I was hit on by the physician I shadowed.

[mehc012]

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Again shadowing is not a "career opportunity". Language is really quite important here because there's legal significance in that which is workplace sexual harassment ( which this isn't) versus merely uncomfortable and perhaps unprofessional behavior with a doctor who OP is simply not interested in.

Cool. Technical language noted and all, but I really don't care about the legal distinctions. I'm not claiming it's illegal, calling it sexual harassment, etc., and honestly wouldn't recommend pinning any hopes on the legal system even if she were his student and he suddenly stuck his hand up her shirt. There's no point in trying to involve the legal system in any form of sexual anything; it is a failed system on that front. I was merely using the phrase in a casual sense...he is someone who has something to offer (potential LOR, shadowing opportunities) which could help advance her career goals.

 

[DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines]

I'm going to tell everyone who hits on me I'm a 32 year old virgin married to Christ.

Let's see how that works out. Can't believe some of the messages on this post. Had to stop and vomit, so I didn't read them all. OP, if you don't want to date the doctor, don't. Honestly, the way you described it sounded ambiguous. Maybe that was his intention. Maybe it was yours.

If you felt uncomfortable, shadow someone else. Problem solved.

 

[Gandyy]

I'm going to tell everyone who hits on me I'm a 32 year old virgin married to Christ.

Let's see how that works out. Can't believe some of the messages on this post. Had to stop and vomit, so I didn't read them all. OP, if you don't want to date the doctor, don't. Honestly, the way you described it sounded ambiguous. Maybe that was his intention. Maybe it was yours.

If you felt uncomfortable, shadow someone else. Problem solved.

Exactly.

The first post did not give clear information as to what was going on.

The second post/update made things clear as day.

 

[Mad Jack]

lol... where do you find these.

Its like you have a reservoir of these saved for every situation.

I've got a partially photographic memory, and remember just about every gif on the internet I've ever seen. Unfortunately, it's often only partially complete, so I know the gist of many things, but the specifics are way harder to nail down. Not the best sort of memory for medical school, but a great thing to have in practice. It's why I've got so much random knowledge about so many weird topics.

 

[Gandyy]

I've got a photographic memory, and remember where just about every gif on the internet is.

"Mad Jack"

 

[Law2Doc]

Cool. Technical language noted and all, but I really don't care about the legal distinctions. I'm not claiming it's illegal, calling it sexual harassment, etc., and honestly wouldn't recommend pinning any hopes on the legal system even if she were his student and he suddenly stuck his hand up her shirt. There's no point in trying to involve the legal system in any form of sexual anything; it is a failed system on that front.

I'm not talking about involving the legal system when I say certain words are legally significant. People above were throwing around the words harassment, workplace, career opportunity and superior which have very significant repercussions in the risk management world. This guy can get fired, disciplined, get sent to sensitivity training, have a black mark in his employment file etc for creating a hostile work environment for a coworker. Asking out a person he knows who is just shadowing him, informally? Doubtful.

I do note that the OPs story changed pretty dramatically from just casually asking her out to unwelcomed touching, so I'm suddenly not really buying the story and just posting on the topic generically from here on out -- hard to imagine that more significant part of the story would be left out of the original post...

 

[Cotterpin]

Let's be honest, the vast majority of "people" who think that way have a Y chromosome.

I'm just trying to be fair. 😉

 

[mehc012]

I'm going to tell everyone who hits on me I'm a 32 year old virgin married to Christ.

Let's see how that works out. Can't believe some of the messages on this post. Had to stop and vomit, so I didn't read them all. OP, if you don't want to date the doctor, don't. Honestly, the way you described it sounded ambiguous. Maybe that was his intention. Maybe it was yours.

If you felt uncomfortable, shadow someone else. Problem solved.

Later posts made it clearer.

I, for one, love having to find new contacts and opportunities because people can't keep a professional relationship professional, don't you?

 

[mehc012]

I'm not talking about involving the legal system when I say certain words are legally significant. People above were throwing around the words harassment, workplace, career opportunity and superior which have very significant repercussions in the risk management world. This guy can get fired, disciplined, get sent to sensitivity training, have a black mark in his employment file etc for creating a hostile work environment for a coworker. Asking out a person he knows who is just shadowing him, informally? Doubtful.

I do note that the OPs story changed pretty dramatically from just casually asking her out to unwelcomed touching, so I'm suddenly not really buying the story and just posting on the topic generically -- hard to imagine that more significant part of the story would be left out of the original post...

"More details, this doesn't sound like a big deal"
"Wait, those details make it sound like a big deal, I don't believe you."

Unwelcomed touching happens all the time, it's not exactly headline material. My first boss ever pinned me against the wall while we were alone in the shop to demonstrate his martial arts moves...he didn't mean anything by it and I would never report it, but it was something he felt perfectly free to do without realizing how uncomfortable that would be for a teen girl. Touching someone's back as you move by them? Hardly unbelievable...and yet once you're used to such things it hardly seems like something to mention unless someone asks for more details about why you feel uncomfortable around someone.

Maybe OP didn't think specific details were needed beyond "this person was hitting on me" because she didn't figure it would be so hard for people to believe.

 

[DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Honestly, now that I know more facts, in OP's situation, I would report him to the hospital's HR or social worker, OP's university, or whichever shadowing or mentoring program you found this guy through. Creepers need to be stopped cold. If he's interested in dating, he needs to man-up and go about it the correct and appropriate way OUTSIDE of the workplace.

I'm sure Netflixing House and chilling while studying his "gross anatomy" is not your idea of shadowing and it's inappropriate, highly unprofessional, and just plain rude.

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

Note: I am not victim-blaming nor advocating domestic violence or violence of any sort. I am, however, comparing most men to dogs, but I think that does most canines a grave disservice, for which I sincerely apologize.

 

[mehc012]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Honestly, now that I know more facts, in OP's situation, I would report him to HR, OP's university, or whichever shadowing or mentoring program you found this guy through. Creepers need to be stopped cold.

I'm sure Netflixing House, MD and chilling while studying his "gross anatomy" is not your idea of shadowing and it's inappropriate, highly unprofessional, and just plain rude.

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

Ah, see, I wouldn't go this far. Reporting isn't going to do anything; he didn't cross any major lines. He was unprofessional and uncomfortable, but that's not disallowed. I'm mostly frustrated at how difficult it is to get people to even admit that, or to acknowledge how common it is to end up in OP's situation and how much it sucks to be there.

Your last sentence makes me feel just as uncomfortable (or more so) as anything else in this thread, just in the opposite direction. Let's not overcompensate by being gross back at all guys.

 

[Chelsea FC]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Honestly, now that I know more facts, in OP's situation, I would report him to the hospital's HR or social worker, OP's university, or whichever shadowing or mentoring program you found this guy through. Creepers need to be stopped cold. If he's interested in dating, he needs to man-up and go about it the correct and appropriate way OUTSIDE of the workplace.

I'm sure Netflixing House and chilling while studying his "gross anatomy" is not your idea of shadowing and it's inappropriate, highly unprofessional, and just plain rude.

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

Note: I am not victim-blaming nor advocating domestic violence or violence of any sort. I am, however, comparing most men to dogs, but I think that does most canines a grave disservice, for which I sincerely apologize.

LOL this sort of thinking is just as bad as the dudes complaing about girls being less because they have alot of partners .. Lets stop calling guys dogs and women female dogs. We got our good apples you got your bad ones .. When you find a bad one you handle it and move on

 

[Gandyy]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Honestly, now that I know more facts, in OP's situation, I would report him to the hospital's HR or social worker, OP's university, or whichever shadowing or mentoring program you found this guy through. Creepers need to be stopped cold. If he's interested in dating, he needs to man-up and go about it the correct and appropriate way OUTSIDE of the workplace.

I'm sure Netflixing House and chilling while studying his "gross anatomy" is not your idea of shadowing and it's inappropriate, highly unprofessional, and just plain rude.

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

Note: I am not victim-blaming nor advocating domestic violence or violence of any sort. I am, however, comparing most men to dogs, but I think that does most canines a grave disservice, for which I sincerely apologize.

Whoa, a little overboard there. Not all men are dismissive, and narrow minded.

 

[Law2Doc]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Honestly, now that I know more facts... .

I didn't dismiss it because I was a guy, I dismissed it because it went from a casual asking out in one post to full out assault in the other. I could be wrong but my trolldar is usually decent and a change of story like that set it off. If I were going to accuse someone of being inappropriate or unprofessional I would have led with the touching. Because she didn't I feel like the story is being tweaked as we go. Anyhow it was an interesting professionalism discussion IMHO until OP felt the need to change her story.

 

[mehc012]

I didn't dismiss it because I was a guy, I dismissed it because it went from a casual asking out in one post to full out assault in the other. I could be wrong but my trolldar is usually decent and a change of story like that set it off. If I were going to accuse someone of being inappropriate or unprofessional I would have led with the touching. Because she didn't I feel like the story is being tweaked as we go. Anyhow it was an interesting professionalism discussion IMHO until OP felt the need to change her story.

It's not full out assault in the second one...it's normal.

 

[DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines]

It's seriously how I feel and I make no apologies for it, as none have been made here by some of the male posters who suddenly had to turn this subject into one of women's promiscuity and their own Lolita fetishs.

I do think he needs to know his behavior is highly inappropriate - it's hard enough finding doctors to shadow; this guy is abusing his position of respect and mentorship, and if OP didn't/doesn't report him, I hope she finds the guts to let him know his behavior is unprofessional and unethical before she shadows elsewhere.

Then at least he'll know - can't claim ignorance - that he's a scuzzy scumbag. Who knows maybe he might have a conscience and won't do this again to students who place their trust in him if he is made aware his advances were unwelcome and unappreciated.

 

[Law2Doc]

It's not full out assault in the second one...it's normal.

Unconsented touching is "assault" under the law.

 

[Gandyy]

It's seriously how I feel and I make no apologies for it, as none have been made here by some of the male posters who suddenly had to turn this subject into one of women's promiscuity and Lolita fetishs.

I do think he needs to know his behavior is highly inappropriate - it's hard enough finding doctors to shadow; this guy is abusing his position of respect and mentorship, and if OP didn't report him, I hope she finds the guts to let him know his behavior is unprofessional and unethical before she shadows elsewhere.

Then at least he'll know - can't claim ignorance - he's a scuzzy scumbag. Who knows, he might have a conscience and won't do it again to students who place their trust in him if he is made aware his advances were unwelcome and unappreciated.

Thats fine and everything. But making blanket statements about an entire gender or race are always almost always wrong

 

[mehc012]

It's seriously how I feel and I make no apologies for it, as none have been made here by some of the male posters who suddenly had to turn this subject into one of women's promiscuity and Lolita fetishs.

Right, they were awful, so let's be just as bad?

I do think he needs to know his behavior is highly inappropriate - it's hard enough finding doctors to shadow; this guy is abusing his position of respect and mentorship, and if OP didn't report him, I hope she finds the guts to let him know his behavior is unprofessional and unethical before she shadows elsewhere.

It'd be interesting to discuss being forthright with the guy as a response to this form of unprofessionalism. I think 'abusing' is a bit harsh, though, and honestly your take is harsh on the girl, too...basically saying that she's a coward if she doesn't react to this situation the way you think is best. Between this and the first point, I would hate to have you on my side if I were in a bad situation.

Then at least he'll know - can't claim ignorance - he's a scuzzy scumbag. Who knows, he might have a conscience and won't do it again to students who place their trust in him if he is made aware his advances were unwelcome and unappreciated.

He's only a scuzzy scumbag if he knows how uncomfortable such things are and is doing it anyway. Otherwise, he's just unaware...which can be just as uncomfortable or problematic, but perhaps not deserving of such vitriol.

 

[mehc012]

Unconsented touching is "assault" under the law.

Right, but in reality, it's just called 'normal life'. If you actually tried to have every instance of unconsented touching have consequences, your life would suck.

All I'm saying is that legally, sure, maybe it's a large escalation between OP and the added details. But in terms of 'how often do you experience A with B' I would say that unconsented touching is present in the majority of instances where you are asked out....which makes it, as an additional detail, not so much an escalation as a clarification.

 

[ZedsDed]

Thats fine and everything. But making blanket statements about an entire gender or race are always almost always wrong

I wouldn't say that. I think many straight men are constructed, either socially or biologically, to aggressively pursue women. Granted the vast majority stop short of overt sexual harassment.

 

[Gandyy]

I wouldn't say that. I think many straight men

huh?

 

[Cotterpin]

There are lots and lots of great guys out there who are not dogs! 😍

Also, I think there is a strong whiff of sexism when so many people would rather believe that OP is lying than just accept her story. Why?

 

[ZedsDed]

huh?

See edit

 

[ZedsDed]

There are lots and lots of great guys out there who are not dogs! 😍

Also, I think there is a strong whiff of sexism when so many people would rather believe that OP is lying than just accept her story. Why?

If the story is inherently fishy (and I'm not saying it necessarily is,) why is it sexist to be skeptical?

 

[order66.exe]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Do you understand what the definition of this word means? Because you're not exactly a gender-equal egalitarian.

Honestly, now that I know more facts, in OP's situation, I would report him to the hospital's HR or social worker, OP's university, or whichever shadowing or mentoring program you found this guy through. Creepers need to be stopped cold. If he's interested in dating, he needs to man-up and go about it the correct and appropriate way OUTSIDE of the workplace.

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

He asked her out and she felt uncomfortable which is perfectly reasonable based on the situation. But it hardly seem like he was "entitled" to her. People who feel entitled don't ask for things, they demand them.

It's seriously how I feel and I make no apologies for it, as none have been made here by some of the male posters who suddenly had to turn this subject into one of women's promiscuity and their own Lolita fetishs.

Then what exactly makes you different from men who hate women based on their sexual histories? This is the same type of dogmatic, rigid thinking the propels all extremism.

 

[mehc012]

If the story is inherently fishy (and I'm not saying it necessarily is,) why is it sexist to be skeptical?

Because it's not inherently fishy. All she said was "a guy hit on me" which is hardly an uncommon experience. Hell, it's a gorram movie trope. The fact that there is so much skepticism towards a non-fishy story is frustrating and suggests another factor at play, whatever that may be.

 

[Cotterpin]

If the story is inherently fishy (and I'm not saying it necessarily is,) why is it sexist to be skeptical?

That's the thing. I don't think OP's story is inherently fishy at all.

 

[DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines]

I don't know why everyone is so cavalier about this guy touching her and asking her to his house. I sincerely hope you are not raising daughters.

 

[Gandyy]

If the story is inherently fishy (and I'm not saying it necessarily is,) why is it sexist to be skeptical?

A good point. So while I do believe the OP after her last post, this is true. Just because a story is fishy, it is assumed that sexism is prevalent.

I wouldn't say that. I think many straight men are constructed, either socially or biologically, to aggressively pursue women. Granted the vast majority stop short of overt sexual harassment.

Eh, I almost completely disagree here. Will Power and discipline can overcome any kind of biological pursuits up to a point. At least enough to be professional, and to be courteous while holding a non biased opinion of the opposite sex.

Many religious people who have never had sex practice this every day. Not all of them are lying hypocrites either.

 

[DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines]

And the fishy factor is why women don't open up about unwanted sexual advances/experiences/rapes/etc in the first place. Not believed. Dismissed. Justified. Blamed. Ugh. Ok, I'm out. Gotta vomit again. Boy am I glad the new MCAT requires psych and sociology. They should make gender studies a requirement too.

 

[mehc012]

A good point. So while I do believe the OP after her last post, this is true. Just because a story is fishy, it is assumed that sexism is prevalent.

It's the fact that the story is considered fishy that is so frustrating in the first place!

 

[Cotterpin]

A good point. So while I do believe the OP after her last post, this is true. Just because a story is fishy, it is assumed that sexism is prevalent.

Seriously, though. What part of the story is fishy? The part where she added more details after people asked her? That's not fishy.

 

[ZedsDed]

Because it's not inherently fishy. All she said was "a guy hit on me" which is hardly an uncommon experience. Hell, it's a gorram movie trope. The fact that there is so much skepticism towards a non-fishy story is frustrating and suggests another factor at play, whatever that may be.

That's the thing. I don't think OP's story is inherently fishy at all.

And yet law2doc disagrees and sees fishyness afoot. The problem with trying to read between the lines is that in actuality there may be nothing there. I think both sides have reasons for questioning or not questioning OP's story

 

[Gandyy]

It's the fact that the story is considered fishy that is so frustrating in the first place!

I can understand that as well.

But, in this case specifically, I dont think anyone can claim OP's story is false unless they think that she just blatantly decided to post a lie on SDN. Which wouldnt make any sense. Its highly likely that its true all things considered.

 

[medic86]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Honestly, now that I know more facts, in OP's situation, I would report him to the hospital's HR or social worker, OP's university, or whichever shadowing or mentoring program you found this guy through. Creepers need to be stopped cold. If he's interested in dating, he needs to man-up and go about it the correct and appropriate way OUTSIDE of the workplace.

I'm sure Netflixing House and chilling while studying his "gross anatomy" is not your idea of shadowing and it's inappropriate, highly unprofessional, and just plain rude.

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

Note: I am not victim-blaming nor advocating domestic violence or violence of any sort. I am, however, comparing most men to dogs, but I think that does most canines a grave disservice, for which I sincerely apologize.

It's seriously how I feel and I make no apologies for it, as none have been made here by some of the male posters who suddenly had to turn this subject into one of women's promiscuity and their own Lolita fetishs.

I do think he needs to know his behavior is highly inappropriate - it's hard enough finding doctors to shadow; this guy is abusing his position of respect and mentorship, and if OP didn't/doesn't report him, I hope she finds the guts to let him know his behavior is unprofessional and unethical before she shadows elsewhere.

Then at least he'll know - can't claim ignorance - that he's a scuzzy scumbag. Who knows maybe he might have a conscience and won't do this again to students who place their trust in him if he is made aware his advances were unwelcome and unappreciated.

Well, ****.

I guess it'd be like me thinking all women are idiots because of posts like these.

 

[mehc012]

And yet law2doc disagrees and sees fishyness afoot. The problem with trying to read between the lines is that in actuality there may be nothing there. I think both sides have reasons for questioning or not questioning OP's story

Law2Doc didn't see fishiness in the OP, but in the later details. And I think he's naïve, too.
Note how many women you see in here calling OP's post fishy...

 

[Cotterpin]

And yet law2doc disagrees and sees fishyness afoot. The problem with trying to read between the lines is that in actuality there may be nothing there. I think both sides have reasons for questioning or not questioning OP's story

Again, somebody is going to need a better explanation of why this story is "fishy" if I'm going to accept this argument.

 

[Gandyy]

Seriously, though. What part of the story is fishy? The part where she added more details after people asked her? That's not fishy.

Wait why am I being asked this question and not @ZedsDed ? My viewpoint on the situation is pretty clearly explained in multiple posts across this thread

 

[mehc012]

Well, ****.

I guess it'd be like me thinking all women are idiots because of posts like these.

Please, PLEASE don't lump us all in with those arguments.

 

[mehc012]

Again, somebody is going to need a better explanation of why this story is "fishy" if I'm going to accept this argument.

This is exactly what I was trying to point out earlier in this thread...it is exhausting to see that something you have internalized as a normal part of everyday life (being hit on when you don't want to be) dismissed as 'unlikely'. Like frakking hell it's unlikely!

 

[medic86]

Please, PLEASE don't lump us all in with those arguments.

Come on, @mehc012 - you know me. 😛

Edit: I don't know why I tagged you when I also quoted you.

 

[Cotterpin]

Wait why am I being asked this question and not @ZedsDed ? My viewpoint on the situation is pretty clearly explained in multiple posts across this thread

Because in your post you said "Just because the story is fishy. . ."

I asked ZedsDed the same thing.

I can understand that as well.

But, in this case specifically, I dont think anyone can claim OP's story is false unless they think that she just blatantly decided to post a lie on SDN. Which wouldnt make any sense. Its highly likely that its true all things considered.

Exactly. If you're gonna troll on SDN, at least be flashy about it like that byuboy guy. Don't just post a basic story about getting hit on that anyone who's ever been a woman will immediately recognize as a very common annoyance.

 

[Psai]

@mehc012 and I love the chauvinistic dismissal of the veracity of OP's experience, don't you?

Honestly, now that I know more facts, in OP's situation, I would report him to the hospital's HR or social worker, OP's university, or whichever shadowing or mentoring program you found this guy through. Creepers need to be stopped cold. If he's interested in dating, he needs to man-up and go about it the correct and appropriate way OUTSIDE of the workplace.

I'm sure Netflixing House and chilling while studying his "gross anatomy" is not your idea of shadowing and it's inappropriate, highly unprofessional, and just plain rude.

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

Note: I am not victim-blaming nor advocating domestic violence or violence of any sort. I am, however, comparing most men to dogs, but I think that does most canines a grave disservice, for which I sincerely apologize.

um...yeah...
This post is really weird.

 

[mehc012]

Wait why am I being asked this question and not @ZedsDed ? My viewpoint on the situation is pretty clearly explained in multiple posts across this thread

Yes, but then you have moments like this

Just because a story is fishy, it is assumed that sexism is prevalent.

which strongly imply that you agree the story is fishy. I appreciate your later clarification, but if you're wondering why you were asked, it's probably that.

 

[Chelsea FC]

Plot twist Doctor has wife and kids. Now blackmail him lol scandal !!

 

[order66.exe]

um...yeah...
This post is really weird.

There is such an utter lack of self awareness it is not even funny.

 

[ZedsDed]

A good point. So while I do believe the OP after her last post, this is true. Just because a story is fishy, it is assumed that sexism is prevalent.




Eh, I almost completely disagree here. Will Power and discipline can overcome any kind of biological pursuits up to a point. At least enough to be professional, and to be courteous while holding a non biased opinion of the opposite sex.

Many religious people who have never had sex practice this every day. Not all of them are lying hypocrites either.

I don't see where we disagree. Just because men have a certain tendency doesn't mean that they can't control it.

 

[Lawpy]

Why must men feel entitled to us? Because we don't stop them. Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

Note: I am not victim-blaming nor advocating domestic violence or violence of any sort. I am, however, comparing most men to dogs, but I think that does most canines a grave disservice, for which I sincerely apologize.

 

[Recon_13999]

old-cat-lady-tier misandry: the post

coming soon to a theater near you!

Like dogs they need a good smack with a rolled-up newspaper, right across their noses, every once in a while.

I am, however, comparing most men to dogs, but I think that does most canines a grave disservice, for which I sincerely apologize.