Name checks out. I really love this school. This is one of the best schools I've ever been to since my previous enrollment at Hogwarts. I understand that because we are in a
professional learning environment that our professors must be difficult so that we can achieve a higher state of being and acquire the fifth element that is plasma. I will break it down to all future students that are interested in attending this wonderful institution of knowledge. In your first semester, you will be subjected to the powers of science and technology as provided by the wonderful faculty. Additionally, the limits of your psyche will be challenged by the arrival of a powerful storm the equivalent of a nuke from Mother Russia. Afterwards, you will have a month long break where you are safely home with your pet iguana that you adopted from Puerto Rico (her name is Ivana by the way.) When the school finishes tidying up the mess that was the tormenta de horror with the powers of the Force, then they will unceremoniously send you back so that you can complete your first semester. When you touch land on the island, you will see the extent of the devastation around you, but do not worry, for Ivana will keep you company. That is, until she finds her home in a coconut tree in which she will ditch you. Sadly, you will be alone in the Uber ride back to IAUPR. The next couple of months will be very difficult for you. You will be beset by many exams. But do not fear, as long as you don't fail 5 classes then you should be okay. Once you survive the 1st semester, you will move on to the second semester in which there are more trees that have leaves. If you thought that the first year was bad, then you ain't seen nothing yet. Thousands of PowerPoint slides will make up your exams. But believe in yourself, and you will overcome these difficulties with the power of amphetamines. If you manage to survive the second semester, then you will be handsomely rewarded with a shiny white coat that you will be using for the rest of your days (unless it somehow gets torn by a rabid cotorra searching for sunflower seeds in your trousers.) Regardless, you will be attending a ceremony with all your surviving classmates and a chupacabra wearing a tuxedo to commemorate your success and take pictures for you and your family who are visiting for this unforgettable moment. The second year will be difficult for you. Instead of a couple hundred slides, you will be subjected to thousands of slides in your diseases class as well as many other courses that you will be taking. Additionally, you should be able to speak Español fluently by this time and make sure to use proper conjugation or you will end up sounding like a cro-magnon and will become the butt of all the faculty and patients' jokes. If you are able to endure all these challenges, you will reach the third year, in which your powers of rote memorization and blatant cramming will aid you in studying for the board exams. Prove yourself that you are not a Tarzan and that you can refract with the phoropter as well as any other optometry student. This will be one of your greatest hurdles. Do not fret, however. Once you overcome the deadly boards, you will have your final year in which you will be moved around to participate in satellite clinics, all of which is designed to give you sleep deprivation and explosive diarrhea. The journey will be long and difficult, but with perseverance and a strong stomach, you too will be able to conquer giardia. Once it is all said and done, you will receive your diploma by our esteemed faculty and new doors of opportunity will be open to you. With the power of this lone piece of paper, you can become an astronaut, a ballerina, or a scuba diver. Just make sure to pay off your student loans, or you will face a fate worse than a thousand mushy mofongos. (Attached here is an image of Ivana, this was the final photo taken of her before I had to say my tearful goodbye.)
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