were like best friends, so we ended on really good terms before something bad could've and probably would've happened. Yeah I miss her and still care about her, but we talk often and if it was meant to be then it'll work out later in life. I know it's cliche, but 'timing is everything' especially in the life of a future doctor.

For you this might actually be the best time to break up cause you're going to need to focus a lot of time and energy into apps and the MCAT, so from my experience don't look at this situation as a complete negative.
 
Oh yeah...and I wanted to see what else was out there while I had the year off before I didn't have much time to date during med school. And trust me, there is A LOT out there for us future doctors. 😉
 
Here's what you need to do:

Bust a move.
 
Dude just try to deal with it. Eventually it won't be a big deal; don't let it ruin what you are trying to do now.

Besides... you'll be pimpin when you graduate for realz :laugh:
 
look man, I am feeling ya here. However, if this chick can't dig you not being the 100% involved B/F while in post grad classes, she will def dip out on you in med school. for some reason if she survived med school, there is no way she will stick around for residency and training. MD does not = whi9te picket fence with 4 kids and aloving wife always. Stastically, lots of MDs get divorce after divorce after divorce. You have you accept the fact that you are married to your job. with the few hours of time you have off in school, hit up some strip clubs or find some " cheap booty" with no strings attached.If love comes, take it. But keep medicine first because a distraction like this will throw you completely off track.

PS: strippers and hookers have kids to feed!😱
 
NAVYLABTECH08 said:
look man, I am feeling ya here. However, if this chick can't dig you not being the 100% involved B/F while in post grad classes, she will def dip out on you in med school. for some reason if she survived med school, there is no way she will stick around for residency and training. MD does not = whi9te picket fence with 4 kids and aloving wife always. Stastically, lots of MDs get divorce after divorce after divorce. You have you accept the fact that you are married to your job. with the few hours of time you have off in school, hit up some strip clubs or find some " cheap booty" with no strings attached.If love comes, take it. But keep medicine first because a distraction like this will throw you completely off track.

PS: strippers and hookers have kids to feed!😱
Click to expand...

You will find a lot of dissent on those two comments, including my own.
 
SilkyDelicious said:
Oh yeah...and I wanted to see what else was out there while I had the year off before I didn't have much time to date during med school. And trust me, there is A LOT out there for us future doctors. 😉
Click to expand...

Wow, you totally sounded like a nice guy until this second post.🙄
 
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