Important Questions About Applying as a Married Couple

[deleted952648]

Hello,

My wife and I are getting ready to apply in the 2019-2020 cycle. Both of our LizzyM scores are around ~66, and we will be applying to DO schools as well. This isn't really a WAMC post, but rather some technical questions because of a unique situation.

The big thing for us is that we are set on attending the same school. That's our top priority. We've been together for the better part of a decade, and after having done the long-distance thing for a long time, we are determined to now stay together for medical school. Again, this is our #1 priority, and while we do have preferences for what schools/locations/etc, we are ready to go anywhere as long as we can go together. To make this point clear, we would be totally fine going to a new DO school in a rural location and ending up in family medicine. Also, if we both don't get into the same place this year, we are fine with waiting a year and trying again.

Our main concern is the risk of getting into different places, or one of us getting in and the other not getting in. Again, we have no problem waiting, improving our application, and trying again the next year. The big cloud over our heads, however, is the fact that turning down an acceptance seems to blacklist one from ANY medical school. Or at least severely harm our chances of ever becoming a doctor.

Therefore I would greatly appreciate advice on the "safest" way to avoid this. Ideally, we will both get into the same school, but we want to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

1) I completely understand that turning down an acceptance for a reason like trying to get into a more prestigious school is a HUGE mistake. In our situation, would schools be more willing to overlook turning down an acceptance?

2) How harmful is turning down an interview invite? Is it as bad as turning down an acceptance? I ask because one idea was that we can only attend interviews from schools that have extended invitations to both of us. That way, we can avoid the situation of one of us having an acceptance and the other being rejected. If we re-apply the next year, would schools be willing to send an interview invite again? Or would one be blacklisted from a school after declining an interview invite too?

3) Related to the last question, if one of us receives an interview invite from a school while the other's application is still under review, would it be fine to email them and ask if they can kindly let us know if our spouse is going to be invited to interview as well before we accept the interview invite? Or would this be seen negatively?

4) We'd greatly appreciate any other advice or guidance for our situation. We've mentioned each other in our personal statements, and are definitely going to apply broadly. Thank you so much!

@Goro @gonnif @LizzyM @DrFortiusNatando @gyngyn @Catalystik

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[bluepeony]

"We've mentioned each other in our personal statements "

Is your partner somehow relevant to the why medicine prompt?

 

[deleted972488]

Don't turn down interview invites just because your other half hasn't gotten one yet... one of you may get an II early on in the cycle whereas the other might get an II to the same school later on.

Regarding #3, no. Don't do that.

With LizzyM ~66, you should be applying to mostly DO schools and your state MD schools. You have a reasonable chance of both of you being accepted to the same school.

 

[deleted952648]

"We've mentioned each other in our personal statements "

Is your partner somehow relevant to the why medicine prompt?

I've seen advice to do so from Gonnif in the past. The reasoning being that it's best to give medical schools full disclosure of our situation.

 

[Catalystik]

Hello,

My wife and I are getting ready to apply in the 2019-2020 cycle. Both of our LizzyM scores are around ~66, and we will be applying to DO schools as well. This isn't really a WAMC post, but rather some technical questions because of a unique situation.

The big thing for us is that we are set on attending the same school. That's our top priority. We've been together for the better part of a decade, and after having done the long-distance thing for a long time, we are determined to now stay together for medical school. Again, this is our #1 priority, and while we do have preferences for what schools/locations/etc, we are ready to go anywhere as long as we can go together. To make this point clear, we would be totally fine going to a new DO school in a rural location and ending up in family medicine. Also, if we both don't get into the same place this year, we are fine with waiting a year and trying again.

Our main concern is the risk of getting into different places, or one of us getting in and the other not getting in. Again, we have no problem waiting, improving our application, and trying again the next year. The big cloud over our heads, however, is the fact that turning down an acceptance seems to blacklist one from ANY medical school. Or at least severely harm our chances of ever becoming a doctor.

Therefore I would greatly appreciate advice on the "safest" way to avoid this. Ideally, we will both get into the same school, but we want to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

1) I completely understand that turning down an acceptance for a reason like trying to get into a more prestigious school is a HUGE mistake. In our situation, would schools be more willing to overlook turning down an acceptance?

2) How harmful is turning down an interview invite? Is it as bad as turning down an acceptance? I ask because one idea was that we can only attend interviews from schools that have extended invitations to both of us. That way, we can avoid the situation of one of us having an acceptance and the other being rejected. If we re-apply the next year, would schools be willing to send an interview invite again? Or would one be blacklisted from a school after declining an interview invite too?

3) Related to the last question, if one of us receives an interview invite from a school while the other's application is still under review, would it be fine to email them and ask if they can kindly let us know if our spouse is going to be invited to interview as well before we accept the interview invite? Or would this be seen negatively?

4) We'd greatly appreciate any other advice or guidance for our situation. We've mentioned each other in our personal statements, and are definitely going to apply broadly. Thank you so much!

@Goro @gonnif @LizzyM @DrFortiusNatando @gyngyn @Catalystik

To broaden your scope a bit, do you rule out applying in cities where there are a few med schools within a reasonable commute of each other, like, eg, Temple, Drexel, and PCOM? Or Rush, Loyola, and CCOM?

 

[907914]

To broaden your scope a bit, do you rule out applying in cities where there are a few med schools within a reasonable commute of each other, like, eg, Temple, Drexel, and PCOM? Or Rush, Loyola, and CCOM?

I would def second this approach. If you are both of similar caliber, the NYC area has like 10 schools, philly has like 4 or 5 schools, Boston has like 3 schools etc.

 

[907914]

To broaden your scope a bit, do you rule out applying in cities where there are a few med schools within a reasonable commute of each other, like, eg, Temple, Drexel, and PCOM? Or Rush, Loyola, and CCOM?

To help narrow down areas with lots of schools in geographical proximity to one-another:

Contact Support

 

[The REAL Doc McStuffins]

Hello,

My wife and I are getting ready to apply in the 2019-2020 cycle. Both of our LizzyM scores are around ~66, and we will be applying to DO schools as well. This isn't really a WAMC post, but rather some technical questions because of a unique situation.

The big thing for us is that we are set on attending the same school. That's our top priority. We've been together for the better part of a decade, and after having done the long-distance thing for a long time, we are determined to now stay together for medical school. Again, this is our #1 priority, and while we do have preferences for what schools/locations/etc, we are ready to go anywhere as long as we can go together. To make this point clear, we would be totally fine going to a new DO school in a rural location and ending up in family medicine. Also, if we both don't get into the same place this year, we are fine with waiting a year and trying again.

Our main concern is the risk of getting into different places, or one of us getting in and the other not getting in. Again, we have no problem waiting, improving our application, and trying again the next year. The big cloud over our heads, however, is the fact that turning down an acceptance seems to blacklist one from ANY medical school. Or at least severely harm our chances of ever becoming a doctor.

Therefore I would greatly appreciate advice on the "safest" way to avoid this. Ideally, we will both get into the same school, but we want to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

1) I completely understand that turning down an acceptance for a reason like trying to get into a more prestigious school is a HUGE mistake. In our situation, would schools be more willing to overlook turning down an acceptance?

2) How harmful is turning down an interview invite? Is it as bad as turning down an acceptance? I ask because one idea was that we can only attend interviews from schools that have extended invitations to both of us. That way, we can avoid the situation of one of us having an acceptance and the other being rejected. If we re-apply the next year, would schools be willing to send an interview invite again? Or would one be blacklisted from a school after declining an interview invite too?

3) Related to the last question, if one of us receives an interview invite from a school while the other's application is still under review, would it be fine to email them and ask if they can kindly let us know if our spouse is going to be invited to interview as well before we accept the interview invite? Or would this be seen negatively?

4) We'd greatly appreciate any other advice or guidance for our situation. We've mentioned each other in our personal statements, and are definitely going to apply broadly. Thank you so much!

@Goro @gonnif @LizzyM @DrFortiusNatando @gyngyn @Catalystik

I’m not sure where you all have applied, but my suggestion would be to be open to the idea of going to different schools in the same city/state. That seems realistic and you should still be able to live with each other. I understand wanting to attend the same school, but oftentimes it may not be possible. Be open to going to different schools within the same state.

 

[deleted952648]

To broaden your scope a bit, do you rule out applying in cities where there are a few med schools within a reasonable commute of each other, like, eg, Temple, Drexel, and PCOM? Or Rush, Loyola, and CCOM?

That's certainly something we are planning to do! However, because of our stats, we are considering MD schools as more of a long shot and most DO schools are farther apart.

 

[deleted952648]

To help narrow down areas with lots of schools in geographical proximity to one-another:

Contact Support

Wow, that's a great resource. Thanks for sharing it!

 

[907914]

Wow, that's a great resource. Thanks for sharing it!

Glad to help!

Luckily for me, my wife hates the sciences so we just have to worry about Job market wherever we end up not getting in to the same schools!

 

[deleted972488]

Glad to help!

Luckily for me, my wife hates the sciences so we just have to worry about Job market wherever we end up not getting in to the same schools!

I'm lucky my partner is in a very high-demand field of work and will probably be able to find a job wherever I end up going.

Still, I think OP and their partner will be fine if they apply to enough DO schools and their state MDs.

 

[LizzyM]

Do consider whether you would be willing to have one person start medical school and the other focus in on reapplying to that school, or others in the area, to begin the following year. That would be a work around to the problem if one gets in and the other doesn't. A bigger problem will be having offers from different schools...

Don't refuse any interview or make it contingent on the partner getting an interview. If only one of you is going to get an offer this year, you want the option of taking that and running with it.

 

[907914]

Do consider whether you would be willing to have one person start medical school and the other focus in on reapplying to that school, or others in the area, to begin the following year. That would be a work around to the problem if one gets in and the other doesn't. A bigger problem will be having offers from different schools...

Don't refuse any interview or make it contingent on the partner getting an interview. If only one of you is going to get an offer this year, you want the option of taking that and running with it.

Exactly. One doctor in the family is better than no doctors.

 

[Goro]

1) I completely understand that turning down an acceptance for a reason like trying to get into a more prestigious school is a HUGE mistake. In our situation, would schools be more willing to overlook turning down an acceptance?

I personally could understand it.

2) How harmful is turning down an interview invite? Is it as bad as turning down an acceptance? I ask because one idea was that we can only attend interviews from schools that have extended invitations to both of us. That way, we can avoid the situation of one of us having an acceptance and the other being rejected. If we re-apply the next year, would schools be willing to send an interview invite again? Or would one be blacklisted from a school after declining an interview invite too?
No invite means you're not going to that school, period. That would be very foolish. I don't know how my wily old Admissions dean handles people who turn down an II one year and then apply then next. I would be negative on them in Adcom meetings myself.

3) Related to the last question, if one of us receives an interview invite from a school while the other's application is still under review, would it be fine to email them and ask if they can kindly let us know if our spouse is going to be invited to interview as well before we accept the interview invite? Or would this be seen negatively?
Asking this why comes off as very entitled. The better way to handle it is to say "I have an accept and my wife would love to attend as well." Historically, we have been favorable to sibling pairs who apply. I don't recall if we've ever had a married couple apply.

4) We'd greatly appreciate any other advice or guidance for our situation. We've mentioned each other in our personal statements, and are definitely going to apply broadly. Thank you so much!
You can help your odds by getting DO LORs and shadowing DOs.

 

[Goro]

@Goro I will respectfully disagree with one bit of advice. Since couple has made it clear that staying together is more important than becoming physicians. Therefore, I would be crystal clear in PS, secondary, and interview that as a married couple it is our very strong intention to attend the same medical school.

I have had about 10-12 married couples as advisees over the years. I have even had a few who had said at interviews that they could not consider attending unless their spouse was also offered an interview. Except for 2-3 couples, most did not get accepted to same school.

My rationale is that it would be better to be more circumscribed, and then let the couple decide in the end if this is the path they wish to take if only one is successful. The "take us both or none of us" approach is, as you found not likely to be successful

 

[Goro]

But what happens then if the school only takes one. That puts a wrenching decision on the couple. Hence my question to them, which is more important : both of you becoming doctors or your marriage. Only one can be the priority because tough decisions are more likely than not. They can work hard at avoiding that and maybe they will beat high odds but better be ready for that decision

Makes sense

 

[907914]

But what happens then if the school only takes one. That puts a wrenching decision on the couple. Hence my question to them, which is more important : both of you becoming doctors or your marriage. Only one can be the priority because tough decisions are more likely than not. They can work hard at avoiding that and maybe they will beat high odds but better be ready for that decision

If they are delayed in acceptance by a year or two (one gets accepted and the other doesn’t for a couple cycles) can the original attender delay match for a year or two so they can do the couples match or is there a high likelihood that they can get a residency in the nearby local?

 

[deleted952648]

1) I completely understand that turning down an acceptance for a reason like trying to get into a more prestigious school is a HUGE mistake. In our situation, would schools be more willing to overlook turning down an acceptance?

I personally could understand it.

2) How harmful is turning down an interview invite? Is it as bad as turning down an acceptance? I ask because one idea was that we can only attend interviews from schools that have extended invitations to both of us. That way, we can avoid the situation of one of us having an acceptance and the other being rejected. If we re-apply the next year, would schools be willing to send an interview invite again? Or would one be blacklisted from a school after declining an interview invite too?
No invite means you're not going to that school, period. That would be very foolish. I don't know how my wily old Admissions dean handles people who turn down an II one year and then apply then next. I would be negative on them in Adcom meetings myself.

3) Related to the last question, if one of us receives an interview invite from a school while the other's application is still under review, would it be fine to email them and ask if they can kindly let us know if our spouse is going to be invited to interview as well before we accept the interview invite? Or would this be seen negatively?
Asking this why comes off as very entitled. The better way to handle it is to say "I have an accept and my wife would love to attend as well." Historically, we have been favorable to sibling pairs who apply. I don't recall if we've ever had a married couple apply.

4) We'd greatly appreciate any other advice or guidance for our situation. We've mentioned each other in our personal statements, and are definitely going to apply broadly. Thank you so much!
You can help your odds by getting DO LORs and shadowing DOs.

Thanks for all your advice Goro! Thankfully, we have two DO letters!

 

[deleted952648]

@Goro I will respectfully disagree with one bit of advice. Since couple has made it clear that staying together is more important than becoming physicians. Therefore, I would be crystal clear in PS, secondary, and interview that as a married couple it is our very strong intention to attend the same medical school.

I have had about 10-12 married couples as advisees over the years. I have even had a few who had said at interviews that they could not consider attending unless their spouse was also offered an interview. Except for 2-3 couples, most did not get accepted to same school.

My rationale is that it would be better to be more circumscribed, and then let the couple decide in the end if this is the path they wish to take if only one is successful. The "take us both or none of us" approach is, as you found not likely to be successful

But what happens then if the school only takes one. That puts a wrenching decision on the couple. Hence my question to them, which is more important : both of you becoming doctors or your marriage. Only one can be the priority because tough decisions are more likely than not. They can work hard at avoiding that and maybe they will beat high odds but better be ready for that decision

I see what both of you are saying. We're going to try to strongly hint that going to the same school is our priority, without coming off as "take both of us or none of us". Hopefully it all works out

 

[907914]

I see what both of you are saying. We're going to try to strongly hint that going to the same school is our priority, without coming off as "take both of us or none of us". Hopefully it all works out

Would you turn down an A if you both got accepted to schools within the same city?

 

[sweatytshirt]

If they are delayed in acceptance by a year or two (one gets accepted and the other doesn’t for a couple cycles) can the original attender delay match for a year or two so they can do the couples match or is there a high likelihood that they can get a residency in the nearby local?

They could try to take a research year or take a year off to complete an MBA or MPH. For DO schools, there may be the opportunity to do an OMT fellowship year as well.

 

[JustAUser]

I see what both of you are saying. We're going to try to strongly hint that going to the same school is our priority, without coming off as "take both of us or none of us". Hopefully it all works out

Do report back at the end of the cycle about how it turned out

 

[Peter Pan.]

Some medical schools will take you both but only if you agree to give them your second born child

 

[Zen Arcade]

Some medical schools will take you both but only if you agree to give them your second born child

Big if true

 

[OrganRepo]

Please keep in mind your chances of being accepted anywhere go down significantly if you are a reapplicant.